Title: Murder Mystery
Fandom: FAKE - Dee/Ryo
Author: kirikiri aka
misuraRecipient: Karanis aka
chichiri_no_daRating: PG
Warnings: The pairing's mostly just mentioned.
Summary: A jolly night out.
"This has got to be the lamest company-outing /ever/," Drake complained, sighing as he dumped another sixpack of beer on the table.
"Maybe it'd help if you guys stopped complaining and actually tried to have a good time," Ryo said a little stiffly. "Honestly, all you've done since we got here is whining about how boring this is."
"It /is/ boring," said Dee.
"Deadly boring," agreed JJ.
"And we're almost out of beer, too," added Drake.
This announcement was greeted with several groans, and a proposal of rebellion.
"We've got a murder to solve, in case you've all forgotten." Ryo crossed his arms over his chest.
"How could we, with you there to remind us every friggin' five minutes?" Dee asked.
"Well, you know, I think Ryo's got a point," Ted declared. "I mean, let's face it: we're stuck here until tomorrow morning. Might as well do /something/."
"But it's boring," argued Dee.
"Terribly boring," put in JJ.
"Might I remind you two that it's our /job/ to solve murders?" Ryo said icily.
"Might I remind you that we're supposed to be on an outing right now?" Dee said coldly.
JJ looked pensive.
"We could just go to bed early," Ted said.
"At /seven/?" Drake protested.
"How about we just take a look at the evidence?" Ryo proposed.
"I think I actually like Ted's idea." Dee leered at Ryo.
"No!" JJ said. "Bad idea! I'm with Ryo, sorry, Dee."
"Where did we put the evidence, anyway?" Drake asked. "Has anyone seen the evidence? Please tell me we didn't throw it into the trashcan or something like that."
"Gentlemen, the evidence." Ryo tossed several plastic bags on the table. "If we all grab one bag, we should be able to solve this crime in no time at all."
"I thought we were supposed to do this to keep from being bored for the rest of the evening," Dee grumbled. "It's no good if we do it too quickly."
"Okay, in my bag, I have ... a half-eaten bar of chocolate, a ribbon, an ace of hearts and a skipping rope," Ted listed. "Is anyone writing this down?"
" - skipping rope'," Ryo finished. "Got it."
"What colour of ribbon?" Drake asked curiously.
"Oh, who cares?" Dee snorted.
"Details /are/ important in an investigation," Ryo pointed out.
"Yellow," Ted said. Ryo wrote it down dutifully.
"In my bag, I have ... a plastic teacup, a spoon, a knife and a green ribbon," Drake said.
"How can you tell it's a teacup?" Ted wanted to know.
"It has 'teacup' written on it," Drake said.
"Right-o. In my bag, I have ... a hairclip, a pencil and a red ribbon. What's with the ribbons, anyway?" Dee shook his head. "Talk about lame."
"In my bag, I have ... a teddybear, a white ribbon and a pencil-sharpener," JJ said.
"Okay." Ryo put down his pen and opened the last bag. "In my bag, I have a blue ribbon and ... a gun."
"I vote for Ryo being the culprit," Drake said promptly.
"Hey!" Ryo said.
"It /is/ suspicious." JJ nodded.
"You had a knife in /your/ bag," Ryo pointed out to Drake. "That's pretty suspicious, too."
"And let's not forget Ted's skipping rope. Great for strangulation, I'm sure," Dee said.
"I'm sure you can kill someone with a hairclip," Ted shot back.
"Well, /I'm/ obviously innocent," JJ beamed.
Four pairs of eyes were turned in his direction.
"It /would/ be hard to kill someone with either a teddybear or a pencil-sharpener, I suppose," Dee admitted reluctantly.
"Hard isn't the same as 'impossible'," Drake was quick to point out.
"And it's really suspicious that JJ's the only one who's clearly /not/ suspicious," Ted said.
"Hey!" JJ objected. "That's not fair!"
"That's life." Dee shrugged, fishing out the form they'd gotten earlier that day. "Pure bad luck, that's all."
"Uhm, guys," Ryo said. "I think we made a mistake somewhere ... "
"Miss Scarlett? Colonel Mustard? Who /are/ these people?" Ted asked. "And why can't we just say JJ's the one who did it?"
"Didn't we get a rulebook at some point?" Drake snatched up a handful of popcorn.
"Oh, that." Dee shrugged. "I'm sure Ryo's got it."
"No, I don't," Ryo said.
"Ted?"
"Nope."
"JJ?"
"Not me."
"This is just friggin' great." Dee sighed.
"Oh well, we tried, didn't we?" Drake said philosophically.
"And we decided JJ did it," Ted added.
"Dee! You don't believe I did it, do you?" JJ asked plaintively.
"I don't know and I don't care," Dee said.
"We're officially out of beer," Drake reported.
"This sucks," said JJ.
"I'm bored," said Ted.
"Me too," said Drake.
"I'm going to bed," Ryo said, rising. "To /read/."
"I'm coming along! I love reading!" Dee jumped up.
"Since when does Dee like reading?" JJ asked.
Ted and Drake exchanged a look.