Dead & Gone
Title: Dead & Gone
Author: xx-me-myself-I [aka. Me xD]
Genre: Angst & Fluff in one
Rating: PG
Pairing: Yamajima
Word Count: 966
Author's note: Drabble I wrote up quickly because I thought of the idea for some reason. Yamada’s POV.
Summary: Missing somebody is a horrible feeling. Never being able to see them again is worse.
I bit my bottom lip with my teeth as I twirled around practicing the new dance routine.
Defeat.
I could taste it as my foot slipped coming out of a kick turn and I fell to the ground.
Blood.
Biting my lip while I was dancing was probably not a good thing, I noted. I tasted blood on my lips.
Alone.
The other members had gone home a few hours ago and yet here I stayed, twirling in circles over and over again like a mindless robot. I couldn’t stop my feet from moving. I felt the aches and pains in my arms in legs that were slowly turning into muscle. I didn’t care. I needed to get this routine right. For my life to be complete.
“Yamada, how many times do I need to tell you that it’s a kick left turn not right?!”
I bowed at the dance instructor as he held up the ten member group once again. Well, I should say nine members now.
“Yama-chan, I know it’s a excruciating dance lesson, but please bear with it, alright?”
The older member and friend, Yabu Kota, patted me on the back as I nodded. The dance wasn’t that difficult, it was quite easy. We had been dancing to that new “Passion JUMP” song of some sort for Volleyball support once again.
I could vividly picture the press conference held just weeks before. I remembered receiving tons of fan mail anticipating the new song, and I was as well. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I was one of the more popular members and I could see the envy in everybody’s faces as I received the tons of fan letters. Sometimes I wished to share the love with the other members as well.
Back to practice. The dance felt like plenty of hip thrusting and twirling to make any girl feel like fainting. But it was only natural that we had to step up our game now. And it was only natural that I felt out of place at the dance rehearsals.
Last week all my fan mail started to get depressing ‘Sorry for your loss Yama-chan’ they would all say.
As if I needed a reminder.
It was that very cold hard truth that Yuto Nakajima was dead. Gone for good. All because of a stupid train accident that didn’t even kill anybody, except the person closest to me. All because Yuto gave an old lady his seat and decided that it was okay to stand when there was no place to hang on. All because ‘Oh it’s only a ten minute ride I’ll be alright.’
But, obviously, it wasn’t alright, especially for me, Yamada Ryosuke.
I remember that last casual conversation I had with him. If only I knew it would be my last. I would’ve taken his face in my hands, even in public, no matter how weird it seemed. I would press my lips against him and slowly caress him telling him I loved him. That would have satisfied me much more. Now he will never know how much I cared about him, more than a friend.
Dance rehearsal was finally over. I still got stares from the other members, more encouraging from the 7 members and more disapproving from the BEST members. They all told me to feel better, and I could tell they just hoped I would snap out of it after Yuto’s funeral, tomorrow.
I finally decided the only way to get rid of the pain was by more pain. Working my dancing skills to the limit and focus all my energy on that and none on Yuto. Sometimes I would think of the times we practiced together and Yuto would complement my dancing. Joking and telling me that he wanted to be just like me when he grew up.
I finally fell after trying the kick turn another time. I heard the instructor’s mad voice in my head but decided to give up and head home. I felt like that was my life at the moment, just give up.
That night I had a dream. And in that dream Yuto came to me.
He stroked my face lightly and gave me short and sweet kisses. It felt like he was really there. I couldn’t help smiling for the first time in a long time. Then after many shows of affection he sighed and spoke to me for the first time.
“Yama-chan, you know I’m dead now right?”
The sudden reality brought tears to my eyes. I clutched onto Yuto possessively and clenched my eyes shut.
Yuto unexpectedly laughed and rubbed my back in slow, soothing motions.
“You can be such a baby sometimes Yama-chan. What I’m trying to say is, don’t waste your life mourning over me. You're only 15, you should live your life the best you can. There are plenty of girls that would bury themselves alive for you, stud!”
Yuto laughed again, but it died out shortly as he lifted my face to stare into his eyes.
“Promise me. Promise me that you’ll be happy, because a sad Yama-chan makes me VERY sad.”
I regretted it, but I nodded, unable to resist Yuto’s wishes.
“But, only if you come into my dreams every night and treat me like you were still alive.”
I gave a little pout for emphasis and Yuto grinned, pinning me down to the ground.
“Yamada Ryosuke, anything to please you.”
Author: xx-me-myself-I [aka. Me xD]
Genre: Angst & Fluff in one
Rating: PG
Pairing: Yamajima
Word Count: 966
Author's note: Drabble I wrote up quickly because I thought of the idea for some reason. Yamada’s POV.
Summary: Missing somebody is a horrible feeling. Never being able to see them again is worse.
I bit my bottom lip with my teeth as I twirled around practicing the new dance routine.
Defeat.
I could taste it as my foot slipped coming out of a kick turn and I fell to the ground.
Blood.
Biting my lip while I was dancing was probably not a good thing, I noted. I tasted blood on my lips.
Alone.
The other members had gone home a few hours ago and yet here I stayed, twirling in circles over and over again like a mindless robot. I couldn’t stop my feet from moving. I felt the aches and pains in my arms in legs that were slowly turning into muscle. I didn’t care. I needed to get this routine right. For my life to be complete.
“Yamada, how many times do I need to tell you that it’s a kick left turn not right?!”
I bowed at the dance instructor as he held up the ten member group once again. Well, I should say nine members now.
“Yama-chan, I know it’s a excruciating dance lesson, but please bear with it, alright?”
The older member and friend, Yabu Kota, patted me on the back as I nodded. The dance wasn’t that difficult, it was quite easy. We had been dancing to that new “Passion JUMP” song of some sort for Volleyball support once again.
I could vividly picture the press conference held just weeks before. I remembered receiving tons of fan mail anticipating the new song, and I was as well. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I was one of the more popular members and I could see the envy in everybody’s faces as I received the tons of fan letters. Sometimes I wished to share the love with the other members as well.
Back to practice. The dance felt like plenty of hip thrusting and twirling to make any girl feel like fainting. But it was only natural that we had to step up our game now. And it was only natural that I felt out of place at the dance rehearsals.
Last week all my fan mail started to get depressing ‘Sorry for your loss Yama-chan’ they would all say.
As if I needed a reminder.
It was that very cold hard truth that Yuto Nakajima was dead. Gone for good. All because of a stupid train accident that didn’t even kill anybody, except the person closest to me. All because Yuto gave an old lady his seat and decided that it was okay to stand when there was no place to hang on. All because ‘Oh it’s only a ten minute ride I’ll be alright.’
But, obviously, it wasn’t alright, especially for me, Yamada Ryosuke.
I remember that last casual conversation I had with him. If only I knew it would be my last. I would’ve taken his face in my hands, even in public, no matter how weird it seemed. I would press my lips against him and slowly caress him telling him I loved him. That would have satisfied me much more. Now he will never know how much I cared about him, more than a friend.
Dance rehearsal was finally over. I still got stares from the other members, more encouraging from the 7 members and more disapproving from the BEST members. They all told me to feel better, and I could tell they just hoped I would snap out of it after Yuto’s funeral, tomorrow.
I finally decided the only way to get rid of the pain was by more pain. Working my dancing skills to the limit and focus all my energy on that and none on Yuto. Sometimes I would think of the times we practiced together and Yuto would complement my dancing. Joking and telling me that he wanted to be just like me when he grew up.
I finally fell after trying the kick turn another time. I heard the instructor’s mad voice in my head but decided to give up and head home. I felt like that was my life at the moment, just give up.
That night I had a dream. And in that dream Yuto came to me.
He stroked my face lightly and gave me short and sweet kisses. It felt like he was really there. I couldn’t help smiling for the first time in a long time. Then after many shows of affection he sighed and spoke to me for the first time.
“Yama-chan, you know I’m dead now right?”
The sudden reality brought tears to my eyes. I clutched onto Yuto possessively and clenched my eyes shut.
Yuto unexpectedly laughed and rubbed my back in slow, soothing motions.
“You can be such a baby sometimes Yama-chan. What I’m trying to say is, don’t waste your life mourning over me. You're only 15, you should live your life the best you can. There are plenty of girls that would bury themselves alive for you, stud!”
Yuto laughed again, but it died out shortly as he lifted my face to stare into his eyes.
“Promise me. Promise me that you’ll be happy, because a sad Yama-chan makes me VERY sad.”
I regretted it, but I nodded, unable to resist Yuto’s wishes.
“But, only if you come into my dreams every night and treat me like you were still alive.”
I gave a little pout for emphasis and Yuto grinned, pinning me down to the ground.
“Yamada Ryosuke, anything to please you.”