I can't sleep. so yeah I'll update this bad boy.

Today I went to school and it rained alot so they kept us an hour later. which totally sucks cause I didn't get to go to justins house before work. Then after I walked out of school I went to work and worked and got pretty pissed at this gay bitch that works there because she's so fucking whiney and ( Read more... )

nobody cool ever comments in this fucker. but yeah. lately things have been weird and like.. I dunno. I dont really care so much. I realized I have good friends because when you're freaking out hardcore and throwing up and shit they're there for you. I dunno. I feel pretty pointless but hopefully I'm making some kind of difference to someone. I'm ( Read more... )

yeah today pretty much sucked. I went to work and that was fine. then i got home and was just hit by like a wave of depression or something. i seriously felt like was falling to peices. so i went for a walk. I smoked a ciggerette i stole from my brother and cried. and then like two seconds later i couldnt cry anymore. and the rest of the day i ( Read more... )

I dont know whats up anymore. I feel like everything everyones telling me is a crock. but it's cool. I dont really care anymore. I've decided that as long as it makes him happy that I'm cool with it. even if I'm in turn miserable. I just want to have him there for me. even if its as just a friend. I still need the kid alot he knows me better than ( Read more... )

ok so I went to see the couselor. Turns out I am catagorized under severely depressed and that I have to go see a psychiatrist and get on anti depressants. And she says she normally doesnt suggest people taking pills but in my case she thinks couseling combined with the medication will help alot. So yeah.. she said it could be up to a year before I ( Read more... )

counselor meeting today. other than that I dont really feel like updating this thing. lifes fucked up once again.

you're a walking contradiction to everything you ever told me. I worry myself sick over you. and you continue to live life without meaning and without any kind of stability. and it sucks cause i want to be here for you but you push me away with your actions. and i love you more than anything and i'de do anything to see you happy. but yeah. i dunno ( Read more... )

Yesterday and today werent half bad. I hung out with justin and ian so that was pretty entertaining. Justin dyed my hair he did a good job but it's too plain so I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with it. i look like someone who'de shave my head so maybe i'll try that out. too bad i'm not a dyke. hmm... i start couseling at 9 on thursday ( Read more... )

I love you and i still love you
Even though i never showed it
A piece of me is gone forever
Clutching memories held so close
Repeating words of love spoken to late
My eyes look all around but all they can focus on is you
For in you i find me

i dunno. fuck it. sorry if i was mean to you the other night when i was drunk. sorry if i ever fucked you over or made you sad. i'm a pretty miserable human being. and it just seems to be getting worse. yeah.. i'm just sorry. oh and i love my friends. thanks for being there for me justin thanks for talking to me when i cry for opening doors and ( Read more... )