whatever words i say, i will always love you. i will always love you.
i am so incredibly sorry if it seemed as though i was trying to get rid of you. i have had a horrible past couple of days. i think i actually almost hit your car a couple of days ago because i was in such a rush to follow up on an argument with someone else. i'm not really sure if it was you, i didnt see you, it was just the same kind of car. at school.
yes, it was towards you. but you have not hurt me ever. you've been nothing but perfect to me. i never, ever, ever want you out of my life. ever. if i had my way.. well i think you know what my way would be.
yes, you definitely did come to me during a very hard time in my life. and even though i have worked through it with your help, i still need you. and i still always will. not only to help me through things, you give so much more than that. i need you simply because you're my absolute best friend, my first love, the person who makes me grin when i even hear your name. you're the one constant thing in my life and the only person i truly trust with everything. thats why i need you. because i love you and i dont know who i would be without you.
you're absolutely right, you have never asked me to do anything i didn't want to. maybe i just said that because of my frustration with other things. but i think i might have been referring to the fact that i wasn't sure if you still felt the same way. it's very hard to always have to wonder, there are always my stupid effing doubts nagging at my certainties. it's so relieving to know that you do and that you still foresee that being constant. i completely understand that there are a million more things you want to do before settling down, and me too! i mean im not even out of highschool yet! lol. what scares me is that i'll have my heart set on something happening someday with us like i would love it to, and you meeting someone else (your present girlfriend or someone else) and feeling the same way for her as you do for me now. and then deciding that she is the one you're meant to settle down with. and if that does happen, i will never ever stand in your way. yes i'll be devastated, but everything happens for a reason. i would be very happy for you because when you love someone, all you want is for them to be happy. and thats all i want for you. but anyway, thats what really scares me. and i guess thats what i thought you werent up front with me about, but you really were all along. i think about things too much as you know and when i do that i think of other possibilities in the way things will turn out. but as long as you tell me there's something to wait for, i'll happily wait as long as you ask me to.
i truly believe that we were meant to meet also. and you definitely did help me through the absolute hardest of times. and i learned to trust you in a way that at first i didnt want to because it scared me so much. i think that's the reason i got attached to you in the first place, because you were and still are my only stronghold. and now it terrifies me to think of my life without you, i have no idea what i would do. and i cant even get as serious with other guys as i am about you because they just aren't you. and they just don't compare. im constantly measuring them up against you and they come up lacking. thats why i get sick of them so easily. but i guess its good that i get sick of them because they usually seem to have alterior motives. lol yeah anyways getting off topic.
so no, thats not the case. i would never ever wish for you to be out of my life. i would be the most stupid person in the world if i turned my back and wanted you to leave, and i would ask you to slap me. not really but you get the point. i probably do need to hear it more often. not necessarily every time we talk, but i guess enough to keep me from doubting. but you should have to do that, i shouldnt be doubting you in the first place. that probably makes you feel like i dont trust you as much as i should.
i love you more than anything else in this world, and i always will.
phew, okay that was long. daggum.
anyway.. we lost the baseball game tonight, i was not happy. but we ride again tomorrow nizzle! :) at least i got some quality time with my brother. it's always a joy.
my dog sprained her leg today and i got so upset i threw up. yeah weird i know. shut up.
ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh bed please.