Roswell/Sliders Fic: Inside Out (1/1, spoof)
Author: X_tremeroswellian
Email: faithboscorelli1@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to Melinda Metz, Jason Katims, and Tracey Torme. Please don't sue me.
Rating: R for language and violence and slight sexual content
Spoilers: All for Sliders and all for the entire first season of Roswell, including the person who you catch a glimpse of in the previews for "Crazy" whose name starts with the letter T...and it's NOT Topolski.
Author's Note: Yeah, this isn't my usual story. Those of you who have read my stuff know that everything else I've written has been on the serious side, and I had a bit of writer's block on a couple of my ongoing fics, so I was inspired by a upcoming fic challenge from my friend Majik Karma and her pals at their site "The Arena." The challenge of the fic was basically to make up something really stupid with no real point that didn't make a lot of sense, so I did...
Warning: Those of you who like Maggie Beckett from Sliders or have a thing about not bashing Tess from Roswell, bail out now, cause this gets pretty ugly for them...Please don't read this if you like them, or if you go ahead and read it, don't flame me because I DID warn you...
Info on Sliders: Quinn, Remmy, Wade and Maggie are what is known as Sliders--they open a vortex using a timer that Quinn created to "slide" between parallel dimensions, trying to find their "home" world that they lost the coordinates to the first time that Quinn, Remmy, Wade and Professor Arturo slid in the Pilot of Sliders. Wade and Quinn had a sort-of relationship off and on through first and second season, and then third season...well, we won't talk about third season too much. All you need to know is that Professor Arturo was killed in a 3rd season episode and Maggie Beckett started sliding in his place, and she and Wade basically hated each other and when Maggie first came on the show, she was a really, really mean person...Oh, and the guy who played Quinn Mallory is Jerry O'Connell, who played in Scream 2, Mission to Mars, and a few others. Maggie is played by Kari Wurher (I may have spelled this wrong), she played in Anaconda, and a couple of others. Wade was played by Sabrina Lloyd, who is now on "Sports Night." Rembrandt is played by Cleveant Derricks and he played on a few episodes of "Roseanne."
Dedication: For Mel, fellow Maggie-Tess hater. :)
Inside Out
"Hey, Liz!" Maria shouted, staring out the front window of the Crashdown Cafe.
"What?" Liz grumbled, glaring at Max and Tess cuddled up together in a nearby booth.
"You might wanna come here! Like now!"
Liz hurried over to the window and looked out, staring at the swirling blue light in the air. "What the hell is that?"
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Quinn Mallory tumbled out of the vortex and landed on the sidewalk, barely able to roll out of the way before his sliding companions dropped into his place.
"Man, I miss the professor!" Rembrandt Brown exclaimed, rubbing his sore behind as he stood up.
Maggie glared at him. "And that's my fault?"
Wade glared at Maggie. "Actually, yeah. The writers only brought you on the show because they thought your blow-up boobs would get hormonal teenage boys to watch the show and boost its ratings!"
"Writers? What writers?" Maggie asked in confusion.
"Guys, we have company," Quinn said as he glanced at the front entrance of the Crashdown Cafe and noticed the two teen girls standing there, watching them.
"Oh, great," Maggie said sarcastically.
Quinn smiled at the girls. "I bet I can convince them not to say anything."
Wade rolled her eyes. "Great. As if ONE chick of the week isn't enough, now you have to have TWO."
"Is it just me or has Wade gotten rather whiny lately?" Maggie demanded.
"Only since you came on the show," Wade retorted.
"Uh, guys. Company, remember?" Remmy reminded them, nodding towards the cafe.
"Right," Quinn agreed. He lead the way to the door and stepped inside, glancing around at all the fake alien paraphenalia. He shook his head to clear his mind and turned to face the girls. "Uh, hi."
The girls exchanged a look. "Is that him?" Maria whispered, glancing at Liz.
Liz shrugged. "You're the one who saw Scream 2 three thousand times."
"Not three thousand," she said definsively. "Thirteen." The girls stared at him. "Excuse me, sir, are you Jerry O'Connell?"
Quinn frowned. "No. Who's that?"
"Nevermind," Maria said quickly.
"Can I get you a table?" Liz asked.
"Uh, actually, I was hoping that since I was so cute and everything, if you wouldn't mind not telling anyone how we got here."
"Subtle, Q-Ball. Very subtle," Remmy commented.
"Speaking of here, where are we?" Wade asked, glancing around.
Liz and Maria exchanged amused looks. "You're not from around here, are you?" Liz asked, studying them.
"No....We're from...Czechoslovakia," Quinn said, naming the first place he thought of.
Maria's eyes widened. "Oh, my God, Lizzie! They're Czechoslovakians!"
Quinn frowned in confusion. "Where are we again?"
"Roswell, New Mexico," Liz answered, staring at him.
"How the hell did we end up in New Mexico? I thought we could only land between L.A. and San Fransisco," Maggie complained.
"God damned stupid ass third season timer!" Wade shouted, stomping her foot.
"Uh, do you guys need a table?" Liz asked again.
"Sure. Fine. Whatever," Quinn agreed. He sat down at a booth and Maggie slid in next to him, getting as close as possible. Wade glared at her as she sat down across from them next to Rembrandt.
"What can I get you?"
"Uh, your names to start with," Quinn said, smiling at her.
Liz rolled her eyes at his obvious flirting. "Liz Parker and Maria DeLuca."
"I'm Quinn Mallory, this is Maggie Beckett, Rembrandt Brown and Wade Wells."
"So, you're really Czechoslovakians?" Maria asked, staring at him.
"Yep."
"Can I get you something to drink?" Liz asked.
"Cherry cola," all four of them answered at once.
Liz and Maria exchanged a glance. "Four cherry colas coming right up."
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Michael Guerin walked into the Crashdown and stretched his arms above his head. He slid into the seat across from Max and Tess. Tess was drooling all over Max, who just sat staring at Liz and looking uncomfortable.
Maria hurried over. "Oh, my God!" she whispered, taking a deep breath of the cedar oil she held under her nose. "Czechoslovakian alert!"
Michael frowned. "What?"
"Those four." Maria pointed to the sliders.
Michael turned to look and his gaze fixed on Maggie. "Didn't she die in Anaconda?"
"I don't know, but I don't like her. She gives me bad vibes."
"Who doesn't?"
She glared at Michael. "They're not from around here either, E.T.!"
Michael blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"Do I have to spell it out for you?" Maria demanded. Then she turned her attention to Max and Tess. "And do you have to do that here?" She motioned to the puddle of Tess's drool on the table.
Tess stared at her with wide eyes. "Do what?"
Maria looked ready to kill her when Liz walked over. "Maria, can you grab those other two cherry colas?"
Throwing another murderous glance at Tess and Max, Maria flounced away to get the glasses.
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Liz set a cherry cola in front of Wade and one in front of Remmy. "Can I get you guys anything else?"
"Yeah, a gun would be nice right about now," Wade said, scowling at Maggie, who was batting her eyelashes at Quinn.
Liz looked at her sympathetically. "Let me guess. You're in love with a guy and he's a stupid, insensitive jerk."
"You, too?" Wade asked in surprise.
Liz motioned to Tess and Max. "And don't you just love how they insist on flaunting it in front of you?"
"Totally. Men are so, so--" Wade searched for the word.
"Infuriating?" Maggie supplied.
Liz and Wade both glared at her. "Shut up, Maggie!" they said in unison.
"Male bashing again, Parker?" Alex asked from behind her.
Liz turned and grinned at him. "Only the ones who deserve it." She shot a glance at Quinn and then a glare at Max, who looked back at her with confusion.
"Ah," Alex said in understanding. He looked around. "So where's the third of our trio of pod squad friends?"
"Beats me," Liz said with a shrug.
Just then, Isabel appeared from out of nowhere. "What the hell?" Alex said in shock.
"Guys! Guess what I learned to do! I can beam myself anywhere just by thinking about it!" Isabel cried in excitement. She grabbed Alex and kissed him on the lips as everyone stared in shock.
"What was that for?" he asked.
She smiled. "Because you're you."
"Wow. Um, thanks, Isabel," Alex said shyly.
"Are you two flirting? God, COULD my life get any worse?" Maria and Michael said at the same time. They stared at one another. "That was freaky!" they said in unison, looking horrified. "Stop it!" they cried.
"Hello! You are in the presence of Maggie Beckett here! Attention to me please!" Maggie whined.
Wade glared at her for the hundreth time in ten minutes. "I'll show you attention." She picked up her glass of cherry cola and dumped it onto Maggie's head.
"No!" Maggie wailed as she melted into a puddle on the booth.
Wade's mouth dropped open. "Holy shit!"
"She's dead," Michael commented.
"No, I meant if I knew it was that easy to get rid of her, I would have done it when we were filiming 'Exodus.'"
"'Exodus?' Huh?" Remmy said in confusion.
"You know, that episode where John Rhys Davies' character got killed off and the executive producers got Kari to replace him," Wade said impatiently.
Quinn and Remmy exchanged a look and both shrugged. Quinn glanced at the puddle and quickly stood up. "I don't know, but that's disgusting." He moved out of the booth.
Wade stood up and began dancing around singing, "Ding Dong the Bitch is Dead."
Liz couldn't stop the evil smile from creeping up on her face as she grabbed Maggie's half-drank glass of cherry cola and hurled the contents at Tess, who shrieked loudly and leapt to her feet. "What the hell was that for?" Tess demanded.
Liz shrugged. "Can't blame a girl for trying."
"You stupid little--" Tess sprang towards Liz, but Wade hit her over the head with a napkin dispenser and she fell to the ground dead.
"Oh, my God, you killed Tess," Michael said with disinterest.
"You bastard," Maria added. "Anyway," she said as she turned back to Michael. "Weren't we fighting about something?"
"Actually, I think we were getting ready to make out."
"Oh. Okay," she agreed as she sat down on his lap.
"Wow! Thanks for killing her!" Liz exclaimed, smiling brightly at Wade.
"Us women have to stick together or we get sent to breeding camps later," Wade said, smiling back at her. She looked at Quinn, and then at Max, who both stood up and decided to do something besides look good. Quinn kissed Wade.
Max stared into Liz's eyes. "I'm sorry I was so stupid."
Liz smiled at him. "You're forgiven."
"Good, because I love you, Liz."
"Ditto," she whispered back as she kissed him.
The End
Email: faithboscorelli1@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to Melinda Metz, Jason Katims, and Tracey Torme. Please don't sue me.
Rating: R for language and violence and slight sexual content
Spoilers: All for Sliders and all for the entire first season of Roswell, including the person who you catch a glimpse of in the previews for "Crazy" whose name starts with the letter T...and it's NOT Topolski.
Author's Note: Yeah, this isn't my usual story. Those of you who have read my stuff know that everything else I've written has been on the serious side, and I had a bit of writer's block on a couple of my ongoing fics, so I was inspired by a upcoming fic challenge from my friend Majik Karma and her pals at their site "The Arena." The challenge of the fic was basically to make up something really stupid with no real point that didn't make a lot of sense, so I did...
Warning: Those of you who like Maggie Beckett from Sliders or have a thing about not bashing Tess from Roswell, bail out now, cause this gets pretty ugly for them...Please don't read this if you like them, or if you go ahead and read it, don't flame me because I DID warn you...
Info on Sliders: Quinn, Remmy, Wade and Maggie are what is known as Sliders--they open a vortex using a timer that Quinn created to "slide" between parallel dimensions, trying to find their "home" world that they lost the coordinates to the first time that Quinn, Remmy, Wade and Professor Arturo slid in the Pilot of Sliders. Wade and Quinn had a sort-of relationship off and on through first and second season, and then third season...well, we won't talk about third season too much. All you need to know is that Professor Arturo was killed in a 3rd season episode and Maggie Beckett started sliding in his place, and she and Wade basically hated each other and when Maggie first came on the show, she was a really, really mean person...Oh, and the guy who played Quinn Mallory is Jerry O'Connell, who played in Scream 2, Mission to Mars, and a few others. Maggie is played by Kari Wurher (I may have spelled this wrong), she played in Anaconda, and a couple of others. Wade was played by Sabrina Lloyd, who is now on "Sports Night." Rembrandt is played by Cleveant Derricks and he played on a few episodes of "Roseanne."
Dedication: For Mel, fellow Maggie-Tess hater. :)
Inside Out
"Hey, Liz!" Maria shouted, staring out the front window of the Crashdown Cafe.
"What?" Liz grumbled, glaring at Max and Tess cuddled up together in a nearby booth.
"You might wanna come here! Like now!"
Liz hurried over to the window and looked out, staring at the swirling blue light in the air. "What the hell is that?"
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Quinn Mallory tumbled out of the vortex and landed on the sidewalk, barely able to roll out of the way before his sliding companions dropped into his place.
"Man, I miss the professor!" Rembrandt Brown exclaimed, rubbing his sore behind as he stood up.
Maggie glared at him. "And that's my fault?"
Wade glared at Maggie. "Actually, yeah. The writers only brought you on the show because they thought your blow-up boobs would get hormonal teenage boys to watch the show and boost its ratings!"
"Writers? What writers?" Maggie asked in confusion.
"Guys, we have company," Quinn said as he glanced at the front entrance of the Crashdown Cafe and noticed the two teen girls standing there, watching them.
"Oh, great," Maggie said sarcastically.
Quinn smiled at the girls. "I bet I can convince them not to say anything."
Wade rolled her eyes. "Great. As if ONE chick of the week isn't enough, now you have to have TWO."
"Is it just me or has Wade gotten rather whiny lately?" Maggie demanded.
"Only since you came on the show," Wade retorted.
"Uh, guys. Company, remember?" Remmy reminded them, nodding towards the cafe.
"Right," Quinn agreed. He lead the way to the door and stepped inside, glancing around at all the fake alien paraphenalia. He shook his head to clear his mind and turned to face the girls. "Uh, hi."
The girls exchanged a look. "Is that him?" Maria whispered, glancing at Liz.
Liz shrugged. "You're the one who saw Scream 2 three thousand times."
"Not three thousand," she said definsively. "Thirteen." The girls stared at him. "Excuse me, sir, are you Jerry O'Connell?"
Quinn frowned. "No. Who's that?"
"Nevermind," Maria said quickly.
"Can I get you a table?" Liz asked.
"Uh, actually, I was hoping that since I was so cute and everything, if you wouldn't mind not telling anyone how we got here."
"Subtle, Q-Ball. Very subtle," Remmy commented.
"Speaking of here, where are we?" Wade asked, glancing around.
Liz and Maria exchanged amused looks. "You're not from around here, are you?" Liz asked, studying them.
"No....We're from...Czechoslovakia," Quinn said, naming the first place he thought of.
Maria's eyes widened. "Oh, my God, Lizzie! They're Czechoslovakians!"
Quinn frowned in confusion. "Where are we again?"
"Roswell, New Mexico," Liz answered, staring at him.
"How the hell did we end up in New Mexico? I thought we could only land between L.A. and San Fransisco," Maggie complained.
"God damned stupid ass third season timer!" Wade shouted, stomping her foot.
"Uh, do you guys need a table?" Liz asked again.
"Sure. Fine. Whatever," Quinn agreed. He sat down at a booth and Maggie slid in next to him, getting as close as possible. Wade glared at her as she sat down across from them next to Rembrandt.
"What can I get you?"
"Uh, your names to start with," Quinn said, smiling at her.
Liz rolled her eyes at his obvious flirting. "Liz Parker and Maria DeLuca."
"I'm Quinn Mallory, this is Maggie Beckett, Rembrandt Brown and Wade Wells."
"So, you're really Czechoslovakians?" Maria asked, staring at him.
"Yep."
"Can I get you something to drink?" Liz asked.
"Cherry cola," all four of them answered at once.
Liz and Maria exchanged a glance. "Four cherry colas coming right up."
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Michael Guerin walked into the Crashdown and stretched his arms above his head. He slid into the seat across from Max and Tess. Tess was drooling all over Max, who just sat staring at Liz and looking uncomfortable.
Maria hurried over. "Oh, my God!" she whispered, taking a deep breath of the cedar oil she held under her nose. "Czechoslovakian alert!"
Michael frowned. "What?"
"Those four." Maria pointed to the sliders.
Michael turned to look and his gaze fixed on Maggie. "Didn't she die in Anaconda?"
"I don't know, but I don't like her. She gives me bad vibes."
"Who doesn't?"
She glared at Michael. "They're not from around here either, E.T.!"
Michael blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"Do I have to spell it out for you?" Maria demanded. Then she turned her attention to Max and Tess. "And do you have to do that here?" She motioned to the puddle of Tess's drool on the table.
Tess stared at her with wide eyes. "Do what?"
Maria looked ready to kill her when Liz walked over. "Maria, can you grab those other two cherry colas?"
Throwing another murderous glance at Tess and Max, Maria flounced away to get the glasses.
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Liz set a cherry cola in front of Wade and one in front of Remmy. "Can I get you guys anything else?"
"Yeah, a gun would be nice right about now," Wade said, scowling at Maggie, who was batting her eyelashes at Quinn.
Liz looked at her sympathetically. "Let me guess. You're in love with a guy and he's a stupid, insensitive jerk."
"You, too?" Wade asked in surprise.
Liz motioned to Tess and Max. "And don't you just love how they insist on flaunting it in front of you?"
"Totally. Men are so, so--" Wade searched for the word.
"Infuriating?" Maggie supplied.
Liz and Wade both glared at her. "Shut up, Maggie!" they said in unison.
"Male bashing again, Parker?" Alex asked from behind her.
Liz turned and grinned at him. "Only the ones who deserve it." She shot a glance at Quinn and then a glare at Max, who looked back at her with confusion.
"Ah," Alex said in understanding. He looked around. "So where's the third of our trio of pod squad friends?"
"Beats me," Liz said with a shrug.
Just then, Isabel appeared from out of nowhere. "What the hell?" Alex said in shock.
"Guys! Guess what I learned to do! I can beam myself anywhere just by thinking about it!" Isabel cried in excitement. She grabbed Alex and kissed him on the lips as everyone stared in shock.
"What was that for?" he asked.
She smiled. "Because you're you."
"Wow. Um, thanks, Isabel," Alex said shyly.
"Are you two flirting? God, COULD my life get any worse?" Maria and Michael said at the same time. They stared at one another. "That was freaky!" they said in unison, looking horrified. "Stop it!" they cried.
"Hello! You are in the presence of Maggie Beckett here! Attention to me please!" Maggie whined.
Wade glared at her for the hundreth time in ten minutes. "I'll show you attention." She picked up her glass of cherry cola and dumped it onto Maggie's head.
"No!" Maggie wailed as she melted into a puddle on the booth.
Wade's mouth dropped open. "Holy shit!"
"She's dead," Michael commented.
"No, I meant if I knew it was that easy to get rid of her, I would have done it when we were filiming 'Exodus.'"
"'Exodus?' Huh?" Remmy said in confusion.
"You know, that episode where John Rhys Davies' character got killed off and the executive producers got Kari to replace him," Wade said impatiently.
Quinn and Remmy exchanged a look and both shrugged. Quinn glanced at the puddle and quickly stood up. "I don't know, but that's disgusting." He moved out of the booth.
Wade stood up and began dancing around singing, "Ding Dong the Bitch is Dead."
Liz couldn't stop the evil smile from creeping up on her face as she grabbed Maggie's half-drank glass of cherry cola and hurled the contents at Tess, who shrieked loudly and leapt to her feet. "What the hell was that for?" Tess demanded.
Liz shrugged. "Can't blame a girl for trying."
"You stupid little--" Tess sprang towards Liz, but Wade hit her over the head with a napkin dispenser and she fell to the ground dead.
"Oh, my God, you killed Tess," Michael said with disinterest.
"You bastard," Maria added. "Anyway," she said as she turned back to Michael. "Weren't we fighting about something?"
"Actually, I think we were getting ready to make out."
"Oh. Okay," she agreed as she sat down on his lap.
"Wow! Thanks for killing her!" Liz exclaimed, smiling brightly at Wade.
"Us women have to stick together or we get sent to breeding camps later," Wade said, smiling back at her. She looked at Quinn, and then at Max, who both stood up and decided to do something besides look good. Quinn kissed Wade.
Max stared into Liz's eyes. "I'm sorry I was so stupid."
Liz smiled at him. "You're forgiven."
"Good, because I love you, Liz."
"Ditto," she whispered back as she kissed him.
The End