Moving Closer (Ten/Martha)

[yahalomay]

The Doctor hated it when Donna visited home.

Not because he could picture her curled up on the couch, bickering with her mother instead of him, while he stayed in the TARDIS, so hugely empty that it literally never ended…no. Because when she left, he felt as alone as when Martha had walked out. Mind, he never talked out loud to the emptiness

Comments

[persiflage_1]

I liked this rather a lot...

However, I had to look up "doona" - which I confess I initially misread as "Donna" ! - so I shall Brit-pick you to tell you it's called a "duvet" over here (English is a language (in)famous for borrowing words from other languages - we do it without shame or prejudice...) There were also a couple of places where I was slightly jarred by something you wrote, but that's a more personal thing...

[yahalomay]

Thank you for the brit-pick! 'Duvet' sounds so much classier than doona.

Would you mind telling me what jarred you, for it isn't too close to home?

[persiflage_1]

I don't mind - I just didn't want to seem rude or pushy. Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you - bit of a random day !

Anyway, I'm going to list your typos first, then the stylistic suggestions.

Typos:

The Doctor only caught heard the last phrase because of his rather exemplary hearing

either "caught" or "heard", not both.

The edges of the waitresses pale

waitress's

Martha clutched the phone so hard her joins began to ache

joints

the culture excuse usually got humans to back off

cultural

Martha realised that his presence in her mind and reeled back

was in her mind

Accidentally rousing a memory of the Jundoon

Judoon

Stylistic suggestions:

Her eyes stung red and her hands trembled around a crumbled tissue.

"stung" is an odd way of phrasing it - "were" works perfectly fine.

See, this is why the Doctor enjoying having Martha as a Companion

The "see" jars me. I would have written "This was why the Doctor enjoyed" (you definitely need "enjoyed" not "enjoying" there...)

[yahalomay]

Done! Thank you so much - I can never catch these little errors myself.

The caught/heard error is because my bloody backspace key sometimes refuses to delete things I highlight. Now I'm going to have to check through my essays to make sure it hasn't happened there too! =/

Hahaha. I spent a lot of time making sure I spelt Sontaran right and then fell down on Judoon! Hee.

Thank you for the time you put into this. Much appreciated.

[mancalahour]

That was just lovely. Now to be substituting this for my personal canon plz kthx.

‘Doctor,’ Martha said slowly, ‘Did you just … suck on my neck?’

lawlz. That made me giggle, and also...mmmgh.

Seeing Martha shining in a burnt orange sky, the Doctor for once felt like he could not speak.

The imagery in that. God. And the intimacy. All wrapped up in one beautiful package. The world needs more Doctor/Martha like this, you get a gold star. ♥

[yahalomay]

Actually, those are my two favourite lines as well! And I'm honoured to be part of your personal canon. =)

[dk323]

This was a good story. Love how Martha called on the Doctor as a shoulder to lean on. I liked the use of telepathy as well - nicely written. I could see this as a possible scenario between Martha & Tom - she tells him everything hoping he'd understand, but he can't wrap his head around it. Glad that the Doctor's there though to provide support. :-)

[yahalomay]

Thank you! The telepathy came out of nowhere, right when I thought I'd be ending the fic. But I'm glad it did!

[bewarethespork]

*Melts* That was beautiful, and I loved it.

[yahalomay]

Thank you very much! *beams*

[radiantbaby]

This was so heartbreakingly beautiful -- well done! I really, really loved this!

*adds to memories*

The Doctor smiled against her lips. For once, reality felt better.

*happy sigh*

[yahalomay]

Thank you for your comment (and I'm sorry I didn't notice it earlier - LJ and my email aren't good friends!)

I'm a great fan of your fiction, just as an aside.