Sometimes I feel so pathetic...
Much ranting under the cut. Emo/Whiny warning. If you're gonna bitch about it then don't click on the cut, mmkay?
Well, I think I've fucked up again. I have a huggge fear of expressing my emotions/feelings to guys because a past relationship resulted in him not speaking to me for months everytime I would, but I thought that yknow, not all guys would be like that. I've tried being open and honest about my feelings, but damned if it hasnt fucked me over again.
The boy I like(Who shall be known as 'TheBoy', just because) has proven to me that maybe all guys ARE like that. TheBoy and I had been getting along great, we talked+hung out w/e, but at semi I had a mini-breakdown because although I was dancing with him I knew his heart was with her and it hurt, so I went and emo'd. I, of coarse, didnt tell him what was wrong, well at least not until sunday. I figured, okay he really wants to know, maybe he wont start ignoring me, so I told him. Since then things have been awkward. He never talks to me anymore, he barely ever even looks at me, I dont even get a goddamn 'Hey' anymore. I am so fucking sick of it.
I don't know why I started liking him, but I did, and now I've ruined what little chance of being his friend I had because, yknow, I have feelings. I couldnt even look at him today, and that killed me. I really just want to either a) get over him, like now... or b)Get our friendship back to normal, which probably wont happen.
I feel so...stupid. This always happens to me. I am so sick of crying myself to sleep every night. I just want it to end.
I really wish I could go back to semi and not get emo, and not fuck things up. I feel so useless and pathetic and so utterly stupid. Just for once in my goddamn life could I pleeeaassee fall for someone I have a bit of a chance with, please? I swear, god hates me. I'm afraid I might start cutting again, and I really dont want to. I dont want to have to hide my scars anymore, but there are days like today when I just crave the pain, just so that I can feel something other than numb.
This is how I feel, all the time.
Well, I think I've fucked up again. I have a huggge fear of expressing my emotions/feelings to guys because a past relationship resulted in him not speaking to me for months everytime I would, but I thought that yknow, not all guys would be like that. I've tried being open and honest about my feelings, but damned if it hasnt fucked me over again.
The boy I like(Who shall be known as 'TheBoy', just because) has proven to me that maybe all guys ARE like that. TheBoy and I had been getting along great, we talked+hung out w/e, but at semi I had a mini-breakdown because although I was dancing with him I knew his heart was with her and it hurt, so I went and emo'd. I, of coarse, didnt tell him what was wrong, well at least not until sunday. I figured, okay he really wants to know, maybe he wont start ignoring me, so I told him. Since then things have been awkward. He never talks to me anymore, he barely ever even looks at me, I dont even get a goddamn 'Hey' anymore. I am so fucking sick of it.
I don't know why I started liking him, but I did, and now I've ruined what little chance of being his friend I had because, yknow, I have feelings. I couldnt even look at him today, and that killed me. I really just want to either a) get over him, like now... or b)Get our friendship back to normal, which probably wont happen.
I feel so...stupid. This always happens to me. I am so sick of crying myself to sleep every night. I just want it to end.
I really wish I could go back to semi and not get emo, and not fuck things up. I feel so useless and pathetic and so utterly stupid. Just for once in my goddamn life could I pleeeaassee fall for someone I have a bit of a chance with, please? I swear, god hates me. I'm afraid I might start cutting again, and I really dont want to. I dont want to have to hide my scars anymore, but there are days like today when I just crave the pain, just so that I can feel something other than numb.
This is how I feel, all the time.