Silly girl.
I would have been awake quite a while ago, if not for the fact that I wanted to continue my dream. So badly it hurt.
It wasn't even a dream with, for example, a guy who drew me in unexplainably. I wasn't in one of those breathtaking gorgeous malls.
I felt like when I was little again, dreaming out my fantasies of magic.
I was so stupid. It was the best dreamt out fantasy I've ever had, and for me, it means it was realistic and yet surreal enough to make me so, so happy.
I woke up to screaming, and tried not to move, tried to think in images and concepts instead of words. I know how to play this game, and if I did it right, I would end up in the exact same dream, in the exact time I left off. I'm a language-oriented person, so thinking without words was really hard.
After a while (I don't know how long) I found myself in the same magnificent room. I fully immersed myself into my subconscious, but carefully - if I did it wrong, I'd be awake again.
I woke up just before the dream progressed to the part I was looking forward to the most.
No screaming this time, but if I concentrated, I could hear a keyboard. I rolled over, adjusted the thin flat sheet that was covering me (it was too hot) and tried to fall asleep again. I didn't dare check the time, just like last time. I didn't dare open my eyes, because it might have woken me up to the point where I can't fall asleep again. It has a lot to do with my own thoughts - if I think I won't be able to fall asleep, I won't try to. But this time, I had to.
The dream was entirely different, but with the same pretense, only a lot more real and a lot more complex. There were a lot of people I knew in real life, and I was undeniably me. In the last dream, I was a sort of fantasy version of me.
In this dream, I was alone - and embarrassed. I guess the Internet is the safest place to admit it - that is my greatest fear. Embarrassment, humiliation. But I'd had many dreams like this before. Some of my old friends who I see less than once or twice a month were there. I was ditched, alone, I could see some people making fun of me, mocking how I crashed into a screen door. I couldn't control myself, I was dreaming -
That's the gist of it. I woke up feeling nothing and yet disappointed. Maybe for hoping too much, maybe that I never got to continue the fantasy version. maybe in myself.
My dreams have a large effect on me. I hate a name because of them, I look at people I know differently because of them...
I read in a fanfiction once:
"Silly girl, trying to live off of her dreams."
"They can be so sweet."
It wasn't even a dream with, for example, a guy who drew me in unexplainably. I wasn't in one of those breathtaking gorgeous malls.
I felt like when I was little again, dreaming out my fantasies of magic.
I was so stupid. It was the best dreamt out fantasy I've ever had, and for me, it means it was realistic and yet surreal enough to make me so, so happy.
I woke up to screaming, and tried not to move, tried to think in images and concepts instead of words. I know how to play this game, and if I did it right, I would end up in the exact same dream, in the exact time I left off. I'm a language-oriented person, so thinking without words was really hard.
After a while (I don't know how long) I found myself in the same magnificent room. I fully immersed myself into my subconscious, but carefully - if I did it wrong, I'd be awake again.
I woke up just before the dream progressed to the part I was looking forward to the most.
No screaming this time, but if I concentrated, I could hear a keyboard. I rolled over, adjusted the thin flat sheet that was covering me (it was too hot) and tried to fall asleep again. I didn't dare check the time, just like last time. I didn't dare open my eyes, because it might have woken me up to the point where I can't fall asleep again. It has a lot to do with my own thoughts - if I think I won't be able to fall asleep, I won't try to. But this time, I had to.
The dream was entirely different, but with the same pretense, only a lot more real and a lot more complex. There were a lot of people I knew in real life, and I was undeniably me. In the last dream, I was a sort of fantasy version of me.
In this dream, I was alone - and embarrassed. I guess the Internet is the safest place to admit it - that is my greatest fear. Embarrassment, humiliation. But I'd had many dreams like this before. Some of my old friends who I see less than once or twice a month were there. I was ditched, alone, I could see some people making fun of me, mocking how I crashed into a screen door. I couldn't control myself, I was dreaming -
That's the gist of it. I woke up feeling nothing and yet disappointed. Maybe for hoping too much, maybe that I never got to continue the fantasy version. maybe in myself.
My dreams have a large effect on me. I hate a name because of them, I look at people I know differently because of them...
I read in a fanfiction once:
"Silly girl, trying to live off of her dreams."
"They can be so sweet."