My rant about Six Feet Under.....(spoilers abound.......)
I put all of my rambling under the cut. To spare you. Because I'm awesome like that.
No the doctors didn't tell you,
that you were dying.
They just collected their money,
And sent you on your way.
But you knew all along,
went on pretending nothing was wrong,
you said I will keep my focus, till the end.
And in the journal you kept,
by the side of your bed.
You wrote nightly in aspiration,
of developing as an author.
Confessing childhood secrets,
of dressing up in women's clothes,
Compulsions you never knew the reasons to,
Well everyone, you ever meet or love,
be just relationship based on a false presumption,
despite everyone, you ever meet or love,
in the end, will you be all alone?
As the disease spreads slowly through your body,
pumped by your heart to the tips of your arms and your legs,
your greatest fear was that your mind wouldn't last,
your coherency and alertness would be the first things to fade,
as your hair thinned, as the weight fell off, as your teeth blackened,
as the lesions spotted your skin,
as you fell to your knees in the center of the stage,
as you offered witness to mortality in exchange for the ticket price,
as the lights blended into the continuing noise,
as all hope was finally lost.
Adrenaline carried one last thought to fruition.
Let this be the end.
Let this be the last song.
Let this be the end.
Let all be forgiven.
-Against Me! Searching for a Former Clarity
For some reason that song reminds me of both my father and Nate Fisher... why? I have no idea.
Well, you knew this was coming, I fuckin warned you!
I began watching Six Feet Under when it first came out. Unfortunately, we got rid of cable and got the dish. Since my father's main concern was would he "get to watch Jeff Corwin on the dish?" HBO was sort of cast off to the side... along with it went my ablibity to enjoy Alan Ball's new show. I was bummed...but what could I do? Fast forward to about a year and a half and I start dating Ken. One Sunday night we hang out and he says "I just hope you are ok with the fact that I have to watch one show..then we can watch whatever..." Of course I inquire as to what he's talking about. He responds..."Six Feet Under."
For most of my life I had been terrified of death. Absolutely petrified of it. As a child I was convinced everything was out to kill me. I even went as far as to write a letter to Santa Claus asking if he could grant me some sort of immortality (because I belived he could live forever...I used to convince myself of alot of shit) Of course this was thrown out the window when I got the talk about how he wasn't real.
I'm not going to say a TV show miraculously cured my fear of death...it more or less made me accept things. I've always had difficulty in saying "goodbye." I'm just not good at it.
Everything ends... it's true.
Every show started with and ending of sorts.. because every show began with a death. Some were comical and deserving...like the moron who ran himself over in his own SUV. And some were pretty sad
I see so much of my family and people I know in the Fishers and the people that surrounded them.
Sometimes my mom reminds me of Ruth. My sister....bits and pieces of Claire. There are times when I can identify with Nate, here and there a bit like David. The relationships I've had, good and bad ones.... The deafening silences before the fucking emotional explosions. I probably sound like a retard.
I knew Nate was going to die. I had a sneaking suspicion after I saw the second season on DVD. I was eventually spoiled when I saw the magazine at work.. Regardless, I knew it was coming. And it still fucking broke my heart. "My arm is numb." Maybe he could have stayed with Maggie. He could be such a prick..but I couldn't help but care about his character. The part where David wakes up from his dream to find his brother died....jesus...
I felt really bad for Brenda... first he tells her he dosen't want to be married to her, dies, and continues to fuck with her head when she's pregnant. Even after the baby was born, when they were in a scene together...it was a horrible mindfuck memory. In the end, I'm glad she got to keep Maya.
I thought it was really interesting to kind of close the circle by showing how all of the main characters eventually pass on.
Billy talking Brenda to death was the most amusing and apropriate...
Keith being gunned down during the robbery was the saddest..
I'm going to miss seeing new episodes of this show. It will live on in tapes and box sets..
Alan Ball: I love you.
Thanks for making something so fucking awesome.
Life. Death. Guilt. Afterlife.
No the doctors didn't tell you,
that you were dying.
They just collected their money,
And sent you on your way.
But you knew all along,
went on pretending nothing was wrong,
you said I will keep my focus, till the end.
And in the journal you kept,
by the side of your bed.
You wrote nightly in aspiration,
of developing as an author.
Confessing childhood secrets,
of dressing up in women's clothes,
Compulsions you never knew the reasons to,
Well everyone, you ever meet or love,
be just relationship based on a false presumption,
despite everyone, you ever meet or love,
in the end, will you be all alone?
As the disease spreads slowly through your body,
pumped by your heart to the tips of your arms and your legs,
your greatest fear was that your mind wouldn't last,
your coherency and alertness would be the first things to fade,
as your hair thinned, as the weight fell off, as your teeth blackened,
as the lesions spotted your skin,
as you fell to your knees in the center of the stage,
as you offered witness to mortality in exchange for the ticket price,
as the lights blended into the continuing noise,
as all hope was finally lost.
Adrenaline carried one last thought to fruition.
Let this be the end.
Let this be the last song.
Let this be the end.
Let all be forgiven.
-Against Me! Searching for a Former Clarity
For some reason that song reminds me of both my father and Nate Fisher... why? I have no idea.
Well, you knew this was coming, I fuckin warned you!
I began watching Six Feet Under when it first came out. Unfortunately, we got rid of cable and got the dish. Since my father's main concern was would he "get to watch Jeff Corwin on the dish?" HBO was sort of cast off to the side... along with it went my ablibity to enjoy Alan Ball's new show. I was bummed...but what could I do? Fast forward to about a year and a half and I start dating Ken. One Sunday night we hang out and he says "I just hope you are ok with the fact that I have to watch one show..then we can watch whatever..." Of course I inquire as to what he's talking about. He responds..."Six Feet Under."
For most of my life I had been terrified of death. Absolutely petrified of it. As a child I was convinced everything was out to kill me. I even went as far as to write a letter to Santa Claus asking if he could grant me some sort of immortality (because I belived he could live forever...I used to convince myself of alot of shit) Of course this was thrown out the window when I got the talk about how he wasn't real.
I'm not going to say a TV show miraculously cured my fear of death...it more or less made me accept things. I've always had difficulty in saying "goodbye." I'm just not good at it.
Everything ends... it's true.
Every show started with and ending of sorts.. because every show began with a death. Some were comical and deserving...like the moron who ran himself over in his own SUV. And some were pretty sad
I see so much of my family and people I know in the Fishers and the people that surrounded them.
Sometimes my mom reminds me of Ruth. My sister....bits and pieces of Claire. There are times when I can identify with Nate, here and there a bit like David. The relationships I've had, good and bad ones.... The deafening silences before the fucking emotional explosions. I probably sound like a retard.
I knew Nate was going to die. I had a sneaking suspicion after I saw the second season on DVD. I was eventually spoiled when I saw the magazine at work.. Regardless, I knew it was coming. And it still fucking broke my heart. "My arm is numb." Maybe he could have stayed with Maggie. He could be such a prick..but I couldn't help but care about his character. The part where David wakes up from his dream to find his brother died....jesus...
I felt really bad for Brenda... first he tells her he dosen't want to be married to her, dies, and continues to fuck with her head when she's pregnant. Even after the baby was born, when they were in a scene together...it was a horrible mindfuck memory. In the end, I'm glad she got to keep Maya.
I thought it was really interesting to kind of close the circle by showing how all of the main characters eventually pass on.
Billy talking Brenda to death was the most amusing and apropriate...
Keith being gunned down during the robbery was the saddest..
I'm going to miss seeing new episodes of this show. It will live on in tapes and box sets..
Alan Ball: I love you.
Thanks for making something so fucking awesome.
Life. Death. Guilt. Afterlife.