Mmmmmblap.
I guess this is my journal, but even I'm getting annoyed by the content, so it's cut for more Ryan woes.
I went over tonight thinking that everything was pretty much understood. I came home and again with the fucking texts, he said that 'he didn't know what to do because he likes me as more than a friend' and I don't know what he should do either, to be honest. I just told him basically that I don't feel the same way, and I was pretty blunt about it. He texted back giving me compliments and all that, and then 'I should have just kissed you a long time ago :(' and I had to bite the bullet and say something sktechy like 'I don't think it would have changed how things went. Humans are confusing animals.. sorry that you're upset' and he didn't reply.
I guess that maybe he either got the point or fell asleep. I don't really feel guilty anymore like I did last week, because I've said my piece and if he keeps it up it's gonna be too awkward to even hang out anymore. I don't want to make him sad or whatever at all, but... it's just not gonna work. Four months to get 'to know each other' and I know it's just not in the cards. The only thing in common we have is our shitty jobs to comiserate about. I can't talk about music to him, which is something I really like talking about, because he doesn't even know what he listens to. I can't talk about goals because he has none and I guess plans to work at Food 4 Less for another decade, or something. He's the nicest guy ever, but it's that niceness that's a bit too.. I don't know. Nice guys don't finish last in my mind, but nice guys who have no motivation except to have a girlfriend that they can't communicate with because they share very little in common might.
It sucks, but I said my part and it sort of feels better on my end. Unfortunately this site made me feel really bad, haha, but that's what I get for googling. Fuck the internet.
Uh, anyway. I might be going to Reno Thursday-Saturday/Sunday, because my dad might go down. It sort of depends on him, really. I think I need the quick break, pretty much now. My boss isn't going to let me work fulltime. Now, I'm really glad for my insanely relaxed schedule lately, but FUCK... working 13 hours a week is NOT going to pay off my 500$ Visa bill from my summer break. Much less Top Ramen and Capri Suns for 'nutrition'. So I'm doing a bit of job hunting. Um, maybe also because Ryan works there and I'm starting to think distancing myself is a good idea for both of us (I needed a better job the day I started a year ago, as it is). I work a bit of a ways from home (30 miles round trip or so) so it'd cut my gas bill down if I got a job.. pretty much anywhere. Food 4 Less is at the far end of the next down north of Ashland and all.
I'm starting to really look forward to maybe moving to Seattle next summer. The private art college is fucking expensive as all hell, but my grandma's offered to pay for some of it and I could probably get some FA because I got accepted into the National Honor's Society as a college Freshman.
It sort of blows my mind that I'm already a Junior. I have less than two years before I get my degree (I have my associate's now, but my Art degree). It scares me, because I love school. But I'm also excited about moving on, even if it means North to where I'll just be going to a more specialized art study. Mm.
I went over tonight thinking that everything was pretty much understood. I came home and again with the fucking texts, he said that 'he didn't know what to do because he likes me as more than a friend' and I don't know what he should do either, to be honest. I just told him basically that I don't feel the same way, and I was pretty blunt about it. He texted back giving me compliments and all that, and then 'I should have just kissed you a long time ago :(' and I had to bite the bullet and say something sktechy like 'I don't think it would have changed how things went. Humans are confusing animals.. sorry that you're upset' and he didn't reply.
I guess that maybe he either got the point or fell asleep. I don't really feel guilty anymore like I did last week, because I've said my piece and if he keeps it up it's gonna be too awkward to even hang out anymore. I don't want to make him sad or whatever at all, but... it's just not gonna work. Four months to get 'to know each other' and I know it's just not in the cards. The only thing in common we have is our shitty jobs to comiserate about. I can't talk about music to him, which is something I really like talking about, because he doesn't even know what he listens to. I can't talk about goals because he has none and I guess plans to work at Food 4 Less for another decade, or something. He's the nicest guy ever, but it's that niceness that's a bit too.. I don't know. Nice guys don't finish last in my mind, but nice guys who have no motivation except to have a girlfriend that they can't communicate with because they share very little in common might.
It sucks, but I said my part and it sort of feels better on my end. Unfortunately this site made me feel really bad, haha, but that's what I get for googling. Fuck the internet.
Uh, anyway. I might be going to Reno Thursday-Saturday/Sunday, because my dad might go down. It sort of depends on him, really. I think I need the quick break, pretty much now. My boss isn't going to let me work fulltime. Now, I'm really glad for my insanely relaxed schedule lately, but FUCK... working 13 hours a week is NOT going to pay off my 500$ Visa bill from my summer break. Much less Top Ramen and Capri Suns for 'nutrition'. So I'm doing a bit of job hunting. Um, maybe also because Ryan works there and I'm starting to think distancing myself is a good idea for both of us (I needed a better job the day I started a year ago, as it is). I work a bit of a ways from home (30 miles round trip or so) so it'd cut my gas bill down if I got a job.. pretty much anywhere. Food 4 Less is at the far end of the next down north of Ashland and all.
I'm starting to really look forward to maybe moving to Seattle next summer. The private art college is fucking expensive as all hell, but my grandma's offered to pay for some of it and I could probably get some FA because I got accepted into the National Honor's Society as a college Freshman.
It sort of blows my mind that I'm already a Junior. I have less than two years before I get my degree (I have my associate's now, but my Art degree). It scares me, because I love school. But I'm also excited about moving on, even if it means North to where I'll just be going to a more specialized art study. Mm.