tentative title: come into my reality
Title: come into my reality
Pairing: D.O./Sehun
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~4,700
Summary/Warnings: brief mentions of suicide; scenes skip around
It had first started in the third grade when Sehun had woken up knowing exactly who his aunt was going to marry.
“You meet at a friend’s party,” he said when he saw her at the next family dinner. “And he’s an engineer. He doesn’t talk much but you like how he understands you.” His aunt could only gape at him before Sehun was being tugged away by his frazzled mother, but he leaned forward one last time to whisper, “You look pretty in the wedding dress.”
Barely two months later, Sehun sat in the third row of a church as his aunt stood at the altar with joyful tears streaming down her face.
“You have a gift,” she whispered into his ear during the reception. He shrugged, more interested in the huge wedding cake with its three tiers and white frosting than the actual ceremony itself. She beamed at him before handing Sehun two slices.
But by his twelfth birthday, Sehun didn’t think he had a gift anymore; not when he couldn’t look his aunt in the face because he was too afraid of seeing his dream come to life.
“It’s me, isn’t it?” she asked one day when babysitting. He refused to look at her, choosing to stare determinedly at his school book instead.
“Sehun, you don’t have to share your dreams for me to know that I’m dying from this disease,” she said, a broken laugh escaping between tired lips. “They have doctors for that, you know.”
And later, after much coaxing with ice cream and Pororo videos, Sehun finally cracked a smile when his aunt did a horrible impersonation of a dragon. He laughed because there was no way his dream could be right this time, not again, not to a woman as strong and funny as his aunt.
“You have a gift, Sehun,” she said again as she tucked him into bed. “You have the chance to save people before it’s too late.”
Funny, Sehun thought later. Because then why couldn’t he save her?
-----
Luhan, that quick-witted bastard, had figured it out first. Sehun thought he had learned to conceal it pretty well until Luhan cornered him after practice one day.
“When they announced our debut,” Luhan said. He twirled his straw in the bubble tea before taking another sip. “You were a bit too obvious.”
Five months before the announcement Sehun had dreamt of stage lights and flickering signs with his name plastered in neon-colored hanja, 세훈 세훈 세훈. There had been an overwhelming rush of excitement and nervousness filling his body, a high that had continued long after he had woken up with the knowledge that he was finally going to step on stage. But by the time he and eleven others had been gathered in a conference room, the adrenaline had run thin and Sehun could only muster a small smile when he heard the news.
“Even Wufan teared up a bit,” Luhan said. “You barely looked up when they told us.”
Sehun would have to control his facial expressions a bit better. Or rather, he would have to fake his expressions better in the future.
“So can you tell the future or something?” the elder continued, eyeing Sehun’s own drink with bright eyes.
“Precognitive dreaming.”
“Mm.”
Sehun chuckled a bit, pushing his tea into Luhan’s hands. “It means I can dream about the future.”
Luhan pondered this for awhile, lips pursing as he tried to scoop as many tapioca bubbles as possible with the straw. Sehun counted five before Luhan blew them back out.
“Tell me,” Luhan said, expression serious as he leaned forward. “Do I get a decent hairstyle or will they try to give me extensions?”
-----
[Insert scenes]
-----
To be frank, he had never really cared about Kyungsoo. That is, there had never been a reason for him to even speak to the elder.
Sehun had rarely talked during his trainee days, preferring the back corners of practice rooms to the loud front where boys his age eagerly chatted about the cutest girl groups. He had met Jongin after his first year, discovering with a small delight that the slightly older boy attended the same school and “I like to dance.” It wasn’t until Sehun had hung out with Luhan for a few months that he had even heard of Kyungsoo.
“They’re picking on him again,” Luhan had muttered during lunch one day. He angrily stabbed a piece of meat before flinging it away in disgust.
Sehun raised an eyebrow before reaching over his tray. “Am I supposed to know who you’re talking about?”
“Oh Sehun, are you ever awake when I talk to you?” Luhan frowned, slapping the younger’s hand when he tried to take another piece of meat.
“That Kyungsoo kid I’ve told you about before. They’ve been bugging him for weeks. I swear I saw them breaking into his locker the other day, but Kyungsoo wouldn’t say a word when I asked. If anything, he looked terrified to see me.”
“Never heard of him.”
“You don’t know anything about anybody,” Luhan rolled his eyes.
It wasn’t so much as not knowing as Sehun just hadn’t cared. But Luhan had regaled enough tales of the “poor bullied Kyungsoo” over more than a few meals, so when a boy introduced himself as Do Kyungsoo in front of dance class one day, Sehun was intrigued.
The boy had a small frame, thin shoulders wrapped in a clean school uniform with the sleeves folded a quarter of the way up to expose bony wrists and petite hands. His fingers were clutching tightly to his pants, squeezing the fabric nervously as he glanced around the room. Kyungsoo’s wide eyes were almost comical, only getting larger as he scanned through unfamiliar faces, and Sehun couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped his lips.
Leave it to Luhan to find pity on people who looked like owls.
He returned to his stretching, deciding there was nothing particularly interesting about Kyungsoo. For weeks afterwards, Sehun didn’t dream. Instead, he saw owl eyes before he fell asleep.
-----
Kyungsoo didn’t bother him much after that. Luhan still told horror stories about the “poor bullied boy with the huge eyes” over every meal they ate together, but Sehun had learned to tune him out. An alternative solution was to drag Yixing along; the Chinese male might have to endure Luhan’s endless teasing for a while, but Sehun felt it was a worthwhile sacrifice.
Other than the small glances Sehun might catch during practice, Kyungsoo wasn’t really worth noticing. That is, until one evening after a particularly bad practice when Sehun remembered that there is math homework due tomorrow and shit, I haven’t even started and it’s already one a.m. fuck when did that happen-
“Um,” a small voice squeaked when Sehun threw his bag against the practice room wall in frustration. He turned to see Kyungsoo staring at him with wide eyes.
“Are you...okay?” Kyungsoo nodded at Sehun’s notebooks scattered on the floor. “Do you have homework to do?”
“It’s nothing,” Sehun muttered, leaning down to quickly gather his things. He didn’t spare the other a glance when he left.
When Sehun finally fell asleep that night, giving up with his homework at one point and deciding that failing isn’t such a bad option- he’s going to be a dancer anyways, what the actual fuck is math- he dreamt for the first time in weeks.
He and Jongin were sliding around the living room floors with their socks on, laughing hysterically at one another as they ran into windows and walls. Sehun could barely contain his yells as he collided into Joonmyun, who sighed before patting him on the head. Jongin snickered loudly from behind.
Joonmyun was saying something to them, but Sehun found himself turning to the front door. Chanyeol walked in, smiling widely as he tugged in a small red suitcase, and someone entered quietly behind him.
Sehun froze when he saw the wide eyes, the thick lips that curled into a shy smile as Chanyeol dragged him further into their apartment.
“We’re getting a new roommate,” Sehun said into his phone the next morning. “Which means another addition to our group.” There was a pause on the other line and Sehun could imagine Luhan smiling eagerly.
“Is he Chinese?”
“Hyung, there are already four Chinese people.”
“You can never have enough Chinese. Mark my words, Oh Sehun, we make everything spicier.”
Sehun snorted loudly. The woman next to him on the subway frowned before turning away.
“How did you find out about this new person? I haven’t heard anything from Joonmyun about it.”
“I had a dream last night,” Sehun replied quietly. He smirked. “And you’re going to literally flip a shit when I tell you who it is.”
“Um, Sehun right?”
Sehun froze when he heard that quiet voice. Looking up slowly, he could barely contain a groan when he saw those familiar eyes staring nervously at him.
“Ah, do you remember me? I’m in your dance class at SM...” Kyungsoo said, rubbing his head. He bit his lips before rummaging through his bag to hand Sehun a notebook.
“You left this behind last night in the practice room. I thought you might need it.”
Sehun could faintly make out Luhan’s displeased voice in his ear as Kyungsoo gave a shy wave. With a hiss of the subway doors, the boy was gone and Sehun was left gaping at an empty space. The woman next to him sniffed before moving away.
“Are you listening to me? How in the world can I flip a shit if you refuse to answer my-”
“That was him,” Sehun finally replied. He gave a short laugh, flipping through his notebook.
“Who? Who is this person you won’t tell me-”
“Holy shit,” Sehun breathed. There, nestled between last week’s failed quiz and today’s empty assignment, was page of math problems solved and perfectly completed. And on a green sticky note in the corner, with solid black lines that formed neat hanja was Thought you might need some help. Do Kyungsoo :)
Yup. Luhan was going to flip a shit when he hears about this.
-----
[Insert scenes]
-----
There was screaming. Someone was retching in the background, and he could hear Suho yelling for the manager, for the police. Anyone.
Everything was black, but then he made out one face.
-----
When Sehun woke up in the morning, he laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. As his eyes scan the chipped paint, the pale morning light casting shadows against the wall, he tried to quell the small shudders that shook his chest.
“Oh, you’re awake?”
Sehun looked up to see Kyungsoo walking in. Sehun’s boxers, some shirts, and Joonmyun’s training pants were in the elder’s arms, carefully folded and organized by colors.
“Isn’t it a bit early to do laundry?” Sehun croaked, his voice a raspy whisper. He swallowed dryly as Kyungsoo gave a small grin.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he admitted sheepishly. He made his way to the dresser, wincing a bit when the old wood squeaked as the drawers opened. Kyungsoo paused, eyebrows creasing as he eyed the messy interior with clothes and socks shoved haphazardly in the corners. He quickly shut the drawer.
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that,” Kyungsoo muttered, still frowning, before he set the laundry on Sehun’s bed. “And I’m going to let these clean clothes survive for a little longer in that hellhole.”
“Sorry that not all of us are as anal as you are,” Sehun retorted. Usually he didn’t mind Kyungsoo’s obsessive orderliness, and his comment came out of nowhere. Sehun blamed it on the aftereffects of a bad dream combined with minimal sleep, but the slight downward tilt of Kyungsoo’s lips was hard to ignore.
“Clean can be good,” Kyungsoo quietly replied. He made his way to the door, eyes avoiding Sehun’s gaze. “I’m going to go find Joonmyun hyung.”
“Hyung,” Sehun sighed. It was too early in the morning for this. “Look, I’m just ...tired. I couldn’t really sleep either.”
He hated the way Kyungsoo immediately turned around, not a moment’s hesitation in his movements, as he strode back over to his bed. He hated the way Kyungsoo made him feel like utter shit as the elder worriedly reached out to Sehun’s forehead, harsh comment long forgotten as he felt for a fever.
“You’re not sick, are you?” Kyungsoo murmured, running fingers across Sehun’s face. “I might have some medicine.”
Sehun hated the way Kyungsoo cared. He hated how Kyungsoo’s face was pulled tight, eyes tense and lips pressed thin, as he worried over Sehun like that. He hated that it was the face from his dreams.
“Probably just a bad dream,” Sehun said, closing his eyes.
But it wasn’t just a bad dream.
-----
This time, he dreamed about a performance. They were on-stage, the lights were too hot and he couldn’t see into the crowd, but Sehun forced a practiced smile on his face and ducked his head when the MC started to ask questions. Things skipped around enough for Sehun to gather that they were in a foreign country and there were too many people following them around. He was wondering if it was the U.S., or maybe even Europe, when the scene shifted to darkness. There were occasional flashes of light and he could feel the thump of speakers under his feet. Sehun was realizing he must be backstage when he saw it.
Kyungsoo was standing a few feet away, appearing to watch the performance on stage, but Sehun didn’t miss the blank look in Kyungsoo’s eyes or the way the elder was idly tracing small lines on his wrists. His nails were pressing hard enough to leave thin, pink lines across his skin.Left right left right. And suddenly there was a burst of red.
Sehun woke up to Joonmyun shaking his shoulders roughly. There was a terrified frown on his face as he shouted his name over and over again. It wasn’t until Jongin rushed into the room, yelling if he was all right -what’s going on is he okay?- that Sehun realized he was still screaming.
-----
[Insert scenes]
-----
There was a letter. It was in Kyungsoo’s handwriting, neat and meticulous with every hanja pieced carefully together in solid black strokes, but Sehun only read the first sentence before he ran to the bathroom.
He was pounding hard, kicking and yelling, but it wouldn’t open. It was only when he threw himself against the door, his members all crowded around him, that the door finally opened and Sehun found Kyungsoo.
And then he could see Baekhyun retching in the background, could see Chanyeol’s horrified eyes; he could hear Jongin screaming, could hear Suho yelling for the manager, for the police. Anyone.
But what scared him the most was that he couldn’t hear Kyungsoo. He didn’t make a sound.
-----
For the first time in his life, Sehun woke up in a cold sweat. It was exactly as the books and movies described it- there was ice-cold sweat dripping down his face, staining his shirt in large clumps, and he was breathing so fast, his throat ached with every intake. And with that all, he was shaking- his hands, his teeth, his eyes- everything was shaking and trembling and there was a horrible feeling of sheer terror in his chest as he tried to take in deep gulps of air to fill an emptiness that he didn’t understand.
It hurt.
-----
When management told them about their new concept, Sehun almost laughed. Because the idea of super powers was so utterly ridiculous.
“What the hell...” Jongin muttered. There was confusion with dash of disgust in his voice, enough for their manager to glare at the boy before the meeting continued. Sehun glanced over and saw that the other members’ reactions varied from excitement to rethinking one’s decision in joining the company.
Afterwards, Luhan took him out to bubble tea, which meant a full hour of mixed emotions regarding the new concept because, “it seems so childish, but I’ve got to admit, I did get a cool power.”
When Luhan asked what Sehun thought, he almost laughed. Because “the fuck is super powers,” he grunted around his drink, choking on a tapioca ball.
Because it was so true.
He might not have the power he was assigned (really, wind?) but he had something that Sehun was pretty sure normal people didn’t have.
At this point though, he would take wind control over precognitive dreaming any time of day. Or night.
-----
“Where are you going?”
Kyungsoo paused in the hall when Sehun grabbed his arm, fingers pressing dark spots into his pale skin.
“Bathroom,” Kyungsoo smiled, but his lips were twisted and tired and it looked so wrong. But Sehun let it go, ignored the cold feeling in his chest, and instead quietly watched as Kyungsoo locked the door behind him.
Sehun wandered around the dorm, watching Jongin attempt video games, listening to Chanyeol talk excitedly into his phone, before he walked into Kyungsoo’s room, deciding to ask Joonmyun for something inspirational to read.
There was a letter on the desk, and Sehun could feel his fingers tremble as he opened it. Sehun-ah, figure out what to do with my things, will you? It was Kyungsoo’s handwriting, neat and meticulous with every hanja pieced carefully together, but Sehun only read the first sentence before he ran to the bathroom.
-----
The bad thing about precognitive dreaming was that sometimes Sehun has a hard time differentiating between reality and his dreams.
It isn’t until he opens his eyes to the cracked ceiling and pale morning light that he can sigh and know that for a little while, things will be normal.
It’s when he sees Kyungsoo sitting in the living room, a cup of milk in one small hand and a pile of laundry lying next to him, that Sehun can breathe again.
“Another bad dream?” Kyungsoo frowned when Sehun stumbled over. He patted the spot next to him, releasing a small grunt when Sehun opted for his lap instead, lanky limbs thrown wildly around Kyungsoo’s warm frame. Sehun breathed in the scent of cotton detergent and aloe shampoo.
“You really need to do something about those nightmares.” Kyungsoo’s soft voice slowly lulled him back to sleep. “As if you don’t blank out enough during the interviews.”
“Shut up, hyung,” Sehun grunted out, shifting deeper into the elder’s chest. Kyungsoo let out an indignant whine before murmuring quietly to himself, his small fingers sifting through the Sehun’s hair in soothing, even strokes.
Sehun found that bad dreams don’t happen as long as Kyungsoo was next to him when he slept.
-----
Sehun’s attempts to neutralize his expressions weren’t working so well apparently, as Luhan so graciously informed him when they meet again. When Luhan wrapped an arm around him at the airport, a terrifyingly knowing smile on his face, Sehun could only return a nervous grin.
“As much pleasure as I might find from monitoring your incredibly retarded expressions in all those interviews,” the older male smirked as he tugged Sehun onto the bus, “could you please stop glaring at Jongin so much?”
“Excuse me?”
“Even Minseok, and you know how dense Minseok is, even he asked if there was something wrong between you two.”
Sehun sniffed, flopping down into the seat next to Luhan. “Maybe that’s just the way I look.”
“Like you want to skin Jongin alive every time he makes a move on your precious Kyungsoo?”
Luhan was never getting bubble tea with him again. The older male could deal with all those fangirls on his own now.
“Better be careful or even Yifan will say something to you soon.”
“Kris hyung has absolutely no authority over me.”
Luhan gave that smile again, and Sehun couldn’t suppress a small shiver. That smile had been known to cause the demise of many innocent trainees. He tried to shift away in his seat, only to have Luhan lean towards him with a serious expression on his youthful face.
“Are you having those dreams again?” Luhan asked, voice low. His eyes were worried as he took in the bags under Sehun’s eyes, the strained lines around his mouth.
Sehun sighed, leaning back against the seat. He could hear the quiet murmur of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol somewhere behind them. “Why is everyone asking me about my dreams lately?”
“I’m asking because I know about your-” Luhan’s gestured wildly in the air- “circumstances. Besides, anyone can tell you’re not sleeping well. How many layers of BB cream does it take to hide those hideous cycles?”
“Probably the same amount they put on Tao.”
Luhan chuckled softly before handing him a pillow. “Go to sleep for a while. It’s going to be a hell of a ride to the hotel with this traffic.”
Sehun accepted the pillow, turning to face the window. It wasn’t that he can’t sleep; he just didn’t want to.
-----
“So I hear you think I have absolutely no authority over you.”
Sehun groaned deeply.
“..I think Luhan hyung should go fuck himself.”
“I agree, but for now, let’s test this theory regarding my lack of authority.”
“I want to live a little bit longer, please.”
“Either make a move on Kyungsoo or stop staring at him so much. It’s freaking all of us out.”
“...see, when I said I wanted to live a little longer, I was referring to my emotional well-being as well.”
Yifan rolled his eyes, a deep frown set on his face. Sehun watched warily as the taller man rubbed his temples; he can feel a leaderly speech coming on, and from what Chanyeol had said about those, it was nothing to look forward to.
“I understand that you’re going through a difficult time in your life right now.”
Sehun groaned. “...Hyung, please don’t do this...”
“You’re at an age where you have many questions-”
“I might really cry if you continue this...”
“Your body is going through some changes that you don’t understand-”
“I will tell Luhan hyung about your prized collection of pokemon underwear if you don’t stop.”
Yifan lifted an eyebrow, lips pursed slightly, before he continued with a sigh. “Just do something about Kyungsoo instead of moping around, okay?”
“I’m not moping, hyung,” Sehun huffed. “I’m thinking.”
“Yeah, like you always do,” Yifan snorted. He gave a fond smile before nudging Sehun away. “Stop moping.”
-----
[Insert scenes]
-----
“Jongin hyung is going to throw up.”
Luhan glanced at him quickly before flashing a brilliant smile. Sehun could barely keep from rolling his eyes as a chorus of shrieks and cameras went off around them.
“Right in front of all the fans?” Luhan continued to smile, slinging an arm around the younger’s shoulder.
“On the airplane. I would sit far away if I were you.”
“Oh Yixing!” Luhan cheerfully shouted, waving to the Chinese male walking ahead of them. “You should sit with Jongin on the plane. You know, to go over those dance steps and stuff.”
“You are going to hell,” Sehun muttered when Yixing nods happily in agreement. He pressed his hat down further on his head as Luhan beamed again and more girls screamed. The distance from their cars to the airport terminal never seemed longer.
“Did you see that in a dream?” Luhan smirked.
“I don’t need foresight to see that.”
“You’re so sweet, Sehunnie.”
-----
He was sliding across the floors, Jongin laughing behind him as they raced each other around the apartment. Somewhere Joonmyun sighed loudly, fondness creeping into his exasperated voice as he warned them to slow down. Nearing the foyer, Sehun shouted in triumph (Jongin may be a better dancer but he was lazy as hell and Sehun could outrun him any day) when the door opened. Chanyeol grinned at them, tugging in a small red suitcase, as he beckoned to someone behind the door.
Sehun paused, breath momentarily catching in his throat. He already knew who would follow.
"Hyung, did you bring someone?" Jongin said, moving to the door.
Sehun bit his lips, squeezing his eyes shut. He quickly turned around, past a surprised Jongin, past Joonmyun's confused frown- away from a future he didn’t want to see.
-----
[Insert scenes]
-----
The first week of promotions was something Sehun could have never foreseen. Underneath the bustling bodies, the shouts and clothes changes and makeup sessions, between the haze of hairspray and anxious bodies as they lined up for each stage and every interview, there was a level of ordered insanity that surrounded them. It was as if everyone had accepted the chaos and carefully integrated into their lives. Complains were far and few as they were shuttled around in a whirlwind. But that was not to say they weren't affected by it all.
Without their makeup on, everyone had dark circles that could rival Tao's. Jongin and Yixing made it a point to stop by the pharmacy before and after every rehearsal, and even Joonmyun's bright smile wavered between schedules as exhaustion took over the best of them. Sleep meant two hour dozes in the back of vans- against clothing racks or hidden away behind set props as they waited for photoshoots- but Sehun found it particularly hard.
Any sleep he did get was filled with screams, of retching noises and raspy breaths that made him wake up with dread crawling up his throat. The nightmares had begun three weeks ago, preventing him from getting more than brief naps as he feared the horrifying darkness that would come should he close his eyes too long.
"Christ," Jongin muttered during makeup prep. He and Sehun were huddled at the back of the room, watching as men and women fluttered around their members to get them ready for something. Sehun thought it was another interview, but they just came from one so did they really need another. "You look like absolute shit."
"Coordi noona would be so happy to hear that."
"You know what I mean." Jongin gave him a glance, shuddering as he quickly looked away. "You should be an extra as Toshio for the next 'Grudge' installment."
Sehun grunted, too tired to get out a chuckle. He leaned against Jongin's shoulder and blinked slowly. "Trouble sleeping."
"Please," Jongin snorted. "That's like saying you have trouble eating. Complete and utter bullshit."
Sehun slowly thought up a witty retort in his mind- something about Taemin and best friends- when a staff member called for Jongin. His friend carefully lifted Sehun's head, giving him a soft smile when Sehun whined in protest, and leaned him back into the seat. "Get a few minutes of sleep, yeah?"
If only it was that easy. Constant exhaustion and mild deliriousness was better than the nightmares. Rubbing away burn of his eyes, Sehun tried to focus his blurry vision.
"How do I look?
Sehun blinked to see Kyungsoo standing before him. The smaller male blinked back before joining him on the couch, the smell of hairspray and thick makeup surrounding them as he sat down.
"Do I look okay?" Kyungsoo asked. His throat bobbed nervously, eyes focused ahead and pointedly away from Sehun's gaze.
Sehun nodded. Even before the stylists had come around, before makeup sessions and hours of grooming, Sehun had known Kyungsoo was handsome. He had dreamt of enough concerts and award shows to know that the petite male, however cute and innocent as he may appear to be, was capable of looking every bit the mature man he was. "Very attractive."
Kyungsoo's ears flushed even as his face remained stoic. Sehun almost wanted to laugh at the small quirk of his hyung's lips. When Kyungsoo turned to face Sehun, his wide eyes narrowed in worry.
"Dear god, you look horrible." He hesitantly reached out to trace underneath Sehun's eyes. "Can makeup even cover this up?'
Sehun shrugged. As he considered a reply, Kyungsoo tugged him to lean on his shoulder.
"Twenty minutes," he whispered. "That's how long it'll take to hide Joonmyun's worry lines before it's your turn for makeup so try and sleep for a bit."
Letting out a weak chuckle, Sehun relaxed against his hyung. Kyungsoo softly began to hum a melody, running his thin fingers across the back of Sehun's hand, and gradually Sehun gave into sleep.
-----
Pairing: D.O./Sehun
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~4,700
Summary/Warnings: brief mentions of suicide; scenes skip around
It had first started in the third grade when Sehun had woken up knowing exactly who his aunt was going to marry.
“You meet at a friend’s party,” he said when he saw her at the next family dinner. “And he’s an engineer. He doesn’t talk much but you like how he understands you.” His aunt could only gape at him before Sehun was being tugged away by his frazzled mother, but he leaned forward one last time to whisper, “You look pretty in the wedding dress.”
Barely two months later, Sehun sat in the third row of a church as his aunt stood at the altar with joyful tears streaming down her face.
“You have a gift,” she whispered into his ear during the reception. He shrugged, more interested in the huge wedding cake with its three tiers and white frosting than the actual ceremony itself. She beamed at him before handing Sehun two slices.
But by his twelfth birthday, Sehun didn’t think he had a gift anymore; not when he couldn’t look his aunt in the face because he was too afraid of seeing his dream come to life.
“It’s me, isn’t it?” she asked one day when babysitting. He refused to look at her, choosing to stare determinedly at his school book instead.
“Sehun, you don’t have to share your dreams for me to know that I’m dying from this disease,” she said, a broken laugh escaping between tired lips. “They have doctors for that, you know.”
And later, after much coaxing with ice cream and Pororo videos, Sehun finally cracked a smile when his aunt did a horrible impersonation of a dragon. He laughed because there was no way his dream could be right this time, not again, not to a woman as strong and funny as his aunt.
“You have a gift, Sehun,” she said again as she tucked him into bed. “You have the chance to save people before it’s too late.”
Funny, Sehun thought later. Because then why couldn’t he save her?
-----
Luhan, that quick-witted bastard, had figured it out first. Sehun thought he had learned to conceal it pretty well until Luhan cornered him after practice one day.
“When they announced our debut,” Luhan said. He twirled his straw in the bubble tea before taking another sip. “You were a bit too obvious.”
Five months before the announcement Sehun had dreamt of stage lights and flickering signs with his name plastered in neon-colored hanja, 세훈 세훈 세훈. There had been an overwhelming rush of excitement and nervousness filling his body, a high that had continued long after he had woken up with the knowledge that he was finally going to step on stage. But by the time he and eleven others had been gathered in a conference room, the adrenaline had run thin and Sehun could only muster a small smile when he heard the news.
“Even Wufan teared up a bit,” Luhan said. “You barely looked up when they told us.”
Sehun would have to control his facial expressions a bit better. Or rather, he would have to fake his expressions better in the future.
“So can you tell the future or something?” the elder continued, eyeing Sehun’s own drink with bright eyes.
“Precognitive dreaming.”
“Mm.”
Sehun chuckled a bit, pushing his tea into Luhan’s hands. “It means I can dream about the future.”
Luhan pondered this for awhile, lips pursing as he tried to scoop as many tapioca bubbles as possible with the straw. Sehun counted five before Luhan blew them back out.
“Tell me,” Luhan said, expression serious as he leaned forward. “Do I get a decent hairstyle or will they try to give me extensions?”
-----
[Insert scenes]
-----
To be frank, he had never really cared about Kyungsoo. That is, there had never been a reason for him to even speak to the elder.
Sehun had rarely talked during his trainee days, preferring the back corners of practice rooms to the loud front where boys his age eagerly chatted about the cutest girl groups. He had met Jongin after his first year, discovering with a small delight that the slightly older boy attended the same school and “I like to dance.” It wasn’t until Sehun had hung out with Luhan for a few months that he had even heard of Kyungsoo.
“They’re picking on him again,” Luhan had muttered during lunch one day. He angrily stabbed a piece of meat before flinging it away in disgust.
Sehun raised an eyebrow before reaching over his tray. “Am I supposed to know who you’re talking about?”
“Oh Sehun, are you ever awake when I talk to you?” Luhan frowned, slapping the younger’s hand when he tried to take another piece of meat.
“That Kyungsoo kid I’ve told you about before. They’ve been bugging him for weeks. I swear I saw them breaking into his locker the other day, but Kyungsoo wouldn’t say a word when I asked. If anything, he looked terrified to see me.”
“Never heard of him.”
“You don’t know anything about anybody,” Luhan rolled his eyes.
It wasn’t so much as not knowing as Sehun just hadn’t cared. But Luhan had regaled enough tales of the “poor bullied Kyungsoo” over more than a few meals, so when a boy introduced himself as Do Kyungsoo in front of dance class one day, Sehun was intrigued.
The boy had a small frame, thin shoulders wrapped in a clean school uniform with the sleeves folded a quarter of the way up to expose bony wrists and petite hands. His fingers were clutching tightly to his pants, squeezing the fabric nervously as he glanced around the room. Kyungsoo’s wide eyes were almost comical, only getting larger as he scanned through unfamiliar faces, and Sehun couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped his lips.
Leave it to Luhan to find pity on people who looked like owls.
He returned to his stretching, deciding there was nothing particularly interesting about Kyungsoo. For weeks afterwards, Sehun didn’t dream. Instead, he saw owl eyes before he fell asleep.
-----
Kyungsoo didn’t bother him much after that. Luhan still told horror stories about the “poor bullied boy with the huge eyes” over every meal they ate together, but Sehun had learned to tune him out. An alternative solution was to drag Yixing along; the Chinese male might have to endure Luhan’s endless teasing for a while, but Sehun felt it was a worthwhile sacrifice.
Other than the small glances Sehun might catch during practice, Kyungsoo wasn’t really worth noticing. That is, until one evening after a particularly bad practice when Sehun remembered that there is math homework due tomorrow and shit, I haven’t even started and it’s already one a.m. fuck when did that happen-
“Um,” a small voice squeaked when Sehun threw his bag against the practice room wall in frustration. He turned to see Kyungsoo staring at him with wide eyes.
“Are you...okay?” Kyungsoo nodded at Sehun’s notebooks scattered on the floor. “Do you have homework to do?”
“It’s nothing,” Sehun muttered, leaning down to quickly gather his things. He didn’t spare the other a glance when he left.
When Sehun finally fell asleep that night, giving up with his homework at one point and deciding that failing isn’t such a bad option- he’s going to be a dancer anyways, what the actual fuck is math- he dreamt for the first time in weeks.
He and Jongin were sliding around the living room floors with their socks on, laughing hysterically at one another as they ran into windows and walls. Sehun could barely contain his yells as he collided into Joonmyun, who sighed before patting him on the head. Jongin snickered loudly from behind.
Joonmyun was saying something to them, but Sehun found himself turning to the front door. Chanyeol walked in, smiling widely as he tugged in a small red suitcase, and someone entered quietly behind him.
Sehun froze when he saw the wide eyes, the thick lips that curled into a shy smile as Chanyeol dragged him further into their apartment.
“We’re getting a new roommate,” Sehun said into his phone the next morning. “Which means another addition to our group.” There was a pause on the other line and Sehun could imagine Luhan smiling eagerly.
“Is he Chinese?”
“Hyung, there are already four Chinese people.”
“You can never have enough Chinese. Mark my words, Oh Sehun, we make everything spicier.”
Sehun snorted loudly. The woman next to him on the subway frowned before turning away.
“How did you find out about this new person? I haven’t heard anything from Joonmyun about it.”
“I had a dream last night,” Sehun replied quietly. He smirked. “And you’re going to literally flip a shit when I tell you who it is.”
“Um, Sehun right?”
Sehun froze when he heard that quiet voice. Looking up slowly, he could barely contain a groan when he saw those familiar eyes staring nervously at him.
“Ah, do you remember me? I’m in your dance class at SM...” Kyungsoo said, rubbing his head. He bit his lips before rummaging through his bag to hand Sehun a notebook.
“You left this behind last night in the practice room. I thought you might need it.”
Sehun could faintly make out Luhan’s displeased voice in his ear as Kyungsoo gave a shy wave. With a hiss of the subway doors, the boy was gone and Sehun was left gaping at an empty space. The woman next to him sniffed before moving away.
“Are you listening to me? How in the world can I flip a shit if you refuse to answer my-”
“That was him,” Sehun finally replied. He gave a short laugh, flipping through his notebook.
“Who? Who is this person you won’t tell me-”
“Holy shit,” Sehun breathed. There, nestled between last week’s failed quiz and today’s empty assignment, was page of math problems solved and perfectly completed. And on a green sticky note in the corner, with solid black lines that formed neat hanja was Thought you might need some help. Do Kyungsoo :)
Yup. Luhan was going to flip a shit when he hears about this.
-----
[Insert scenes]
-----
There was screaming. Someone was retching in the background, and he could hear Suho yelling for the manager, for the police. Anyone.
Everything was black, but then he made out one face.
-----
When Sehun woke up in the morning, he laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. As his eyes scan the chipped paint, the pale morning light casting shadows against the wall, he tried to quell the small shudders that shook his chest.
“Oh, you’re awake?”
Sehun looked up to see Kyungsoo walking in. Sehun’s boxers, some shirts, and Joonmyun’s training pants were in the elder’s arms, carefully folded and organized by colors.
“Isn’t it a bit early to do laundry?” Sehun croaked, his voice a raspy whisper. He swallowed dryly as Kyungsoo gave a small grin.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he admitted sheepishly. He made his way to the dresser, wincing a bit when the old wood squeaked as the drawers opened. Kyungsoo paused, eyebrows creasing as he eyed the messy interior with clothes and socks shoved haphazardly in the corners. He quickly shut the drawer.
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that,” Kyungsoo muttered, still frowning, before he set the laundry on Sehun’s bed. “And I’m going to let these clean clothes survive for a little longer in that hellhole.”
“Sorry that not all of us are as anal as you are,” Sehun retorted. Usually he didn’t mind Kyungsoo’s obsessive orderliness, and his comment came out of nowhere. Sehun blamed it on the aftereffects of a bad dream combined with minimal sleep, but the slight downward tilt of Kyungsoo’s lips was hard to ignore.
“Clean can be good,” Kyungsoo quietly replied. He made his way to the door, eyes avoiding Sehun’s gaze. “I’m going to go find Joonmyun hyung.”
“Hyung,” Sehun sighed. It was too early in the morning for this. “Look, I’m just ...tired. I couldn’t really sleep either.”
He hated the way Kyungsoo immediately turned around, not a moment’s hesitation in his movements, as he strode back over to his bed. He hated the way Kyungsoo made him feel like utter shit as the elder worriedly reached out to Sehun’s forehead, harsh comment long forgotten as he felt for a fever.
“You’re not sick, are you?” Kyungsoo murmured, running fingers across Sehun’s face. “I might have some medicine.”
Sehun hated the way Kyungsoo cared. He hated how Kyungsoo’s face was pulled tight, eyes tense and lips pressed thin, as he worried over Sehun like that. He hated that it was the face from his dreams.
“Probably just a bad dream,” Sehun said, closing his eyes.
But it wasn’t just a bad dream.
-----
This time, he dreamed about a performance. They were on-stage, the lights were too hot and he couldn’t see into the crowd, but Sehun forced a practiced smile on his face and ducked his head when the MC started to ask questions. Things skipped around enough for Sehun to gather that they were in a foreign country and there were too many people following them around. He was wondering if it was the U.S., or maybe even Europe, when the scene shifted to darkness. There were occasional flashes of light and he could feel the thump of speakers under his feet. Sehun was realizing he must be backstage when he saw it.
Kyungsoo was standing a few feet away, appearing to watch the performance on stage, but Sehun didn’t miss the blank look in Kyungsoo’s eyes or the way the elder was idly tracing small lines on his wrists. His nails were pressing hard enough to leave thin, pink lines across his skin.Left right left right. And suddenly there was a burst of red.
Sehun woke up to Joonmyun shaking his shoulders roughly. There was a terrified frown on his face as he shouted his name over and over again. It wasn’t until Jongin rushed into the room, yelling if he was all right -what’s going on is he okay?- that Sehun realized he was still screaming.
-----
[Insert scenes]
-----
There was a letter. It was in Kyungsoo’s handwriting, neat and meticulous with every hanja pieced carefully together in solid black strokes, but Sehun only read the first sentence before he ran to the bathroom.
He was pounding hard, kicking and yelling, but it wouldn’t open. It was only when he threw himself against the door, his members all crowded around him, that the door finally opened and Sehun found Kyungsoo.
And then he could see Baekhyun retching in the background, could see Chanyeol’s horrified eyes; he could hear Jongin screaming, could hear Suho yelling for the manager, for the police. Anyone.
But what scared him the most was that he couldn’t hear Kyungsoo. He didn’t make a sound.
-----
For the first time in his life, Sehun woke up in a cold sweat. It was exactly as the books and movies described it- there was ice-cold sweat dripping down his face, staining his shirt in large clumps, and he was breathing so fast, his throat ached with every intake. And with that all, he was shaking- his hands, his teeth, his eyes- everything was shaking and trembling and there was a horrible feeling of sheer terror in his chest as he tried to take in deep gulps of air to fill an emptiness that he didn’t understand.
It hurt.
-----
When management told them about their new concept, Sehun almost laughed. Because the idea of super powers was so utterly ridiculous.
“What the hell...” Jongin muttered. There was confusion with dash of disgust in his voice, enough for their manager to glare at the boy before the meeting continued. Sehun glanced over and saw that the other members’ reactions varied from excitement to rethinking one’s decision in joining the company.
Afterwards, Luhan took him out to bubble tea, which meant a full hour of mixed emotions regarding the new concept because, “it seems so childish, but I’ve got to admit, I did get a cool power.”
When Luhan asked what Sehun thought, he almost laughed. Because “the fuck is super powers,” he grunted around his drink, choking on a tapioca ball.
Because it was so true.
He might not have the power he was assigned (really, wind?) but he had something that Sehun was pretty sure normal people didn’t have.
At this point though, he would take wind control over precognitive dreaming any time of day. Or night.
-----
“Where are you going?”
Kyungsoo paused in the hall when Sehun grabbed his arm, fingers pressing dark spots into his pale skin.
“Bathroom,” Kyungsoo smiled, but his lips were twisted and tired and it looked so wrong. But Sehun let it go, ignored the cold feeling in his chest, and instead quietly watched as Kyungsoo locked the door behind him.
Sehun wandered around the dorm, watching Jongin attempt video games, listening to Chanyeol talk excitedly into his phone, before he walked into Kyungsoo’s room, deciding to ask Joonmyun for something inspirational to read.
There was a letter on the desk, and Sehun could feel his fingers tremble as he opened it. Sehun-ah, figure out what to do with my things, will you? It was Kyungsoo’s handwriting, neat and meticulous with every hanja pieced carefully together, but Sehun only read the first sentence before he ran to the bathroom.
-----
The bad thing about precognitive dreaming was that sometimes Sehun has a hard time differentiating between reality and his dreams.
It isn’t until he opens his eyes to the cracked ceiling and pale morning light that he can sigh and know that for a little while, things will be normal.
It’s when he sees Kyungsoo sitting in the living room, a cup of milk in one small hand and a pile of laundry lying next to him, that Sehun can breathe again.
“Another bad dream?” Kyungsoo frowned when Sehun stumbled over. He patted the spot next to him, releasing a small grunt when Sehun opted for his lap instead, lanky limbs thrown wildly around Kyungsoo’s warm frame. Sehun breathed in the scent of cotton detergent and aloe shampoo.
“You really need to do something about those nightmares.” Kyungsoo’s soft voice slowly lulled him back to sleep. “As if you don’t blank out enough during the interviews.”
“Shut up, hyung,” Sehun grunted out, shifting deeper into the elder’s chest. Kyungsoo let out an indignant whine before murmuring quietly to himself, his small fingers sifting through the Sehun’s hair in soothing, even strokes.
Sehun found that bad dreams don’t happen as long as Kyungsoo was next to him when he slept.
-----
Sehun’s attempts to neutralize his expressions weren’t working so well apparently, as Luhan so graciously informed him when they meet again. When Luhan wrapped an arm around him at the airport, a terrifyingly knowing smile on his face, Sehun could only return a nervous grin.
“As much pleasure as I might find from monitoring your incredibly retarded expressions in all those interviews,” the older male smirked as he tugged Sehun onto the bus, “could you please stop glaring at Jongin so much?”
“Excuse me?”
“Even Minseok, and you know how dense Minseok is, even he asked if there was something wrong between you two.”
Sehun sniffed, flopping down into the seat next to Luhan. “Maybe that’s just the way I look.”
“Like you want to skin Jongin alive every time he makes a move on your precious Kyungsoo?”
Luhan was never getting bubble tea with him again. The older male could deal with all those fangirls on his own now.
“Better be careful or even Yifan will say something to you soon.”
“Kris hyung has absolutely no authority over me.”
Luhan gave that smile again, and Sehun couldn’t suppress a small shiver. That smile had been known to cause the demise of many innocent trainees. He tried to shift away in his seat, only to have Luhan lean towards him with a serious expression on his youthful face.
“Are you having those dreams again?” Luhan asked, voice low. His eyes were worried as he took in the bags under Sehun’s eyes, the strained lines around his mouth.
Sehun sighed, leaning back against the seat. He could hear the quiet murmur of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol somewhere behind them. “Why is everyone asking me about my dreams lately?”
“I’m asking because I know about your-” Luhan’s gestured wildly in the air- “circumstances. Besides, anyone can tell you’re not sleeping well. How many layers of BB cream does it take to hide those hideous cycles?”
“Probably the same amount they put on Tao.”
Luhan chuckled softly before handing him a pillow. “Go to sleep for a while. It’s going to be a hell of a ride to the hotel with this traffic.”
Sehun accepted the pillow, turning to face the window. It wasn’t that he can’t sleep; he just didn’t want to.
-----
“So I hear you think I have absolutely no authority over you.”
Sehun groaned deeply.
“..I think Luhan hyung should go fuck himself.”
“I agree, but for now, let’s test this theory regarding my lack of authority.”
“I want to live a little bit longer, please.”
“Either make a move on Kyungsoo or stop staring at him so much. It’s freaking all of us out.”
“...see, when I said I wanted to live a little longer, I was referring to my emotional well-being as well.”
Yifan rolled his eyes, a deep frown set on his face. Sehun watched warily as the taller man rubbed his temples; he can feel a leaderly speech coming on, and from what Chanyeol had said about those, it was nothing to look forward to.
“I understand that you’re going through a difficult time in your life right now.”
Sehun groaned. “...Hyung, please don’t do this...”
“You’re at an age where you have many questions-”
“I might really cry if you continue this...”
“Your body is going through some changes that you don’t understand-”
“I will tell Luhan hyung about your prized collection of pokemon underwear if you don’t stop.”
Yifan lifted an eyebrow, lips pursed slightly, before he continued with a sigh. “Just do something about Kyungsoo instead of moping around, okay?”
“I’m not moping, hyung,” Sehun huffed. “I’m thinking.”
“Yeah, like you always do,” Yifan snorted. He gave a fond smile before nudging Sehun away. “Stop moping.”
-----
[Insert scenes]
-----
“Jongin hyung is going to throw up.”
Luhan glanced at him quickly before flashing a brilliant smile. Sehun could barely keep from rolling his eyes as a chorus of shrieks and cameras went off around them.
“Right in front of all the fans?” Luhan continued to smile, slinging an arm around the younger’s shoulder.
“On the airplane. I would sit far away if I were you.”
“Oh Yixing!” Luhan cheerfully shouted, waving to the Chinese male walking ahead of them. “You should sit with Jongin on the plane. You know, to go over those dance steps and stuff.”
“You are going to hell,” Sehun muttered when Yixing nods happily in agreement. He pressed his hat down further on his head as Luhan beamed again and more girls screamed. The distance from their cars to the airport terminal never seemed longer.
“Did you see that in a dream?” Luhan smirked.
“I don’t need foresight to see that.”
“You’re so sweet, Sehunnie.”
-----
He was sliding across the floors, Jongin laughing behind him as they raced each other around the apartment. Somewhere Joonmyun sighed loudly, fondness creeping into his exasperated voice as he warned them to slow down. Nearing the foyer, Sehun shouted in triumph (Jongin may be a better dancer but he was lazy as hell and Sehun could outrun him any day) when the door opened. Chanyeol grinned at them, tugging in a small red suitcase, as he beckoned to someone behind the door.
Sehun paused, breath momentarily catching in his throat. He already knew who would follow.
"Hyung, did you bring someone?" Jongin said, moving to the door.
Sehun bit his lips, squeezing his eyes shut. He quickly turned around, past a surprised Jongin, past Joonmyun's confused frown- away from a future he didn’t want to see.
-----
[Insert scenes]
-----
The first week of promotions was something Sehun could have never foreseen. Underneath the bustling bodies, the shouts and clothes changes and makeup sessions, between the haze of hairspray and anxious bodies as they lined up for each stage and every interview, there was a level of ordered insanity that surrounded them. It was as if everyone had accepted the chaos and carefully integrated into their lives. Complains were far and few as they were shuttled around in a whirlwind. But that was not to say they weren't affected by it all.
Without their makeup on, everyone had dark circles that could rival Tao's. Jongin and Yixing made it a point to stop by the pharmacy before and after every rehearsal, and even Joonmyun's bright smile wavered between schedules as exhaustion took over the best of them. Sleep meant two hour dozes in the back of vans- against clothing racks or hidden away behind set props as they waited for photoshoots- but Sehun found it particularly hard.
Any sleep he did get was filled with screams, of retching noises and raspy breaths that made him wake up with dread crawling up his throat. The nightmares had begun three weeks ago, preventing him from getting more than brief naps as he feared the horrifying darkness that would come should he close his eyes too long.
"Christ," Jongin muttered during makeup prep. He and Sehun were huddled at the back of the room, watching as men and women fluttered around their members to get them ready for something. Sehun thought it was another interview, but they just came from one so did they really need another. "You look like absolute shit."
"Coordi noona would be so happy to hear that."
"You know what I mean." Jongin gave him a glance, shuddering as he quickly looked away. "You should be an extra as Toshio for the next 'Grudge' installment."
Sehun grunted, too tired to get out a chuckle. He leaned against Jongin's shoulder and blinked slowly. "Trouble sleeping."
"Please," Jongin snorted. "That's like saying you have trouble eating. Complete and utter bullshit."
Sehun slowly thought up a witty retort in his mind- something about Taemin and best friends- when a staff member called for Jongin. His friend carefully lifted Sehun's head, giving him a soft smile when Sehun whined in protest, and leaned him back into the seat. "Get a few minutes of sleep, yeah?"
If only it was that easy. Constant exhaustion and mild deliriousness was better than the nightmares. Rubbing away burn of his eyes, Sehun tried to focus his blurry vision.
"How do I look?
Sehun blinked to see Kyungsoo standing before him. The smaller male blinked back before joining him on the couch, the smell of hairspray and thick makeup surrounding them as he sat down.
"Do I look okay?" Kyungsoo asked. His throat bobbed nervously, eyes focused ahead and pointedly away from Sehun's gaze.
Sehun nodded. Even before the stylists had come around, before makeup sessions and hours of grooming, Sehun had known Kyungsoo was handsome. He had dreamt of enough concerts and award shows to know that the petite male, however cute and innocent as he may appear to be, was capable of looking every bit the mature man he was. "Very attractive."
Kyungsoo's ears flushed even as his face remained stoic. Sehun almost wanted to laugh at the small quirk of his hyung's lips. When Kyungsoo turned to face Sehun, his wide eyes narrowed in worry.
"Dear god, you look horrible." He hesitantly reached out to trace underneath Sehun's eyes. "Can makeup even cover this up?'
Sehun shrugged. As he considered a reply, Kyungsoo tugged him to lean on his shoulder.
"Twenty minutes," he whispered. "That's how long it'll take to hide Joonmyun's worry lines before it's your turn for makeup so try and sleep for a bit."
Letting out a weak chuckle, Sehun relaxed against his hyung. Kyungsoo softly began to hum a melody, running his thin fingers across the back of Sehun's hand, and gradually Sehun gave into sleep.
-----