(no subject)
089. "I like your face."
Pairing: Kangin/Ryeowook
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own 'em
Summary: Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most 'facially aesthetically appealing' of them all?
Kangin's morning dawned bright and clear with phrases of broken Mandarin being screeched in his ear.
While he can't deny that it's his own fault for destroying his alarm clocks (all three hundred and fourteen of them), he still can't see the point of having to suffer permanent hearing damage due to the sheer lack of volume control Heechul displayed at the ungodly hour of seven-thirty am.
"Qi lai, qi la, yu chun de pang zi!" Heechul bellowed, jumping up and down on Kangin's bed. "Wakie wakie, stupid fattie!"
He was immediately bombarded with pillows.
Hankyung poked his head through the doorway. "Ryeowook made breakfast," he said pleasantly. "Good morning."
A decapitated stuffed bear sailed through the air and pelted him in the eye.
"That's for teaching Heechul Chinese, hyung. Now he's even more insufferable than usual. So get out." Kangin clearly had no qualms with hitting Hankyung with another toy, if the plastic rifle (with real wooden bullets!) in his hand was of any indication.
Hankyung paled and excused himself, mumbling something about waking Leeteuk up.
Kangin turned to face Heechul. "Follow hyung's example and scram," he snarled.
"Else what?" Heechul taunted. He studied the increasingly furious Kangin smugly. "You should go on a diet," he said, pinching Kangin's cheeks and dancing out of the way before Kangin could react. "Your face is waaaay too fat."
Ryeowook waltzed into Kangin's room and ducked just in time to avoid Heechul's body whizzing past him overhead.
"Breakfast, hyung," he chirped, apparantly not noticing (or caring) that Kangin had just committed possible manslaughter.
"Go away," Kangin grimaced sourly.
Ryeowook paid no heed and cheerfully started dragging Kangin down the stairs. "You have to eat breakfast," he scolded sternly. "It's the most important meal of the day and if you don't eat, you're going to collapse during dance training." That being said, he pushed Kangin into a chair and skipped to the stove, where he ladled a bowl of steaming oatmeal and plopped it down on the table. He then, armed with only a plate of waffles and a single can of Coke, proceeded to sit down next to his irritated hyung.
Kangin stirred his oatmeal moodily, sampled a mouthful, before pushing it away. "Not hungry."
Ryeowook paused with his fork halfway to his mouth. "What's the matter?" he asked, concern lacing his voice.
"Heechul says I'm fat," Kangin grumbled. "He says my face is almost as round as Shindong's." He wasn't afraid of Ryeowook making any sarcastic remarks, for he knew this was the self-proclaimed 'baby' of Super Junior he was talking to - the most loveable and innocent of them all, the one with the sweet smiles and shy laughter. Ryeowook would never say anything weird and stu-
"I like your face."
Kangin choked, wheezed, hacked out a congealed lump of porridge onto the table.
Ryeowook looked like he was about to cry. "If you didn't like my cooking you could've just said so."
"Not your cooking," Kangin gasped. "It's just that, you know, people usually compliment others on their clothing, hair, stuff - not on their faces."
"Not so," Ryeowook corrected. "Part of the reason why we're so successful as a boy band is because the fangirls fangasm over our quote sexy and hot faces end quote. Besides," he cocked his head cutely, "why shouldn't I say what's true? Your face is nice. It's the perfect shape; not too thin, just the right amount of chubbiness to not appear fat. It's actually quite aesthetically appealing."
"Oh, really now," Kangin said, admittingly pleased once he got over his initial shock. "And why is that?"
Ryeowook pulled out a pink photo album (Kangin had no idea where that had come from) and flipped through the pages, finally stopping on a picture of Super Junior taken from the giant sleepover Heechul had held last month in his room. He pointed at some of the grinning heads. "I noticed something quite peculiar about our group."
"You mean aside from the fact that we have thirteen members stupid enough to spend the night in a single room originally designed for two people or less?" Kangin quipped.
Ryeowook stared at him for a long time. "No. I noticed that Super Junior is split into four categories, just based on our facial structures."
"Do tell," Kangin said, poking his reguritated food with a chopstick.
"The first category is Heechul-hyung, Eunhyuk-hyung, Sungmin-hyung, and-"
"Have you noticed that Sungmin looks like a chipmunk, with those front teeth of his?"
Ryeowook plowed on as if he hadn't heard. "As you may have noticed, all of them have delicate cheekbones, flawless complexions and would not look out of place in a dress."
Kangin snorted mirthlessly. "Wonder what they'll do to you if they heard you say that."
"Heechul-hyung would probably make life impossible for everyone because of his gloating," Yesung said gravely, juggling a piece of hot toast in his hands. "Sungmin would most likely go around acting cute for the next two years, not that he doesn't now, and Eunhyuk would either murder you or commit suicide on the spot."
Kangin let out a shrill scream and fell out of his chair. "Where'd you come from?"
"Magic," Yesung cackled, mysteriously disappearing into thin air. Kangin took a deep breath - remember the anger management therapies - rubbed his temples, counted to ten, inquired:
"So, who's in the second category?"
Ryeowook thought for a moment. "You, Shindong-hyung, Kibum, and quite possibly Hankyung-hyung; mainly the ones who will fail miserably if they try to dress as a woman. Meaning, unless you get a sex change, and maybe not even then, you'll never be mistaken for a woman. Rejoice."
Kanging squinted at him. "You said, maybe Hankyung-hyung. What do you mean, I'm uglier than he is?"
"Not ugly," Ryeowook corrected, popping open his can of Coke with a butter knife. "It's just that I think I should've stuck ge ge in the first category. The girly one."
Kangin brightened with interest. "Why?"
Ryeowook shuddered. "To make a long story short, around last week or so on this one Chinese show Hankyung-hyung had to reenact a scene from this one drama. He was suppose to chase a girl, telling her to come back. Which he did, no doubt about that...while dancing 'Super Girl.' And then they sort of stared at each other, and five seconds later the girl ended up chasing him as he literally skipped in a circle singing 'You can't catch me!"
Kangin twitched. "I will never look at hyung the same way again," he vowed shakily.
"Yeah, now you know how the rest of Super Junior M feels," Ryeowook muttered. Kangin gave him a sympathetic manly slap on the back and urged him to continue.
"And then you have people like Eeteuk-hyung, Yesung-hyung, and Donghae-hyung, who are kind of a mix of both. It's like they were born to drift inbetween genders, and can be mistaken as a feminine man or a masuline woman. Basically, they look like androgynous crossdressing sexual predators."
Ryeowook took a bite of his waffle, sipped his Coke, and continued: "Not that that's bad, per se. The good part about looking metrosexual is that Asian girls love us instead of those disgusting hairy ape-like Neanderthals popularized by the ignominious machismo western media."
Ryeowook's clean tablecloth met its demise at the end of a shower of lumpy oatmeal.
"Aww," Ryeowook protested, "that was my favorite one!"
"Just...surprised," Kangin choked out, eyes watering. "Go on. What about the last group?"
Ryeowook beamed a megawatt smile, nearly blinding Kangin with its sheer brightness. "That's where Kyuhyun and I come in. You see, we," he gave a sweeping bow, nearly knocking over his Coke can, "are the 'loli shota' type." At Kangin's blank expression he let out a sigh of despair at his hyung's ignorance and ducked the massive paw that came swinging at his head. "'Loli shota' is a Japanese term," Ryeowook explained. "Basically it means we're cute and adorable and everyone loves us."
"Someone's awfully full of himself."
"Not as much as Heechul-hyung."
Kangin nodded. That was true.
"I sense someone talking about me!" Heechul trilled, slinking into the kitchen. Kangin gave another yell of fright and clutched his heart. "So, my puppets, what were you discussing so intently that you didn't even notice me coming in?"
Ryeowook smirked; the sight of it somehow managed to give Kangin the feeling of impending doom, like when Sungmin had accidentally used Siwon's bible as a fly-swatter and ended up in the hospital for a week. (Siwon claimed that God had punished Sungmin for spurning His holy testaments, but everyone knew it was because Siwon had 'accidentally' pushed Sungmin into the traffic.)
"Kangin-hyung was just saying how you're so lucky how you've got it made in the girlfriend department because of your dashing good looks," Ryeowook replied smoothly.
"Oh, Kangin." Heechul laughed condescendingly. "Flattery will get you nowhere. You're still fat."
Kangin started turning red, as sure sign that someone was going to get hurt.
Ryeowook apparantly didn't want his kitchen to be trashed, because he quickly came to the rescue, even though he was the one who started it in the first place. "Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the gayest of us all?" He paused for a moment, as if he was pondering the answer. "Heechul-hyung!"
"WHAT?" Heechul bellowed.
"It's true though," Ryeowook protested. "You're too pretty for your own good, hyung."
Heechul picked up a frying pan and slapped his palm against the bottom. "Ryeowook," he said dangerously, "run."
Kangin snorted; Ryeowook had just made things even worse.
"Hankyung-hyung told me to never tell a lie!" Ryeowook yelped as Heechul chased him around the dining table. Kangin, deciding to help Ryeowook since he thought the fans probably didn't want the '13' to become '12,' stood bravely in the path of the rampaging princess, cried "Halt!", and screeched as he was run over and left for dead.
Ryeowook looked behind him and sped up; but his shorter legs were a rather unfair disadvantage and less than a second before Heechul's grasping hands reached Ryeowook throat, Kangin made a startling recovery to leap upon Heechul, stuff him in a small, compacted space, and, along with Ryeowook, dash upstairs and hide under Eeteuk's bed.
Two days after the whole fiasco Donghae opened the refrigerator for a midnight snack, saw a gagged and bound Heechul staring back at him, and was later found attempting to tip the fridge from the top of a eight-story building while screaming how aliens have invaded Wookie's kitchen.
*
Pairing: Kangin/Ryeowook
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own 'em
Summary: Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most 'facially aesthetically appealing' of them all?
Kangin's morning dawned bright and clear with phrases of broken Mandarin being screeched in his ear.
While he can't deny that it's his own fault for destroying his alarm clocks (all three hundred and fourteen of them), he still can't see the point of having to suffer permanent hearing damage due to the sheer lack of volume control Heechul displayed at the ungodly hour of seven-thirty am.
"Qi lai, qi la, yu chun de pang zi!" Heechul bellowed, jumping up and down on Kangin's bed. "Wakie wakie, stupid fattie!"
He was immediately bombarded with pillows.
Hankyung poked his head through the doorway. "Ryeowook made breakfast," he said pleasantly. "Good morning."
A decapitated stuffed bear sailed through the air and pelted him in the eye.
"That's for teaching Heechul Chinese, hyung. Now he's even more insufferable than usual. So get out." Kangin clearly had no qualms with hitting Hankyung with another toy, if the plastic rifle (with real wooden bullets!) in his hand was of any indication.
Hankyung paled and excused himself, mumbling something about waking Leeteuk up.
Kangin turned to face Heechul. "Follow hyung's example and scram," he snarled.
"Else what?" Heechul taunted. He studied the increasingly furious Kangin smugly. "You should go on a diet," he said, pinching Kangin's cheeks and dancing out of the way before Kangin could react. "Your face is waaaay too fat."
Ryeowook waltzed into Kangin's room and ducked just in time to avoid Heechul's body whizzing past him overhead.
"Breakfast, hyung," he chirped, apparantly not noticing (or caring) that Kangin had just committed possible manslaughter.
"Go away," Kangin grimaced sourly.
Ryeowook paid no heed and cheerfully started dragging Kangin down the stairs. "You have to eat breakfast," he scolded sternly. "It's the most important meal of the day and if you don't eat, you're going to collapse during dance training." That being said, he pushed Kangin into a chair and skipped to the stove, where he ladled a bowl of steaming oatmeal and plopped it down on the table. He then, armed with only a plate of waffles and a single can of Coke, proceeded to sit down next to his irritated hyung.
Kangin stirred his oatmeal moodily, sampled a mouthful, before pushing it away. "Not hungry."
Ryeowook paused with his fork halfway to his mouth. "What's the matter?" he asked, concern lacing his voice.
"Heechul says I'm fat," Kangin grumbled. "He says my face is almost as round as Shindong's." He wasn't afraid of Ryeowook making any sarcastic remarks, for he knew this was the self-proclaimed 'baby' of Super Junior he was talking to - the most loveable and innocent of them all, the one with the sweet smiles and shy laughter. Ryeowook would never say anything weird and stu-
"I like your face."
Kangin choked, wheezed, hacked out a congealed lump of porridge onto the table.
Ryeowook looked like he was about to cry. "If you didn't like my cooking you could've just said so."
"Not your cooking," Kangin gasped. "It's just that, you know, people usually compliment others on their clothing, hair, stuff - not on their faces."
"Not so," Ryeowook corrected. "Part of the reason why we're so successful as a boy band is because the fangirls fangasm over our quote sexy and hot faces end quote. Besides," he cocked his head cutely, "why shouldn't I say what's true? Your face is nice. It's the perfect shape; not too thin, just the right amount of chubbiness to not appear fat. It's actually quite aesthetically appealing."
"Oh, really now," Kangin said, admittingly pleased once he got over his initial shock. "And why is that?"
Ryeowook pulled out a pink photo album (Kangin had no idea where that had come from) and flipped through the pages, finally stopping on a picture of Super Junior taken from the giant sleepover Heechul had held last month in his room. He pointed at some of the grinning heads. "I noticed something quite peculiar about our group."
"You mean aside from the fact that we have thirteen members stupid enough to spend the night in a single room originally designed for two people or less?" Kangin quipped.
Ryeowook stared at him for a long time. "No. I noticed that Super Junior is split into four categories, just based on our facial structures."
"Do tell," Kangin said, poking his reguritated food with a chopstick.
"The first category is Heechul-hyung, Eunhyuk-hyung, Sungmin-hyung, and-"
"Have you noticed that Sungmin looks like a chipmunk, with those front teeth of his?"
Ryeowook plowed on as if he hadn't heard. "As you may have noticed, all of them have delicate cheekbones, flawless complexions and would not look out of place in a dress."
Kangin snorted mirthlessly. "Wonder what they'll do to you if they heard you say that."
"Heechul-hyung would probably make life impossible for everyone because of his gloating," Yesung said gravely, juggling a piece of hot toast in his hands. "Sungmin would most likely go around acting cute for the next two years, not that he doesn't now, and Eunhyuk would either murder you or commit suicide on the spot."
Kangin let out a shrill scream and fell out of his chair. "Where'd you come from?"
"Magic," Yesung cackled, mysteriously disappearing into thin air. Kangin took a deep breath - remember the anger management therapies - rubbed his temples, counted to ten, inquired:
"So, who's in the second category?"
Ryeowook thought for a moment. "You, Shindong-hyung, Kibum, and quite possibly Hankyung-hyung; mainly the ones who will fail miserably if they try to dress as a woman. Meaning, unless you get a sex change, and maybe not even then, you'll never be mistaken for a woman. Rejoice."
Kanging squinted at him. "You said, maybe Hankyung-hyung. What do you mean, I'm uglier than he is?"
"Not ugly," Ryeowook corrected, popping open his can of Coke with a butter knife. "It's just that I think I should've stuck ge ge in the first category. The girly one."
Kangin brightened with interest. "Why?"
Ryeowook shuddered. "To make a long story short, around last week or so on this one Chinese show Hankyung-hyung had to reenact a scene from this one drama. He was suppose to chase a girl, telling her to come back. Which he did, no doubt about that...while dancing 'Super Girl.' And then they sort of stared at each other, and five seconds later the girl ended up chasing him as he literally skipped in a circle singing 'You can't catch me!"
Kangin twitched. "I will never look at hyung the same way again," he vowed shakily.
"Yeah, now you know how the rest of Super Junior M feels," Ryeowook muttered. Kangin gave him a sympathetic manly slap on the back and urged him to continue.
"And then you have people like Eeteuk-hyung, Yesung-hyung, and Donghae-hyung, who are kind of a mix of both. It's like they were born to drift inbetween genders, and can be mistaken as a feminine man or a masuline woman. Basically, they look like androgynous crossdressing sexual predators."
Ryeowook took a bite of his waffle, sipped his Coke, and continued: "Not that that's bad, per se. The good part about looking metrosexual is that Asian girls love us instead of those disgusting hairy ape-like Neanderthals popularized by the ignominious machismo western media."
Ryeowook's clean tablecloth met its demise at the end of a shower of lumpy oatmeal.
"Aww," Ryeowook protested, "that was my favorite one!"
"Just...surprised," Kangin choked out, eyes watering. "Go on. What about the last group?"
Ryeowook beamed a megawatt smile, nearly blinding Kangin with its sheer brightness. "That's where Kyuhyun and I come in. You see, we," he gave a sweeping bow, nearly knocking over his Coke can, "are the 'loli shota' type." At Kangin's blank expression he let out a sigh of despair at his hyung's ignorance and ducked the massive paw that came swinging at his head. "'Loli shota' is a Japanese term," Ryeowook explained. "Basically it means we're cute and adorable and everyone loves us."
"Someone's awfully full of himself."
"Not as much as Heechul-hyung."
Kangin nodded. That was true.
"I sense someone talking about me!" Heechul trilled, slinking into the kitchen. Kangin gave another yell of fright and clutched his heart. "So, my puppets, what were you discussing so intently that you didn't even notice me coming in?"
Ryeowook smirked; the sight of it somehow managed to give Kangin the feeling of impending doom, like when Sungmin had accidentally used Siwon's bible as a fly-swatter and ended up in the hospital for a week. (Siwon claimed that God had punished Sungmin for spurning His holy testaments, but everyone knew it was because Siwon had 'accidentally' pushed Sungmin into the traffic.)
"Kangin-hyung was just saying how you're so lucky how you've got it made in the girlfriend department because of your dashing good looks," Ryeowook replied smoothly.
"Oh, Kangin." Heechul laughed condescendingly. "Flattery will get you nowhere. You're still fat."
Kangin started turning red, as sure sign that someone was going to get hurt.
Ryeowook apparantly didn't want his kitchen to be trashed, because he quickly came to the rescue, even though he was the one who started it in the first place. "Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the gayest of us all?" He paused for a moment, as if he was pondering the answer. "Heechul-hyung!"
"WHAT?" Heechul bellowed.
"It's true though," Ryeowook protested. "You're too pretty for your own good, hyung."
Heechul picked up a frying pan and slapped his palm against the bottom. "Ryeowook," he said dangerously, "run."
Kangin snorted; Ryeowook had just made things even worse.
"Hankyung-hyung told me to never tell a lie!" Ryeowook yelped as Heechul chased him around the dining table. Kangin, deciding to help Ryeowook since he thought the fans probably didn't want the '13' to become '12,' stood bravely in the path of the rampaging princess, cried "Halt!", and screeched as he was run over and left for dead.
Ryeowook looked behind him and sped up; but his shorter legs were a rather unfair disadvantage and less than a second before Heechul's grasping hands reached Ryeowook throat, Kangin made a startling recovery to leap upon Heechul, stuff him in a small, compacted space, and, along with Ryeowook, dash upstairs and hide under Eeteuk's bed.
Two days after the whole fiasco Donghae opened the refrigerator for a midnight snack, saw a gagged and bound Heechul staring back at him, and was later found attempting to tip the fridge from the top of a eight-story building while screaming how aliens have invaded Wookie's kitchen.
*