I have gotten very good at digging myself out of a hole and doing things that make me happy. I have learned over the years how to make myself happy when I need to. But it isn't the same as the other kind of happy that comes from spending time with someone you think loves you, it's not the same kind of happy as intimacy and blind stupid love at all. And that's one of my favorite kinds of happy and I miss it terribly, just as a sensation and experience, even more than I miss anyone who's ever contributed to its existence in my life. The people in your past are in your past for a reason, but that doesn't change that you liked how you felt when you were with them.
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