Stephen Colbert vs. Michael Steele Rap-Battle: REVISITED
Hokay.
So, a coupla friends of mine decided that Stephen Colbert needed to re-visit his rap-battle with Michael Steele, and this was the result.
Note: I don't own this, but since neither of those friends is on LJ and I was in charge of editing it to put in the school's literary magazine, what the hell.
COLBERT:
So you think you can spit like an MC pro
But that’s it for you; it’s my turn to go
Just face it, Michael: You’ve lost your flow
You’re sittin' here, drowning like Jacques Cousteau
With your face in your hands, and your hands in your pants
Show up like that? You don’t stand a chance
You gotta focus your mind, get yourself in a trance
And keep on the pressure, like Rush Limbaugh’s rants
But it’s over, it’s finished, I’ve won today
‘Cause I shot you down like JFK
Your game was trashy, like a cheap box of wine
And as payment, I’ll accept what is rightfully mine
So my brother, my comrade, let down your heir
And give up to me the Republican Chair
Nomination, the station, to lead the congregation
Like the Bitches Gone Wild on their Spring Vacation
‘Cause I’d raise some more dollars for the Treasury
I’m saying One if by land, but TEN if by me
I’ll throw a gangster parade to bring in my reign
While you suffer in defeat, like Johnny McCain
Now, Mister Steele, have you had enough?
I’ve ripped you apart like a Double Stuf™
You’re bruised, beaten, and Colbert-Bumped
They should call you Donald, ‘cause you just got TRUMPED.
(And that's the... Word.)
--
STEELE:
A'ight, Steve, bring it! You want to challenge the master?
Keep talking big-ish-you still got shot down by NASA
I spit my rhymes faster than Fox in a LandMaster
My flow's like Katrina-a freakin' natural disaster!
Your lyrics are no match for this dope MC
The biggest P.I.M.P. of the G.O.P.
Trick, you'd better turn back, 'cause your flow's so weak!
Trick, you try to talk smack, but you don't know me!
My name is Michael Steele, and it's all in good reason
'Cause I go hard as iron, while you pray for another season
You think you're big-ish 'cause you're on Comedy Central?
Listen up, little boy, 'cause it's about to get mental:
You say to call me Donald? That's half right; I'm the Don
Just look me up on Google-I've get more hits than Ron
Your flow is weak, while mine is straight visceral
And everybody knows that you're really just a liberal.
--
COLBERT:
Yeah, so COLBERT’s not on the ISS
But the final decision’s being sent to Congress
So once I get checked, sometime later this year
I’ll blast off like Team Rocket to the Final Frontier
Mikey, please, your flows are curved like a semicolon
While my rhymes win more Oscars than Christopher Nolan
And I know everyone; I'm the face of mass media
But even if I didn't, your story's on Wikipedia
Hey, I’m the master of these games, like StarCraft and Risk
And I’ll shoot you down faster than a Hydralisk
'Cause I’m like Gary Oak: You can’t ignore my girth
You say you’re on Google? I’m on Google Earth
Now you've built up your face as the G.O.P. man
But welcome to the domain of the Colbert Clan
So if you're all up in arms against my TV station?
Then suffer the wrath of the COLBERT NATION.
--
STEELE:
So what, you think maybe you can bring this up again?
I ain't scared-look, I'm a black Republican!
Here is my invention-you'd better pay attention
I'll be spitting it again at the National Convention
This is my intention: prevention, intervention,
I'm about to ring the bells, fool-get to detention,
'Cause school is back in session, and this is your lesson,
There won't bailout for your lyrical recession
Give into the pressure; my lyrics are oppressive.
All those Pokemon allusions? Colbert, that's just obsessive.
It's really quite depressing that you still insist on spitting
At the first black chair of the National Committee.
I'll tell you up front I ain't afraid of you, man,
This won't be the first time I've fended off a Clan
I'm "fiscally conservative and socially inclusive"
And if you want to win, you must be totally deluded..
So, a coupla friends of mine decided that Stephen Colbert needed to re-visit his rap-battle with Michael Steele, and this was the result.
Note: I don't own this, but since neither of those friends is on LJ and I was in charge of editing it to put in the school's literary magazine, what the hell.
COLBERT:
So you think you can spit like an MC pro
But that’s it for you; it’s my turn to go
Just face it, Michael: You’ve lost your flow
You’re sittin' here, drowning like Jacques Cousteau
With your face in your hands, and your hands in your pants
Show up like that? You don’t stand a chance
You gotta focus your mind, get yourself in a trance
And keep on the pressure, like Rush Limbaugh’s rants
But it’s over, it’s finished, I’ve won today
‘Cause I shot you down like JFK
Your game was trashy, like a cheap box of wine
And as payment, I’ll accept what is rightfully mine
So my brother, my comrade, let down your heir
And give up to me the Republican Chair
Nomination, the station, to lead the congregation
Like the Bitches Gone Wild on their Spring Vacation
‘Cause I’d raise some more dollars for the Treasury
I’m saying One if by land, but TEN if by me
I’ll throw a gangster parade to bring in my reign
While you suffer in defeat, like Johnny McCain
Now, Mister Steele, have you had enough?
I’ve ripped you apart like a Double Stuf™
You’re bruised, beaten, and Colbert-Bumped
They should call you Donald, ‘cause you just got TRUMPED.
(And that's the... Word.)
--
STEELE:
A'ight, Steve, bring it! You want to challenge the master?
Keep talking big-ish-you still got shot down by NASA
I spit my rhymes faster than Fox in a LandMaster
My flow's like Katrina-a freakin' natural disaster!
Your lyrics are no match for this dope MC
The biggest P.I.M.P. of the G.O.P.
Trick, you'd better turn back, 'cause your flow's so weak!
Trick, you try to talk smack, but you don't know me!
My name is Michael Steele, and it's all in good reason
'Cause I go hard as iron, while you pray for another season
You think you're big-ish 'cause you're on Comedy Central?
Listen up, little boy, 'cause it's about to get mental:
You say to call me Donald? That's half right; I'm the Don
Just look me up on Google-I've get more hits than Ron
Your flow is weak, while mine is straight visceral
And everybody knows that you're really just a liberal.
--
COLBERT:
Yeah, so COLBERT’s not on the ISS
But the final decision’s being sent to Congress
So once I get checked, sometime later this year
I’ll blast off like Team Rocket to the Final Frontier
Mikey, please, your flows are curved like a semicolon
While my rhymes win more Oscars than Christopher Nolan
And I know everyone; I'm the face of mass media
But even if I didn't, your story's on Wikipedia
Hey, I’m the master of these games, like StarCraft and Risk
And I’ll shoot you down faster than a Hydralisk
'Cause I’m like Gary Oak: You can’t ignore my girth
You say you’re on Google? I’m on Google Earth
Now you've built up your face as the G.O.P. man
But welcome to the domain of the Colbert Clan
So if you're all up in arms against my TV station?
Then suffer the wrath of the COLBERT NATION.
--
STEELE:
So what, you think maybe you can bring this up again?
I ain't scared-look, I'm a black Republican!
Here is my invention-you'd better pay attention
I'll be spitting it again at the National Convention
This is my intention: prevention, intervention,
I'm about to ring the bells, fool-get to detention,
'Cause school is back in session, and this is your lesson,
There won't bailout for your lyrical recession
Give into the pressure; my lyrics are oppressive.
All those Pokemon allusions? Colbert, that's just obsessive.
It's really quite depressing that you still insist on spitting
At the first black chair of the National Committee.
I'll tell you up front I ain't afraid of you, man,
This won't be the first time I've fended off a Clan
I'm "fiscally conservative and socially inclusive"
And if you want to win, you must be totally deluded..