and i miss you (and love you and crave for you) iii/iii
The first thing that Kyungsoo surprises him with as soon as he arrives is:
"I've decided-I want to move to Korea with you."
Kyungsoo's eyes are earnest as he looks at Junmyeon, not a single sign or hint that Kyungsoo is just playing tricks on him, and Junmyeon feels like this is something out of his wildest dreams. But Kyungsoo is here, right in front of him, looking so gorgeous and perfect as ever, so Junmyeon thinks this must be really happening right now. Still, Junmyeon pinches himself on the arm for good measure.
Kyungsoo laughs, the sound so melodic in Junmyeon's ears. "What are you doing?" he asks. Kyungsoo then takes Junmyeon's hands in his. "This isn't a dream or a figment of your imagination. I'm here, I'm real. And I want to be with you in Korea."
"Are you serious?" Junmyeon asks. He can feel himself slightly shaking in incredulity and Junmyeon swears he's not going to get ahead of himself, not until Kyungsoo says that he's really serious about this, not until-
Kyungsoo nods, biting his lip. "Yes."
Junmyeon hurriedly cradles Kyungsoo's face in his hands and kisses him full on the mouth, presses his lips against Kyungsoo's for a few more times before eventually pulling back just to hold Kyungsoo in his arms.
They still need to discuss this with Kyungsoo's family, make a few more other plans regarding their future, but for now-for now, this is enough.
Junmyeon thinks he wouldn't mind staying like this for a little more while.
The second thing that Kyungsoo surprises him with that same day makes Junmyeon feel a little terrified for his life.
"Your older brother's coming today?" Junmyeon asks. He and Kyungsoo are huddled in front of the stove, with Kyungsoo's attention mostly focused on the pot of galbitang boiling in front of them and Junmyeon just standing there to try and be at least a little help in the kitchen.
Kyungsoo had mentioned Seung Soo to him before-"he moved away and got himself his own place three years ago," Kyungsoo had said, "but he still visits us every now and then."-but Junmyeon never really got the chance to meet him personally during his few short trips to see Kyungsoo last year. He's glad that it's going to happen now, however. Junmyeon knows how important it is for Kyungsoo to let his whole family know of his decision.
"Yeah," Kyungsoo says. He stirs the contents of the pot for a few times before holding out a spoonful of soup for Junmyeon to taste. "Are you worried?"
Junmyeon scrunches his face. "Just a little bit." He opens his mouth to taste the proffered soup and Junmyeon almost gets the shock of his life at the burst of flavor that immediately plays on his tongue. Junmyeon makes sure to hum exaggeratedly and gives Kyungsoo a two thumbs up for the delicious food.
It's easier said than done and Junmyeon knows it's still going to be difficult to try and not be worried in the presence of his brother. Because while Kyungsoo's parents obviously don't have any problems with their relationship, facing Seung Soo is another thing altogether.
Kyungsoo, seemingly satisfied with Junmyeon's reaction, gives him a soft smile in return before stirring the soup once again. "You don't have to, you know. It doesn't really matter to my brother who I'm with. He just wants to see me happy." Kyungsoo then looks at him and Junmyeon feels his affection for Kyungsoo flood in his chest. "And you make me happy."
Junmyeon smiles, trying to ignore the flush and thrill of happiness that goes through him. He pulls Kyungsoo close and brushes his lips gently over his temple. "You make me really happy, too."
"Aw, look at you two."
Kyungsoo almost jumps a whole foot into the air when an achingly familiar voice comes from behind him. He whirls around in Junmyeon's embrace so fast he gets dizzy and has to brace himself on Junmyeon's arm. Junmyeon sees Kyungsoo's face immediately light up as soon as he recognizes the person standing by their front door.
"Hyung!"
Junmyeon's heart jumps. He isn't given a second to calm his nerves, however, because Kyungsoo's fingers are suddenly wrapping themselves around his wrist, dragging Junmyeon with him so they can both greet Kyungsoo's brother.
Once they're close enough, Kyungsoo lunges at Seung Soo for a tight hug, which he reciprocates just as warmly. "It's been a while, huh?"
Kyungsoo just nods against his shoulder, clearly overwhelmed with feelings upon seeing him again. For a second, Junmyeon feels like a complete outsider, like he's intruding something that he shouldn't even be a part of. He wants to excuse himself and leave the two alone but Junmyeon doesn't really know how to do that without getting both of their attention.
Eventually, they pull away and they just stand beaming at each other until Junmyeon can't help but shift uncomfortably next to Kyungsoo.
The slight movement reminds Kyungsoo of Junmyeon's presence beside him and he starts, gently gripping his wrist again to pull Junmyeon forward. "Oh, hyung, meet Junmyeon, my boyfriend."
Junmyeon tries not to smile too dumbly at hearing Kyungsoo openly introduce him as his boyfriend. It's ridiculous because it isn't like this is the first time that Kyungsoo had referred to him as such but, still, it makes Junmyeon giddy with happiness nonetheless.
Seung Soo proceeds to look Junmyeon up and down and Junmyeon tries so hard not to fidget in his place. He is pretty intimidating-Junmyeon supposes this is just one of the many things that Kyungsoo and Seung Soo have in common.
He must have been satisfied in whatever he saw in Junmyeon, because after giving Junmyeon the once-over, Seung Soo just turns to Kyungsoo and smiles. "So, this is the guy that you've been talking my ear off about."
Oh.
Junmyeon raises an inquisitive eyebrow at Kyungsoo, now entirely curious about this new information he just heard. Kyungsoo, however, remains silent, a beautiful hue of red leaking into his cheeks as they burn from embarrassment. Junmyeon almost coos loudly at him-Kyungsoo's just too cute.
But as much as he loves to continue staring at an embarrassed Kyungsoo, keep that adorable image safely stored in the recesses of his mind, Junmyeon knows that he still needs to properly introduce himself to Kyungsoo's brother. So, reluctantly, Junmyeon tears his gaze away from his blushing boyfriend to face Seung Soo and offers a polite bow as a greeting.
"Hello, I'm Junmyeon," he says. "It's really nice to finally meet you."
Surprised, Kyungsoo's brother turns to him and bows as well. "I'm Seung Soo," he replies. "I've heard a ridiculous amount about you from Kyungsoo, so it's great to finally meet you in person."
Junmyeon fights down the warmth threatening to pool in his cheeks and laughs awkwardly. "I hope they're only good things."
"I could tell them to you in detail some time-"
"Okay, hyung, that's enough!" Kyungsoo quickly butts in, tugging his brother away from Junmyeon. Seung Soo's just looking far too amused for Kyungsoo's peace of mind. "Come help us out in the kitchen and make yourself useful."
Seung Soo coos loudly at him. "Aww, is my little brother embarrassed?"
Junmyeon doesn't hear Kyungsoo's reply, but he does see Kyungsoo insistently pulling Seung Soo into the kitchen even more, clearly determined to get him as far away as possible from Junmyeon.
Junmyeon just shakes his head, amused. Looks like it's going to be one hell of an interesting day and Junmyeon isn't really all that sure how to prepare himself for it.
Eating together with Kyungsoo's family is pretty nice. It's not much different from when Junmyeon was here a few months back, but with the added prresence of Kyungsoo's brother, it's definitely a hundred times better than before. Through it all, through the amazing lunch of his mom's very own kimchi spaghetti and Kyungsoo's homemade cheesecake, Junmyeon had sat there with a smile on his face. He had laughed and talked and answered a dozen of questions all throughout and while he'd felt a little wistful over doing the same thing with his own family, Junmyeon still couldn't help but be glad that he's here.
The news about Kyungsoo moving to Korea is eventually brought up at some point. Kyungsoo had told his parents about his plans earlier, but it's obviously the first time that Seung Soo's hearing about this so it's quite understandable to see the undisguised shock written all over his face.
"Are you really set on moving to Korea?" Seung Soo asks. "What about that job offer you told me about before?"
"Yeah," Kyungsoo answers in a heartbeat. There's no hesitation in his tone and it makes Junmyeon feel so incredibly happy that Kyungsoo already seems pretty resolved on his decision. "And I'm going to call them first thing in the morning tomorrow to turn down their offer, hyung. I'm sure they can find someone more suitable for the job."
"What are your plans for work, then? You said no music company in Korea is hiring anyone right now."
Kyungsoo shrugs. "I guess I can do part time jobs here and there while I figure it out." Junmyeon can see the worried look Seung Soo throws at Kyungsoo's direction but Kyungsoo only waves him off and tries to smile reassuringly instead. "It's no big deal, hyung. I mean, it's not like I won't ever find a job in the music industry. I guess it'll just take a while for companies to start hiring again, but that's okay-I can wait."
"For how long? You don't know-"
"For as long as I can," Kyungsoo abruptly answers. "You know how I am, hyung. I don't give up that easily."
And then, just like that, all the fight goes out of Seung Soo-Junmyeon sees him almost sag in his seat, all tension leaving his body, a resigned smile pulling at the corners of his lips. Seung Soo looks at Kyungsoo like he's seeing him in a different light, and maybe he is, Junmyeon thinks. Maybe this is a side of Kyungsoo that he hasn't seen before. "Yeah, I know," he finally says. "And I can see how hard you must have thought about this. Junmyeon's that important to you, huh?"
The last question is uttered with such a sad smile that Junmyeon can't even force himself to feel happy over those words. But then Kyungsoo is looking at him, reaching for his hand across the table, and Junmyeon feels so thorn with conflicting emotions when he hears Kyungsoo reverently say, "Yeah, he is."
Junmyeon smiles, but it comes out looking so tight, far from reaching his eyes.
It's a few hours later, after their lunch is done and everything is cleaned up, when Junmyeon decides to go out by himself to get some air. For some reason, the conversation he'd witnessed earlier between Kyungsoo and his brother unsettles Junmyeon. He knows it's entirely Kyungsoo's decision to live with him in Seoul, of course, but there's a niggling voice at the back of his head that Junmyeon can't quite ignore. There's that feeling of uncertainty that Junmyeon just can't easily shake off.
The moment he steps out through the back door, Junmyeon almost wants to backpedal and go back inside-because there, sitting right by the bottom of the back stairs, is Seung Soo. He's alone, a lit cigarette in his hand, looking so contemplative and deep in thought as he stares at nothing in particular.
Junmyeon's about to head back when Seung Soo suddenly turns around and notices his presence. "Hey," Seung Soo greets. Junmyeon freezes in place. "Out here to get some air, too?"
"Yeah," Junmyeon weakly answers.
Seung Soo hums. "Why don't you sit here with me for a second? You look so uncomfortable just standing there by yourself."
Junmyeon wants to tell Seung Soo that it's going to be even more uncomfortable just being alone with him, but then decides that it's probably a rude thing to say to his boyfriend's brother. So Junmyeon just keeps that to himself and hesitantly moves from his spot to sit right next to Seung Soo. He tries to calm his pounding heart by breathing in slowly, tries not to squirm too much in Seung Soo's presence.
For a long moment, none of them speak. There's a bit of tension hanging in the air and Junmyeon doesn't really know what to make of it. He's just about to open his mouth to start some ridiculous topic when Seung Soo suddenly speaks up and beats him to it.
"I'm pretty sure you already know that I don't entirely agree with Kyungsoo's decision," Seung Soo says without any kind of preamble. Junmyeon tries not to make a face. It was quite obvious, seeing as their last conversation almost didn't go that well, but Junmyeon isn't about to tell him that. "Maybe I'm being too protective or something, but he's still my little brother despite how mature he acts sometimes and I care for him so much. You understand, right?"
Junmyeon nods. "Yes, of course."
"And even though I wasn't here most of the time, I'm sure it's been a struggle for Kyungsoo to pick between living with you in Korea or taking this incredible job offered to him," Seung Soo says. He looks at Junmyeon then, eyes meeting Junmyeon's with nothing but open sincerity. "But I guess he really loves you so much. And I can see how much you love him, too. But you need to know how much he's giving up just to be with you, Junmyeon."
Junmyeon holds his gaze, steady and determined, while Seung Soo only continues, "So don't break his heart. Cause if you do…if this is all some game to you…then I will make your life a living hell. I may be living miles away from Korea but believe me, to the best of my ability, I can and I will make you miserable."
Junmyeon gulps. "I understand."
It takes a little while for the tense moment to pass, but when it finally does, Seung Soo returns to his normal self, smiling and patting Junmyeon on the back. "We should go back inside. I'm pretty sure mom's been dying to show you some of Kyungsoo's embarrassing baby pictures."
"Go on ahead, hyung," Junmyeon says. "I think I'm going to stay here for a little bit."
Seung Soo raises an eyebrow. "You sure?"
Junmyeon smiles and nods. Seung Soo eventually goes back inside, leaving Junmyeon alone with his thoughts. Truthfully, that conversation with Seung Soo had shaken him up, made Junmyeon really think about what they're doing. Despite their clashing opinions, it's clear that Seung Soo only has the best intentions in mind for his brother, and so does Junmyeon. He understands where his apparent disagreement regarding Kyungsoo's decision is coming from, however, and Junmyeon knows he's not in the place to question that.
Confused, Junmyeon buries his face in his hands. Frankly, he'd been afraid to be alone with Seung Soo in the beginning, knowing that this could very well happen. But, now, Junmyeon's actually thankful that they had this chance to talk because it made Junmyeon consider things that he wouldn't normally think about in Kyungsoo's presence.
He's been given a new perspective to ponder on, and it's up to Junmyeon to make a final decision on his own.
Junmyeon doesn't know what he's doing.
Or maybe he does, but Junmyeon is far too preoccupied with so many things running inside his head that he can't really be bothered to question himself anymore. He'd gone through the past few hours doing the exact, same thing-going back and forth on something that can basically make or break their relationship-and Junmyeon just feels so exhausted now, mentally more than physically so.
It was hard, but Junmyeon had eventually come up with a decison. It probably won't make sense now but Junmyeon is sure that, in time, Kyungsoo will understand.
Kyungsoo will eventually thank him for this in the long run.
It's for the best.
When Junmyeon steps inside Kyungsoo's room, the first thing he notices is the amount of clothes piled and folded on the bed, meticulously stacked on top of each other. Kyungsoo's not very fond of procrastination so he has decided to pack a little early since they're already set to leave for Korea the day after tomorrow.
Kyungsoo looks up and smiles as soon as he sees Junmyeon. "Hey," he greets. He then gestures around with his free hand, laughing under his breath. "I'm sorry it's a bit messy here right now, but I'll be done really soon!"
He's not even done folding the shirt he has on his hands when Kyungsoo suddenly sighs and glances around, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. "Do you think I'm bringing too many clothes?" Kyungsoo asks. Junmyeon only continues to stand by the door, greedily taking in every aspect of Kyungsoo's face so he can file it into his memory. It doesn't take long for Kyungsoo to notice that something's up, however, and his eyebrows scrunch in concern. "What's the problem?"
Gingerly, Junmyeon takes the clothes away from Kyungsoo's grasp and proceeds to sit down beside him. He encloses Kyungsoo's hands in his, holding them tightly, hoping that Kyungsoo won't hate him for what he's about to do. "You have to take the job, Kyungsoo."
Kyungsoo's eyes widen as soon as those words are out of Junmyeon's mouth. "No," he immediately says, vehemently shaking his head. "No, I'm not going to give up our relationship just because of a job. I'm not doing it-"
"Kyungsoo," Junmyeon sternly cuts in. "Kyungsoo, you need to take the job. This isn't about our relationship. This is about me asking you to leave everything behind just to be with me and I'm not going to do that." Kyungsoo's grip onto his hand tightens and Junmyeon can already see the tears forming in his eyes. "Sure, it'll feel great for a little while if you do move to Korea but you'll resent me eventually and I can't live with that. I-I can't and I won't. You can do so many great things here, Soo, and I don't want to stand in your way. I don't want to go through each day knowing that I held you back because of my selfishness."
Kyungsoo's tears are falling freely now and Junmyeon's heart breaks little by little as he tries to gently wipe them all away his thumb. "But what's going to happen to us?"
"We can't just settle on seeing each other every three months or so. That's not how a relationship works," Junmyeon brokenly says. It's the closest thing to a breakup that Junmyeon can think of and even saying that makes his heart pang inside his chest.
Kyungsoo doesn't say anything else after that. For a second, Junmyeon feels a little hurt that Kyungsoo's agreeing with him so wholeheartedly, that Kyungsoo isn't fighting to keep their relationship from falling apart anymore. But then again, Junmyeon thinks that this is probably for the best.
Junmyeon needs to do this-he loves Kyungsoo too much to tie him down and selfishly confine him in such a difficult relationship.
"I love you," Junmyeon says because it's true. He knows they're not breaking up because they fell out of love; Junmyeon has long since convinced himself that "not dating Kyungsoo" is definitely not synonymous to "not loving Kyungsoo anymore."
Kyungsoo leans forward to rest his forehead against Junmyeon's and Junmyeon just lets him be. "I love you too. So much," he whispers, and it only makes Junmyeon's decision to let Kyungsoo go that much harder to bear.
They sit in silence like that, wrapped in each other's arms and, for a moment, Junmyeon allows himself to think that this is just one horrible nightmare that he'll be waking up to tomorrow.
And Junmyeon did wake up, only to find out that last night was anything but a nightmare.
Junmyeon only comes to terms with the reality that he and Kyungsoo had really broken up when he catches himself right in the middle of LAX, his baggage in one hand and his passport in the other. Junmyeon had decided to leave earlier than planned to make things a little less difficult for the both of them, give them the space that they need. He's doing this for the both of them, Junmyeon inwardly insists. But now, seeing Kyungsoo walking right beside him, Junmyeon's starting to regret the fact that he won't be able to spend one more day with Kyungsoo.
Which is probably the reason why, out of the blue, Junmyeon just reaches out to tug Kyungsoo close and say, "Let's sit down for a while."
Kyungsoo wordlessly nods and they end up occupying the chairs in the airport's waiting area. Junmyeon feels and looks horrible, but Kyungsoo doesn't really appear to be much better. For a while, Junmyeon doesn't speak because he isn't really sure what to say. There's a part of him that wants to take it all back, if that's the only thing he can do to stop hurting Kyungsoo like this. But the other part-the part of him that is rational and practical and utterly selfless--tells him to stick to his decision because it is the right thing to do.
In the end, Junmyeon only keeps his silence and lets his actions do the talking instead: he holds Kyungsoo close one last time and drops a lingering kiss on the top of his head.
When Kyungsoo reciprocates with a hug of his own, fingers gripping so tightly onto his shirt, Junmyeon almost feels like his heart is breaking into pieces all over again.
Jongdae is already there, waiting for him by the car, when Junmyeon finally arrives in Korea. Junmyeon isn't really in the mood to talk about things and, lucky for him, he doesn't actually need to-it only takes Jongdae one scrutinizing look at Junmyeon for him to somewhat guess what happened back in LA.
"Straight to your apartment?" Jongdae asks, already putting the key into the ignition to start the car.
"Yeah," Junmyeon says. As much as he wants to catch up with his friends, he's sleepy and exhausted and brokenhearted and there's literally nothing else Junmyeon wants to do other than lie on his bed and sleep for the next two hundred years or something.
For a while, Jongdae doesn't say anything. He only continues to drive, keeping his gaze straight ahead most of the time. He slips a few times, however, and Junmyeon catches Jongdae's wary glance at him through the rear-view mirror.
Junmyeon opens his mouth to reassure Jongdae before he can even start truly fussing over him-which is very likely to happen, considering it's Jongdae, the self-proclaimed mother hen of their little group. "Stop looking at me like that, Jongdae. I'm fine," he says, patting Jongdae's hand over the console.
Jongdae obviously doesn't believe him, if the slight shake of his head is any indication. "Hang in there, hyung," Jongdae replies instead. "I know it may seem unlikely right now, but I know things will get better soon for you and Kyungsoo."
Junmyeon just smiles but doesn't say anything. Right now, he feels like his heart just stopped beating altogether to even try and be optimistic about the future, but he's not about to tell Jongdae that and make him even more worried than he already is. In the end, he resorts to staring out the window to distract himself, his surroundings turning into a blur as they drive through the almost empty highway of Seoul.
Things will get better soon.
And Junmyeon prays, with all of his might, that they really will.
Recovering from losing a great love is never an easy process and, for Junmyeon, it's especially hard because he truly did see himself spending the rest of his life with Kyungsoo when they were still together. There's just no simple way for Junmyeon to let all of that go.
But, eventually, things begin to look up for Junmyeon in the next few months. Sure, he still feels the familiar ache in his chest whenever he's so much as reminded of Kyungsoo and all his favorite things, but Junmyeon knows it's not the same mind-numbing pain that he'd gone through after the first few weeks of their break-up. He's slowly getting by, getting better as the days also grow warmer.
That doesn't mean that Junmyeon had stopped missing Kyungsoo altogether, though, because he hadn't and, truthfully, Junmyeon doesn't know if he'll ever learn how to. Sometimes, it's incredibly easy to forget the hollow feeling in his chest, especially now that Junmyeon had started finding things to fill his time again-one of which is photography, that actually started out as a mere pastime but is now occupying the top of Junmyeon's list of interests.
Other times, it gets ridiculously harder than usual. Junmyeon would catch himself thinking of different things he wants to tell Kyungsoo and he'd quickly pull his phone out, ready to send him a message or two, only to remember that he's not supposed to do that anymore. Sometimes, the loneliness would prove to be too much for him to handle and he'd call Jongdae and Chanyeol over, bribe them with drinks and pizza and a good movie to boot, just so he wouldn't spend so much of his time thinking about Kyungsoo and how he could've easily changed their future together.
His friends don't seem to mind when he does that, which Junmyeon is incredibly thankful for.
However, Junmyeon can't exactly feel the same way in regards to all their blatant matchmaking attempts, though.
"Hyung, how about I set you up with one of my coworkers? He's kind of a hell of a lot taller than you, but he might exactly be your type," Jongdae says, smiling. "How about it?"
Junmyeon laughs at the eagerness splayed on Jongdae's face. He looks far too invested in setting Junmyeon up for dates that Junmyeon just finds it both worrying and comical at the same time. "Sorry, but I think I'll have to pass on that one again, Jongdae."
Jongdae pouts, but it doesn't stay too long on his face because Chanyeol is insistently shaking him by the shoulders, intent on catching Jongdae's attention. "How about me?" Chanyeol asks excitedly. "Why don't you hook me up with that coworker of yours instead?"
It doesn't even take two seconds before Chanyeol gets a firm shake of his head from Jongdae. "No can do, Yeol. I don't think Sehun would appreciate having a date whose mental age is even younger than he is. And we all know you're actually a 5 year old child trapped in an adult man's body."
"Rude!" Chanyeol exclaims. He then pouts sullenly, which only further proves Jongdae's point about him being an actual kid in disguise. "Okay, you know what, I don't actually need your help. I can find myself a hook up just fine. Don't expect me to come home with you guys tonight!"
And with that, Chanyeol immediately struts his way towards a rather unsuspecting guy who's sitting by the far end of the bar, chin held high and shoulders set straight. Junmyeon amusedly shakes his head upon seeing Chanyeol obviously flirting his way through the guy's easily bewitched heart.
"This is ridiculous," Jongdae says, laughing. He then turns to Junmyeon, mirth still evident in his eyes. "You do know that you don't have to be here, right, hyung?"
Junmyeon quirks an eyebrow at Jongdae. "What? And miss seeing all of this?"
Jongdae rolls his eyes. "Not this per se. I mean-you know that this is the kind of ridiculous shit that Chanyeol and I do together, right?" Junmyeon nods, not exactly sure where this conversation is heading. "And we'll be fine. We've always been fine. So if you're worried about us, I'm telling you right now that you don't have to be. But you-you don't have to be here."
Slowly but surely, Junmyeon gets what Jongdae really means.
You shouldn't be here. You know, in your heart, that you've always wanted to be somewhere else. Somewhere far from here. Somewhere close to him.
And he's right. Of course, Jongdae's right. Junmyeon had tried; he really, really did. But he knows all his attempts up until this point had been futile.
"I..." Junmyeon starts. He's unable to find the right thing to say, though, the words helplessly stuck in his throat.
Jongdae claps his shoulder. "Just think about it, hyung."
A year later.
"Please, please remind me again why I decided to humor you and go to this blind date," Kyungsoo says, an obvious frown ingrained on his face. He's standing in front of his full length mirror, examining himself in the red button down shirt and black pants that Baekhyun had especially picked for him (Kyungsoo would've chosen to wear something different, honestly, but Baekhyun just won't let him be with his own wardrobe).
"Because you promised me that you'll try, even just once," Baekhyun patiently reminds him. "And because you really need to get out more, Kyungsoo. It's been a year since you were in a relationship and I think it's about time for you to really move forward when it comes to your lovelife. So, as your good friend, I'm trying to help you slowly get back into the dating circuit."
"You know I'm perfectly happy on my own, Baek," Kyungsoo answers for what seems to be the nth time. Because he really is-he's content and happy and even feels so very well loved despite how many times Baekhyun insists otherwise. "I'm not-I don't think I'm ready to be in another relationship just yet."
Baekhyun sighs and walks over to where Kyungsoo is, turning him around by shoulders so Baekhyun can look at him as he speaks, "I'm not asking you to be with someone so soon if you're not yet ready. I just want you to go out there and mingle, make friends, know other people. Stop isolating yourself all the time, Soo. You would be surprised how socializing with others can help you a lot."
Kyungsoo bites his lip in thought. Baekhyun does have a point. Frankly, Kyungsoo has never done anything for his love life after his last relationship with Junmyeon ended. He didn't necessarily see the need to, especially since he's already pretty occupied with his family and friends and his new work and Kyungsoo just didn't have the free time to spend and see someone else.
But, maybe, it's already high time for that to change. Maybe dating can actually get him out of the slump that he's been thrown into after his last failed relationship. While the idea of meeting some random guy-picked by Baekhyun, no less-sounds really unappealing to Kyungsoo right now, Kyungsoo still knows that this is way better than actually meeting someone off of a craigslist ad.
If this doesn't work out, though, if this turns out to be a huge mistake like Kyungsoo had originally thought, then he can at least say that he tried and gave it a chance.
Baekhyun steps back a little and shamelessly stares at Kyungsoo. He lets his gaze wander from head to toe and Kyungsoo can't help but feel a little self-conscious all of a sudden. "You look really nice, by the way," he eventually compliments with a smile. "If I wasn't head over heels for Minseok, I'd probably throw myself at you and let you bang me tonight."
Kyungsoo snorts. "Sorry to burst your bubble, Baekhyun, but I'm not really interested with your flat ass."
Baekhyun gasps (quite exaggeratedly, if Kyungsoo may say). "I'll have you know that Minseok likes my wonderful ass, especially when he-"
"Please spare me the details of your sex life, Baekhyun," Kyungsoo interrupts, grimacing. "I really don't need to know what Minseok hyung likes to do with your ass."
Baekhyun throws him his silliest shit-eating grin, clearly pleased at himself and his successful attempt to annoy Kyungsoo even more. Sometimes, Kyungsoo wonders if Baekhyun entirely exists to make his life harder than it already is. (And, more often than not, Kyungsoo comes up with the conclusion that, yes, Baekhyun does exist for that reason alone.)
"Fine. Have it your way," Baekhyun singsongs.
Kyungsoo turns around to check himself in the mirror one last time before he needs to leave for his date. He's pretty nervous, quite honestly-it's been a while since he last went out and made an effort to meet someone. "If this ends terribly tonight, you owe me lunch for a month, Baekhyun."
Baekhyun outright laughs. "It won't be terrible, trust me," he says. There's something in his voice that makes Kyungsoo actually want to believe Baekhyun, even just this once. "Just relax and be yourself. Let things happen as they should."
The blind date is, coincidentally, at one of Kyungsoo's favorite restaurants in downtown LA.
For a moment, Kyungsoo just stands in front of the familiar food establishment, not moving an inch from where he is rooted in place. This was one of the many places that Kyungsoo had brought Junmyeon to when he flew all the way here that first time and, frankly, being here again brings Kyungsoo so many memories of their time together.
With a firm shake of his head, Kyungsoo tears himself away from his dangerous thoughts. He's not here to reminiscence about the past. He's here to try and start over and Kyungsoo swears he'll stop at nothing to do just that.
Kyungsoo steps inside the restaurant and heads straight towards the front desk, giving the girl standing there his name. The girl then nods and offers Kyungsoo her most professional smile as she leads him to a rather secluded table near the back. As he sits down, Kyungsoo can't help but sweep his gaze around the restaurant, slowly taking in his surroundings. The restaurant hasn't changed all that much in a year-everything still looks nice, from the soft music playing in the background, to the gentle lighting provided by the hanging lights, and even to the various art paintings hanging on the wall.
Things are almost the same as they were before. Well, except for one, obviously, Kyungsoo notes with an almost bitter laugh.
The seconds quickly tick by and Kyungsoo's anxiousness only grows as he waits. Fiddling with the menu placed on their table, Kyungsoo wonders if his date will ever show up. Maybe he chickened out at the last minute? Got caught up in traffic? Had a sudden emergency he needed to attend to? Or maybe he'd just decided that going to this blind date isn't just worth his time?
Frowning, Kyungsoo pulls his phone out to text Baekhyun-
"I'm sorry, did you wait that long?"
Kyungsoo looks up at the sudden voice, and immediately freezes in his seat as soon as he did. His eyes feel like they're going to drop out of their sockets with how long and how hard he's staring at the person standing before him. "Junmyeon?" he finally manages to say after what feels like a full minute. "What are you doing here?"
Junmyeon wordlessly takes the empty seat opposite him. When Kyungsoo's eyes only grow wider, Junmyeon's only reaction is to laugh awkwardly. "I'm your date for tonight, Kyungsoo."
What.
"What?" Kyungsoo forces out. Is this some kind of joke? Is this one of Baekhyun's mean pranks to get back at him-
"Please don't blame Baekhyun for this blind date," Junmyeon suddenly says, as though he's heard what's going on inside Kyungsoo's head. "It was me who asked-well, more like begged, really-Baekhyun for his help. This was all my idea."
"Why?" Kyungsoo can't help but ask. He's trying not to get his hopes up too much but with Junmyeon sitting right across from him, looking so gorgeous and so real, just within his reach, it's pretty hard to stop himself from doing just that.
"Because I wanted to see you," Junmyeon easily answers. He didn't even need to think that much-like the answer to Kyungsoo's question was simply that obvious right from the start.
Kyungsoo can't stop the ridiculous smile from tugging the ends of his lips. His heart is fluttering inside his chest and, somehow, he feels like a silly teenager all over again. "What? You flew all the way here just to set up this date?"
"A one-hour flight isn't too much of a hassle," Junmyeon cheekily answers. Before Kyungsoo can even open his mouth to ask, Junmyeon continues, "I already moved to San Francisco, Soo."
"Really?" Kyungsoo asks, eyebrows arched in surprise. Well, this is certainly news to him. "Since when?"
"Just a few months ago." Junmyeon sighs. "I guess it was also a way for me to start over." He's looking straight at Kyungsoo as he answers and Kyungsoo tries not to squirm under that intent stare. "I left my job to pursue my interest in photography. Coincidentally, a close family friend has his own established business in San Francisco so when he offered to take me in, I didn't even hesitate and said yes."
Kyungsoo only keeps his silence the whole time Junmyeon's talking, trying to take everything in all at once. "Crazy, I know-it's not like me to just take huge risks like this," Junmyeon continues, laughing. It doesn't take long for him to sober up, however, his face now schooled into a more serious expression. "But I've learned that there are some things in this world that are really worth risking for. So here I am."
Kyungsoo doesn't know what to say that. Well, he does know, actually, but Kyungsoo isn't sure if he has the will to tell Junmyeon all the things he has in his mind right now.
Thankfully, Junmyeon beats him to it before Kyungsoo can even make up his mind. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Yeah," Kyungsoo says, nodding.
"I don't really know what your situation is right now but-" Junmyeon suddenly trails off. He opens his mouth and closes it again, does it for a few more times until he finally decides to just blurt out, "I miss you, Soo."
Kyungsoo smiles, almost laughs at the warm feeling that suddenly spreads across his chest. The earnestness in Junmyeon's tone sends butterflies rampaging through his stomach and it takes everything in Kyungsoo just to teasingly say, "That's not a question."
"I know." Junmyeon says, ducking his head. His cheeks are flaming red and it doesn't even surprise Kyungsoo when he suddenly finds himself wanting to kiss Junmyeon's embarrassment away.
Let things happen as they should.
Heeding Baekhyun's wise words, Kyungsoo musters up enough courage to reach over the table and hold Junmyeon's hand. It's definitely not much, but the gesture alone is enough to express what he feels towards Junmyeon (or, more appropriately, what he still feels towards Junmyeon because, quite frankly, Kyungsoo thinks he's never really stopped loving him).
"So, what do you say about starting this date with a glass of wine?" Kyungsoo asks. Junmyeon smiles at him, relief clearly written on his face. For a brief moment, it makes Kyungsoo stop and think about how this is just going to be the start of their many dates together.
(And maybe, hopefully, the start of their future together, as well.)
one | two | three
additional notes:
- many thanks to a for always being there to listen to me whine over and over again about this fic. wouldnt have survived the entire fic writing process without you ♡
- the fic prompt used is anna kendrick's cups song! this fic is also largely based on the movie, "going the distance". ((with kyungsoo as drew barrymore and junmyeon as justin long respectively lol))