manliest fan in history
manliest fan in history
pg; crack; kris/suho, side!sehun/luhan; 2,231w
summary: kris tries to live up to his self-proclaimed name as the manliest fan of the famous actor, kim joonmyun.
a/n: because you wanted fanboy!kris and actor!joonmyun (i’m pretty sure you just enjoy making my life miserable), here you go! i won’t take responsibility for whatever feelings this fic may inflict upon your joonmyun-loving self okay. AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, daeseol! <3
kris is manly enough to stay poised and act like he’s totally not dying inside from too much giddiness and anxiety in the presence of his favorite actor, kim joonmyun.
it’s frustratingly hard, trying to act all nonchalant and cool when joonmyun is standing just a few feet away from him, dazzling everyone with his presence as he shoots one last scene for his latest drama. and it gets even harder to act like a normal person with each passing second when luhan continues to look at him like that, all eager and hopeful, like he’s actually expecting kris to spazz like the closeted fanboy that he is and break out into loud shrills and shameless proclamations of love any second.
which is, undoubtedly, not going to happen, if kris can help it (he’d rather die a very horrible and painful death than give in to his fanboy instincts and risk losing his dignity in the process).
there's a considerable number of people crowding near the filming location and kris isn’t too surprised to see that most of the fans who came to support joonmyun are girls, ranging from the overly hyper teenagers to the more sophisticated adults who probably already admired joonmyun back when he was still a young child actor. even with the suffocating crowd, kris knows better than to complain; he can only hope that the fans gathered around are all mature, level-headed people who-
“KYAAAAAA! JOONMYUN-OPPA, GET DRUNK WITH ME AND LET’S MAKE BABIES TOGETHER!!!”
kris’s right eye twitches.
“JOONMYUN-OPPAAAAA, YOU GORGEOUS PIECE OF ASS!!!!!”
kris desperately tries to ignore the sudden urge to hit somebody.
“OPPA, KILL MEEEEEEEEE!!”
at this point, kris just feels like he’s going to suffer from aneurysm anytime soon.
sighing, kris soothingly rubs his temples in a feeble attempt to drive the impending headache away, all the while trying to disregard the ridiculous possibility of dying from being in such close proximity with these obnoxiously loud fangirls. he just can’t afford to lose his cool over such petty things when he’s trying hard to be the epitome of calmness and indifference for kim joonmyun who, much to kris’s added frustration, spews perfection even when he’s just delivering two lines at the most in his every scene.
the world is such an unfair place sometimes.
kris hears a distinctive laugh on his right and, sure enough, when he turns his head to the side, he sees luhan staring at him with amused eyes, trying to hold in his giggles to no avail. kris immediately summons the glare on his face but, apparently, no amount of obvious displeasure can affect an amused luhan.
“what?” kris irritably asks. being laughed at, especially by luhan who seems to find even the simplest of things hilarious, is definitely not on kris’s list of favorite things to do.
“nothing,” luhan says, shrugging. although from the pleased smile evident on luhan’s face, kris refuses to believe that it’s nothing. “you just look so pressed at all these fans loudly swooning over joonmyun.”
kris has the audacity to look aghast at that. luhan continues even before kris can say a single word, “don’t even try and come up with some excuse like you’re born with a perpetually unimpressed face like that or something equally ridiculous. i saw your face when that girl just basically demanded joonmyun to be the father of their babies!”
damn.
to his defense though, no one in their right mind should be able to scream such absurdly obscene things in public. kris supposes not everyone plans to keep their dignity intact before the day ends. “well, they’re definitely crazy for saying those things to him.”
luhan gives him that look, one that definitely says are you being serious right now? “oh, please, don’t talk like you’re any better, kris.”
“what?”
luhan sighs exasperatedly at him, like he has been dealing with the same kris-in-denial situation for the past few years (or, better known as, kris’s entire fanboying life). “do i really have to remind you that just the other night, you came barging into my room with no prior warning whatsoever-”
kris just wants to dig a hole and bury himself and die when he realizes what exactly luhan is referring to. “no, please, i don’t need any reminder. i’m pretty sure-”
“-crying and screaming something about finding ways on how to reproduce and conceive babies-”
“please tell me you didn’t actually believe all of that. i was drunk and-”
“-and this all stemmed from the fact that you watched some lame-ass interview just two hours before and found out that joonmyun loves babies.” luhan ends his little tirade with a satisfied smirk. “and, yes, i did believe all of that.”
at this point, kris just really wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. if it had been excruciatingly hard to act all dignified and unaffected in joonmyun’s presence moments before, now it’s exponentially harder to do that because somewhere between luhan’s quite enthusiastic rant and kris’s attempt to salvage what remains of his dignity, the director had finally called it a day and joonmyun, instead of doing something less detrimental for kris’ sanity, had decided that it was a good idea to saunter his way towards them and bedazzle kris with his flawless and, surprisingly, down-to-earth self.
of course, it’s not until joonmyun speaks that kris actually notices his presence. “hyung! i didn’t know you’re here!”
kris visibly stiffens as he hears that familiar voice, soft and perfect, tickling his ear in a way that consequently sends shivers down his spine. it’s totally unfair, kris thinks, how joonmyun can affect him this much, how joonymun’s voice can send his mind into the gutter in just mere seconds. kris finds himself briefly wondering how that same voice would sound in bed, how his name would roll off of joonmyun’s tongue when he screams, how-
wait. hyung?
“oh, joonmyun-ah!” luhan says, rather delightedly. kris is sure he looks comical with the way his eyes are bulging right out of their sockets at this very moment. “i was here the entire time you were shooting for your drama today. you did really well, by the way!”
“ah, thanks, hyung,” joonmyun replies, an embarrassed smile on his face. kris wants to pat himself in the back for having such good taste in choosing which artists are most deserving of his manly fanboy attacks and adoration because how is kim joonmyun the most adorable being that ever existed in this planet. “are you here for sehun?”
at the sound of his boyfriend’s name, luhan immediately brightens up and nods. sehun was casted as one of the extras in joonmyun’s new drama, and if it wasn’t for the fact that luhan not-so-nicely persuaded kris to accompany him today, kris probably wouldn’t be here in the first place (he probably wouldn’t be here trying to save every little bit of his dignity as well).
“of course! i wanted to give him as much support as i can for his very first acting endeavor!” luhan responds.
kris stops himself before he can loudly scoff at that. sehun’s only part is to stand at the bus stop and act like a normal person waiting for the next bus while the camera focuses on joonmyun having a rather heated conversation with the drama’s female lead; kris doesn’t even want to imagine (and waste a few brain cells in the process) how hard luhan thinks that is.
“oh, joonmyun-ah, before i forget,” luhan starts. before kris can even figure out what’s happening, he’s already being tugged by luhan and eventually finds himself standing right in front of joonmyun. “this is kris! the one i told you about before.”
kris is too busy trying to recall the mechanics of breathing to even ask luhan what kind of ridiculous things he’s been telling joonmyun all these time. when joonmyun smiles at him and holds out a hand for him to shake though, kris just forgets what it means to exist entirely.
it takes at least five seconds and a not-so-subtle nudge in the ribs from luhan before kris finally remembers to gather his wits and accept the outstretched hand in front of him. kris quickly puts on a tight smile on his face and tries to act all cool as he greets joonmyun with a short (and totally devoid of any fanboy feelings) introduction, “hi, i'm kris wu.”
“i know,” joonmyun answers him. the small smile joonmyun flashes at him is more than enough to render kris speechless and stock-still for a second. it also doesn’t help that the warmth radiating from joonmyun’s hand travels across his skin, sending goosebumps prickling his arm like electricity zinging its way through his system.
it’s too much, the overwhelming realization that he’s standing right in front of joonmyun right now, coupled by the fact that kris is holding his hand, feeling the softness of joonmyun’s palm against his and finally seeing that blinding smile up close and realizing that it’s directed to no one but him - everything is just too much for kris to handle and he feels the uncomfortable churn in his stomach, like he’s going to be sick, and, really, kris prefers to just keel over and die rather than throw up and ruin the moment because how embarrassing would that b-
“luhan hyung!”
sehun’s voice brings him out of his daze and kris suddenly remembers that spending more than two seconds for a simple handshake isn’t exactly proper handshake etiquette, so he lets go (albeit reluctantly) and tries to school his expression into its usual stoic one to keep the disappointment from showing on his face.
“sehun-ah!” luhan trills. sehun proceeds to hug the life out of luhan as soon as he reaches them, his lanky arms taking permanent residence around luhan’s waist. kris can’t help but to roll his eyes at the teeth-rotting scene unfolding before his very eyes. please, it’s not like they’ve been away from each other for years.
as though gaining a new sense of hyperawareness around joonmyun, kris immediately hears the quiet laughter suspiciously coming from him and, true to his senses, kris is welcomed with a laughing joonmyun as soon as he directs his gaze in front of him.
it had felt insulting when luhan was laughing at him earlier but with the way joonmyun tries to stop himself from giggling, one hand covering his mouth to stifle the bouts of laughter that still manage to slip from his lips, kris just finds himself tempted to coo at the adorable being that is kim joonmyun (at this point, kris resigns to a conclusion that there is definitely something wrong with him).
when sehun finally lets go, luhan laces their fingers together to keep sehun close and proudly says, “you were really great out there, sehun-ah~”
sehun beams at luhan and kris just wants to gag at the sickening sweetness of the couple in front of him. from the corner of his eye, kris sees the wistful smile tugging at the corners of joonmyun’s lips and he finds himself momentarily wondering if joonmyun has ever wanted someone to hold hands with like that.
he probably has. kris can’t help but think about the hundreds of girls and boys alike who have wanted the same thing from joonmyun (him included).
“let’s eat out!” luhan suddenly says, steering kris away from his train of joonmyun-related thoughts. he then directs a hopeful look at joonmyun and kris already knows what the next words will be even before luhan can open his mouth to say, “joonmyun-ah, you should come eat with us!”
kris tries to worm his way out of this arrangement using his very efficient pointed stare but since an overzealous luhan is just as impervious as an amused luhan, kris can only resign to his fate with a defeated sigh.
“yeah, hyung!” sehun pipes in. “you don’t have anything else to do today, do you?”
the silence that follows as joonmyun mentally thinks about his schedule is pure torture for kris and, for a fleeting second, he hopes no one can hear the loud drumming of his heart against his ribcage. kris makes it a point to take slow, shallow breaths to calm himself down because fainting out of nervousness is definitely out of the question. i mean, really, what kind of a manly fan faints just from the thought of eating a quick snack with his favorite actor, anyway?
“i guess there’s nothing wrong with taking a few hours off of my schedule today,” joonmyun eventually replies, smiling. kris can’t possibly count the number of times he died over that warm smile in the past hour. “and i know a nice place where we can eat.”
kris is tempted to pinch himself just to see if this is really happening. this can end incredibly good or horribly bad for kris and the remaining shambles of his dignity; he can only pray to all the deities out there for the latter to happen.
kris desperately attempts to ignore the small voice (which distinctively sounds like luhan) that keeps on whispering double date~ into his ear. instead, he makes sure to spend every single second keeping his cool-and-totally-unperturbed-by-your-godly-presence act intact on the way there.
after all, he still holds the coveted title of being kim joonmyun’s manliest fan, right?
notes:
✧...i don’t know what this is? and i’m sorry, not only do I have nonexistent porn writing skills, i apparently have nonexistent crack writing skills as well. ;w;
✧ happy birthday again, daeseol! i hope this, somehow, made your day. or something. lol. <33
pg; crack; kris/suho, side!sehun/luhan; 2,231w
summary: kris tries to live up to his self-proclaimed name as the manliest fan of the famous actor, kim joonmyun.
a/n: because you wanted fanboy!kris and actor!joonmyun (i’m pretty sure you just enjoy making my life miserable), here you go! i won’t take responsibility for whatever feelings this fic may inflict upon your joonmyun-loving self okay. AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, daeseol! <3
kris is manly enough to stay poised and act like he’s totally not dying inside from too much giddiness and anxiety in the presence of his favorite actor, kim joonmyun.
it’s frustratingly hard, trying to act all nonchalant and cool when joonmyun is standing just a few feet away from him, dazzling everyone with his presence as he shoots one last scene for his latest drama. and it gets even harder to act like a normal person with each passing second when luhan continues to look at him like that, all eager and hopeful, like he’s actually expecting kris to spazz like the closeted fanboy that he is and break out into loud shrills and shameless proclamations of love any second.
which is, undoubtedly, not going to happen, if kris can help it (he’d rather die a very horrible and painful death than give in to his fanboy instincts and risk losing his dignity in the process).
there's a considerable number of people crowding near the filming location and kris isn’t too surprised to see that most of the fans who came to support joonmyun are girls, ranging from the overly hyper teenagers to the more sophisticated adults who probably already admired joonmyun back when he was still a young child actor. even with the suffocating crowd, kris knows better than to complain; he can only hope that the fans gathered around are all mature, level-headed people who-
“KYAAAAAA! JOONMYUN-OPPA, GET DRUNK WITH ME AND LET’S MAKE BABIES TOGETHER!!!”
kris’s right eye twitches.
“JOONMYUN-OPPAAAAA, YOU GORGEOUS PIECE OF ASS!!!!!”
kris desperately tries to ignore the sudden urge to hit somebody.
“OPPA, KILL MEEEEEEEEE!!”
at this point, kris just feels like he’s going to suffer from aneurysm anytime soon.
sighing, kris soothingly rubs his temples in a feeble attempt to drive the impending headache away, all the while trying to disregard the ridiculous possibility of dying from being in such close proximity with these obnoxiously loud fangirls. he just can’t afford to lose his cool over such petty things when he’s trying hard to be the epitome of calmness and indifference for kim joonmyun who, much to kris’s added frustration, spews perfection even when he’s just delivering two lines at the most in his every scene.
the world is such an unfair place sometimes.
kris hears a distinctive laugh on his right and, sure enough, when he turns his head to the side, he sees luhan staring at him with amused eyes, trying to hold in his giggles to no avail. kris immediately summons the glare on his face but, apparently, no amount of obvious displeasure can affect an amused luhan.
“what?” kris irritably asks. being laughed at, especially by luhan who seems to find even the simplest of things hilarious, is definitely not on kris’s list of favorite things to do.
“nothing,” luhan says, shrugging. although from the pleased smile evident on luhan’s face, kris refuses to believe that it’s nothing. “you just look so pressed at all these fans loudly swooning over joonmyun.”
kris has the audacity to look aghast at that. luhan continues even before kris can say a single word, “don’t even try and come up with some excuse like you’re born with a perpetually unimpressed face like that or something equally ridiculous. i saw your face when that girl just basically demanded joonmyun to be the father of their babies!”
damn.
to his defense though, no one in their right mind should be able to scream such absurdly obscene things in public. kris supposes not everyone plans to keep their dignity intact before the day ends. “well, they’re definitely crazy for saying those things to him.”
luhan gives him that look, one that definitely says are you being serious right now? “oh, please, don’t talk like you’re any better, kris.”
“what?”
luhan sighs exasperatedly at him, like he has been dealing with the same kris-in-denial situation for the past few years (or, better known as, kris’s entire fanboying life). “do i really have to remind you that just the other night, you came barging into my room with no prior warning whatsoever-”
kris just wants to dig a hole and bury himself and die when he realizes what exactly luhan is referring to. “no, please, i don’t need any reminder. i’m pretty sure-”
“-crying and screaming something about finding ways on how to reproduce and conceive babies-”
“please tell me you didn’t actually believe all of that. i was drunk and-”
“-and this all stemmed from the fact that you watched some lame-ass interview just two hours before and found out that joonmyun loves babies.” luhan ends his little tirade with a satisfied smirk. “and, yes, i did believe all of that.”
at this point, kris just really wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. if it had been excruciatingly hard to act all dignified and unaffected in joonmyun’s presence moments before, now it’s exponentially harder to do that because somewhere between luhan’s quite enthusiastic rant and kris’s attempt to salvage what remains of his dignity, the director had finally called it a day and joonmyun, instead of doing something less detrimental for kris’ sanity, had decided that it was a good idea to saunter his way towards them and bedazzle kris with his flawless and, surprisingly, down-to-earth self.
of course, it’s not until joonmyun speaks that kris actually notices his presence. “hyung! i didn’t know you’re here!”
kris visibly stiffens as he hears that familiar voice, soft and perfect, tickling his ear in a way that consequently sends shivers down his spine. it’s totally unfair, kris thinks, how joonmyun can affect him this much, how joonymun’s voice can send his mind into the gutter in just mere seconds. kris finds himself briefly wondering how that same voice would sound in bed, how his name would roll off of joonmyun’s tongue when he screams, how-
wait. hyung?
“oh, joonmyun-ah!” luhan says, rather delightedly. kris is sure he looks comical with the way his eyes are bulging right out of their sockets at this very moment. “i was here the entire time you were shooting for your drama today. you did really well, by the way!”
“ah, thanks, hyung,” joonmyun replies, an embarrassed smile on his face. kris wants to pat himself in the back for having such good taste in choosing which artists are most deserving of his manly fanboy attacks and adoration because how is kim joonmyun the most adorable being that ever existed in this planet. “are you here for sehun?”
at the sound of his boyfriend’s name, luhan immediately brightens up and nods. sehun was casted as one of the extras in joonmyun’s new drama, and if it wasn’t for the fact that luhan not-so-nicely persuaded kris to accompany him today, kris probably wouldn’t be here in the first place (he probably wouldn’t be here trying to save every little bit of his dignity as well).
“of course! i wanted to give him as much support as i can for his very first acting endeavor!” luhan responds.
kris stops himself before he can loudly scoff at that. sehun’s only part is to stand at the bus stop and act like a normal person waiting for the next bus while the camera focuses on joonmyun having a rather heated conversation with the drama’s female lead; kris doesn’t even want to imagine (and waste a few brain cells in the process) how hard luhan thinks that is.
“oh, joonmyun-ah, before i forget,” luhan starts. before kris can even figure out what’s happening, he’s already being tugged by luhan and eventually finds himself standing right in front of joonmyun. “this is kris! the one i told you about before.”
kris is too busy trying to recall the mechanics of breathing to even ask luhan what kind of ridiculous things he’s been telling joonmyun all these time. when joonmyun smiles at him and holds out a hand for him to shake though, kris just forgets what it means to exist entirely.
it takes at least five seconds and a not-so-subtle nudge in the ribs from luhan before kris finally remembers to gather his wits and accept the outstretched hand in front of him. kris quickly puts on a tight smile on his face and tries to act all cool as he greets joonmyun with a short (and totally devoid of any fanboy feelings) introduction, “hi, i'm kris wu.”
“i know,” joonmyun answers him. the small smile joonmyun flashes at him is more than enough to render kris speechless and stock-still for a second. it also doesn’t help that the warmth radiating from joonmyun’s hand travels across his skin, sending goosebumps prickling his arm like electricity zinging its way through his system.
it’s too much, the overwhelming realization that he’s standing right in front of joonmyun right now, coupled by the fact that kris is holding his hand, feeling the softness of joonmyun’s palm against his and finally seeing that blinding smile up close and realizing that it’s directed to no one but him - everything is just too much for kris to handle and he feels the uncomfortable churn in his stomach, like he’s going to be sick, and, really, kris prefers to just keel over and die rather than throw up and ruin the moment because how embarrassing would that b-
“luhan hyung!”
sehun’s voice brings him out of his daze and kris suddenly remembers that spending more than two seconds for a simple handshake isn’t exactly proper handshake etiquette, so he lets go (albeit reluctantly) and tries to school his expression into its usual stoic one to keep the disappointment from showing on his face.
“sehun-ah!” luhan trills. sehun proceeds to hug the life out of luhan as soon as he reaches them, his lanky arms taking permanent residence around luhan’s waist. kris can’t help but to roll his eyes at the teeth-rotting scene unfolding before his very eyes. please, it’s not like they’ve been away from each other for years.
as though gaining a new sense of hyperawareness around joonmyun, kris immediately hears the quiet laughter suspiciously coming from him and, true to his senses, kris is welcomed with a laughing joonmyun as soon as he directs his gaze in front of him.
it had felt insulting when luhan was laughing at him earlier but with the way joonmyun tries to stop himself from giggling, one hand covering his mouth to stifle the bouts of laughter that still manage to slip from his lips, kris just finds himself tempted to coo at the adorable being that is kim joonmyun (at this point, kris resigns to a conclusion that there is definitely something wrong with him).
when sehun finally lets go, luhan laces their fingers together to keep sehun close and proudly says, “you were really great out there, sehun-ah~”
sehun beams at luhan and kris just wants to gag at the sickening sweetness of the couple in front of him. from the corner of his eye, kris sees the wistful smile tugging at the corners of joonmyun’s lips and he finds himself momentarily wondering if joonmyun has ever wanted someone to hold hands with like that.
he probably has. kris can’t help but think about the hundreds of girls and boys alike who have wanted the same thing from joonmyun (him included).
“let’s eat out!” luhan suddenly says, steering kris away from his train of joonmyun-related thoughts. he then directs a hopeful look at joonmyun and kris already knows what the next words will be even before luhan can open his mouth to say, “joonmyun-ah, you should come eat with us!”
kris tries to worm his way out of this arrangement using his very efficient pointed stare but since an overzealous luhan is just as impervious as an amused luhan, kris can only resign to his fate with a defeated sigh.
“yeah, hyung!” sehun pipes in. “you don’t have anything else to do today, do you?”
the silence that follows as joonmyun mentally thinks about his schedule is pure torture for kris and, for a fleeting second, he hopes no one can hear the loud drumming of his heart against his ribcage. kris makes it a point to take slow, shallow breaths to calm himself down because fainting out of nervousness is definitely out of the question. i mean, really, what kind of a manly fan faints just from the thought of eating a quick snack with his favorite actor, anyway?
“i guess there’s nothing wrong with taking a few hours off of my schedule today,” joonmyun eventually replies, smiling. kris can’t possibly count the number of times he died over that warm smile in the past hour. “and i know a nice place where we can eat.”
kris is tempted to pinch himself just to see if this is really happening. this can end incredibly good or horribly bad for kris and the remaining shambles of his dignity; he can only pray to all the deities out there for the latter to happen.
kris desperately attempts to ignore the small voice (which distinctively sounds like luhan) that keeps on whispering double date~ into his ear. instead, he makes sure to spend every single second keeping his cool-and-totally-unperturbed-by-your-godly-presence act intact on the way there.
after all, he still holds the coveted title of being kim joonmyun’s manliest fan, right?
notes:
✧...i don’t know what this is? and i’m sorry, not only do I have nonexistent porn writing skills, i apparently have nonexistent crack writing skills as well. ;w;
✧ happy birthday again, daeseol! i hope this, somehow, made your day. or something. lol. <33