thoughts...
So I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not too happy with my life these days. I mean...don't get me wrong, I've had a lot of fun and done a lot of stuff over these past few years...but what do I really have to show for myself? I'm unhappily single, I'm jobless, I don't go to school or anything...its gaytarted. I hate the fact that I can't find a girl that actually likes me other than a friend. Its what I always am because of who I am. I mean, I like that I can be friends with pretty much anyone I meet...but I want and need more than that. I've found myself thinking a lot about destiny. Not necessarily her, but more like what I had with her. I miss having someone to hold and cuddle with...someone to kiss on the forehead just because I can...someone to walk around with holding hands..waking up to someone next to me...I miss it all, and I want it all again...but I feel like I'm never going to be able to find it again. I fell in love with a girl who is now my best friend, and that's what its always going to be, and that depresses me. It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't so perfect for me...I mean, she is literally my best friend...we do everything together, and I can just be myself around her without feeling stupid. Yes, I've given up on her...but whenever I find a new girl I like, I just think to myself "...its not as good as being with michelle" and I just kinda lose hope. Anyways...I've also been thinking about going back to school. I'd need to get my high school diploma or GED first, but I dunno if I really want to. I don't even know what I would go to school for. Nothing really sparks my interest besides music...and I can't really go to school for that. I mean...I can go for like music enginering and producing and shit like that, but its not what I want to do. That's another thing that bothers me...I kind even find any good musicians to start a band with. Everyone likes such shitty music these days, and that's all they want to play. And unfortunately, I'm pretty image racist...which means I can't be in a metal band with people with short hair...or tight pants...or emo hair...or just look stupid haha. I'm too damn picky when it comes to my music, and if it can't be perfect, I don't really want to do it. I dunno...I guess I'm done rambling. Thanks to anyone who actually cares enough to read all of this haha.
Evily Yours,
Andrew