"You leave me here burning in this desert without you" - Sarah McLachlan
somethings wrong with me.
its hard to explain. im not sad anymore. just angry... feel like throwing something off a cliff or hitting a wall. im not myself... i start getting fidgety and im frowning and crying. im mad he was taken away from me... i feel like throwing my fist through a wall (ive already started crying again and this is the 12th time tonight). i dont want to let my brother see me crying. i guess im not actually crying... tears just keep coming. hes laying on the floor behind me and i cant leave the room to go cover it up. i listen to songs that make me cry over and over and over. they have nothing to do with anything im feeling but... somehow i cry and i dont stop the song or change it. im in a daze and im so upset. im never goin to be able to speak to him, yell at him, hug him, tell him to get out of my room, tell him i love him.... (started crying again, what a surprise). i probably seem crazy right now which is understandable. i just pray my mother doesnt see me... it'll ruin the night for sure. all this babeling and i still dont know whats wrong with me. i keep having flashbacks to the day of the hospital.. i remember 5 specific details but the rest is a blur. 1) calling taryn and her not being able to understand me 2) hearing my uncle say "WHAT!?" when we both walked into the hospital for the first time 3) having to sit on the floor when my mom wouldnt answer me when i asked if he was goin to be ok. 4) sitting on a bench outside 5)them (i dont know who they are) wheeling my dad into the next room on a table with a blanket over his head.....they didnt warn me so i ran out of the hospital. ok...this is of no help. no im just crying. im gunna go....watch real world or something