[#60] Hearts Racing
Title: Hearts Racing
Prompt: #60
Author: Anonymous
Pairing(s): suho x girl!sehun; chanyeol x girl!baekhyun
Rating: PG
Genre (s): romance, college!au
Length: 7.6k
Summary: sehun’s tired of being an introvert. she wants someone to call her own, but she’s always afraid of saying the wrong things, so she doesn’t say much. but when joonmyeon comes into play, she just doesn’t know what to do anymore.
Disclaimers: lapsock
Author’s note: i’m not sure if i did justice to this prompt and fic. i hope I portrayed a shy!sehun in the right way and hope that it’s up to par. also, i hope that the letters were enough ;; thank you for this absolutely beautiful prompt and for giving me an opportunity to write.
sehun's tired. she's just so tired of being an introvert but that's her. she doesn't like being afraid of what people think of her. she doesn't like having to think twice before speaking. she doesn't like being called the quietest person in class because she's not. she does talk. she talks to jongin, and baekhyun, and chanyeol, and- and, no one else. but hey, three people to share secrets with is good enough. still, she doesn't like not being able to talk to anyone and everyone, because that's what jongdae, the class jock, is very much like, and she wants to be like him. she wants to know what it's like to say everything that comes to mind without mulling over it. but that's not her personality, and unfortunately, her personality tags along everywhere she goes.
☆
sehun awakes with a start and looks up, clearly disoriented and confused. her eyelids still feel heavy and it doesn't help that she's staring at pages and pages of words. what- oh. oh, she had fallen asleep while studying. sehun groans, running her fingers through her just-dyed brown hair. it definitely wasn't a good idea trying to stay up to study, sehun concludes as she leans back. her neck aches. and it doesn't help that her back feels stiff from the chair she had been sleeping on.
her phone rings, startling her out of her daze and she realises belatedly that it's already eight in the morning. she has her first class at nine. nine. she stares at a blank space in front of her before launching into a complete panic attack. she's still in the library! it takes her ten minutes to walk back to the dorm. another fifteen to her lecture. she hasn't taken a bath, she hasn't thought through what to wear and she hasn't gotten ready. she isn't ready for the day. sehun considers skipping classes but she's already lagging behind and she's already failed a few tests.
so oh sehun makes the noble decision of going for class.
even if it means looking a wreck. with that thought in mind, she gathers all her loose papers, stuffs them into her kanken and bolts. who cares about being tidy if it means being late for classes.
☆
but evidently, today isn’t oh sehun's lucky day. she gets to class five minutes early, which is a relief but the lecture hall’s already filled so she has to walk up all the way to the back. she doesn’t particularly enjoy sitting at the back because that means that she can’t see, even if she has her glasses on. but she doesn’t have any other choice. sighing, she walks up to the nearest seat available and slips into the chair as the lecturer starts on his topic. but that’s not the only thing in her way today. belatedly, she realises the person beside her is wu yifan, undoubtedly the most popular guy in school. and he’s falling asleep. he had been admitted into the college based on his skills in basketball, not so much on academics, and oh sehun now knows why. it hasn’t been ten minutes into the lecture and he’s already nodding off. his neck is tilted at an angle that looks like it’s too much to be comfortable. he’s asleep anyway. his eyelids are half closed and sehun swears she can hear a soft snoring from him. she doesn’t understand why he’s supposedly the hottest guy on campus when his sleeping face looks atrocious. she just doesn’t.
forty-five minutes later and sehun has a heavy weight on her shoulder. she can’t shake it off because it’s not a figurative weight. she’s learnt how to deal with her just-passes and failures in college, but not this. yifan’s head is situated on her bony shoulder because he apparently doesn’t understand the meaning of personal space. well, at least not while he’s sleeping. but sehun’s body works against her mind because her heart is palpitating wildly against her chest and she swears that everyone can hear it. she’s not used to this kind of skinship, not even with jongin or chanyeol. she’s so, so uncomfortable. but she’s too shy to nudge wu yifan awake and she tries to fight down the blush threatening to rise up to her cheeks. wait, what? she doesn’t even like yifan. but her body is obviously reacting to the foreign feeling and suddenly, she can’t wait till class is over.
however, her dorm-time with her three best friends doesn’t come as quickly as she expected it to. she had attended all her classes already, and is ready to jump into the fluffy embrace of her bed. she’s most definitely exhausted and wants to take a quick nap before launching into another busy night of working. but her phone pings and alerts her of a notification.
[15:36pm] sehun, could i see you for a while outside the staff lounge?
and sehun wishes she had set her phone on silent for the other day. but the text is already opened and her teacher can definitely see that she’s already opened the message, so sehun has no choice but to comply. she sends a quick reply to her teacher and hurries in the direction of the lounge. the faster she gets there, the faster she gets to go back, right?
☆
the words that flow out of her teacher’s mouth has sehun stunned. her mind is processing the words quickly but sehun finds herself still staring at her teacher in disbelief. a tutor. she needs a tutor. according to her teacher, ms do, she’s doing exceptionally well at failing. wonderful. sehun thinks ms do should cut down on trying to make sarcastic remarks about her students’ grades. sehun can’t help it if she doesn’t understand a word of math. functions? i can’t function, she thinks miserably.
so sehun has no choice but to comply yet again with ms do’s requests because in all seriousness, sehun isn’t understanding a word of math and she needs to pass the class badly. she has to stay in college. it’s a win-win situation, i guess, she says to herself on the way back to her dorm. ms do had informed her that she’d arrange for a tutor for her, who would contact sehun in a while. exciting. sehun tries to psych herself into thinking it’s a good idea. and it is. but sehun doesn’t particularly enjoy contact with a stranger. and she thinks that it’s because she fears being called out on her cluelessness towards math.
right, oh sehun. it’s a good stepping stone. you have to do it, anyway. she thinks with finality. she picks herself up, straightens her back and walks confidently because all is going well.
or so she thinks until it starts pouring midway.
☆
sehun’s a mess by the time she reaches back to the dorms. her books are thoroughly wet (hopefully salvageable) and her clothes soaked through. it doesn’t help that the wind is at its strongest, and makes her shiver uncontrollably. quickly tapping her card onto the reader, she hurries down the hallway towards her room, not wanting to be caught by anyone around. the moment she steps into her room, she crumbles onto the floor and slumps against the door, not caring about the wet carpet or door or floor. she doesn’t even care that she’s drenched too. she’s just too exhausted, heaving a sigh and closing her eyes for just a while.
“you look amazing,” a crisp voice remarks and suddenly, sehun’s hyper aware of the people around her. she looks like a deer in the headlights, looking up and scandalised, but oh it’s only byun baekhyun and her partner-in-crime park chanyeol. sehun gives her a blank stare and resumes her little nap. it doesn’t go so well because baekhyun’s dragging her into the bathroom where she “has to take a shower because her clothes has become transparent and chanyeol can’t resist people in little to no clothes”. it’s funny how baekhyun worries so much about chanyeol leaving because it’s painfully obvious to oh sehun how much chanyeol loves and adores his tiny girlfriend. and what kind of guy would like me anyway, sehun thinks.
minutes, or maybe hours later (sehun’s not very sure how long she spent in the shower, but it was long enough to make her skin wrinkly. like how i’m going to look in the future, she muses.), sehun finds herself sprawled across her bed, waiting to just drift off into dreamland where she’s confident and lovable and actually has someone interested in her. ah, how nice dreams are, she thinks. but there are still things that await oh sehun so she reluctantly pushes herself off the bed and trudges to the door where her books are still sitting, patiently waiting to get dried. tiredly, she glances at chanyeol and baekhyun who are modestly kissing and cuddling and sighs. great friends, she has. sehun clears her throat and the couple scramble off each other. so, they hadn’t heard her get out of the shower, interesting. baekhyun smiles sheepishly at the younger and slips off her bed to get to sehun’s books.
“so, what exactly happened?” baekhyun asks innocently and unlocks the door to sehun’s heart- or mouth. forgoing her books at the door again, sehun goes on into a rant on how bad her day was and recounts every single misfortune that befell her today. sehun huffs, concluding her story and watches as chanyeol inches nearer the two girls. he puts an arm around sehun and gives her a comforting hug and sehun relaxes into it, finding the warmth and comfort he needed. just for a while. chanyeol moves back towards baekhyun and murmurs that “everything’s gonna be fine” in that low, soothing voice of his and sehun feels slightly better. baekhyun offers sehun a kitkat bar and sehun devours it, hunger finally hitting her after the tiring day. sehun’s really glad that she has friends like chanyeol and baekhyun, who never fail to lift her spirits-
until baekhyun starts teasing her about the tutor issue. “oh sehun, i told you you needed my help.” she laughs, her mouth forming an adorable small rectangular shape, that sehun doesn’t like at the present moment. and it doesn’t help that baekhyun’s doing decently in math whilst sehun is failing. “i,” baekhyun heaves, clutching her stomach. she takes a deep breath to stop herself from laughing before continuing. “you-” she laughs again. “a math tutor!” baekhyun barks with laughter and sehun decides there and then that no, baekhyun isn’t a great friend. chanyeol’s good, he’s not laughing and he’s trying to stop baekhyun, sehun observes. but then park chanyeol decides that sehun having to get a tutor is the joke of the year and bursts out laughing as well. so much for best friends, sehun notes dryly, waiting for her two friends to calm down from their high. chanyeol composes himself and takes a look at sehun, only to double over in hysteria again. sehun wonders what she did to deserve baekhyun and chanyeol of friends. she must’ve done something really bad. something really, really bad.
so finally, their laughter dies down, right on time to hear sehun’s phone to ring. it’s a message but from an unknown number. sehun has a feeling she knows who it’s from and why. from the smirks baekhyun and chanyeol are sporting, sehun’s sure they know too.
[17:47pm] hi! this is joonmyeon, your new tutor! (≧∀≦) i heard from ms do that you need some tutoring on math and i’d love to help! just tell me when you’re free and we’ll meet somewhere?
sehun feels her cheeks start to dust a bright pink from just the message alone and ugh. it’s really annoying that she’s shy. what should she reply? how should she reply? should she reply with an emoticon too? sehun’s at a loss and doesn’t realise the two peering over her shoulder at the message. baekhyun’s high-pitched squeal jolts sehun back to reality and sehun’s head snaps backwards, locking her phone on habit. “what,” she says sharply, staring at the two who have wide grins plastered on their faces. suddenly, sehun’s scared. “nothing,” chanyeol says, glancing at baekhyun with a knowing look before leaving the room with the excuse of having to get back before curfew. right, curfew. it’s not even six, sehun thinks.
if sehun was scared earlier about the tutoring, she’s absolutely terrified now.
☆
the next morning, sehun wakes up to baekhyun snoring from above her and realises belatedly that it’s the weekend. she should be relieved but that means that she has more chances for tutoring sessions, and suddenly the weekend doesn’t sound as enticing as it had. reaching out to the table beside her bed, she takes her phone and slips back under the covers. she would like to have at least a good morning before getting down to work. she’s ready to click on the YouTube application to indulge herself for just a moment, until she spots the little orange bubble on top of her messages application and she freezes there for a moment. in her rush to dry her books the day before, she had completely forgotten to get around replying joonmyeon.
she pauses for longer than she would have for messages from baekhyun, or chanyeol, or even jongin. but this is joonmyeon, and she allows herself to panic again for a while. she contemplates whether or not to reply, especially this early on a saturday morning, and decides against it. joonmyeon could very well be sleeping, she explains to herself. with that, she goes to her video, where she watches jin from bts eat food and she feels great already. but halfway through, a wave of guilt overcomes her and she hovers yet again over the message. to answer or not to answer, she asks herself. and that’s the most difficult decision she’s had to make the entire week. even what to eat every lunch can’t beat it.
[9.15am] hello!!
sehun shakes her head and deletes that message. she can’t seem too eager. hi. she types, and backspaces again, turning on her side because this is hard. she hates being shy.
[9.18am] hello, im oh sehun!!
sehun’s kind of satisfied with the starting of the message, and that’s supposedly always the most difficult part of the text, right? wrong. every other part after that is just as hard and sehun just wishes she had just slept in. would joonmyeon already know she’s sehun? would it be redundant to introduce herself? should she just answer his questions? would that make it a purely tutor-student relationship? sehun groans and buries her head into her pillow. why is her life so difficult?
nearly ten minutes later, sehun manages to finish her last sentence and presses send before she can rethink it any longer. she just wants to get it sent so that she doesn’t have to mull over it anymore. she hopes that joonmyeon doesn’t find her weird though.
[9.33am] hello, i’m oh sehun! c: i’ll be free most of the week, so you could just tell me when you’re free? thanks for being willing to tutor me ;;
sehun doesn’t feel like watching anymore eatjin videos anymore, so she slips out of bed and into her chair. if she isn’t going to watch anything, might as well be productive for the day, right? the tall girl ties her hair into a messy ponytail and gets to work. she grabs her higher level math textbook from the stack of notes at the side of her table and opens it, expecting pages and pages of equations, and maybe some smudge marks. after all, it had gotten drenched in the rain the day before. but what comes into sight is a white envelope that sehun doesn’t remember putting there at all.
oh sehun, it writes on the front. the black ink has smudged just a little in the front from the rain, but otherwise, it’s clear. it’s most definitely addressed to sehun so she opens it.
you’re actually super cute, so don’t be too shy. exams are coming near again, so don’t forget to eat and sleep! it’s important to get good grades, but even more important to keep yourself healthy and well! don’t fall sick! - j
sehun actually lets out a soft yelp. horrified at the sound, she covers her mouth and snaps her head up at baekhyun’s bed. she’s lucky baekhyun’s a heavy sleeper and doesn’t usually wake up early on weekends. baekhyun can afford it anyway, since she’s just smart and doesn’t study much to get good grades. what sehun would do to get her brains. back to the happy problem at hand, sehun’s kind of getting creeped out. whoever j is, must know her from somewhere, but sehun goes for too many classes to pinpoint exactly who. this is the third note that she’s gotten in the past two weeks. the first was slipped into her locker, the second under her computer when she was in the library, and now the third, into her math textbook. whoever this person was, he was good.
she’s kind of confused, though, because never in her life, would she have thought that she would have a secret admirer. she’s quiet, mostly keeping to herself and her social circle isn’t exactly huge. she only really has baek, chanyeol and jongin, no one else. it surprises her, but she can’t deny that she likes the attention. she likes that someone actually has an interest in her, even if he might be a little weird. also, it pushes her to really buckle down to study and do well and make this mysterious person proud.
sehun feels her cheeks heat up just thinking about the note and fights it down before it gets worse, so she drowns herself in mathematical formulas and equations.
☆
[11.54am] cool! it’s great to meet you, sehuna! ʕ ·ᴥ·ʔ i’m free next monday in the afternoon, would that be a good time for you? and it’s no problem, really! teaching would make me understand math better too
[15.02am] monday would be great! should we meet in the library? or would the cafe be better? thanks again!
[15.59am] the cafe, at 5pm then! see you there, sehun!! (°ヮ°)
☆
and that’s how sehun finds herself heading in the direction of the cafe located in the campus compounds. her heart is pounding in her chest, blood pumping a million miles an hour. she can’t believe how fast the weekend passed. she looks down at her clothes and suddenly feels self-conscious. was what she was wearing too casual for a tutor session? or was it too over. before she knows it, sehun’s lapsing into another session of self-doubt. just an hour ago, she was mulling over what to wear and finally decided on a pastel-blue pullover and a pair of shorts. plain, comfy, and hopefully not too casual. sehun supposes it’s better to show this side of her instead of trying to fake anything, right?
she’s ten minutes early when she reaches the cafe, and thankfully, it’s not too crowded, so joonmyeon would be able to pick her out easily. she orders a coffee at the counter before settling down at one of the booth seats, arranging her books so that she wouldn’t have to frantically look for things when joonmyeon’s around. it wouldn’t be a very good first impression. sehun takes out her pencil case, and for the first time since she’s bought it, stares at it, hard. previously, she had had no qualms about bringing it around but- but would joonmyeon say anything about it? he probably wouldn’t- but would he think anything about it? her pencil case is a fluffy white version of baymax, from big hero 6, and suddenly, sehun feels like it makes her look slightly childish. she puts it on the table, takes it off, then puts it back on again. i’ll just leave it there because i have to use my pens anyway, she rationalises and starts on her math notes. she doesn’t want to have to think about her appearance anymore.
apparently, she falls deep into the world of mathematics because she doesn’t notice a guy approaching her table until he taps on her shoulder. “sehun?” a deep, smooth and crisp voice asks, and sehun looks up. oh shit, sehun almosts blurts, but thankfully keeps it to herself. that would’ve been embarrassing. she’s mesmerised at first sight. her heart is ricocheting from her chest. his innocent face, coupled with bright eyes and a thin nose and plump lips, and a great body- sehun shakes herself out of it nodding frantically. had she replied too slowly. “y-yeah. i’m sehun,” she says quietly, motioning to the seat opposite her for joonmyeon to sit. “you’re joonmyeon?”
sehun curses herself for having such a high-pitched voice, and she has never been so embarrassed in her entire life. her voice comes out as a squeak and sehun immediately wants this session to end already. she watches as joonmyeon slips into the seat opposite her, setting his things down as well and nodding to her question. his lips turn up into a more than just perfect smile and sehun feels herself melt again, there and then.
“i’m joonmyeon,” he confirms, beaming with his perfect lips and perfect teeth and perfect, flawless skin. “you’re friends with jongin, right?” he continues, conversationally, and sehun is mildly surprised that he bothered to start up a conversation topic with her. this time, she clears her throat and replies smartly. “mm, jongin’s a close friend of mine. you know him too?” joonmyeon gives a short hum as a confirmation. “he’s my roommate.” oh, jongin’s joonmyeon’s roommate. that’s fine with sehun, and interesting-
wait, what?
if joonmyeon’s roommates with jongin, then that means that they’ve seen each other before? sehun’s surprise is evidently obvious, because joonmyeon chuckles wordlessly at the girl’s expression and flips the pages of his textbook. “i’ll get a drink and come back, okay?” he says, more of a statement than anything. he doesn’t wait for an answer and slips out of the booth again, taking his wallet and handphone with him. this gives sehun a little time to pull herself together, but her mind is still reeling from the new information she’s gotten. she shouldn’t be worried that jongin’s his roommate, right? after all, jongin wouldn’t tell any of her secrets without her permission. or at least she hopes so.
joonmyeon comes back with a latte in hand, and smiles at her as he takes his seat again. sehun’s mostly calm and composed now, thanks to the long queue that kept joonmyeon at the counter for longer than usual. “shall we start?” he asks, taking out his own pencil case, which is a plain black. sehun notices it the moment it touches the table, and she glances at her own baymax case again. maybe she shouldn’t have taken it out. “this is cute,” joonmyeon comments, as if he knew exactly what sehun was thinking about. sehun looks up at the male, slightly startled and coughs. “o-oh, thanks.” she mutters, a light pink dusting her cheeks from the exchange. she doesn’t know why she’s acting that way, because she’s only just met joonmyeon. she’s not supposed to blush on the first meeting, but she does anyway.
“you need help in which topics?” joonmyeon questions kindly, imploring sehun to speak up. “integration,” she replies quietly, flipping to that chapter, and avoiding looking up at joonmyeon until absolutely necessary.
☆
“how was it?” baekhyun’s waiting eagerly near the door of their dorm, and immediately pounces on sehun the moment she steps into the room. sehun doesn’t even have time to put her books down before she’s seated on the couch, recounting every single moment of her encounter with joonmyeon. as much as she doesn’t show it, sehun’s actually relieved that she’s able to let it all out, to tell someone about it, and she’s glad it’s baekhyun, even if baekhyun’s a little too excited and loud sometimes. it’s just nice to have someone lift the mood for a while. and while sehun’s shy and introverted, baekhyun helps to bring out sehun’s more talkative side.
baekhyun squeals by the time sehun’s ended, starting to gush about kim joonmyeon and how he’s really hot. baekhyun has also seen jongin’s roommate before, but never really asked for his name. so, baekhyun and sehun are pleasantly surprised that joonmyeon and jongin are related.
what baekhyun doesn’t realise is that sehun has missed out an important piece of information that a slice of cake had been served to their table halfway through their session. sehun eyed it for a while, staring at the back of the barista that had placed it on their table. then she looked up at joonmyeon with a questioning look, but joonmyeon looked just as confused as her. is this yours, she asked and got a no in reply. then she realised a small slip of paper below the plate, and took it out. eat something while you study! you look amazing, while you’re so studious. keep up the good work! it read, and then it was signed off as j.
sehun’s still mildly confused about the situation, and while she and joonmyeon had split the cake into two, she didn’t know who it was from. j had obviously known where she was. sehun had tried to crane her neck for any schoolmate whose name started with a j but came back with nothing. but sehun pushes the incident to the back of her head, because she’s got a certain angel coming into mind and falls all over again.
as much as sehun doesn’t want to admit, joonmyeon’s a pretty good tutor, and by the end of the session, she found herself understanding concepts better - even those that had been completely foreign to her. sehun thinks that with joonmyeon, life’s suddenly getting better.
☆
a shrill ping breaks sehun out of her reverie, and staring back to her paper and math questions.
to: pcy, baek, sehuna
there’s a campus party going on tonight, you guys are going, right?
it’s from jongin and sehun laughs softly under her breath. jongin’s been raving about the party for the past few days, and had made all three of them promise to tag along with him. yeah, she types back and places her phone back on top of her stack of books at the side of her table. sehun looks back down at the paper and sighs. she doesn’t know where she left off from the working, and has to start all over again. she’s been zoning out frequently, thinking more and more about a certain male, and she doesn’t like it very much.
joonmyeon and sehun had met a couple times after the first tutoring session, both in the same cafe and library, and sehun finds herself learning more and more about joonmyeon and his antics. he looks like a proper, serious person, but she realises that there’s much more to him than just good grades and great looks. he’s funny, although his jokes are mostly dry, and he’s really, really, really nice. he’s thoughtful and interesting and humourous and everything sehun’s been looking for in a guy.
but sehun isn’t too sure if she’s been opening as much as him. she feels like a clam, slammed shut with no intentions of saying too much. she doesn’t give many replies, and doesn’t lapse into random conversations unless joonmyeon starts it. it’s not that she doesn’t want to let go, she does, but her mind just shuts off whenever he’s around and her mouth is just zipped shut. she doesn’t want to look too boring, or uninterested, but she feels like she’s coming across that way. she wants to change, she really does, but she just can’t.
☆
sehun’s finally dressed for the party that’s happening in an hour’s time, courtesy of byun baekhyun. her dark brown hair is lightly curled at the ends, unlike the normal straight that she usually has. she’s also donning a jet black dress that hugs her figure perfectly. she hasn’t dressed this way for a long time, but baekhyun had practically forced the younger into it, mentioning the fact that joonmyeon was also going to be there. and that was all it took for sehun to stop whining. baekhyun had chuckled, patted sehun’s face and walked out of the toilet.
jongin and chanyeol meet baekhyun and sehun right outside the female dorms and they look dressed up too, both in button-ups. after all, this party is considered the slightly formal kind, and they don’t want to look out of place. sehun looks around to see some other girls in similar clothes, and shifts uncomfortably in her own. does she have the figure to wear it? she’s not too sure, after seeing the rest. baekhyun squeezes sehun’s arm, as if she knows exactly what’s going on in sehun’s head, and gives her a reassuring smile. right, sehun thinks. if baekhyun chose it, it wouldn’t be that bad. she concludes with so much finality that she doesn’t think about it any longer.
until the time comes when she sees kim joonmyeon in all his perfection, and suddenly, she’s self-conscious again. but it doesn’t help her case when joonmyeon catches her eye, and smiles, a teasing lilt on his lips. a smile graces sehun’s lips in return, all while sehun’s mind goes wild. crap, he saw me. she thinks, and wants to dig a hole for her to bury herself into for the rest of her life. no one could look as amazing as joonmyeon, her mind concludes unconsciously as she watches him approach her with large steps. she feels herself wanting to hyperventilate, but she can’t because then she’d look ridiculous.
“hey,” he says in that low, deep voice of his. it’s a melodic sound, music to sehun’s ears, and even if she may hear it every single time they meet, she still loves it to the brim. it doesn’t it make it any easier that he looks stunning in his outfit. even if most of the guys at the party may be wearing the same thing, sehun knows he just stands out the most. sehun realises that there’s a small smirk pulling at the male’s face and widens her eyes. she hadn’t responded in time. “oh, oh hi.” she says in return, cursing herself internally for losing her mind again. in the deep recesses of her mind, she links this back to their first meeting and wants to laugh at the similarity of everything.
except that this time joonmyeon looks even better with his hair also styled up.
“you look beautiful,” he says in a gentle and genuine tone. sehun feels herself blushing, and looks down to the floor in slight embarrassment. “thanks,” she mumbles. “you look really good too.” and she’s not lying. “baekhyun picked it out,” she mentions after a long moment of silence. she just wanted to talk to him for longer. “really? it fits you well.” he comments, nodding. “do you wanna go get a drink?” joonmyeon looks flustered after saying that. “i- i mean. something to drink, not like- not like a drink. alcohol, no. i’m not asking for that.” sehun can’t help but giggle at joonmyeon’s slip. “yeah, i would.”
☆
“so, you and joonmyeon?” jongin questions with a hint of a smile on his face. the four of them, chanyeol, baekhyun, jongin and sehun are currently seated in the fast-food joint nearby as an after-party thing.
sehun gets caught unaware and widens her eyes, shaking her head frantically even though baekhyun’s looking at her with a knowing look in her eyes. “what about us?” she asks in retaliation.
“you’re... together?” jongin assumes, shrugging his shoulders and sipping on the diet coke he has in his hands. sehun creases her eyebrows and shakes her head again. she may like him more than she should, but she’s sure that it’s just a one-sided thing. joonmyeon could never like her. she’s dull and shy and just- not talkative enough to be interesting. but jongin thinks otherwise. “joonmyeon’s always talking about you,” he lets on, pausing to take another swig of his coke before continuing. “he gushes about you twenty-four seven, and no offence, it’s getting pretty frustrating. it sounds like he knows you more than i do, and that i see you everyday although i don’t”
this is new news to sehun and it shows when she stares shell-shocked at the redhead. jongin takes it as a good sign and continues to talk about joonmyeon. “he does, sehun. believe me. he keeps on mentioning that you don’t talk much, that you’re too cute, or shy, or anything. he can’t stop.” sehun’s now more than just confused. does that mean that joonmyeon likes her too?
☆
you looked stunning in that dress tonight, sehun. don’t ever feel that you’re not pretty enough because you light up my world with your smile and personality. - j
and together with that, sehun finds a beautifully crafted necklace and some chocolates in a box. what?
☆
the next time joonmyeon and sehun meet is three days after the party, for another tutoring session. it’s helped her tremendously. she’s been improving, and ms do has even praised her for up-to-par work. not only has she been improving in her grades, but she has also been improving her conversational skills. or so she hopes.
to say she spent hours thinking about what jongin had said to the group after the party wasn’t an overstatement. she had stared into space, lying in bed for what seemed like ages before drifting off to sleep. she just couldn’t fathom why joonmyeon would keep on talking about her. and now that jongin’s let out that small little secret, sehun can’t get it off her mind, so she feels like she’s gone back to square one when joonmyeon goes up to her in the same cafe they had first met in.
“hello,” he greets, in the normal grin that he carries whenever she’s there. but she feels like she can’t respond in the same way anymore, not when she knows this little extra fact about joonmyeon. but she tries to anyway, and it seems like it works because he slips into the booth opposite to her and they get to work.
halfway through the session, sehun feels too hyperaware of the things around her because she realises that joonmyeon’s leaning forward to explain things to her, that their faces are unbelievably close, that she can literally smell his cologne - and it smells good.
☆
for the first time in ages, sehun wakes up early. it's relatively dark, and sun rays aren't streaming in from the windows yet. sehun's alarm also hasn't rung, so she's more than surprised. a good kind of surprise. it's a tuesday, and she has a morning class starting at nine, so she slips out of bed, deciding to go for classes early for once. besides, without the mad rush in the hallways right before lectures start, sehun'd be able to calm down and pay more attention.
for some reason, she's more awake than ever despite her early morning wake-up. sehun just attributes it to her meeting with joonmyeon later on in the evening. sehun and joonmyeon have been meeting for both tutor sessions and meals more and more often. and sehun finds herself looking forward to it more and more. it can’t be good, but she feels that way anyway.
she reaches the hallways of the school almost fifty minutes earlier than her lecture timeslot, so she decides to make a trip down to her locker. what she realises, is that there’s another person also lurking in the hallway, but that person’s walking in a very determined and focussed way in the forward direction. belatedly, she realises that that person is none other than kim joonmyeon. she wants to shout out to him, to call him so that he’ll stop and realise that she’s there too, and maybe keep her company for a while. but sehun’s so shy, shy especially in front of her crush so she doesn’t call out to him. he’ll walk in another direction soon, she reasons and shuffles behind him silently.
the closer she gets to her locker, the more confused she gets because joonmyeon is headed toward locker number 94, also known as oh sehun’s locker. she stares as he slips a note into the locker and hides behind when he turns in the opposite direction to leave. sehun lifts her head slightly to catch the hint of a small smile on joonmyeon’s face when he leaves. he looks satisfied with herself and she has a hunch on why that’s so.
making sure that he’s long gone down the hallway and well on his way to his class, she unlocks her locker with swift fingers and slides the lock out nimbly. right inside, is a white letter that has become more and more familiar as time passes by. she tears the seal open and reads over the letter with her eyes widening. so it’s him.
sehun’s mind reels. it’s joonmyeon. the very kim joonmyeon she has a crush on and she just can’t believe it. she tries to reason that joonmyeon could very well be delivering the letter from someone else, but why else would he come so early in the morning? it all connects finally in her mind. j for joonmyeon. the cake when they had first met. sehun getting letters whenever she comes back from meeting joonmyeon. it just works and sehun’s just surprised.
☆
why joonmyeon? why would joonmyeon like her? she questions herself after an exhausting day in lectures and classes. she thinks and thinks and thinks but just can’t come up with a reason as to why kim joonmyeon would find any interest in oh sehun. oh sehun.
☆
so sehun writes a small letter in reply to the many letters she’s gotten from the male in question.
i’ve found out who you are. thank you for liking me, and i think i like you back too. - sehun
she doesn’t quite know if it’s long enough, or short enough, or enough to make him realise that she’s already figured it all out and is hoping for something big to happen. even if she’s not an outgoing person, sehun’s still a girl and still wants, longs for someone to hold her tight, for someone to love her for who she is. joonmyeon may just be the right one, she tells herself. she doesn’t want to get ahead of the situation but it seems like her heart is making all the decisions for her. she isn’t thinking rationally anymore. she’s nervous, but more than anything, excited for what’s to come.
she decides to slip the note into his wallet the next time they meet for dinner. it’s dinner at a small ddokbeokki shop near the campus, and sehun can’t help but love the fact that they don’t have to go to expensive shops. she likes that the two of them can just sit there, talking (although it’s more of joonmyeon starting up most conversation topics. sehun still tries her best, and she knows she’s opening up.). they talk about anything, and everything. and sometimes, the conversations slip into deep topics where sehun finds herself letting go of herself, and delving deeper into joonmyeon’s life. she likes that this is happening, and she just wants it to continue.
she puts it into the wallet while joonmyeon leaves to go to the toilet, clutching his stomach, because he’s eaten too much rice cakes again. sehun laughs slightly. it’s happened so often that sehun doesn’t get as worried as she had been the first time it occurred. also, it makes joonmyeon seem more human and makes sehun less scared of everything.
joonmyeon comes back all smiles, hand still on his waist, but doesn’t complain for any longer. sehun mulls over whether or not to say anything about it, before making a quick decision to tease him about it. joonmyeon laughs good-naturedly and sehun feels like everything’s just falling into place.
☆
[15.45pm] sehun? i think we should talk. tonight at the park entrance, 7.30?
[15.46pm] no problem!
sehun’s so close to hitting byun baekhyun. byun baekhyun. actually, she’s not close to hitting byun baekhyun, her hand’s already right beside baekhyun’s cheek, ready to pinch and not let go until baekhyun begs for mercy. she’s frustrated yet happy. her feelings are all over the place. sehun doesn’t like it one bit.
the four friends had gone out for another lunch again and sehun had absentmindedly left her phone on the table when she excused herself to the toilet. the moment her phone ping-ed, the three of them were all over her phone. it didn’t help that all three of them knew the password to unlock the screen. sehun knew that her birthday wasn’t a safe passcode. she just knew. but what’s done is done and what’s written is written and sehun can’t reject joonmyeon after replying a ‘yes’ right after he sent the message.
sehun has a feeling she knows what this talk’s going to be all about and she’s just so nervous. joonmyeon also hadn’t used any emoticons in his message, which made it even more nerve wracking. he’s serious and sehun doesn’t know what to do. but baekhyun just flashes a cheeky smile and sehun rolls her eyes, dropping her hand and slumping onto baekhyun’s shoulder. she doesn’t know if she should thank baekhyun for replying joonmyeon.
☆
“joonmyeon?” she asks cautiously, when she sees a guy sitting on the wooden bench at the front of the park. the man looks up immediately and breaks out into a smile. “sehun,” he says, standing up and walking towards the smaller girl. she stares up at him while he gets closer, heart racing. she’s wearing a graphic pullover and a pair of shorts, and she can’t help but feel so casual as compared to joonmyeon. he’s wearing a plain black shirt, and khaki bermudas, and a cap covering most of his forehead. she knows that he too, is casual, but is thinking about everything so irrationally because she has an inkling of what’s going to take place.
with a free hand, joonmyeon takes one of sehun’s and holds it earnestly, staring piercingly into sehun’s eyes. “you’ve figured it out?” joonmyeon asks carefully, before shaking his head as if to rephrase that sentence. “you’ve figured that i’m... j.” he says yet again, a hopeful look shining through. sehun gives a single definite nod and smiles silently at the other. she doesn’t know exactly how to reply to his question except to give a definitive. but it seems enough, because joonmyeon’s tentative smile breaks out into a full-blown grin and sehun becomes a bit disoriented. what just happened, she asks herself.
“then...” joonmyeon starts, clearing his throat before carrying on. “oh sehun, would you give me the honour of being your boyfriend?” joonmyeon asks, eyes imploring, staring straight at sehun. the hand behind his back comes forward to reveal a single red rose. sehun licks her lips nervously and bites on her lips to stop a smile threatening to show. “i’d love to,” she replies with finality and flashes a shy smile at joonmyeon. joonmyeon looks more than relieved at the reply and pushes the rose gently into sehun’s palm. “for you,” he murmurs under his breath, while squeezing her hand he still has in his. joonmyeon looks all kinds of happy - elated, surprised, but he’s grinning, and sehun’s sure her expression mirrors his completely.
she’s just so happy this has happened and she can’t express herself fully.
“how did you...” she starts out, when they’re sitting on the bench, fiddling with the rose in her hands. even if they’re now officially together, sehun’s still blushing from the earlier confession and can’t look at joonmyeon for too long. “how did i start to like you?” joonmyeon questions, and sehun looks up to nod in confirmation to joonmyeon’s question. “jongin talked a lot about you at the start. he kept talking about you and i felt like i knew more and more about you even if i’ve never formally met you before.” he starts, chuckling at the distant memory. “then i met you for real for tutoring, and i’m really glad i did.” he confesses abruptly, before leaning down to kiss the side of sehun’s lips.
joonmyeon’s lips feel soft and velvety and sehun is screaming on the inside. it feels so right, even if it hasn’t been like this for very long.
☆
oh sehun, i knew about you way before i met you, but i’m really glad that i did. i’m glad that i got assigned to tutor you, and that you were so shy when i first met you. i never knew how badly i’d fall for you, but i love it. i love it when you blush and when you feel embarrassed. i love how shy you are, so don’t ever doubt yourself. i love you and i’ll be here to stay.
kim joonmyeon, thank you for taking me in even though i’ve been nothing but quiet and a bit dull at the start. i promise to open up even more, and try a lot harder to be less shy. i really like you and you bring out the best side of me. thank you for loving me and i love you too.
☆
i love you, oh sehun. - your not-so-secret admirer, kim joonmyeon
Prompt: #60
Author: Anonymous
Pairing(s): suho x girl!sehun; chanyeol x girl!baekhyun
Rating: PG
Genre (s): romance, college!au
Length: 7.6k
Summary: sehun’s tired of being an introvert. she wants someone to call her own, but she’s always afraid of saying the wrong things, so she doesn’t say much. but when joonmyeon comes into play, she just doesn’t know what to do anymore.
Disclaimers: lapsock
Author’s note: i’m not sure if i did justice to this prompt and fic. i hope I portrayed a shy!sehun in the right way and hope that it’s up to par. also, i hope that the letters were enough ;; thank you for this absolutely beautiful prompt and for giving me an opportunity to write.
sehun's tired. she's just so tired of being an introvert but that's her. she doesn't like being afraid of what people think of her. she doesn't like having to think twice before speaking. she doesn't like being called the quietest person in class because she's not. she does talk. she talks to jongin, and baekhyun, and chanyeol, and- and, no one else. but hey, three people to share secrets with is good enough. still, she doesn't like not being able to talk to anyone and everyone, because that's what jongdae, the class jock, is very much like, and she wants to be like him. she wants to know what it's like to say everything that comes to mind without mulling over it. but that's not her personality, and unfortunately, her personality tags along everywhere she goes.
☆
sehun awakes with a start and looks up, clearly disoriented and confused. her eyelids still feel heavy and it doesn't help that she's staring at pages and pages of words. what- oh. oh, she had fallen asleep while studying. sehun groans, running her fingers through her just-dyed brown hair. it definitely wasn't a good idea trying to stay up to study, sehun concludes as she leans back. her neck aches. and it doesn't help that her back feels stiff from the chair she had been sleeping on.
her phone rings, startling her out of her daze and she realises belatedly that it's already eight in the morning. she has her first class at nine. nine. she stares at a blank space in front of her before launching into a complete panic attack. she's still in the library! it takes her ten minutes to walk back to the dorm. another fifteen to her lecture. she hasn't taken a bath, she hasn't thought through what to wear and she hasn't gotten ready. she isn't ready for the day. sehun considers skipping classes but she's already lagging behind and she's already failed a few tests.
so oh sehun makes the noble decision of going for class.
even if it means looking a wreck. with that thought in mind, she gathers all her loose papers, stuffs them into her kanken and bolts. who cares about being tidy if it means being late for classes.
☆
but evidently, today isn’t oh sehun's lucky day. she gets to class five minutes early, which is a relief but the lecture hall’s already filled so she has to walk up all the way to the back. she doesn’t particularly enjoy sitting at the back because that means that she can’t see, even if she has her glasses on. but she doesn’t have any other choice. sighing, she walks up to the nearest seat available and slips into the chair as the lecturer starts on his topic. but that’s not the only thing in her way today. belatedly, she realises the person beside her is wu yifan, undoubtedly the most popular guy in school. and he’s falling asleep. he had been admitted into the college based on his skills in basketball, not so much on academics, and oh sehun now knows why. it hasn’t been ten minutes into the lecture and he’s already nodding off. his neck is tilted at an angle that looks like it’s too much to be comfortable. he’s asleep anyway. his eyelids are half closed and sehun swears she can hear a soft snoring from him. she doesn’t understand why he’s supposedly the hottest guy on campus when his sleeping face looks atrocious. she just doesn’t.
forty-five minutes later and sehun has a heavy weight on her shoulder. she can’t shake it off because it’s not a figurative weight. she’s learnt how to deal with her just-passes and failures in college, but not this. yifan’s head is situated on her bony shoulder because he apparently doesn’t understand the meaning of personal space. well, at least not while he’s sleeping. but sehun’s body works against her mind because her heart is palpitating wildly against her chest and she swears that everyone can hear it. she’s not used to this kind of skinship, not even with jongin or chanyeol. she’s so, so uncomfortable. but she’s too shy to nudge wu yifan awake and she tries to fight down the blush threatening to rise up to her cheeks. wait, what? she doesn’t even like yifan. but her body is obviously reacting to the foreign feeling and suddenly, she can’t wait till class is over.
however, her dorm-time with her three best friends doesn’t come as quickly as she expected it to. she had attended all her classes already, and is ready to jump into the fluffy embrace of her bed. she’s most definitely exhausted and wants to take a quick nap before launching into another busy night of working. but her phone pings and alerts her of a notification.
[15:36pm] sehun, could i see you for a while outside the staff lounge?
and sehun wishes she had set her phone on silent for the other day. but the text is already opened and her teacher can definitely see that she’s already opened the message, so sehun has no choice but to comply. she sends a quick reply to her teacher and hurries in the direction of the lounge. the faster she gets there, the faster she gets to go back, right?
☆
the words that flow out of her teacher’s mouth has sehun stunned. her mind is processing the words quickly but sehun finds herself still staring at her teacher in disbelief. a tutor. she needs a tutor. according to her teacher, ms do, she’s doing exceptionally well at failing. wonderful. sehun thinks ms do should cut down on trying to make sarcastic remarks about her students’ grades. sehun can’t help it if she doesn’t understand a word of math. functions? i can’t function, she thinks miserably.
so sehun has no choice but to comply yet again with ms do’s requests because in all seriousness, sehun isn’t understanding a word of math and she needs to pass the class badly. she has to stay in college. it’s a win-win situation, i guess, she says to herself on the way back to her dorm. ms do had informed her that she’d arrange for a tutor for her, who would contact sehun in a while. exciting. sehun tries to psych herself into thinking it’s a good idea. and it is. but sehun doesn’t particularly enjoy contact with a stranger. and she thinks that it’s because she fears being called out on her cluelessness towards math.
right, oh sehun. it’s a good stepping stone. you have to do it, anyway. she thinks with finality. she picks herself up, straightens her back and walks confidently because all is going well.
or so she thinks until it starts pouring midway.
☆
sehun’s a mess by the time she reaches back to the dorms. her books are thoroughly wet (hopefully salvageable) and her clothes soaked through. it doesn’t help that the wind is at its strongest, and makes her shiver uncontrollably. quickly tapping her card onto the reader, she hurries down the hallway towards her room, not wanting to be caught by anyone around. the moment she steps into her room, she crumbles onto the floor and slumps against the door, not caring about the wet carpet or door or floor. she doesn’t even care that she’s drenched too. she’s just too exhausted, heaving a sigh and closing her eyes for just a while.
“you look amazing,” a crisp voice remarks and suddenly, sehun’s hyper aware of the people around her. she looks like a deer in the headlights, looking up and scandalised, but oh it’s only byun baekhyun and her partner-in-crime park chanyeol. sehun gives her a blank stare and resumes her little nap. it doesn’t go so well because baekhyun’s dragging her into the bathroom where she “has to take a shower because her clothes has become transparent and chanyeol can’t resist people in little to no clothes”. it’s funny how baekhyun worries so much about chanyeol leaving because it’s painfully obvious to oh sehun how much chanyeol loves and adores his tiny girlfriend. and what kind of guy would like me anyway, sehun thinks.
minutes, or maybe hours later (sehun’s not very sure how long she spent in the shower, but it was long enough to make her skin wrinkly. like how i’m going to look in the future, she muses.), sehun finds herself sprawled across her bed, waiting to just drift off into dreamland where she’s confident and lovable and actually has someone interested in her. ah, how nice dreams are, she thinks. but there are still things that await oh sehun so she reluctantly pushes herself off the bed and trudges to the door where her books are still sitting, patiently waiting to get dried. tiredly, she glances at chanyeol and baekhyun who are modestly kissing and cuddling and sighs. great friends, she has. sehun clears her throat and the couple scramble off each other. so, they hadn’t heard her get out of the shower, interesting. baekhyun smiles sheepishly at the younger and slips off her bed to get to sehun’s books.
“so, what exactly happened?” baekhyun asks innocently and unlocks the door to sehun’s heart- or mouth. forgoing her books at the door again, sehun goes on into a rant on how bad her day was and recounts every single misfortune that befell her today. sehun huffs, concluding her story and watches as chanyeol inches nearer the two girls. he puts an arm around sehun and gives her a comforting hug and sehun relaxes into it, finding the warmth and comfort he needed. just for a while. chanyeol moves back towards baekhyun and murmurs that “everything’s gonna be fine” in that low, soothing voice of his and sehun feels slightly better. baekhyun offers sehun a kitkat bar and sehun devours it, hunger finally hitting her after the tiring day. sehun’s really glad that she has friends like chanyeol and baekhyun, who never fail to lift her spirits-
until baekhyun starts teasing her about the tutor issue. “oh sehun, i told you you needed my help.” she laughs, her mouth forming an adorable small rectangular shape, that sehun doesn’t like at the present moment. and it doesn’t help that baekhyun’s doing decently in math whilst sehun is failing. “i,” baekhyun heaves, clutching her stomach. she takes a deep breath to stop herself from laughing before continuing. “you-” she laughs again. “a math tutor!” baekhyun barks with laughter and sehun decides there and then that no, baekhyun isn’t a great friend. chanyeol’s good, he’s not laughing and he’s trying to stop baekhyun, sehun observes. but then park chanyeol decides that sehun having to get a tutor is the joke of the year and bursts out laughing as well. so much for best friends, sehun notes dryly, waiting for her two friends to calm down from their high. chanyeol composes himself and takes a look at sehun, only to double over in hysteria again. sehun wonders what she did to deserve baekhyun and chanyeol of friends. she must’ve done something really bad. something really, really bad.
so finally, their laughter dies down, right on time to hear sehun’s phone to ring. it’s a message but from an unknown number. sehun has a feeling she knows who it’s from and why. from the smirks baekhyun and chanyeol are sporting, sehun’s sure they know too.
[17:47pm] hi! this is joonmyeon, your new tutor! (≧∀≦) i heard from ms do that you need some tutoring on math and i’d love to help! just tell me when you’re free and we’ll meet somewhere?
sehun feels her cheeks start to dust a bright pink from just the message alone and ugh. it’s really annoying that she’s shy. what should she reply? how should she reply? should she reply with an emoticon too? sehun’s at a loss and doesn’t realise the two peering over her shoulder at the message. baekhyun’s high-pitched squeal jolts sehun back to reality and sehun’s head snaps backwards, locking her phone on habit. “what,” she says sharply, staring at the two who have wide grins plastered on their faces. suddenly, sehun’s scared. “nothing,” chanyeol says, glancing at baekhyun with a knowing look before leaving the room with the excuse of having to get back before curfew. right, curfew. it’s not even six, sehun thinks.
if sehun was scared earlier about the tutoring, she’s absolutely terrified now.
☆
the next morning, sehun wakes up to baekhyun snoring from above her and realises belatedly that it’s the weekend. she should be relieved but that means that she has more chances for tutoring sessions, and suddenly the weekend doesn’t sound as enticing as it had. reaching out to the table beside her bed, she takes her phone and slips back under the covers. she would like to have at least a good morning before getting down to work. she’s ready to click on the YouTube application to indulge herself for just a moment, until she spots the little orange bubble on top of her messages application and she freezes there for a moment. in her rush to dry her books the day before, she had completely forgotten to get around replying joonmyeon.
she pauses for longer than she would have for messages from baekhyun, or chanyeol, or even jongin. but this is joonmyeon, and she allows herself to panic again for a while. she contemplates whether or not to reply, especially this early on a saturday morning, and decides against it. joonmyeon could very well be sleeping, she explains to herself. with that, she goes to her video, where she watches jin from bts eat food and she feels great already. but halfway through, a wave of guilt overcomes her and she hovers yet again over the message. to answer or not to answer, she asks herself. and that’s the most difficult decision she’s had to make the entire week. even what to eat every lunch can’t beat it.
[9.15am] hello!!
sehun shakes her head and deletes that message. she can’t seem too eager. hi. she types, and backspaces again, turning on her side because this is hard. she hates being shy.
[9.18am] hello, im oh sehun!!
sehun’s kind of satisfied with the starting of the message, and that’s supposedly always the most difficult part of the text, right? wrong. every other part after that is just as hard and sehun just wishes she had just slept in. would joonmyeon already know she’s sehun? would it be redundant to introduce herself? should she just answer his questions? would that make it a purely tutor-student relationship? sehun groans and buries her head into her pillow. why is her life so difficult?
nearly ten minutes later, sehun manages to finish her last sentence and presses send before she can rethink it any longer. she just wants to get it sent so that she doesn’t have to mull over it anymore. she hopes that joonmyeon doesn’t find her weird though.
[9.33am] hello, i’m oh sehun! c: i’ll be free most of the week, so you could just tell me when you’re free? thanks for being willing to tutor me ;;
sehun doesn’t feel like watching anymore eatjin videos anymore, so she slips out of bed and into her chair. if she isn’t going to watch anything, might as well be productive for the day, right? the tall girl ties her hair into a messy ponytail and gets to work. she grabs her higher level math textbook from the stack of notes at the side of her table and opens it, expecting pages and pages of equations, and maybe some smudge marks. after all, it had gotten drenched in the rain the day before. but what comes into sight is a white envelope that sehun doesn’t remember putting there at all.
oh sehun, it writes on the front. the black ink has smudged just a little in the front from the rain, but otherwise, it’s clear. it’s most definitely addressed to sehun so she opens it.
you’re actually super cute, so don’t be too shy. exams are coming near again, so don’t forget to eat and sleep! it’s important to get good grades, but even more important to keep yourself healthy and well! don’t fall sick! - j
sehun actually lets out a soft yelp. horrified at the sound, she covers her mouth and snaps her head up at baekhyun’s bed. she’s lucky baekhyun’s a heavy sleeper and doesn’t usually wake up early on weekends. baekhyun can afford it anyway, since she’s just smart and doesn’t study much to get good grades. what sehun would do to get her brains. back to the happy problem at hand, sehun’s kind of getting creeped out. whoever j is, must know her from somewhere, but sehun goes for too many classes to pinpoint exactly who. this is the third note that she’s gotten in the past two weeks. the first was slipped into her locker, the second under her computer when she was in the library, and now the third, into her math textbook. whoever this person was, he was good.
she’s kind of confused, though, because never in her life, would she have thought that she would have a secret admirer. she’s quiet, mostly keeping to herself and her social circle isn’t exactly huge. she only really has baek, chanyeol and jongin, no one else. it surprises her, but she can’t deny that she likes the attention. she likes that someone actually has an interest in her, even if he might be a little weird. also, it pushes her to really buckle down to study and do well and make this mysterious person proud.
sehun feels her cheeks heat up just thinking about the note and fights it down before it gets worse, so she drowns herself in mathematical formulas and equations.
☆
[11.54am] cool! it’s great to meet you, sehuna! ʕ ·ᴥ·ʔ i’m free next monday in the afternoon, would that be a good time for you? and it’s no problem, really! teaching would make me understand math better too
[15.02am] monday would be great! should we meet in the library? or would the cafe be better? thanks again!
[15.59am] the cafe, at 5pm then! see you there, sehun!! (°ヮ°)
☆
and that’s how sehun finds herself heading in the direction of the cafe located in the campus compounds. her heart is pounding in her chest, blood pumping a million miles an hour. she can’t believe how fast the weekend passed. she looks down at her clothes and suddenly feels self-conscious. was what she was wearing too casual for a tutor session? or was it too over. before she knows it, sehun’s lapsing into another session of self-doubt. just an hour ago, she was mulling over what to wear and finally decided on a pastel-blue pullover and a pair of shorts. plain, comfy, and hopefully not too casual. sehun supposes it’s better to show this side of her instead of trying to fake anything, right?
she’s ten minutes early when she reaches the cafe, and thankfully, it’s not too crowded, so joonmyeon would be able to pick her out easily. she orders a coffee at the counter before settling down at one of the booth seats, arranging her books so that she wouldn’t have to frantically look for things when joonmyeon’s around. it wouldn’t be a very good first impression. sehun takes out her pencil case, and for the first time since she’s bought it, stares at it, hard. previously, she had had no qualms about bringing it around but- but would joonmyeon say anything about it? he probably wouldn’t- but would he think anything about it? her pencil case is a fluffy white version of baymax, from big hero 6, and suddenly, sehun feels like it makes her look slightly childish. she puts it on the table, takes it off, then puts it back on again. i’ll just leave it there because i have to use my pens anyway, she rationalises and starts on her math notes. she doesn’t want to have to think about her appearance anymore.
apparently, she falls deep into the world of mathematics because she doesn’t notice a guy approaching her table until he taps on her shoulder. “sehun?” a deep, smooth and crisp voice asks, and sehun looks up. oh shit, sehun almosts blurts, but thankfully keeps it to herself. that would’ve been embarrassing. she’s mesmerised at first sight. her heart is ricocheting from her chest. his innocent face, coupled with bright eyes and a thin nose and plump lips, and a great body- sehun shakes herself out of it nodding frantically. had she replied too slowly. “y-yeah. i’m sehun,” she says quietly, motioning to the seat opposite her for joonmyeon to sit. “you’re joonmyeon?”
sehun curses herself for having such a high-pitched voice, and she has never been so embarrassed in her entire life. her voice comes out as a squeak and sehun immediately wants this session to end already. she watches as joonmyeon slips into the seat opposite her, setting his things down as well and nodding to her question. his lips turn up into a more than just perfect smile and sehun feels herself melt again, there and then.
“i’m joonmyeon,” he confirms, beaming with his perfect lips and perfect teeth and perfect, flawless skin. “you’re friends with jongin, right?” he continues, conversationally, and sehun is mildly surprised that he bothered to start up a conversation topic with her. this time, she clears her throat and replies smartly. “mm, jongin’s a close friend of mine. you know him too?” joonmyeon gives a short hum as a confirmation. “he’s my roommate.” oh, jongin’s joonmyeon’s roommate. that’s fine with sehun, and interesting-
wait, what?
if joonmyeon’s roommates with jongin, then that means that they’ve seen each other before? sehun’s surprise is evidently obvious, because joonmyeon chuckles wordlessly at the girl’s expression and flips the pages of his textbook. “i’ll get a drink and come back, okay?” he says, more of a statement than anything. he doesn’t wait for an answer and slips out of the booth again, taking his wallet and handphone with him. this gives sehun a little time to pull herself together, but her mind is still reeling from the new information she’s gotten. she shouldn’t be worried that jongin’s his roommate, right? after all, jongin wouldn’t tell any of her secrets without her permission. or at least she hopes so.
joonmyeon comes back with a latte in hand, and smiles at her as he takes his seat again. sehun’s mostly calm and composed now, thanks to the long queue that kept joonmyeon at the counter for longer than usual. “shall we start?” he asks, taking out his own pencil case, which is a plain black. sehun notices it the moment it touches the table, and she glances at her own baymax case again. maybe she shouldn’t have taken it out. “this is cute,” joonmyeon comments, as if he knew exactly what sehun was thinking about. sehun looks up at the male, slightly startled and coughs. “o-oh, thanks.” she mutters, a light pink dusting her cheeks from the exchange. she doesn’t know why she’s acting that way, because she’s only just met joonmyeon. she’s not supposed to blush on the first meeting, but she does anyway.
“you need help in which topics?” joonmyeon questions kindly, imploring sehun to speak up. “integration,” she replies quietly, flipping to that chapter, and avoiding looking up at joonmyeon until absolutely necessary.
☆
“how was it?” baekhyun’s waiting eagerly near the door of their dorm, and immediately pounces on sehun the moment she steps into the room. sehun doesn’t even have time to put her books down before she’s seated on the couch, recounting every single moment of her encounter with joonmyeon. as much as she doesn’t show it, sehun’s actually relieved that she’s able to let it all out, to tell someone about it, and she’s glad it’s baekhyun, even if baekhyun’s a little too excited and loud sometimes. it’s just nice to have someone lift the mood for a while. and while sehun’s shy and introverted, baekhyun helps to bring out sehun’s more talkative side.
baekhyun squeals by the time sehun’s ended, starting to gush about kim joonmyeon and how he’s really hot. baekhyun has also seen jongin’s roommate before, but never really asked for his name. so, baekhyun and sehun are pleasantly surprised that joonmyeon and jongin are related.
what baekhyun doesn’t realise is that sehun has missed out an important piece of information that a slice of cake had been served to their table halfway through their session. sehun eyed it for a while, staring at the back of the barista that had placed it on their table. then she looked up at joonmyeon with a questioning look, but joonmyeon looked just as confused as her. is this yours, she asked and got a no in reply. then she realised a small slip of paper below the plate, and took it out. eat something while you study! you look amazing, while you’re so studious. keep up the good work! it read, and then it was signed off as j.
sehun’s still mildly confused about the situation, and while she and joonmyeon had split the cake into two, she didn’t know who it was from. j had obviously known where she was. sehun had tried to crane her neck for any schoolmate whose name started with a j but came back with nothing. but sehun pushes the incident to the back of her head, because she’s got a certain angel coming into mind and falls all over again.
as much as sehun doesn’t want to admit, joonmyeon’s a pretty good tutor, and by the end of the session, she found herself understanding concepts better - even those that had been completely foreign to her. sehun thinks that with joonmyeon, life’s suddenly getting better.
☆
a shrill ping breaks sehun out of her reverie, and staring back to her paper and math questions.
to: pcy, baek, sehuna
there’s a campus party going on tonight, you guys are going, right?
it’s from jongin and sehun laughs softly under her breath. jongin’s been raving about the party for the past few days, and had made all three of them promise to tag along with him. yeah, she types back and places her phone back on top of her stack of books at the side of her table. sehun looks back down at the paper and sighs. she doesn’t know where she left off from the working, and has to start all over again. she’s been zoning out frequently, thinking more and more about a certain male, and she doesn’t like it very much.
joonmyeon and sehun had met a couple times after the first tutoring session, both in the same cafe and library, and sehun finds herself learning more and more about joonmyeon and his antics. he looks like a proper, serious person, but she realises that there’s much more to him than just good grades and great looks. he’s funny, although his jokes are mostly dry, and he’s really, really, really nice. he’s thoughtful and interesting and humourous and everything sehun’s been looking for in a guy.
but sehun isn’t too sure if she’s been opening as much as him. she feels like a clam, slammed shut with no intentions of saying too much. she doesn’t give many replies, and doesn’t lapse into random conversations unless joonmyeon starts it. it’s not that she doesn’t want to let go, she does, but her mind just shuts off whenever he’s around and her mouth is just zipped shut. she doesn’t want to look too boring, or uninterested, but she feels like she’s coming across that way. she wants to change, she really does, but she just can’t.
☆
sehun’s finally dressed for the party that’s happening in an hour’s time, courtesy of byun baekhyun. her dark brown hair is lightly curled at the ends, unlike the normal straight that she usually has. she’s also donning a jet black dress that hugs her figure perfectly. she hasn’t dressed this way for a long time, but baekhyun had practically forced the younger into it, mentioning the fact that joonmyeon was also going to be there. and that was all it took for sehun to stop whining. baekhyun had chuckled, patted sehun’s face and walked out of the toilet.
jongin and chanyeol meet baekhyun and sehun right outside the female dorms and they look dressed up too, both in button-ups. after all, this party is considered the slightly formal kind, and they don’t want to look out of place. sehun looks around to see some other girls in similar clothes, and shifts uncomfortably in her own. does she have the figure to wear it? she’s not too sure, after seeing the rest. baekhyun squeezes sehun’s arm, as if she knows exactly what’s going on in sehun’s head, and gives her a reassuring smile. right, sehun thinks. if baekhyun chose it, it wouldn’t be that bad. she concludes with so much finality that she doesn’t think about it any longer.
until the time comes when she sees kim joonmyeon in all his perfection, and suddenly, she’s self-conscious again. but it doesn’t help her case when joonmyeon catches her eye, and smiles, a teasing lilt on his lips. a smile graces sehun’s lips in return, all while sehun’s mind goes wild. crap, he saw me. she thinks, and wants to dig a hole for her to bury herself into for the rest of her life. no one could look as amazing as joonmyeon, her mind concludes unconsciously as she watches him approach her with large steps. she feels herself wanting to hyperventilate, but she can’t because then she’d look ridiculous.
“hey,” he says in that low, deep voice of his. it’s a melodic sound, music to sehun’s ears, and even if she may hear it every single time they meet, she still loves it to the brim. it doesn’t it make it any easier that he looks stunning in his outfit. even if most of the guys at the party may be wearing the same thing, sehun knows he just stands out the most. sehun realises that there’s a small smirk pulling at the male’s face and widens her eyes. she hadn’t responded in time. “oh, oh hi.” she says in return, cursing herself internally for losing her mind again. in the deep recesses of her mind, she links this back to their first meeting and wants to laugh at the similarity of everything.
except that this time joonmyeon looks even better with his hair also styled up.
“you look beautiful,” he says in a gentle and genuine tone. sehun feels herself blushing, and looks down to the floor in slight embarrassment. “thanks,” she mumbles. “you look really good too.” and she’s not lying. “baekhyun picked it out,” she mentions after a long moment of silence. she just wanted to talk to him for longer. “really? it fits you well.” he comments, nodding. “do you wanna go get a drink?” joonmyeon looks flustered after saying that. “i- i mean. something to drink, not like- not like a drink. alcohol, no. i’m not asking for that.” sehun can’t help but giggle at joonmyeon’s slip. “yeah, i would.”
☆
“so, you and joonmyeon?” jongin questions with a hint of a smile on his face. the four of them, chanyeol, baekhyun, jongin and sehun are currently seated in the fast-food joint nearby as an after-party thing.
sehun gets caught unaware and widens her eyes, shaking her head frantically even though baekhyun’s looking at her with a knowing look in her eyes. “what about us?” she asks in retaliation.
“you’re... together?” jongin assumes, shrugging his shoulders and sipping on the diet coke he has in his hands. sehun creases her eyebrows and shakes her head again. she may like him more than she should, but she’s sure that it’s just a one-sided thing. joonmyeon could never like her. she’s dull and shy and just- not talkative enough to be interesting. but jongin thinks otherwise. “joonmyeon’s always talking about you,” he lets on, pausing to take another swig of his coke before continuing. “he gushes about you twenty-four seven, and no offence, it’s getting pretty frustrating. it sounds like he knows you more than i do, and that i see you everyday although i don’t”
this is new news to sehun and it shows when she stares shell-shocked at the redhead. jongin takes it as a good sign and continues to talk about joonmyeon. “he does, sehun. believe me. he keeps on mentioning that you don’t talk much, that you’re too cute, or shy, or anything. he can’t stop.” sehun’s now more than just confused. does that mean that joonmyeon likes her too?
☆
you looked stunning in that dress tonight, sehun. don’t ever feel that you’re not pretty enough because you light up my world with your smile and personality. - j
and together with that, sehun finds a beautifully crafted necklace and some chocolates in a box. what?
☆
the next time joonmyeon and sehun meet is three days after the party, for another tutoring session. it’s helped her tremendously. she’s been improving, and ms do has even praised her for up-to-par work. not only has she been improving in her grades, but she has also been improving her conversational skills. or so she hopes.
to say she spent hours thinking about what jongin had said to the group after the party wasn’t an overstatement. she had stared into space, lying in bed for what seemed like ages before drifting off to sleep. she just couldn’t fathom why joonmyeon would keep on talking about her. and now that jongin’s let out that small little secret, sehun can’t get it off her mind, so she feels like she’s gone back to square one when joonmyeon goes up to her in the same cafe they had first met in.
“hello,” he greets, in the normal grin that he carries whenever she’s there. but she feels like she can’t respond in the same way anymore, not when she knows this little extra fact about joonmyeon. but she tries to anyway, and it seems like it works because he slips into the booth opposite to her and they get to work.
halfway through the session, sehun feels too hyperaware of the things around her because she realises that joonmyeon’s leaning forward to explain things to her, that their faces are unbelievably close, that she can literally smell his cologne - and it smells good.
☆
for the first time in ages, sehun wakes up early. it's relatively dark, and sun rays aren't streaming in from the windows yet. sehun's alarm also hasn't rung, so she's more than surprised. a good kind of surprise. it's a tuesday, and she has a morning class starting at nine, so she slips out of bed, deciding to go for classes early for once. besides, without the mad rush in the hallways right before lectures start, sehun'd be able to calm down and pay more attention.
for some reason, she's more awake than ever despite her early morning wake-up. sehun just attributes it to her meeting with joonmyeon later on in the evening. sehun and joonmyeon have been meeting for both tutor sessions and meals more and more often. and sehun finds herself looking forward to it more and more. it can’t be good, but she feels that way anyway.
she reaches the hallways of the school almost fifty minutes earlier than her lecture timeslot, so she decides to make a trip down to her locker. what she realises, is that there’s another person also lurking in the hallway, but that person’s walking in a very determined and focussed way in the forward direction. belatedly, she realises that that person is none other than kim joonmyeon. she wants to shout out to him, to call him so that he’ll stop and realise that she’s there too, and maybe keep her company for a while. but sehun’s so shy, shy especially in front of her crush so she doesn’t call out to him. he’ll walk in another direction soon, she reasons and shuffles behind him silently.
the closer she gets to her locker, the more confused she gets because joonmyeon is headed toward locker number 94, also known as oh sehun’s locker. she stares as he slips a note into the locker and hides behind when he turns in the opposite direction to leave. sehun lifts her head slightly to catch the hint of a small smile on joonmyeon’s face when he leaves. he looks satisfied with herself and she has a hunch on why that’s so.
making sure that he’s long gone down the hallway and well on his way to his class, she unlocks her locker with swift fingers and slides the lock out nimbly. right inside, is a white letter that has become more and more familiar as time passes by. she tears the seal open and reads over the letter with her eyes widening. so it’s him.
sehun’s mind reels. it’s joonmyeon. the very kim joonmyeon she has a crush on and she just can’t believe it. she tries to reason that joonmyeon could very well be delivering the letter from someone else, but why else would he come so early in the morning? it all connects finally in her mind. j for joonmyeon. the cake when they had first met. sehun getting letters whenever she comes back from meeting joonmyeon. it just works and sehun’s just surprised.
☆
why joonmyeon? why would joonmyeon like her? she questions herself after an exhausting day in lectures and classes. she thinks and thinks and thinks but just can’t come up with a reason as to why kim joonmyeon would find any interest in oh sehun. oh sehun.
☆
so sehun writes a small letter in reply to the many letters she’s gotten from the male in question.
i’ve found out who you are. thank you for liking me, and i think i like you back too. - sehun
she doesn’t quite know if it’s long enough, or short enough, or enough to make him realise that she’s already figured it all out and is hoping for something big to happen. even if she’s not an outgoing person, sehun’s still a girl and still wants, longs for someone to hold her tight, for someone to love her for who she is. joonmyeon may just be the right one, she tells herself. she doesn’t want to get ahead of the situation but it seems like her heart is making all the decisions for her. she isn’t thinking rationally anymore. she’s nervous, but more than anything, excited for what’s to come.
she decides to slip the note into his wallet the next time they meet for dinner. it’s dinner at a small ddokbeokki shop near the campus, and sehun can’t help but love the fact that they don’t have to go to expensive shops. she likes that the two of them can just sit there, talking (although it’s more of joonmyeon starting up most conversation topics. sehun still tries her best, and she knows she’s opening up.). they talk about anything, and everything. and sometimes, the conversations slip into deep topics where sehun finds herself letting go of herself, and delving deeper into joonmyeon’s life. she likes that this is happening, and she just wants it to continue.
she puts it into the wallet while joonmyeon leaves to go to the toilet, clutching his stomach, because he’s eaten too much rice cakes again. sehun laughs slightly. it’s happened so often that sehun doesn’t get as worried as she had been the first time it occurred. also, it makes joonmyeon seem more human and makes sehun less scared of everything.
joonmyeon comes back all smiles, hand still on his waist, but doesn’t complain for any longer. sehun mulls over whether or not to say anything about it, before making a quick decision to tease him about it. joonmyeon laughs good-naturedly and sehun feels like everything’s just falling into place.
☆
[15.45pm] sehun? i think we should talk. tonight at the park entrance, 7.30?
[15.46pm] no problem!
sehun’s so close to hitting byun baekhyun. byun baekhyun. actually, she’s not close to hitting byun baekhyun, her hand’s already right beside baekhyun’s cheek, ready to pinch and not let go until baekhyun begs for mercy. she’s frustrated yet happy. her feelings are all over the place. sehun doesn’t like it one bit.
the four friends had gone out for another lunch again and sehun had absentmindedly left her phone on the table when she excused herself to the toilet. the moment her phone ping-ed, the three of them were all over her phone. it didn’t help that all three of them knew the password to unlock the screen. sehun knew that her birthday wasn’t a safe passcode. she just knew. but what’s done is done and what’s written is written and sehun can’t reject joonmyeon after replying a ‘yes’ right after he sent the message.
sehun has a feeling she knows what this talk’s going to be all about and she’s just so nervous. joonmyeon also hadn’t used any emoticons in his message, which made it even more nerve wracking. he’s serious and sehun doesn’t know what to do. but baekhyun just flashes a cheeky smile and sehun rolls her eyes, dropping her hand and slumping onto baekhyun’s shoulder. she doesn’t know if she should thank baekhyun for replying joonmyeon.
☆
“joonmyeon?” she asks cautiously, when she sees a guy sitting on the wooden bench at the front of the park. the man looks up immediately and breaks out into a smile. “sehun,” he says, standing up and walking towards the smaller girl. she stares up at him while he gets closer, heart racing. she’s wearing a graphic pullover and a pair of shorts, and she can’t help but feel so casual as compared to joonmyeon. he’s wearing a plain black shirt, and khaki bermudas, and a cap covering most of his forehead. she knows that he too, is casual, but is thinking about everything so irrationally because she has an inkling of what’s going to take place.
with a free hand, joonmyeon takes one of sehun’s and holds it earnestly, staring piercingly into sehun’s eyes. “you’ve figured it out?” joonmyeon asks carefully, before shaking his head as if to rephrase that sentence. “you’ve figured that i’m... j.” he says yet again, a hopeful look shining through. sehun gives a single definite nod and smiles silently at the other. she doesn’t know exactly how to reply to his question except to give a definitive. but it seems enough, because joonmyeon’s tentative smile breaks out into a full-blown grin and sehun becomes a bit disoriented. what just happened, she asks herself.
“then...” joonmyeon starts, clearing his throat before carrying on. “oh sehun, would you give me the honour of being your boyfriend?” joonmyeon asks, eyes imploring, staring straight at sehun. the hand behind his back comes forward to reveal a single red rose. sehun licks her lips nervously and bites on her lips to stop a smile threatening to show. “i’d love to,” she replies with finality and flashes a shy smile at joonmyeon. joonmyeon looks more than relieved at the reply and pushes the rose gently into sehun’s palm. “for you,” he murmurs under his breath, while squeezing her hand he still has in his. joonmyeon looks all kinds of happy - elated, surprised, but he’s grinning, and sehun’s sure her expression mirrors his completely.
she’s just so happy this has happened and she can’t express herself fully.
“how did you...” she starts out, when they’re sitting on the bench, fiddling with the rose in her hands. even if they’re now officially together, sehun’s still blushing from the earlier confession and can’t look at joonmyeon for too long. “how did i start to like you?” joonmyeon questions, and sehun looks up to nod in confirmation to joonmyeon’s question. “jongin talked a lot about you at the start. he kept talking about you and i felt like i knew more and more about you even if i’ve never formally met you before.” he starts, chuckling at the distant memory. “then i met you for real for tutoring, and i’m really glad i did.” he confesses abruptly, before leaning down to kiss the side of sehun’s lips.
joonmyeon’s lips feel soft and velvety and sehun is screaming on the inside. it feels so right, even if it hasn’t been like this for very long.
☆
oh sehun, i knew about you way before i met you, but i’m really glad that i did. i’m glad that i got assigned to tutor you, and that you were so shy when i first met you. i never knew how badly i’d fall for you, but i love it. i love it when you blush and when you feel embarrassed. i love how shy you are, so don’t ever doubt yourself. i love you and i’ll be here to stay.
kim joonmyeon, thank you for taking me in even though i’ve been nothing but quiet and a bit dull at the start. i promise to open up even more, and try a lot harder to be less shy. i really like you and you bring out the best side of me. thank you for loving me and i love you too.
☆
i love you, oh sehun. - your not-so-secret admirer, kim joonmyeon