Why is love intensified by absence? Why do I miss you?

Dec 22, 2004 23:27



I wrote that. That's all I've got so far...things aren't flowing so well these days. I've got so much on my mind. Christmas and missing Tyler mostly. Pathetic, aren't I? Today it really hit me, like a brick, that I'm alone. Heater talks to me about Pie (err...Michael), Heather, about Aaron..everyone has someone. But my someone..my someone ( Read more... )

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unknownpoet December 23 2004, 20:33:57 UTC
**Exhales.** Wonderful. Man, you sure do have a nack for description. **Envious.**

Anyway, there are a couple technical points I have to catch you on, nothing all that groundbreaking, or serious, either. You've got a couple sentence fragments scattered throughout the piece. The most prominent one being the very first sentence. "Lavender stilettos, eyes like knives." It bumps, if you know what I mean. You need a conjunction to make the sentence flow.

Er.. Well, that's the only thing I would really want you to fix. Keep it up, don't let things get you down. =)

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