why did he have to fuck it all up?!?!
i got this in my myspace inbox from garret and it's sent me into a bit of emotional turmoil, even though i know i should be over all that. and yes, he has some spelling problems. ;P
Okay.. so.. I don't know exactly what you wanted to know, so I will just tell you everything. Here we go...
1) Yes, I did cheat on you. I fucking hate myself everyday for it. The myspace girl (I forget her name) kissed me, and I didn't stop it, but I honestly felt like shit after and never talked to her again. Not that, that makes it better by any means. I think with Alexa too... my memory is pretty shitty. We can assume I did... only cause I'm a peice of shit.
2) I broke up with you for one reason; I'm a coward. Thats it. I was afraid you would brake up with me, and in order to make myself feel better, I broke up with you first. Once again: I feel like a peice of shit.
3) I regret everything I did to you every single second of every single day. I would never dare ask for forgiveness, cause frankly, I wouldn't forgive me either.
I think about you all the time, and wonder if you are okay. You were actually special to me, and I fucked it up so royally that I can barely conceive it sometimes.
4) All dinner is, is a chance to talk to you again... cause I miss you. I didn't actually expect you to accept, after all I have done.
5) Everything in that song I wrote you was true... weather you believe it or not. I was just to much of a coward to tell you I loved you (although it seems to still hold true that it's a curse of sorts).
6) I'm sorry.... I don't even know why you talk to me anymore.... but I'm glad you at least msg.
If you still want to have dinner then you can msg back. If not, I understand. I will pay for dinner though, so don't worry about money.....
I honestly don't really know what to say Sarah. I hope that you will at least msg back....
i know the whole cheating thing is terrible but in a way it's almost a relief...it was just a kiss, i already knew about it so "the truth" didn't end up being all of the horrible things i had in my head.
it was so strange because i had myself in tears thinking about him, missing him, wishing things could have been different the night before he sent this...and now, i don't know what to think. we're going out for dinner on the weekend. what if he is sincere? i know how screwed up he is emotionally and mentally, maybe i couldn't ask for a commitment from him again, but does that mean there can't be anything between us? i don't know what to think anymore but i know that what i felt with him was so special and that i just don't feel that with other guys and i never have before. is it really worth giving up on? fuckkk... why did he have to fuck it all up?!?!