Dearest 11
fear
tatsuya
If I had never opened the door, nothing would have changed. If I had never opened the door, Ryo would have gone home, dissatisfied but pure. If I had never opened the door, Ryo would -
“Hello, Tatsuya.”
“R-Ryo,” I stuttered, my eyes round with alarm.
“Is he home?” Ryo snapped, pushing past me and into the living room.
“N-no, but you can’t -”
Ryo spun around, one hand swiftly locking the door behind him, the other grabbing my neck.
“You are mine, Tatsuya,” he hissed harshly, before forcing his tongue down my throat.
I gagged, tears rolling down my cheeks as I realised exactly why Ryo was here. His fingers tore at my blouse buttons and he ripped the garment from my torso, ugly lines of red evidence of where his nails had made contact with my flesh. Ryo’s right hand pulled my head back as he fed hungrily at the nape of my neck, causing me to shudder involuntarily.
“Ryo. Stop. Please.”
The younger man ignored my pleas as he fumbled at my belt buckle, successfully undoing it. Soon, I was fully naked. Surprisingly, he was too - I could remember Ryo undressing himself, and I refuse to believe that it was by my hands that he was free of clothing.
“Don’t do this, Ryo,” I tried, bringing my fingers up to his face and tracing the lines caused by him grimacing.
He held my hands in his and pulled them over my head, his eyes dark. Dead.
I turned my head to the side and bit back a groan; a sob; a scream; as he entered me, moving roughly as he expelled short gasps of air. My flesh burned after every thrust, a fire raging through me that had nothing to do with passion.
“… respond.”
“What?” I was startled. Although, technically, Ryo was the one raping me, his face had the expression a victim would have. Hurt. Scared. Pathetic, almost.
“Why won’t you respond? Fight back, try to escape - anything! I’m fxcking you against your will and all you do is lie there. It’s like having sex with a dead person and if you died -“
Ryo pulled himself out of me, the drying blood staining the white sheets with its redness.
“If you died, I could never live.”
Rain had begun to fall whilst Ryo had been moving inside of me, and I took my time answering, listening to the comforting sounds of the clouds drying.
“… I love you, Tatsuya. Why can’t you accept that?”
“I can’t leave him, Ryo. My family can only accept me and my sexual preferences only if I stay with him. I need my family.”
“What. So you don’t need me?” Ryo snapped.
“Did I say that?” Don’t assume, Ryo.”
The clouds had begun to sob loudly, and the lights flickered as the wind shared its sadness.
“You’re young - go live a life I never had.”
Ryo reached over to grab my hand once more, but I let it fall from his grasp.
“… I raped you,” he hissed, disgusted at himself.
“You don’t need me,” I breathed, not daring to move.
“I forced myself on you. I’m a coward,” he continued, lifting himself off me and picking up his shirt and pants numbly.
“You don’t want me,” I said, silent tears making tracks down my cheeks.
Ryo turned to face me when he reached the door, pain and anguish washing over his features.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, before closing the door behind him.
All that answered him was silence.
You don’t love me.
The clouds were still crying.