Boring Ramblings
Funny how things just fall into place, especially for people, like me, who have the habit of throwing everything out of place.
My life right now doesn't feel anywhere near what I want to be, but for some reason, I do feel like it is where it *should* be.
Ever since that event of January 25th, I had been feeling so lost and confused, not knowing where to go and what to do with myself. Even up until now, I still feel that empty void where that big chunk of me has been taken away. And until now, I still wish for that part of me to come back despite the anger I bear for it.
When you don't exactly look, act, and think like the majority of the population, it's inevitable that you will be dubbed as a weirdo, a crackpot, or a freak. Many people are not strong enough for this, and so they live within the society disquised as one of them. Some are able to gather the courage to show themselves for who they are, yet sometimes the power of the majority can be strong; while these people stay true to what they know themselves to be, their hearts bear a certain anger and bitterness towards those whose minds are just too simple to comprehend anything beyond their own "normal" world.
You can't blame them too much either. If you had to hear an attack on your character every single day of your life, some from people you know, some from people you don't, let's see how you deal with it. In my opinion, you can't be a weirdo without having great emotional and spiritual strength. Those who don't are led to end their very own existences. Those who do, only grow stronger as they face more taunts and attacks from the teeming masses. Eventually, they reach point where it no longer really matters.
It was a few years ago, I can't tell exactly when it happened, that I came to the point where I no longer cared, and even started to take amusement from the people's disapprovement of me. Anger won't solve anything, bitterness just takes away the sunshine in your heart, and angst si SO overrated. Who are these people to me, anyway? I have my family and my friends who take me as I come. Do I need the approval of complete strangers? I think not. And I don't mean random "friends" either. I mean my real friends, who have stuck by me as far back as third grade.
Let me tell you a little bit about my friends. You know how many people say, "It doesn't matter what your friends think, you can date anyone you want"? NOT true for us. Tycel and I were discussing this a few weeks ago, how it's the most important thing that our circle of friends approve of a boyfriend. We have stuck by each other through stuffed dolls, first periods, acne, awkward phases, angsty stages, sheer youthful stupidity, and unemployment. We didn't always agree with whatever the other is doing, but we will always be there for them to fall back on. No boy is ever worth leaving that. Yes, not even Alan. Right now he still has to prove to my friends that he isn't a jerk. They say I might forget, but they never will, and he WILL be grilled when he comes back in December/March.
And so what does this have to with everything falling into place, if everything has been there since who knows when?
Well, my recent employment status, of course.
Haha yes. All that melodrama leads to talking about WORK. Hoo ha.
No, really. Working has affected me more than I expected it to, and it's funny, and in a way, silly. See, I wasn't planning to work at all this year. I told myself I'd wait till next summer to get myself a job. The reason? Well, only a chose few know the secret as to why. I'm not telling because even I think it's rather absurd.
Also, I knew fully well that I couldn't just get up and get a job anywhere. I had to accept the fact that I might have to color my hair black, dress down, and PRETEND to be normal just to get myself employed. And ah, the thought simply makes me shudder. Not that I have anything against being mainstream, mind you, for I do have friends who are mainstream. It's not about being usual or unique. It's about being who you are. If you really are mainstream, then good. If you're not, then that's good too. But don't be one while pretending to be the other. And I didn't want to pretend just so I can have a check in my pocket every two weeks.
I would have stuck with that plan too, if God didn't just plunk this job right into my lap. And I mean it. He REALLY plunked this job in my lap. I wasn't looking for work. When my sister convinced me to get an interview for this job, I wasn't really putting too much effort into it. I went in there in my usual dress and my usual overly bubbly attitude and with no professional aura whatsoever. But surprise, surprise. I got the job.
I almost couldn't believe my ears when the chairman of the company told my would-be creative director, "She's great! She'll be a wonderful addition to the company."
This afternoon at the office, while laughing at the ruckus created by a few of my coworkers during office hours, I finally came out and said, "I can't imagine working anywhere else". I know that I probably sound like a complete n00b saying that, but it's true.
While many companies will try to turn you into uniformed zombies void of any personality or individuality, this place will encourage you to be strange, weird, and, hahaha I just have to say this, GAY.
And back to my statement about the "normal people" making fun of weirdos? Little do they know that it's actually the weirdos who are telling them how to act, think, live, or dress. Think about it. Art, Fashion, Literature, Technology, etc. etc. etc. These all come from the minds of weirdos.
Einstein was a weirdo. Betsey Johnson is a weirdo. Tim Burton is a weirdo. All the great people are weirdos. Why? Because they don't think like normal people do. Normal people are the sheep. The weirdos are the wolves. Weirdos call the shots.
I know I probably digressed a million times in this entry (forgive me, for I am not much of a writer), but I guess my main point is, no matter how weird you are, and how often your feelings are hurt by lesser minds because of it, keep your sunshine, stay away from angst, stay away from anger, and good things will keep coming :) The only one who loses when you become jaded and angsty is you.
I mean, seriously, it's so easy to go, "What the hell is up with these people?" and rant or even write attack/counterattack posts. But what does that prove, really? You can check my entire LJ and not once will you find me attacking anyone whether they be an IRL being or online, because really, do you want to revert back to highschool just for a few people who don't agree with you?
Even if you are the most hated person on earth, there will always be at least one person who loves you. And if you are the most loved person in the world, there will be at least 10 people who will hate you <3
~Yapi (who still loves the world, even when the world thinks she's weird ^___^)
My life right now doesn't feel anywhere near what I want to be, but for some reason, I do feel like it is where it *should* be.
Ever since that event of January 25th, I had been feeling so lost and confused, not knowing where to go and what to do with myself. Even up until now, I still feel that empty void where that big chunk of me has been taken away. And until now, I still wish for that part of me to come back despite the anger I bear for it.
When you don't exactly look, act, and think like the majority of the population, it's inevitable that you will be dubbed as a weirdo, a crackpot, or a freak. Many people are not strong enough for this, and so they live within the society disquised as one of them. Some are able to gather the courage to show themselves for who they are, yet sometimes the power of the majority can be strong; while these people stay true to what they know themselves to be, their hearts bear a certain anger and bitterness towards those whose minds are just too simple to comprehend anything beyond their own "normal" world.
You can't blame them too much either. If you had to hear an attack on your character every single day of your life, some from people you know, some from people you don't, let's see how you deal with it. In my opinion, you can't be a weirdo without having great emotional and spiritual strength. Those who don't are led to end their very own existences. Those who do, only grow stronger as they face more taunts and attacks from the teeming masses. Eventually, they reach point where it no longer really matters.
It was a few years ago, I can't tell exactly when it happened, that I came to the point where I no longer cared, and even started to take amusement from the people's disapprovement of me. Anger won't solve anything, bitterness just takes away the sunshine in your heart, and angst si SO overrated. Who are these people to me, anyway? I have my family and my friends who take me as I come. Do I need the approval of complete strangers? I think not. And I don't mean random "friends" either. I mean my real friends, who have stuck by me as far back as third grade.
Let me tell you a little bit about my friends. You know how many people say, "It doesn't matter what your friends think, you can date anyone you want"? NOT true for us. Tycel and I were discussing this a few weeks ago, how it's the most important thing that our circle of friends approve of a boyfriend. We have stuck by each other through stuffed dolls, first periods, acne, awkward phases, angsty stages, sheer youthful stupidity, and unemployment. We didn't always agree with whatever the other is doing, but we will always be there for them to fall back on. No boy is ever worth leaving that. Yes, not even Alan. Right now he still has to prove to my friends that he isn't a jerk. They say I might forget, but they never will, and he WILL be grilled when he comes back in December/March.
And so what does this have to with everything falling into place, if everything has been there since who knows when?
Well, my recent employment status, of course.
Haha yes. All that melodrama leads to talking about WORK. Hoo ha.
No, really. Working has affected me more than I expected it to, and it's funny, and in a way, silly. See, I wasn't planning to work at all this year. I told myself I'd wait till next summer to get myself a job. The reason? Well, only a chose few know the secret as to why. I'm not telling because even I think it's rather absurd.
Also, I knew fully well that I couldn't just get up and get a job anywhere. I had to accept the fact that I might have to color my hair black, dress down, and PRETEND to be normal just to get myself employed. And ah, the thought simply makes me shudder. Not that I have anything against being mainstream, mind you, for I do have friends who are mainstream. It's not about being usual or unique. It's about being who you are. If you really are mainstream, then good. If you're not, then that's good too. But don't be one while pretending to be the other. And I didn't want to pretend just so I can have a check in my pocket every two weeks.
I would have stuck with that plan too, if God didn't just plunk this job right into my lap. And I mean it. He REALLY plunked this job in my lap. I wasn't looking for work. When my sister convinced me to get an interview for this job, I wasn't really putting too much effort into it. I went in there in my usual dress and my usual overly bubbly attitude and with no professional aura whatsoever. But surprise, surprise. I got the job.
I almost couldn't believe my ears when the chairman of the company told my would-be creative director, "She's great! She'll be a wonderful addition to the company."
This afternoon at the office, while laughing at the ruckus created by a few of my coworkers during office hours, I finally came out and said, "I can't imagine working anywhere else". I know that I probably sound like a complete n00b saying that, but it's true.
While many companies will try to turn you into uniformed zombies void of any personality or individuality, this place will encourage you to be strange, weird, and, hahaha I just have to say this, GAY.
And back to my statement about the "normal people" making fun of weirdos? Little do they know that it's actually the weirdos who are telling them how to act, think, live, or dress. Think about it. Art, Fashion, Literature, Technology, etc. etc. etc. These all come from the minds of weirdos.
Einstein was a weirdo. Betsey Johnson is a weirdo. Tim Burton is a weirdo. All the great people are weirdos. Why? Because they don't think like normal people do. Normal people are the sheep. The weirdos are the wolves. Weirdos call the shots.
I know I probably digressed a million times in this entry (forgive me, for I am not much of a writer), but I guess my main point is, no matter how weird you are, and how often your feelings are hurt by lesser minds because of it, keep your sunshine, stay away from angst, stay away from anger, and good things will keep coming :) The only one who loses when you become jaded and angsty is you.
I mean, seriously, it's so easy to go, "What the hell is up with these people?" and rant or even write attack/counterattack posts. But what does that prove, really? You can check my entire LJ and not once will you find me attacking anyone whether they be an IRL being or online, because really, do you want to revert back to highschool just for a few people who don't agree with you?
Even if you are the most hated person on earth, there will always be at least one person who loves you. And if you are the most loved person in the world, there will be at least 10 people who will hate you <3
~Yapi (who still loves the world, even when the world thinks she's weird ^___^)