Jigga whaaaat?!
YEAHHH SPRING BREAK!
Haha, I hope nobody is planning on coming here for SB.
It's snowing. :) I love Chicago.
A full update on me, you ask? Well, sure, why not?
So it has now been exactly 51 days since this migraine began. I have been to an optomologist, chiropractor, pediatrician, neurologist, naprapath, nutritionist, headache specialist, and to the ER to try to find what is wrong and nothing has worked. My MRI & tests both came back okay, so the next step is to get my wisdom teeth taken out because I grind my teeth badly at night and that may be the cause, so having my wisdom teeth out may be the cure. I have also been on a number of medications that have not worked including Vicidin, Tylenol with Codeine, Depakote, Morphine, and a number of muscle relaxants/other pain killers. So I am planning on having my wisdom teeth out 2 weeks from this Friday. I’m kind of nervous. Scratch that, REALLY nervous. Does it hurt? Don’t sugarcoat it for me. Gah.
I have missed 29 days of school now & counting this quarter. This is going to be impossible to make up. I missed 4 days last year and it took me like a month and a half to make up, so I can’t even imagine how long this is going to take especially since I am still not better. -Sigh--. I just hope that my grades don’t slip tremendously. My counselor doesn’t expect them to, but he said that if there is a significant difference that I can explain that under “Special circumstances” on college applications and it actually might enhance my chances of getting into certain schools if I make a good comeback 4th quarter, so we’ll see.
I’ve been thinking a lot about college because the ACTs are coming up, and everyone in the junior class is talking about college and Tim is leaving soon and I’m just so afraid. I don’t want to leave this little security bubble at home even though I say I do. I don’t know if I can make it on my own. I decided that I do want to stay in state just because I can’t go far. I’m too afraid to. I want to be able to come home at any time if I need to. I’m really considering DePaul. It’s a good school and is close, but not close enough where my parents could come check up on me every day. Well, they could, but they wouldn’t. I’m still a bit unsure of my major, but I do know that either after college or during summer one of the years that I am in college, I want to go to LA and try to make it big. I mean, I love movies. I love acting, I love playing a role, I love entertaining people…Who knows. Maybe acting is what I was meant to do. A part of me feels that I deserve something big in my future because of all the crap I have gone through as a teen, but that’s just being selfish. Very selfish.
It's 4th quarter. I'm almost a senior. Omgahh. Almost prom time. Omgahh x22222222. Gag me with a spork.
I’m kind of glad that I got sick only because I have been so out of the music loop lately because I have been so pre-occupied with other stupid little things, but now all I do is sit in bed all day, so I’ve been able to catch up! I recently purchased…
1. Fall Out Boy - From Under the Cork Tree Limited Edition
2. P!@td - A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out
3. The Hush Sound - So Sudden
4. October Fall - A Season in Hell
5. Armor For Sleep - What To Do When You Are
6. Hidden in Plain View - Life in Dreaming
I love the music that I listen to. I really want to start listening to Lifetime more, too, because they are spectacular. I’ve actually been getting pretty obsessed with Fall Out Boy again.Diss me all you want for saying that, but I saw them play at Knights of Columbus here in Suburbia, IL many a year ago before they were famous and it makes me warm and fuzzy inside to see them progress and become bigger and bigger. Sure, I went through a point in time where I called them sell outs & refused to listen to them, but it isn’t their fault that people love them and they really aren’t sell outs because they have stuck true to who they are and I respect them for that. They won’t compromise their beliefs for any amount of money. I need to get the Release the Bats DVD because it looks amazingly funny & I need to get some Clandestine clothing because, wow! Gorgeous stuff there! I think that the only reason that I was ever mad at FOB was not really their fault, but just that they were a band that everyone wasn’t supposed to know about. It was like a discovery to the scenesters here in IL and we didn’t want to give our secret away! Plus, the little Hollister chicks don’t see us stealing their rap music, so why are they stealing ours? They can’t relate to it! They don’t know what it means! Leave us and our music be. We never did anything to them! We used to get made fun of for our music, now everyone “loves” it! It’s all just because Pete is hot. Ugh. I knew them before you! I knew him before you! I am a true blue fan! & Now I can’t even get tickets to see them because all the 6th grade traaamps buy them all! What the hell?!?!! News flash: They’re too old for you! The boys and the lyrics![/ranting/tantrum]
I’ve been reading a lot a lot a lot of Pete Wentz’s writing lately since I’ve been home and I really like his style. It’s free, random, confusing, intriguing. It’s like teen angst meets Hemingway meets Dr. Phil. It’s inspiring. I can relate to him so much. I swear, it’s like him and I should be related. Or married. You pick. It just breaks my heart that he over medicates himself way too much. -Sigh-- I’ve been feeling kind of depressed lately and like I can’t really express myself to anyone any more, so I decided to come back to my good ol’ LJ. It’ll always be here for me. The pen and paper just doesn’t go fast enough for me any more. I have too much on my mind that I need to get out. I’m going to keep it all public (well, friends only), but I don’t expect it to be read. It’s not for anyone’s benefit but my own and I don’t expect anyone to understand it. I’m expecting it to be dark, angry, sad, selfish, emotional, stupid, regretful, worthless. How exciting!
I miss all of my online friends. I just never go online any more! I have nothing against any of them, I just don’t have time to go online any more. It’s quite upsetting, really. I miss ‘Mip Mep’! I miss my cousin, I miss Rachel, I miss Jen, Lex, Young, Leth, Matt, Merf, Holly…Everyone, really.
I like reading good things that make me think and that I can relate to. Pete Wentz is a genius. He is a master. I love him. He’s not great with spelling or grammar when typing, but cut him some slack. He knows how to use words like paint. He can make a masterpiece.
“Her eyelashes are black and long- they seem to be the stitching around her eyes, holding all the fabric that is her together. I fight the urge to pull one and watch her unravel like an old sweater.”
“There’s people on TV a half a world away that are being blown up for trying to vote and I am complaining when we have diet soda instead of regular on our rider. You probably don’t even know what a rider is, but that’s just proof that you’re focusing on the wrong part of that sentence.”
“To this day I’ve never written a word about your lips just because I could never find ones that they are deserving of.”
“No one deserves the title best friend if they don’t sound like the cavalries cannons or aren’t willing to bleed next to you.”
“No matter what the light is like there are just some kids who always have that gleam in their eye. Cause they’re always holding back.”
“Unfortunately, no one really loves themselves. And if they do, they need to get to know themselves better. Unfortunately, no one is really happy. So, let’s be unhappy together.”
“Love exists in a bottle. In a syringe. I want mine diluted with water."
“Nothing gets you ready to have every single word dissected and put under a microscope. I got ringing in my ears but none on my fingers. I got sunsets in the veins on my wrists. We’re not just falling in love anymore, we’re demanding it.”
“That thing aint beating in your chest, its counting down.”
“You can live with me in this house I built with writers blocks.”
“I’m not the kind of kid who believes in god or luck. But I somehow always find myself dropping prayers on takeoffs on airplanes and dodging crcaks in the sidewalk. I’m not the kind of kid who believes in much of anything anymore. Just in feeding this paper and phone receiver lies (its always hungry for more).”
“The chemists called it crossed signals. The poets called it magical.”
“Wrote you a goodbye note (you just wrote me off) on your arm when you passed out. Best friends, exfriends- better off as lovers not the other way around. Racing through the city in the back of yellow checkered cars, the takeoffs are the worst but the skin from your shoulder to your ear makes it all worth it. And I’m sorry the way my moods flicker on and off like the old light on your porch, but I know you wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I’m a stitch away from making it and a scar away from falling apart.”
“Kiss me electric
Leave my best days in memories
And my best lines closed in tight books
Keep the lights off so I cant see your tears
She said ‘we should move somewhere deep in the middle of July’
And I replied ‘dream me up something better than me and you’”
“Love doesn’t mean a thing if it’s not leaving us light headed- all my headaches are in my chest for you now.”
“I’m looking in the mirror and dissecting myself, just a smile connected to a pulse, barely connected at that.”
“”I dropped my flaws in the mail with no return address. Go easy. I’m gonna try and do it right this time.”
“Their eyes are like pills. Its funny. The blue ones take you down. The brown ones pick you up. It doesn’t even make a whole lot of sense looking back on it now. There are a couple of sets of eyes that are like bookmarks in life. They are to mark the chapters. Highlights so you pay attention to the changes. Dogeared pages.”
“There is a breadcrumb trail of melancholy that leads back up to my bed or maybe out the third floor window depending on whose following it.”
“The way you looked at me the first time- all the bloood ran out of me. With the biggest eyes. That trusted and believed and dreamed and hoped and lived. I faked like I couldn’t tell. I was always so goddamned scared to see my own flaws reflected on them. And I cant count the times I crushed them. And you realize that they will never look up at you the same.” --P.W. He’s a Pro. His words take my breath away.
<3
Haha, I hope nobody is planning on coming here for SB.
It's snowing. :) I love Chicago.
A full update on me, you ask? Well, sure, why not?
So it has now been exactly 51 days since this migraine began. I have been to an optomologist, chiropractor, pediatrician, neurologist, naprapath, nutritionist, headache specialist, and to the ER to try to find what is wrong and nothing has worked. My MRI & tests both came back okay, so the next step is to get my wisdom teeth taken out because I grind my teeth badly at night and that may be the cause, so having my wisdom teeth out may be the cure. I have also been on a number of medications that have not worked including Vicidin, Tylenol with Codeine, Depakote, Morphine, and a number of muscle relaxants/other pain killers. So I am planning on having my wisdom teeth out 2 weeks from this Friday. I’m kind of nervous. Scratch that, REALLY nervous. Does it hurt? Don’t sugarcoat it for me. Gah.
I have missed 29 days of school now & counting this quarter. This is going to be impossible to make up. I missed 4 days last year and it took me like a month and a half to make up, so I can’t even imagine how long this is going to take especially since I am still not better. -Sigh--. I just hope that my grades don’t slip tremendously. My counselor doesn’t expect them to, but he said that if there is a significant difference that I can explain that under “Special circumstances” on college applications and it actually might enhance my chances of getting into certain schools if I make a good comeback 4th quarter, so we’ll see.
I’ve been thinking a lot about college because the ACTs are coming up, and everyone in the junior class is talking about college and Tim is leaving soon and I’m just so afraid. I don’t want to leave this little security bubble at home even though I say I do. I don’t know if I can make it on my own. I decided that I do want to stay in state just because I can’t go far. I’m too afraid to. I want to be able to come home at any time if I need to. I’m really considering DePaul. It’s a good school and is close, but not close enough where my parents could come check up on me every day. Well, they could, but they wouldn’t. I’m still a bit unsure of my major, but I do know that either after college or during summer one of the years that I am in college, I want to go to LA and try to make it big. I mean, I love movies. I love acting, I love playing a role, I love entertaining people…Who knows. Maybe acting is what I was meant to do. A part of me feels that I deserve something big in my future because of all the crap I have gone through as a teen, but that’s just being selfish. Very selfish.
It's 4th quarter. I'm almost a senior. Omgahh. Almost prom time. Omgahh x22222222. Gag me with a spork.
I’m kind of glad that I got sick only because I have been so out of the music loop lately because I have been so pre-occupied with other stupid little things, but now all I do is sit in bed all day, so I’ve been able to catch up! I recently purchased…
1. Fall Out Boy - From Under the Cork Tree Limited Edition
2. P!@td - A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out
3. The Hush Sound - So Sudden
4. October Fall - A Season in Hell
5. Armor For Sleep - What To Do When You Are
6. Hidden in Plain View - Life in Dreaming
I love the music that I listen to. I really want to start listening to Lifetime more, too, because they are spectacular. I’ve actually been getting pretty obsessed with Fall Out Boy again.Diss me all you want for saying that, but I saw them play at Knights of Columbus here in Suburbia, IL many a year ago before they were famous and it makes me warm and fuzzy inside to see them progress and become bigger and bigger. Sure, I went through a point in time where I called them sell outs & refused to listen to them, but it isn’t their fault that people love them and they really aren’t sell outs because they have stuck true to who they are and I respect them for that. They won’t compromise their beliefs for any amount of money. I need to get the Release the Bats DVD because it looks amazingly funny & I need to get some Clandestine clothing because, wow! Gorgeous stuff there! I think that the only reason that I was ever mad at FOB was not really their fault, but just that they were a band that everyone wasn’t supposed to know about. It was like a discovery to the scenesters here in IL and we didn’t want to give our secret away! Plus, the little Hollister chicks don’t see us stealing their rap music, so why are they stealing ours? They can’t relate to it! They don’t know what it means! Leave us and our music be. We never did anything to them! We used to get made fun of for our music, now everyone “loves” it! It’s all just because Pete is hot. Ugh. I knew them before you! I knew him before you! I am a true blue fan! & Now I can’t even get tickets to see them because all the 6th grade traaamps buy them all! What the hell?!?!! News flash: They’re too old for you! The boys and the lyrics![/ranting/tantrum]
I’ve been reading a lot a lot a lot of Pete Wentz’s writing lately since I’ve been home and I really like his style. It’s free, random, confusing, intriguing. It’s like teen angst meets Hemingway meets Dr. Phil. It’s inspiring. I can relate to him so much. I swear, it’s like him and I should be related. Or married. You pick. It just breaks my heart that he over medicates himself way too much. -Sigh-- I’ve been feeling kind of depressed lately and like I can’t really express myself to anyone any more, so I decided to come back to my good ol’ LJ. It’ll always be here for me. The pen and paper just doesn’t go fast enough for me any more. I have too much on my mind that I need to get out. I’m going to keep it all public (well, friends only), but I don’t expect it to be read. It’s not for anyone’s benefit but my own and I don’t expect anyone to understand it. I’m expecting it to be dark, angry, sad, selfish, emotional, stupid, regretful, worthless. How exciting!
I miss all of my online friends. I just never go online any more! I have nothing against any of them, I just don’t have time to go online any more. It’s quite upsetting, really. I miss ‘Mip Mep’! I miss my cousin, I miss Rachel, I miss Jen, Lex, Young, Leth, Matt, Merf, Holly…Everyone, really.
I like reading good things that make me think and that I can relate to. Pete Wentz is a genius. He is a master. I love him. He’s not great with spelling or grammar when typing, but cut him some slack. He knows how to use words like paint. He can make a masterpiece.
“Her eyelashes are black and long- they seem to be the stitching around her eyes, holding all the fabric that is her together. I fight the urge to pull one and watch her unravel like an old sweater.”
“There’s people on TV a half a world away that are being blown up for trying to vote and I am complaining when we have diet soda instead of regular on our rider. You probably don’t even know what a rider is, but that’s just proof that you’re focusing on the wrong part of that sentence.”
“To this day I’ve never written a word about your lips just because I could never find ones that they are deserving of.”
“No one deserves the title best friend if they don’t sound like the cavalries cannons or aren’t willing to bleed next to you.”
“No matter what the light is like there are just some kids who always have that gleam in their eye. Cause they’re always holding back.”
“Unfortunately, no one really loves themselves. And if they do, they need to get to know themselves better. Unfortunately, no one is really happy. So, let’s be unhappy together.”
“Love exists in a bottle. In a syringe. I want mine diluted with water."
“Nothing gets you ready to have every single word dissected and put under a microscope. I got ringing in my ears but none on my fingers. I got sunsets in the veins on my wrists. We’re not just falling in love anymore, we’re demanding it.”
“That thing aint beating in your chest, its counting down.”
“You can live with me in this house I built with writers blocks.”
“I’m not the kind of kid who believes in god or luck. But I somehow always find myself dropping prayers on takeoffs on airplanes and dodging crcaks in the sidewalk. I’m not the kind of kid who believes in much of anything anymore. Just in feeding this paper and phone receiver lies (its always hungry for more).”
“The chemists called it crossed signals. The poets called it magical.”
“Wrote you a goodbye note (you just wrote me off) on your arm when you passed out. Best friends, exfriends- better off as lovers not the other way around. Racing through the city in the back of yellow checkered cars, the takeoffs are the worst but the skin from your shoulder to your ear makes it all worth it. And I’m sorry the way my moods flicker on and off like the old light on your porch, but I know you wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I’m a stitch away from making it and a scar away from falling apart.”
“Kiss me electric
Leave my best days in memories
And my best lines closed in tight books
Keep the lights off so I cant see your tears
She said ‘we should move somewhere deep in the middle of July’
And I replied ‘dream me up something better than me and you’”
“Love doesn’t mean a thing if it’s not leaving us light headed- all my headaches are in my chest for you now.”
“I’m looking in the mirror and dissecting myself, just a smile connected to a pulse, barely connected at that.”
“”I dropped my flaws in the mail with no return address. Go easy. I’m gonna try and do it right this time.”
“Their eyes are like pills. Its funny. The blue ones take you down. The brown ones pick you up. It doesn’t even make a whole lot of sense looking back on it now. There are a couple of sets of eyes that are like bookmarks in life. They are to mark the chapters. Highlights so you pay attention to the changes. Dogeared pages.”
“There is a breadcrumb trail of melancholy that leads back up to my bed or maybe out the third floor window depending on whose following it.”
“The way you looked at me the first time- all the bloood ran out of me. With the biggest eyes. That trusted and believed and dreamed and hoped and lived. I faked like I couldn’t tell. I was always so goddamned scared to see my own flaws reflected on them. And I cant count the times I crushed them. And you realize that they will never look up at you the same.” --P.W. He’s a Pro. His words take my breath away.
<3