& it felt just like falling in love again.
Iabsolutely cannot stand fighting with her. Cannot stand it. But how can I help it? I get so weary of constanly trying to satisfy her all in f_cking vain.
She tells me I'm not trying hard enough in school & I'm a slacker, so I dedicate myself to my studies. When I get my report card, she goes RIGHT over the A's & straight to the negative. Meanwhile, she says I'm studying too much & I don't have any friends. So she wants me to start hanging out with my friends again. When I start hanging out with my friends, she says I'm gone too much & I'm irresponsible because I don't do as much housework. When we go out to eat, she says I'm constantly not eating right. She says I need to work out more. When we try on clothes, she says I need to lose 25 pounds before anything looks good on me. I've f_cking endured Anorexia AND bulimia in my lifetime. Will I ever be f_cking skinny enough for you mom?! So when I go to workout, she finds something around the house for me to do so she can tell me I'm doing the wrong f_cking thing again.
It's so agitating. I try so hard to do everything right. But the only things I get praised for are eating salads instead of meat. Or getting perfect scores. Or sacrificing all of my downtime in order to clean like a f_cking madlady. I can't even relax or sleep in without feeling guilty! I can't even watch TV without feeling bad. I'm constantly falling short, no matter how hard I run.
It's a bit disheartening after a while. No wonder I have such an inferiority complex.
UGHHHHH.
She tells me I'm not trying hard enough in school & I'm a slacker, so I dedicate myself to my studies. When I get my report card, she goes RIGHT over the A's & straight to the negative. Meanwhile, she says I'm studying too much & I don't have any friends. So she wants me to start hanging out with my friends again. When I start hanging out with my friends, she says I'm gone too much & I'm irresponsible because I don't do as much housework. When we go out to eat, she says I'm constantly not eating right. She says I need to work out more. When we try on clothes, she says I need to lose 25 pounds before anything looks good on me. I've f_cking endured Anorexia AND bulimia in my lifetime. Will I ever be f_cking skinny enough for you mom?! So when I go to workout, she finds something around the house for me to do so she can tell me I'm doing the wrong f_cking thing again.
It's so agitating. I try so hard to do everything right. But the only things I get praised for are eating salads instead of meat. Or getting perfect scores. Or sacrificing all of my downtime in order to clean like a f_cking madlady. I can't even relax or sleep in without feeling guilty! I can't even watch TV without feeling bad. I'm constantly falling short, no matter how hard I run.
It's a bit disheartening after a while. No wonder I have such an inferiority complex.
UGHHHHH.