New Fic
Fences
No pairings or rating.
Disclaimer - the song name and lyrics belaong to Paramore. Ryan Ross belongs to himself (and Brendon of course)
You’re sitting in a room, made up of only big white walls…
There’s nothing to distract you from the monotony of calculus except the mocking faces peering in at the window.
…and in the halls, there are people looking thorough the window in the door, they know exactly what you’re here for…
Yes, while they skip classes, Mr Stuart forces you to do extra math just because you actually understand it.
…don’t look up just let them think there’s no place else you’d rather be…
That’s the trick. You’ve been working on it for a while. Keeping your head down. Not drawing attention to yourself. Most of the time, it works. A few shoves in the corridor isn’t too bad considering. But when they do see you.
…you’re always on display, for everyone to watch and learn from…
Then they spot you in the crowd and push you up against the lockers. They lay into you. Punches, kicks, they all feel the same after a a while. The teachers keep asking you if everything’s all right at home. No, you answer truthfully. If only they knew it was at school.
…don’t you know by now, you can't turn back…
You can't run, they will catch you.
…because this road is all you’ll ever have…
Will it come to end? Even a crossroad would do. You already know the answer to that.
…it’s obvious that you’re dying, dying…
Obvious, or so you thought, to the crowds, as they walk straight past you, not wanting to get involved. It’s obvious from your face, how much lower every beating brings you. The pain you can bear, but you’re dying inside.
…just living proof that the camera’s lying…
Every high school photo shows you happy and carefree. If only the camera could see the inside.
…o, o, open wide…
But don’t let that scream see the light of day.
…this is your night…
just like every other misery-filled one.
…so smile, you’ll go out in style…
walking down the hall, to class, acting like it didn’t happen. You know you’re a good actor. You’ve had practice.
…if you let me I could…
Could what? Fight back? Let’s see what happens. Throw in the odd punch. It hurts you more than it hurts them. Try again. It gets you nowhere.
…I’d show you how to build your fences, set restrictions…
That’s what you have. Your head is the only safe place left. They can’t get in. Not yet.
…separate from the world…
Not belonging, no one to care. Separate. Individual. Alone.
…because the battle that you hate to fight, just blame the limelight…
You want to fight back but you can't. Blame those that praise you for every correct answer. Blame those who mock you for every correct answer. Blame those who hit you.
…don’t look back just let them think there’s no place else you’d rather be and now you can't turn back, because this road is all you’ll ever have…
…it’s obvious that you’re dying, dying…
The bruises prove it to everyone.
…just living proof that the camera’s lying…
Everything’s not all right inside.
…o, o, open wide, this is your night, so smile…
Don’t ever let them think it gets to you like this. That you think about it every minute of every day.
…yeah, yeah, you’re asking for it, with every breath that you breathe in…
Of course you bring it upon yourself. It’s all your fault.
…just breathe it in…
Deep breaths. Don’t break down now. You’ve come so far.
…yeah, yeah, well you’re just a mess…
You wonder if people can see the bruises but no. They’re too clever to get themselves caught out by superficial marks.
…you do all this big talking…
Of course everything’s okay miss. Everything’s fine, you say.
…so now let’s see you walking. I said let’s see you walking…
The hardest part of the act. Walking like you’re in no pain at all.
My name is Ryan Ross and I can’t keep on going like this. I can't but I will because it will never end, not without me giving them the satisfaction of seeing me break down.
My name is Ryan Ross and I’m not giving up.
Xxx Nica xxX