It's time for another one of THESE
Don't read it if you're sick of me whining. I don't want anymore "hate comments" about this cuz it's your fault for reading. Got that? Have a nice day bitch.
I was watching this movie, Five People You Meet in Heaven or something like that...and it was really inspirational and aimed to show everybody that they make a difference in the world. Ironically enough, right after the movie was over...I went upstairs and cried my eyes out. I don't even remember the last time I cried that hard. It's like...I was so proud of myself for working hard in school and so totally convinced that my parents were the reason why I was unhappy. But it wasn't my parents' dissatisfaction in me that really got to me. It wouldn't have affected me half as much if I didn't, somewhere in my head, agree with them. Nobody likes to blame themselves for their unhappiness. Nobody likes to believe that the faults in life are their own. I didn't want to blame it on myself cuz it'd force me to change so I blamed it on my parents. But I can't do that anymore cuz the fact of the matter is..I'm unhappy because I don't like myself. People try and tell me that I'm so successful and all that crap. How do you measure success. Success compared to what?? I have no goals...no aspirations. I am working towards absolutely nothing. As far back as I can remember I've never really enjoyed anything for a long time. I've never had one thing that I enjoyed and could see myself doing for the rest of my life. I have nothing to work for. I mean...what am I working so hard in school for? It'd be a little easier to swallow, I think, if I tried my hardest to get somewhere and failed with a purpose rather than just coasting along and going down some aimless road. It just all seems so useless and senseless. People know themselves so well, and know exactly what they're good at and what direction they want to be going. Hell, all I know is that I want an ipod for christmas and I don't want a boyfriend. Wow, there's a winner right there.
Please do this now I beg
Duct tape my arms and legs
Throw me into the sea
Please save me, please save me
Now watch the waves eat me
Setting my cold heart free
I'll wash ashore in weeks
You can't save me, you can't save me