experimental weirdness, part 13
Title: An End Has a Start
Rating: R
A/N: this was written really quickly, and it's been a while since I've paid attention to this, and I think some non-angst crept in. Wft? Where did my depression go? Oh well, I actually really like this.
A/N 2: follow the tag for the rest
“So you really eat this all the time?”
“Yeah,” he shrugged, smiling slightly down at the bag of Cheetos.
They’d walked to the vending machines and gotten Cheetos and Pepsi before heading back to the Rover since Seth, Summer, and Parker had gone inside. He’d popped the rear hatch and they’d been sitting in the back for the past fifteen minutes in complete silence.
“How do you not get fat?”
“I hunt demons.”
“Right.”
She attempted a smile, but the awkward silence made it… well, awkward.
“So are we gonna talk or just sit here until enough time’s gone by so Summer doesn’t yell at us when we go in?”
Ryan sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
“No, we should talk. I’m just trying to figure out what we’re supposed to say.”
“Oh,” she said, putting her empty Cheetos bag on the floor of the trunk.
“I guess I’ll start off with why you’re dating Parker.”
“Excuse me?” she asked, turning to look at him.
“Why are you dating him?”
“Am I not allowed to date people?” she asked, reeling back slightly. She knew Ryan was jealous - he was really obvious about it -but did he really think he had the right to ask her that? “Ryan, you broke up with me. It’s been over a year. I’m allowed to date other people.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head, “I’m not… it’s just, you don’t even seem like you really like him.”
“What d’you mean?”
“Like, I knew you back when you were dating that Korean kid, and even when you were talking about Henri-Michel, you were always… like, crazy about them.”
“I think you’re leaving someone out of that list,” she reminded him with a slight smile.
Ryan ducked his head in acknowledgement, but ignored that. “But you’re not like that with Parker.”
“So because I don’t hang all over him in front of you and Seth, that means I don’t like him?”
Ryan took a deep breath and looked over at her, finally. “Have you ever stalked him?”
“What? I don’t…”
Ryan smiled and nodded. “Right. So why are you dating him again?”
“Parker’s nice,” she shrugged, swirling the soda in its bottle.
“Well, that’s a great reason to date someone. Why are you dating him?”
She sighed and wondered whether she should lie and tell him she really did like Parker, or if she should tell him what she told Summer in Ethan’s basement.
“I don’t know. Look, Parker’s been working at the library for three years, since he ran away from home. And as sad as it is, he’ll probably always be there. He’ll never leave.” Ryan’s forehead wrinkled in confusion and he was about to say something, but her mouth had opened and it was all pouring out. “I’m sick of people always leaving me, Ryan. My dad, my mom, Catalina, the Cohens, Summer, Seth, you.”
“Taylor… wait, your mom never left.”
“What, you think she was like that before my dad left? She didn’t turn into megabitch until after my dad bailed. My mom left me the same day my dad got in the car with that stupid nineteen year old model and drove away, Ryan, and I am just so sick of people disappearing on me.”
He stared at the side of the motel for a while in silence, eyebrows furrowed slightly and she kicked herself for sounding so pathetic.
“Who’s Catalina?” he asked finally and she blinked twice before recovering.
“Our maid when I was little.”
“Oh,” he said, making it sound like he was confused.
“She used to bake me cookies and sneak me them when my mom wasn’t looking,” she explained, staring down at her hands.
“Your mom’s a bitch,” he grunted, still staring at the motel.
“Yeah,” she sighed.
…
“I was worried.”
Summer bit her lip and nodded, trying not to stare at Seth as he dabbed at her head with a washcloth.
“Parker got that picture and…” Seth continued, looking pale; looking like the Seth she used to know. “You know, Ryan almost beat the shit out of him right then and there.”
“I don’t think it’s really his fault,” Summer said, wincing a little as the cut on her head stung. “It’s not like he invited Ethan to town for an all you can eat buffet.”
“Yeah,” Seth shrugged. “Doesn’t make me wanna stab him any less.”
Summer nodded but didn’t say anything.
The old Seth never would’ve said something like that.
But he wasn’t the old Seth anymore. His parents had been killed; he’d… seen things. This was a new Seth and she needed to accept that. Her carefree Seth was gone and she needed to decide if she loved this one like she’d told him she did.
“So the other day,” he said, sitting back a little and staring at the bloody washcloth. “You said you still loved me?”
“Yeah,” she breathed, wondering if he’d picked up mindreading in his new bag of tricks.
“I’m not that guy anymore,” he said, still not looking at her. “I’ve killed things, Summer.”
“Monsters,” she said, defending him.
“I killed a werewolf once. You know what werewolves are?”
“Monsters,” she said, softer, more afraid of his response.
“People. They’re people who turn into monsters three nights out of the month. I didn’t kill a monster, I killed a person.”
“Seth…” she started, but stopped when she saw his throat convulse.
“She was attacking someone and I just goddamn shot her straight in the back.”
“You saved someone’s life,” Summer tried, voice breaking a little at the way his body tensed.
“They died too. I was too late and I still shot her and then Ryan had to dump the body because I couldn’t pick it up. Do you know what Ryan’s had to do for me, Summer? What he’s had to…” Seth’s voice finally cracked and when he blinked, tears made their way down his cheek. “This is my vendetta, this is all my stupid idea and Ryan never complains. He never says anything and he’s always there to clean up my messes…”
“Seth,” she said, leaning forward to wrap her arms around his neck, pulling him to her.
It was awkward; he was so tall and he’d gained a lot of muscle and she could barely hold him up when he sagged against her, head in her shoulder, making it wet with hot tears.
And when she finally heard his voice again, small and beaten, she felt her heart break.
“I think I made a mistake.”
…
“I guess it’s my turn,” she ventured, flicking her eyes over to him as he tensed up. “Why did you leave Newport without telling me?”
“You couldn’t come along,” he said, rubbing his hand over his face. “I didn’t want you getting hurt. This isn’t your life and I didn’t want it to be.”
“Ok,” she said slowly, trying to get him to understand. “But you left. Without telling me. I freaked out for so long, Ryan. I called Summer and she called me a crazy bitch and hung up on me. I called everyone. No one knew where you were and you could’ve been dead. Couldn’t you’ve at least told me you were leaving?”
“What?” he said, laughing a little. “So you could follow us?”
“What?” she asked back, slightly offended.
“Come on. If I’d told you we were leaving, you would’ve staked out the house and waited for us to leave and followed us.”
She opened her mouth to argue and promptly shut it.
“Whatever,” she huffed, blowing her bangs out of her face. “I’m still pissed at you for it.”
“Fine,” he shrugged, but she saw the slight smile on his face that looked like more than just amusement at her indignation.
It looked a whole lot like smug satisfaction.
…
“Summer?”
Summer looked up as Taylor peeked her head in the room, and she smiled slightly. Taylor came into the room, eyes still locked on Seth, sleeping on the bed next to her.
“You guys ok?” Taylor asked, noticing the way Seth was curled up in her arms, where they’d fallen as he cried himself to sleep.
“We’re good,” she whispered back. “You?”
“As good as two people as damaged as we are can be,” Taylor sighed, sitting down heavily on the other bed. “Where’s Parker?”
“Bathroom,” Summer nodded at the door. “I think he’s afraid to come out.”
Taylor nodded and stood up to go talk to her boyfriend.
…
The TV made the room flicker and she tried not to feel so uncomfortable.
She couldn’t believe she’d broken up with Parker in a bathroom.
He’d been good to her. Nice, safe, comfortable. He didn’t really deserve this.
Then again, he didn’t really deserve a girlfriend that only half paid attention to him.
And now she was stuck in a motel room with him, with her best friend and her sleeping boyfriend on the other bed.
Around two in the morning, the door opened and she watched Ryan come in, looking worn.
“Atwood,” Summer said, sitting up slightly, trying not to disturb Seth.
“Ethan’s dead,” Ryan said, throwing an axe on the floor next to their luggage.
“You killed him?” Parker asked, looking pale from where he was sitting on the floor.
“It’s what I do.”
Parker nodded and stood.
“Then I guess it’s cool if I go home,” he said, shifting nervously. “Thanks.”
“I didn’t do it for you,” Ryan said evenly, eyes meeting Parker’s.
“Right,” Parker nodded, looking slightly sad. “But thanks anyway.” He took a deep breath and turned to her. “You staying here tonight?”
“Yeah,” she whispered, wondering if she should feel guiltier than she did. “Is it ok if I come by some other time and get my stuff?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Just leave your key on the kitchen counter when you’re done. I probably won’t be around a lot.”
She nodded and he gave her one last, small smile before leaving the room.
Ryan didn’t ask questions and got into bed next to her when she shifted over.
Summer switched off the TV without a word and curled up around Seth and closed her eyes.
For the first time in almost two years, she felt Ryan’s arm wrap around her as she fell asleep and she tried not to question why this didn’t feel as awkward as it should.
She hadn’t lied, back then, when she’d told Ryan she loved him.
But that was so long ago and so much had happened and she wondered what was wrong with her to let a decent guy like Parker go, just so she could fall asleep in the same bed as Ryan, if only for one night.
…
Seth felt lighter than he had in a really long time.
The sun was bright overhead, the Rover had a full tank of gas, Ryan had an actual smile on his face - lopsided and small, but still a smile.
And Summer looked radiant as she stood in front of him, hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.
“You remember the rules, right?” she said, staring him down.
“Call every night, no matter how late,” Seth repeated. “Ask if we need help, no matter if it seems stupid.”
“And…” Summer prompted.
“And eat more vegetables.”
“Right,” she nodded, scowl disappearing. “Now get going, or you’ll hit traffic.”
Seth stepped forward and kissed her and tried to ignore the hollowness in his chest at the thought of not being near her again.
It had been three weeks since the Ethan incident and he and Summer were back together. He wasn’t sure how it had happened, but he knew he couldn’t be in the same town with her for longer than a day and not be back with her.
They’d been doing research on the demon and he’d found a few promising things and they had a lead on one of them in Oklahoma.
And as much as it killed him to know that he was still going after this thing, that he’d be leaving Summer because he couldn’t take her with him, he still couldn’t live without her.
She’d taken it well, on a whole. She’d nodded in agreement when he told her he needed to finish this. She’d agreed when he told her she couldn’t come along; he couldn’t risk it.
She’d kissed him long and hard and then set down some ground rules for this.
The most important one was calling every night to tell her he was still alive.
And he knew that information would be passed on to Taylor.
She and Ryan weren’t back together, even though he wasn’t stupid enough not to guess what was going on when they mysteriously disappeared together. He wasn’t stupid enough not to know what that look on Ryan’s face was.
But they didn’t kiss or touch in public and they insisted that no, they weren’t dating or anything of the sort.
They weren’t Seth and Summer, as Taylor had so quaintly put it.
She as just seeing her soldier off to war.
Or something like that.
He just remembered gagging when she said that, while Summer made her ew face and Ryan ducked his head over a grin.
He honestly had no idea what was really going on with them, but Ryan seemed happy and Taylor seemed happy and Summer seemed happy and he knew he was happy.
Maybe happy was the wrong word, but something had definitely changed and he felt more hope right now than he had in the last two years.
He saw a light at the end of the tunnel and that was enough.