I've been trying not to stress about the election. Really trying ( Read more... )

since when do i let myself feel guilty for not just bowing down to the fact that the meaning of life is working some shit job that i don't care about to pay for things that technically i could live without? if i'm going to get sucked in to being a sheepie i'm going to go down fighting.

My geckos as of today (just got a new scale yesterday)

Stormy- 19.1 grams


( Read more... )

lately
i've been listening to
everything but what i want to hear.

i've been eating
everything
but what i want to taste.

feeling
everything but what i want to feel.

my senses are being deprived of
nothing. everything.
at the same time.

(i never say what i want to say.)

the way i consume the space around me
is
greedy.
and the way i pretend
to want to disappear
is
a lie.
so
tangle my hair in your fist
and drag me
out of non-oblivion
and make me
tell the truth.

i love it
when i can feel them
hating me with their eyes.

since when do i have almost nothing in common with the great majority of my friends?

*edit*

also, since when do i let disappointment rule my life? i need to lower my expectations.

I really don't know what is going on with me, mood-wise. I have been very emotionally unstable and very anxious about everything lately. I would looooove to just write it off and blame it on hormones, but I honestly don't know if that's the whole story. There are a few things in my life that I am stressed and unhappy about, and I find it very hard ( Read more... )

i just feel sick.

nothing i want to say can realistically happen.
so why
can't i just keep my mouth shut?

No one will enable me to keep running from how broken i feel.

I don't know how to deal with it.

But no one will let me go away and pretend anymore.

the things my brain says to me when i'm not even in a bad mood are astounding. i have this little voice that is always there, i assume most people have it. inner dialogue, talking to yourself without sounding crazy. (i would like to point out that with me, it's constant. i always have a conversation going on with myself. that's probably why i seem ( Read more... )