It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah (s/a)
Title: It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah (s/a)
Summary: (But love is not some victory march) Ryan repents.
PG
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
The church looms over him; dark, and cool. It's Gothic spires reach towards the sky, and Ryan tips his head back, searching for a hunchback or something in the bell towers. He mounts the stone steps, wincing a little at the loud sound his footsteps create. Passing the bowl of holy water, he dabs some quickly over himself, half surprised he doesn't burst into flames on the spot. Inside, the only light comes from hundreds of candles, and the late afternoon sun streaming through the beautiful stained glass windows. It's empty, and for that Ryan is grateful. He runs a hand over a marble angel, who's stone eyes seem to see all. He feels a deep rush of shame, and wants to cry. He walks slowly to the last row, slipping in, and falls to the ground. The stone floor is cold against his knees, and the pew is pressing roughly into his back, but he doesn't feel it. He casts his eyes to the distant ceiling, breathing in the silence; the purity. He lets his head rest against the pew in front of him, eyes closing. After a few deep breaths, he rises, making his way over to the confessionals. He entered the first one, and hears someone shift, out of sight. He closes his eyes again, and crosses himself.
Brendon's darkened eyes meeting his, his lip darting out to moisten his tongue, and Ryan can't help how he shakes
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
Brendon pushing him onto the bed, mouthing at his hipbone. Kissing his collarbone
"And what is your sin?" asks the Priest, voice calm.
Tangled hands, as their clothing is quickly discarded. Brendon's fingers in Ryan
"I accuse myself of the following," Ryan chokes on his breath. "sins. Sodomy. And cheating with another man who is in a relationship."
"If you continue to commit such acts, God will not accept you into Heaven. Would you like to repent your sins?"
Brendon panting hot against Ryan's neck, hips bucking frantically
"I would."
"You must repeat the following: O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you," starts the Priest.
"Faster, please, Ry"
"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you."
"I detest all my sins because of your just punishments, but most of all because they offend you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love."
Ryan whispers Forever against Brendon's sweaty skin, as Brendon captures his lips
Ryan repeats it.
"I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the occasions of sin. Amen."
The soft whimpers, and cries, escaping Brendon's throat
Ryan whispers it, and almost can't bring himself to say Amen. But he does.
Brendon's eyes are closed, mouth hanging open, and he's still moving under Ryan
The Priest murmurs a prayer, absolving Ryan of his sins. All he can think of is his sins.
The look on Brendon's face when he comes, is worth all the disappointment from Spencer, and Jon. Everything is worth is when Brendon wraps his arms around Ryan, pulling him close
"I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”
Ryan crosses himself again, and his arms feel like lead.
Brendon's quiet breathing in Ryan's ear, body pliant against his
"Go in peace," the Priest tell him.
"God be with you," mutters Ryan, pulling himself up, and exiting the booth.
He stops at the candles. He reaches into his pocket, and draws out his wallet. He drops some money in, before pulling out his picture of Brendon.
Brendon's face relaxed in near sleep. The way his hair falls into half-lidded, pools of chocolate
Ryan lets the flame leap up, and wrap around Brendon's picture. He walks away without a second glance. At the door to the church, he turns, and looks back.
"I love you, Ryan, comes the whisper from Brendon. Ryan breathing out when Brendon is asleep before he can reply. Before he can reply without the same words
"I love you, Brendon," he whispers to the dead silence.
And with that, Ryan leaves his sin behind, caught forever in the sightless angels eyes.
Summary: (But love is not some victory march) Ryan repents.
PG
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
The church looms over him; dark, and cool. It's Gothic spires reach towards the sky, and Ryan tips his head back, searching for a hunchback or something in the bell towers. He mounts the stone steps, wincing a little at the loud sound his footsteps create. Passing the bowl of holy water, he dabs some quickly over himself, half surprised he doesn't burst into flames on the spot. Inside, the only light comes from hundreds of candles, and the late afternoon sun streaming through the beautiful stained glass windows. It's empty, and for that Ryan is grateful. He runs a hand over a marble angel, who's stone eyes seem to see all. He feels a deep rush of shame, and wants to cry. He walks slowly to the last row, slipping in, and falls to the ground. The stone floor is cold against his knees, and the pew is pressing roughly into his back, but he doesn't feel it. He casts his eyes to the distant ceiling, breathing in the silence; the purity. He lets his head rest against the pew in front of him, eyes closing. After a few deep breaths, he rises, making his way over to the confessionals. He entered the first one, and hears someone shift, out of sight. He closes his eyes again, and crosses himself.
Brendon's darkened eyes meeting his, his lip darting out to moisten his tongue, and Ryan can't help how he shakes
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
Brendon pushing him onto the bed, mouthing at his hipbone. Kissing his collarbone
"And what is your sin?" asks the Priest, voice calm.
Tangled hands, as their clothing is quickly discarded. Brendon's fingers in Ryan
"I accuse myself of the following," Ryan chokes on his breath. "sins. Sodomy. And cheating with another man who is in a relationship."
"If you continue to commit such acts, God will not accept you into Heaven. Would you like to repent your sins?"
Brendon panting hot against Ryan's neck, hips bucking frantically
"I would."
"You must repeat the following: O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you," starts the Priest.
"Faster, please, Ry"
"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you."
"I detest all my sins because of your just punishments, but most of all because they offend you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love."
Ryan whispers Forever against Brendon's sweaty skin, as Brendon captures his lips
Ryan repeats it.
"I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the occasions of sin. Amen."
The soft whimpers, and cries, escaping Brendon's throat
Ryan whispers it, and almost can't bring himself to say Amen. But he does.
Brendon's eyes are closed, mouth hanging open, and he's still moving under Ryan
The Priest murmurs a prayer, absolving Ryan of his sins. All he can think of is his sins.
The look on Brendon's face when he comes, is worth all the disappointment from Spencer, and Jon. Everything is worth is when Brendon wraps his arms around Ryan, pulling him close
"I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”
Ryan crosses himself again, and his arms feel like lead.
Brendon's quiet breathing in Ryan's ear, body pliant against his
"Go in peace," the Priest tell him.
"God be with you," mutters Ryan, pulling himself up, and exiting the booth.
He stops at the candles. He reaches into his pocket, and draws out his wallet. He drops some money in, before pulling out his picture of Brendon.
Brendon's face relaxed in near sleep. The way his hair falls into half-lidded, pools of chocolate
Ryan lets the flame leap up, and wrap around Brendon's picture. He walks away without a second glance. At the door to the church, he turns, and looks back.
"I love you, Ryan, comes the whisper from Brendon. Ryan breathing out when Brendon is asleep before he can reply. Before he can reply without the same words
"I love you, Brendon," he whispers to the dead silence.
And with that, Ryan leaves his sin behind, caught forever in the sightless angels eyes.