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[xruinxlivesx]

I sit here everyday waiting for something to give, a sign.. something anything. But still.. nothing. I'm tired of sitting around getting upset about this for no reason. Getting upset because you see other guys, getting upset because I can't handle what you do every night

Comments

[__setthestage]

You know whats not fair, the fact that you've had two years. Two count them one TWO years in order to figure out what you want. You've left me countless times when I was 100% committed to you. You know what its not fair. Why do I have to squeeze me figuring myself out into one month? How is that fair. Tell me that. I love you to death and I try to be there for you. I let you stay at my place when you want and I love talking to you and I tell you I love you. Why is that not enough? It seriously is so fucking one sided Brad. You think I'm not genuine and that I don't feel the same way about you that you do about me? Thats fucking bullshit. Otherwise I wouldn't have stuck around for two years. What happened is something I am not over yet. When I crack jokes about shit, it makes me cry but I say shit all because I like to give off the impression that I'm ok and that I can get over it. Right now, all you're doing is pressuring me to fall back into something I'm not sure I'm ready for. You had 3 months to realize you wanted to be with me,

[xruinxlivesx]

I know how much you care about me, I do know all of this, and I didn't mean to make it such a strong point. It just feels like you don't care about my feelings, the way you look at me everytime, how you will argue your point and look at me with this face of disgust. I look at you and don't see anything I used to.
I want to be happy, with or without you. I just don't think I can handle this anymore, I just feel like shit. Maybe if we don't talk I'll figure out me and just do things on my own for a while. I obviously am not capable of dealing with all of this, aswell as trying to be your friend, ontop of just wanting you to love me again. I can't do that.
I don't mean to drag you down as much as I do. I know your happy and everything, I don't mean to ruin that. I just am trying to get by.

[__setthestage]

Its not that I don't love you. You know I do. I care so much about your feelings. I feel like absolute shit everytime I look in your eyes and see how much you just dislike who I am. It hurts me too. I want you to be ok. I love you so much.
I just need to do what's right for me, and right now, its not a relationship. I'm sorry that that hurts you.
So, so sorry.

[iresine]

I know this is in no way my business, but I have an opinion that I haven't voiced, and I'm going to side with Randi on this one...

Brad, you are completely aware of how much she loves you, or she wouldn't have stuck around every time you needed a break. You put her through a lot and she sticks around.
You can't string people along. It's not fair for you. It's not fair for them. You need to make decisions and stick with them. The reason you're miserable all the time is because you wait for answers to come to you.
It's not going to happen.
Make shit happen.

[xruinxlivesx]

I dont know how to make shit happen. I live each day, and thats all there is to it. It's not like im miserable for the joy of it. Don't you remember how things were when we broke up, how I used to beg for you back? I dont want to be like that again, I dont want to seem so desperate that I have no other option but to beg. I'm not really sure what to do with everything, I told her basically that I don't want to be apart of her life and that we shouldn't talk.
Maybe your right, maybe I do just string along people for the ride, but im just doing the only thing I know how to, Im just trying to be me, but it's not working, or it is but it's definatly not working for anyone else. I dont know what else to say, I just wish I could just cope with everything.