Its all in my head, over and over again.
This should be a pretty short update.
Me and wonderful Lindsey <3
Dont ask, there here to be kept in a safe place in case my parents find them on the computer and delete them.
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it, I cant shake it
Noooo ~Nelly ft. Tim Mcgraw "Over and Over again"
This and one more thing is all I have to write about. I'm grounded for the month again, so yea, I'll try to update some more but its not like it really matters huh?
I'd like to write this out to the four, fiveish people who have seen deep down into the darkside of my life. I'm not going to go into details, only the people that were there and a few others know what went down, and only 4, then 5, saw it go down. I'd like to tell those 5 that I love them dearly and I keep them close to my heart because they were there when no one else was and no one else would be. They were there to witness how my family runs and opperates against me. I have the bruises and scrapes and cuts to learn from it all, but I love you all, *Berd*, *Dane*, *Andy*, *Dylan* and *Karah*. It felt so good to have someone to run to and hold me why my world fell down around me. I'm so very happy that you guys were around to hold me as i cried and comfort me.
~Thank you Andy for holding me and kissing me on my head and being there for me to cry to, I love you so much and I will never ever forget this. I'm so happy you were there for me and I love you so much, I'm sorry for being such a total bitch to you after we broke up, I never realized how much you mean to me and I'll never forget it again. If you ever need ne thing, I am in debt to you greatly and I owe you the world and I'm sure there will be many a time that I'll owe you even more. Just know I'm here forever and that you have my heart. I love you and I was both happy to see how ready you were to kill my dad and upset that you got that way because I hate seeing you mad and upset. Well I love you so much and you know that. Thank you for being there for me.~
~ Thank you Berdy for making sure Andy didn't lose control and do something stupid, although you all wanted to do what he was so close to doing and thank you for also holding me and telling me you love me and keeping my head clear when the cops came to talk and for hugging me and everything, I love you so much. You made me smile when Karah, you and I were sitting together freezing. We've bonded over alot I think and I'm glad you were there for me to run to, I'm glad you stood over me when my dad was crossing the street and I'm glad you were there to hold me. I don't know if you, any of you guys, will ever know how much you saw into me and how much I feel I owe you all. I love you sooo much and I wanna give you a big ass hug next time I see you. Thank you soo much for holding me once again. Love you.~
~ Thank you Dylan, for watching over me and comforting me when the cops came to talk to me, and for being there and not getting too worked up over my dad and shit and just sitting down and watching over me, tell your dad, although I don't know him, that I say thank you for staying around 'till the cops came and I hope I didn't get him in any trouble. I love you soo much dylan, you're a great person to talk to and I just seem to be able to cry and open myself to you. Thank you soo much for being around to listen to me and telling me your opinion and stuff. It means alot to me. That whole night meant so much to me, I feel like I broke off something with a man who used me and got 4 semi-dads in return. I love you so much, thank you. ~
~ Dane, wow you amaze me. I'm happy you spoke to my g-ma in such a way and I think you made her realize a few things and it helped alot. I love you soo much and I'm soo very sorry my dad is a major ass and did that shit to you and your family. I feel really bad for that and tell Bea I never meant to cause any problems and I'll stay away from the house for the sake of you guys and your home. I love you dane so much, thank you for being around for me to run to and for me to talk things out with. I'm glad you guys didn't run like my dad wanted you to when he called. I'm glad you guys stood around to watch what happened to me and I'm glad I can still tell you things and talk things out. I love you alot dane. You've opened me up and I feel like made me feel more comfortable in my own skin. You're almost like an older brother to me. I love you soo fricking much I don't know if you even understand, and I cant find the words to describe it. I owe you a huge hug that i meant to give to you before Algebre. Love you! ~
~ Karah, you weren't there for the fight and shit, but you were there for the aftermath and I thank you for holding on to me without ne explanation and just knowing something went down and that it was bad and upset me greatly. My closet of friends didn't even do that and I'm glad you did. I think that night helped us bond and I love you and we were so cold, i had one shoe. You made me smile and stop crying, thank you. I love you alot. I think we have a bunch of memories out ahead of us. I love you girly. ~
That was a lil shout out list for the people who were there for me, weather or not it put them close to trouble. I love them for it and they saw something hardly ne of my friends could even imagine. I'm so happy you all stood around and didn't run and sat with me and waited for shit to go down. I'm so happy that finally, instead of just running up to my room and hiding somewhere for the rest of the night. I had someone to run to, to be held and comforted and made to smile. I'm glad my hyperventilating was soothed by the touch of all of you and the love and care. I'm so sorry I brought you all trouble, I think you know that. I love you all so god damn much, you won't ever know. I love you. I really do.
Well right now I'm pretty pissed at the rest of the people that are supose to be my friends, cept for a select few like Cressida and a few others. Richard, I'm really pissed off at you and once again, I put my trust and care into someone who really doesn't give a shit about and I can't believe you would say I would deserve something that you know nothing about. You knew nothing of what went down Saturday night and yet you still tell me I fucking deserved it. I hope you rot in hell you asshole. God damn. I need to go. Well tootles. Fuck you all who think that I deserved what happened, you don't know what happened unless you were there and only 5 people were and you weren't of the 5 so go fuck yourself.