This is getting old. Read it if you love me.
I know nobody really cares, but I have some stuff on my mind, and I
just really need to get it out of there, and somewhere where I can look
at it, read it, and analyze it all over again. I think in the last
year, I've found out so much about myself.
I find myself constantly needing to be reassured. Im always asking when are we going? Where are we going? How are we going? Do I look okay? Am I annoying you? Are you sure I'm not annoying you? I always assume the worst, so I don't get disappointed. Am I really that insecure? I never thought myself to be. Lately, I second guess myself and make bad decisions. I'm so hung up on getting over my indecisive-ness that I make hasty choices and regret quickly. I find that I really am not able to hate anymore. I used to dislike so many people, so horribly. Didn't want to see them, didn't want to talk to them, didn't want anything to do with them. I don't hate anyone anymore. I always want a resolution, never just want to say "I hate them," and let it be. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Is it wise to care so much, about people, about what they think? I just want them to know I care, because I have spent so much time not caring and lost people because I didn't care. I spend a lot of time wondering if I'm overly sarcastic, which I'm trying not to be. Why am I becoming so much nicer? I'm still not nice, I'm never going to be icky sweet, but I'm kinder, I think more about what I say and how it affects other people. WHY HAVE I STARTED TO CARE? Since when have I ever even thought about the way other people feel? That sounds so horrible, it's disgusting. I also hate school. Bores me incredibly, and I have like, no friends. If I had gone to Santaluces or Park Vista, I would know so many people, and I probably wouldn't hate school the way I do. Dreyfoos proved to be such a fucking disappointment. I don't even know what to do with myself.
I find myself constantly needing to be reassured. Im always asking when are we going? Where are we going? How are we going? Do I look okay? Am I annoying you? Are you sure I'm not annoying you? I always assume the worst, so I don't get disappointed. Am I really that insecure? I never thought myself to be. Lately, I second guess myself and make bad decisions. I'm so hung up on getting over my indecisive-ness that I make hasty choices and regret quickly. I find that I really am not able to hate anymore. I used to dislike so many people, so horribly. Didn't want to see them, didn't want to talk to them, didn't want anything to do with them. I don't hate anyone anymore. I always want a resolution, never just want to say "I hate them," and let it be. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Is it wise to care so much, about people, about what they think? I just want them to know I care, because I have spent so much time not caring and lost people because I didn't care. I spend a lot of time wondering if I'm overly sarcastic, which I'm trying not to be. Why am I becoming so much nicer? I'm still not nice, I'm never going to be icky sweet, but I'm kinder, I think more about what I say and how it affects other people. WHY HAVE I STARTED TO CARE? Since when have I ever even thought about the way other people feel? That sounds so horrible, it's disgusting. I also hate school. Bores me incredibly, and I have like, no friends. If I had gone to Santaluces or Park Vista, I would know so many people, and I probably wouldn't hate school the way I do. Dreyfoos proved to be such a fucking disappointment. I don't even know what to do with myself.