Well,
David (my brother) came home for a wedding this weekend. He's been talking at me about various things. Mostly how I'm going down the wrong path blah blah everyone should conform to the norm of the society (no, really. He believes this with every fiber of his being.)Apparently, he does date people. Which is, like, destroying the very basic principles of my world. And apparently he almost killed someone the other day, as well as being suicidal in his early twenties. Like, really.
It makes sense in retrospect; he was living at home at the time. It makes sense that his life would seem pointless. Obviously, I'm glad he didn't do anything. He said he was standing on a bridge for 2 hours debating whether or not to jump, at one point. He thinks I'm on the same road.
He might be right, but in the end, I think my conscious would stop me. No matter what, I'd know that Becca-if not my whole family-would be completely distraught at my death. And it's not fair to do that to them, right?
It doesn't happen too often anymore, but I'll be thinking about what happens after you die. And the part of my brain that's a big scary goth kid will be like, well, you could just find out. You could do it, it would be so easy. Just go upstairs, and take all of Shira's pills. And that'll be it. Usually I cut him off before it gets that far, though.
David's still a bum, though. He might have "moved out", he might have a "job". But he's still a bum.
In other news, my e-mail is rebelling and won't let me see my mail. GRRRR. Also, we visited Becca, my little sister, yesterday(?) What's today? Tuesday, or Monday? Tuesday, right? So we visited her on Sunday, and she's having a good time at camp. Her kyphosis(sp?) is pretty bad, though. That's a partner disease to scoliosis. Scoliosis is a giant genetic garbage bag in my family. I was *this* close to getting a brace, but I stopped growing, thank God. Becca, on the other hand, was not so fortunate. We both have kyphosis, too. That's when your spine is like, "oh? I'm supposed to go straight and then have your skull attached to me? No, I think we're going to have a curve right where I meet the skull so that you can stick your head out like a chicken. Hers is absolutely terrible, mine's not attractive-but it's not too noticeable. Like, people who don't have a background in general physical structure wouldn't notice Becca's either. Most people are just kind of oblivious. It's weird, cause I'll see people, like, on the street, and think, "oh he has really bad kyphosis."
ANYWAY, I snuck in some pocky to her camp. (It's not kosher.) I drew her a bunch of emo boys and I wrote her a letter and I printed out her CD's again (no iPods) since she scratched hers up. We went to the local store (the only thing for a 8 mile radius is Wall-Mart.) and bought her a whole bunch of food and a CD player and some lotion and stuff. She said she doesn't have any inclination to be hardxcore. Which is saddening, if only because I thought we could have a communal wardrobe of awesomeness. I wore my new plaid-strappy-zippy-shorts. Everyone was like, GASP. NOT A LONG BLACK SKIRT?! WHERE DOES ONE BUY SUCH AN ITEM O: Becca said she of believes in Judaism again. I guess I'm happy for her, but I think it'll dissipate once she gets home. She's friends with everyone in her camp. Except for one bitch who was like:
Becca: *steps out of bthrm area* Hey, someone has the same shampoo as me.
Bitch: No one cares D:<
She's obviously just jealous of Becca's whole fuzzy-caterpillar-will-turn-into-absolutely-stunning-butterfly thing she's got going on. Ha. And everyone thinks she's like The Master of art. It was funny cause one of her friends was like:
Friend: Becca's sooo good at art-I mean, obviously you know. You're her sister...
Me: *hugs Becca* I knowww, she's so *talented* :D
Becca: She's better.
Friend: Oh? Yeah, do you have any drawings?
Me: OH. Y'know, in the car, yeah...
Friend: :[
Becca's the Mikey to my Gerard. Seriously. If you guys knew her a little bit better, you would see it so much. Gerard has terrible kyphosis, by the way. Not so much anymore, but especially in the Bullets days.
Speaking of MCR, Happy Birthday, Ray :D
I wish the Yeshiva people would stop friending me on facebook. That chapter of my life is over for good. Once I'm an adult, it really will be my choice to remain whatever level of religious I see fit. And I may keep up appearances for my parents-but let's face it, once I get married in, say, ten years, how much more time do my parents have? My Mom has a maximum of, like, 10 years after that if she doesn't start losing some serious weight. My Dad'll probably be around forever. It's a comforting thought, but I'll feel terrible disappointing him.
Whatever, I've got time. Maybe I'll have some sort of religious epiphany. Haha.
I want to make another cake, since I finished off that last one. Yum yum yum. I need to shower soon, I'm going to see Get Smart with me madre >.> I like how she just assumes I want to go. I could theoretically get out of it, but I don't have the energy to fight with her today. I got 6ish hours of sleep today. That's not really cutting it, these days. I want my brother in law to leave-the Canadian one-he's only here on business, and he's just here. Cramping my style. I like to roam the bottom floor of my house at night, or really early morning, and now I can't. And now I have to sleep in Becca's room. (I'd been sleeping in the guest room, because mine doesn't have an air conditioner.)
I started the Official Sabbagh portrait last night. I finished Joe's (my other brother in law) face and hand. Sharon (the one who lives in Canada now) heard about it, and said, "where's one of me and Haskell?" Saw that one coming. I probably will end up drawing them, unfortunately. Uch. I'm looking forward to Liora getting married (probably, maybe.) soonish. Their portrait will be good times. Her beau is so cute X3
I finally did Sharon's shirt. She picked Alice in Wonderland, because she doesn't like any music. Really. I just need the hair to be yellower, and then I'm done. It's good, I think. She wanted this whole intricate garbage blah blah blah, but the fabric of the shirt turns red with bleach (WTF) so I did it in acrylic. What an ordeal that was. Also one of the arms looks like a ghostly snake. Will look into fixing. There was snow on the ground when she asked for the shirt.
I should continue the Sabbagh portrait after I shower. I should also look into getting Becca's camera batteries so I can take a picture of a tasty bloody picture I made. Yum. The corner of my room that includes my bed has been officially made into a MCR shrine. I'm getting into MSI. What? It's not because of Lyn-z, promise. She has fat arms. I actually heard Geerad in a new interview yesterday. He's such a nerd. I love downloading music, by the way. Everyone should join yousendit_ It's so good, and everyone's really nice :)
Kay, so I need to force myself to take a shower now. I have seriously become Bert McCracken levels of dirty at this point. And to think I leave the house like this. Tsk Tsk.