Goodbye My Almost-Lover || Louis & Harry
This is all Hayley. Seriously. I didn't wanna post this, but submitting a 1,500+ word fic into your ask sounded a bit ridiculous so here it is. Don't judge me, I was actually just bored.
It was another one of those nights when Harry sat with his crooked glasses resting sloppily on the bridge of his nose, and Louis just sat on the bed and stared at him code his way through some sort of site. Louis didn’t mind though. The look of determination and concentration on Harry’s face as he bit down on his lip and furrowed his brows til he got the code right was entertaining and beautiful and wonderful for Louis to watch - every single time.
So here he was, beer in hand, staring at his friend in an unwittingly longing manner with an adoring smile playing at the corner of his lips as Harry stuck his tongue out and wet his lips, pushing his glasses up a little as he did.
“What is it this time?” Harry didn’t even flinch, his concentration purely on the screen before him. His glasses were already slipping back down his noise and his green eyes glowed in the dark of the room with the light of the screen reflecting on them. It took him about 30 seconds to realize Louis had said something, and he turned abruptly, turning his seat with him.
“What?” It was a barely a word, just a release of a long-held breath, but Louis heard him, his smile widening as he did, his eyes travelling down to Harry’s confused and parted lips for a moment before he forced them back up to meet the green glow of his eyes. Harry’s hair was growning longer than usual, the curls already covering his eyes at times, and Louis had mentioned it just above ten times already, Harry brushing it off and promising to cut it sometime soon.
“I asked, what are you working on right now?” Harry seemed to take a moment to catch on, his gaze completely frozen on Louis’ eyes. A couple of seconds later, he shook he head, his curls dancing along to the movement, and looked away from the eyes he was just staring into.
“Uhm, just class work. Nothing too important.” He turned back to his screen quickly, his fingers flying along the keyboard with swift movements as he went back to work. Louis couldn’t actually see what he was doing but Harry seemed too focused to be bothered right now, so he shrugged it off and stood up, pulling his twanging his suspenders once before waking up to the refrigerator and opening it up, throwing his head back and called after his friend.
“Hey, Hazza. A beer?” He received a quick shake of the head, no eye-contact or anything. He shrugged again, pulled out a beer of his own and flopped back onto the bed, losing himself in those green, concentrated eyes once more. He didn’t realize he did so but sometimes his gaze would fall to those flushed, parted lips, subconsciously. Harry never noticed either, too caught up in the words and numbers on the screen.
It was only a month later that Louis realized Harry wasn’t really coding that night. He was searching around profusely for every email of every person on camp he know, organizing Louis’ birthday. Louis had to admit, it was probably the greatest moment of his life when he walked into a roomful of people celebrating him, Harry standing there in a proper suit with the biggest, most ridiculous bowtie imaginable, greeting him with a loud shout as he came in.
“You do realize that bowtie is in no way or world acceptable clothing, don’t you?” Louis chuckled as Harry fiddled with the piece of clothing strapped onto his neck, trying to pull it loose to breathe.
“I didn’t realize this was a casual-wear event. I thought suits were a necessity.” Harry shifted uncomfortably in his place, moving from one foot to the other and tugging at his clothes.
“Well, you look wonderful. Might even go so far as to say the best in the room.” Louis shot him a bright smile, and Harry grinned up at him, the discomfort of the stiff suit suddenly oozing away as their eyes met, blue melding into green in the midst of all the lights and dancing and noise.
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Today was a similar party. There were lights, dancing and noise but the discomfort in the air wasn’t oozing away any time soon. The lawsuit, Facebook, Sean, everything. All of it was hovering over them in the crowded room and it suffocated them til they felt like their very breath was being dragged out from within their lungs. They weren’t anywhere near each other in the room, standing deliberately on opposite sides, yet they couldn’t help it as their gazes dropped onto each other through the crowd of people in between.
Harry was at the bar, Louis was with a group of ‘friends’ at a table, and their focus seemed to be nowhere else but on each other. Louis stood up, dragging his glass with him as an excuse to get closer; to be closer. He walked up to the bar, leaning on the table slightly as he pushed his glass at the bartender, Harry’s presence only centimetres from him sending the strangest tingles up inside him but he shoved them down and pretended to be unaffected by that familiar smell around him.
He opened his mouth to speak his order, only to be interrupted by that same, deep voice and that neutral tone. “Why are you even here, Lou?” He didn’t know if he should laugh or scream at the question, but the urgent pain he heard behind the calm exterior of every word threw across the room and back and he had to steady himself as he leaned on the table some more before he could answer.
“I do still own some of the shares, Hazza.” He’s already slipping. Hazza. He didn’t know why, but the memories that nickname broke him down to a million little pieces and all he wanted to do was scream at the one person he truly loves for wrecking everything he always wanted. But he swallowed it down and held his friend’s - friend? Was he still a friend? No. No, he wasn’t. He was a lost almost-lover - gaze.
“No, why are you here? At the bar? With me?” He wasn’t looking away, holding that piercing blue gaze with so much effort. “Why are you here?” The question caught Louis off-guard. He didn’t much expect it. He was at the bar for a drink, no other reason. Definitely no other reason.
The truth was, he just wanted to be near him again. He just wanted to remember how good it felt like to be near the body you were always so used to. And it felt good. So good, and it was the hardest bit knowing that you’ll eventually walk away. He tried to hold a strong face, he did, but he released a broken, shuddering breath, a breath so subtle and so small, no one would’ve even noticed - no one but Harry, of course. His gaze dropped to those lips again, and the slight way in which they were parted, the pink flush of the skin, those familiar lips that he so longed to get to know for the longest time now, he wouldn’t ever get to.
Harry’d obviously caught one, and Louis thought he’d been seeing things at first, but before he could fully process the situation, Harry had his lips on his and it was as if the music wasn’t there, the people weren’t here and the strong scent of alcohol in the air had sent him to a land of the strangest dreams.
And they parted, Harry pulling away from him, their bodies separating from each other, and the warmth Louis felt during the kiss seeping away from him so quickly, he felt like he’d been drained of all he had then.
“That’s what you always wanted, wasn’t it? I always saw you, all those times...” Harry trailed off, still managing to hold Louis’ gaze, still managing to breathe properly after...that.
“That’s not what I wanted, Harry.” Louis shook swallowed the burning lump clotting up in his throat, and gasped in a breath after doing so. He wanted to cry then. The sensation of those lips on his, the amazing feeling of thinking that, just for a second, if all that crap hadn’t happened, he could actually have this, it was all so much. “I didn’t want a kiss. I wanted...you.” He didn’t know he was saying it now. It was too late to try. Too late to fix what isn’t meant to be mended.
A confused look flashed onto Harry’s face, and then understanding dawned on him. Louis just pushed himself off the table, taking in a deep breath to steady the spinning in his head. He looked at Harry with a sad, little smiling playing at his lips, and raised his arm up to fix up that same, ridiculously large bowtie Harry wore for Louis’ birthday. Louis let out small chuckle, or maybe it was a sob. He wasn’t sure. It was just a feeling his heart so desperately wanted to let out. And then he walked off. Just like that, everything he had always thought would once maybe actually happen, was gone.
Harry stood there staring after him, his bowtie feeling like a rope tied around his neck, slowly closing in and chocking the life out of him with every step Louis took away from him.