Dearest 05
Jealousy
ryo
”Ok, everyone, let’s finish up for today,” Jae Hoon announced, and I relaxed, flexing my fingers to get the blood circulating through them once more.
“Ryo?”
Kay Tee was standing next to me, her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail.
“Do you want to have dinner together?”
I gave her an apologetic smile.
“I’m meeting up with Tatsuya tonight. Sorry.”
“Oh.”
As Kay Tee’s face fell, an idea popped up in my head.
“Wait - why don’t you come with us? Then you can finally meet him.”
Kay Tee had a worried expression as the words left my mouth and she chewed her bottom lip, a flash of white nestled between walls of pink.
“He’ll get jealous, don’t you think?”
“No - don’t worry about it. It’ll be fine.”
I was wrong.
The look on Tatsuya’s face wasn’t one of jealousy - the word ‘understanding’ would be closer. An understanding of my choice, he explained to me later.
“Tatsuya,” I introduced, kissing his cheek. “Kay Tee.”
“Nice to meet you at last, Tatsuya,” Kay Tee said warmly, and Tatsuya smiled.
“Likewise.”
As we placed our orders, I could see Tatsuya’s eyes flicker between Kay Tee and me his, brow furrowed with worry.
“Tatsuya,” I called gently, putting a hand over his. “She’s my best friend… nothing else, ok?”
“But she’s so beautiful,” Tatsuya argued.
“So are you.”
Tatsuya shook his head.
“I was never beautiful - saying that word to me will change nothing now.”
Tatsuya drank heavily that night, plunging me into deeper pit of worry.
“Shall we leave?” Kay Tee finally suggested.
Tatsuya merely nodded, and I offered to drive him back to my apartment.
“No.”
“Sorry?”
“Take me home.”
The last three words struck me. For him, his boyfriend’s house was not a home - for Tatsuya to call it a home meant that he thought nothing of life anymore.
“Home?”
Tatsuya turned to me, his eyes misty from the over consumption of alcohol.
“Yes. Take me home to Jin.”
“Tatsuya…” I tried desperately, noting that the relationship between us was failing right in front of my eyes.
“Take me -“
Kay Tee commented at practise the day after that the situation would have been quite funny if it weren’t for the fact that Tatsuya was exhausted from arguing. Tatsuya had never finished his demand - he had promptly blacked out before he could, and I took him back to my apartment against his will.
When he woke up, I could taste his fear when I kissed him.
“How can you claim to love me when you have her next to you everyday?” Tatsuya sobbed, and my embrace around him tightened.
“I love you,” I said simply.
“No,” Tatsuya fought, struggling in my arms.
“Tatsuya,” I whispered. “I love you.”
Tatsuya didn't talk for an hour after the words left my mouth.