Days Like These

Jun 18, 2010 16:23


It's days like these when you wake up thinking that everything is alright but then you remember that the night before you had been crying your eyes out for no other reason other than fear. Fear of the knowledge that you are not who other people want you to be and no matter what you do you know that one day everyone's going to see through the act and all of the sudden no one's left. When you just look at the most simple thing you could look at and all of the sudden you're sobbing and god forbid anyone walk in on you because you would have no idea why you are crying; or if you did then it would sound like nonsense outside your head. When you start missing people that you haven't seen in almost 8 years and you've never cared about the fact you haven't seen them at all. Because when everything decides to hit you all at once, all you can do is cry. All the regrets of what you've done or haven't done, all the things you've said or didn't say or things that you want to say so.badly. but you can't because you just know better. Every time a movie comes along and you think damnit, they're perfect and then you look at yourself and realize that you're no where near that. No where. Even if you woke up the next morning looking like a goddess and that person you were in love with finally realized that the feelings were returned you will never have what you want to have because the past just kills it all. No matter what every bad memory will hit you. every nightmare returns. Every doubt and every fear comes back full circle and all...all I can do is cry. This house is huge but nothing feels smaller. How can a house so big feel so so so small?

Days like these; these are the bad days.
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