What the Hell was I Thinking!?
Another ficcie! And this time, I know what's to blame.
Title: Reoccurring Themes
Pairing: very slight Hikaru/Kaoru
Rating: PG? Maybe PG13, but not really.
Genre: General, Humor, Parody
Disclaimer: I own nada.
Warning: It’s crap. Really. Read at your own risk.
Summary: Their friends had been killed in a freak accident. Only, the Hitachiin brothers found out that it wasn’t an accident. Someone had planned this, and they were going to find the murderers. Except that Hikaru’s been shot in the process! How will Kaoru survive with assassins on his back? Not to mention, helping a mysterious lost girl find her way home?
I’m trying a hand at this because there are just so many writers out there whose works make me shiver and cringe. This is utter crap!crack, but in a different sense than what you’ll usually find from me. It’s horrendous. You have been warned.
--------------------------------------------------
It really depended on the situation. Really. Because between everyday occurrences of improbable things happening and the chaotic mess known as Life, no one was really sure if the people around them were going crazy or whatnot.
Circumstance
"Reoccurring Themes"
By Hikagi
--------------------------------------------------
(Act One: Scene Three - Crap)
“Naze?”
Hikaru was lieing on the ground crippled with pain. There was blood every wear and it was starting to seep across the ground.
“Naze?” He whispered.
Karou sniffled as he walked closer. He tried not to step on the blood. His borther’s blood. But it somehow managed to get on his sneakers anyways.
“Why did you push me away?”
“Kaoru.” Hikaru said reaching out to his brother. “Gomen.” Hikaru said as he stroked Kaoru’s face. “But i’m dieing”
“!”
Kaoru gasped in shock.
“It’s the truth”
NO!”
The bullet wound had been to close to his heart. Karou knew. But that didn’t mean that Kaoru wasn’t going to try and save HIkaru. His best friend. The person he loved the most.
The person who’s blood was now all over his hands.
“Demo demo” Kaoru cried.
“I have to leave soon” Hikaru said with regrets in his eyes.
“But your to precious to me to die! I don’t want you to go!” Kaoru said as he held Hikarus hand in his own.
Kaoru didn’t know weather his twin was going to live or not. And it was all his fault.
“Kaoru. Aishiteru” Hikaru rasped.
“Don’t talk” Kaoru said.
“I… I just… want you to n-no…”
“I love you to Hikaru” Karou said.
“Im sorry that I couldn’t protect you like I promised.”
“What are you talking about you pushed me out of the way!” he yelled angry. Kaoru looked down ashamed.
“But I swore to you when we were little remember that I said that no matter what happens I will protect you from everything”
“I don’t care. That was really long ago and theres no way that I gonna let something stupid like that take you from me”
There was silence. Kaorus nose twitched as he tried to stop his tears with his sleeve.
He felt more tears fall and couldn’t hide them anymore.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger than I am now I could’ve done a better job” Hikaru said.
“But!”
Kaoru was panicing. Hiakrus heartbeat was getting slower.
“I wish I had been stronger”
“Your strong enough”
“Gomen Kaoru”
“…”
Suddenly Hiakru whinced.
“Itaii…”
“Hikaru?”
“Itaii, Kaoru”
“Hikaru!”
“Gomen Karou see you in heaven” He whispered.
“HIKARU!!!”
Hikaru’s arm went limp as his eyes closed, the darkness taking over his vision…
--------------------------------------------------
(Off Camera - Not As Crappy Crap)
“And CUT! Okay people, that’s a wrap for today.”
Hikaru winced as Renge’s voice filtered over the megaphone, completely shattering the moment of his untimely… well, death.
He sighed as he picked himself off the ground and out of the puddle of dyed syrup that was supposed to be posing as his own blood and turned his head so that he could see his twin’s face. Kaoru was dabbing his eyes on a handkerchief he kept in handy during any of their filming sessions.
“Ah, dammit. I hate these Vaseline sticks. Why can’t I just use the good old teardrops instead?”
“At least that way I won’t have to ruin my clothes,” was added as an afterthought, but only Hikaru was able to hear it.
“You’re not the only one to have ruined clothes,” Hikaru muttered, eyeing with distaste how the syrup was soaking into his jacket. There went fifty-thousand yen.
“Because,” Renge stated from her director’s seat, “the eye drops take too long to apply and have the chance that they would be caught on tape.”
“So what?” Kaoru said, eyes twitching. “These things burn!”
“They’re not supposed to get in your eyes,” was the response.
“I know that! It’s just that… Argh! I keep forgetting which part of my sleeve has the Vaseline on it!”
“If you have any complaints, take it up with the costume manager.”
Kaoru spun around so that his head was facing Hikaru. They shared a long, significant look that spoke of possible mischief and pain for a certain otaku.
--------------------------------------------------
(Off Camera? - Not As Crappy Crap, But With Some Crappy Elements) - Original title, yes I know.
Haruhi walked up to the Hitachiin twins, eyeing the horribly tacky movie scene around her with skeptism. “What’s going on?”
Hikaru greeted her with a wave, motioning that she should have a seat. “Just a little side hobby.”
“We were bored,” Kaoru corrected.
She noticed the camera and director’s chair not too far away. “Even after our last attempt at a Host Club video?”
They beamed in unison, sharing that seemingly innocent smile Haruhi recognized to be the one they used when causing mayhem.
“Especially after our collaborated video. Kyouya said that that tape made us a lot of money.”
“So we’re continuing the series.”
Haruhi raised an eyebrow, finding fault with whatever screwed sense of logic they were using. “Wouldn’t the fans notice if half the cast suddenly disappeared from the act?”
There was that maniacal smile again.
Hikaru draped an arm over Haruhi’s shoulder as he handed her a copy of the script. “Don’t worry - we have it all figured out.”
“Yes,” Kaoru nodded as Haruhi slowly flipped through the pages like she would a legal document. “We opted that they all got killed off in a freak plane accident over the Himalayas that wasn’t really an accident. And to avenge our fallen brethren, Hikaru and I set off on a journey to find the culprits after finding subtle, but not so subtle hints left behind at the scene of the crime.”
Not noticing their comrade’s expression, Hikaru continued on. “Only, I get killed along the way, and Kaoru is left to fend for himself. Later, he saves a lost, mysterious young girl named Sen from the devices of bandits and decides to take her home. The only problem is that she has amnesia.”
Haruhi sighed. It was beginning to sound like a stereotypical manga scenario.
Picking up after his brother, Kaoru waggled a finger in front of Haruhi’s face and flipped through the script. “What I don’t know is that she also has super powers that can be used to save or destroy the world!”
“U-huh. And the bad guys are after her because she used to be our friend but was taken into hiding due to her powers. And we didn’t remember her because it was such a long time ago.”
A stereotypical shoujo manga scenario.
Haruhi noted that they were picking up more steam as they went on. Perhaps there was something about this movie shooting that they weren’t telling her?
“Sen and I hit it off as the journey progresses. Except now I’m conflicted between her and my deceased brother.” Kaoru raised a clenched fist to his chest and stared dejectedly (Haruhi, however, wasn’t convinced) into the distance. “Should I turn my unwavering attention to the striking beauty besides me and dishonor by brother’s memory? Or should I cling to my lost twin and potentially break the heart of the fair maiden who has placed her entire future in my hands?”
Hikaru’s face was serious as he continued summarizing the story’s basic plot. “More problems arise as Sen starts remembering a little of her past. Eventually, she’s pieced enough together to recognize Kaoru’s face and personality.”
“Thing is that she used to like Hikaru more. But she doesn’t know how to break the news to me.”
Haruhi’s eyes were starting to twitch from the cheesy-ness of it all.
A badly written stereotypical shoujo manga scenario.
“Unfortunately, she never gets to.” Hikaru crept around her chair, leaning over her back and speaking into her ears with a dramatic voice. “The enemy lures Kaoru into a trap and steals the young beauty from his arms, threatening to kill her if he does not reach the castle within a given amount of time. Devastated and determined, he finally reaches the enemy’s hideout only to find out that not everyone has died.”
“Yes,” Kaoru nodded. “The enemy turned out to be our long lost friend Ran whom we thought to have died in yet another freak accident in a far off country that no one’s ever heard of before.”
Hikaru’s voice rose in volume, giving Haruhi the impression that he was channeling Tamaki-sempai. “Ran challenges Kaoru to a duel against one of his minions and our hero accepts, only to find out that his brother had not died after all!”
Haruhi didn’t know whether to be sick or amused by their antics at this point. And the twins were showing no signs of stopping any time soon.
“Then there is a big confrontation between us. Hikaru apparently remembers Sen and had liked her when we were little. But he feels betrayed because I was getting close to her. Ran uses these emotions to gain control of Hikaru as his minion.”
A poorly planned, badly written stereotypical shoujo manga scenario.
“Then we fight it off. I’m on the verge of killing Kaoru when Sen steps in the middle and intercepts our blades. We unintentionally injure her and realize that the fight was stupid from the start.”
Haruhi stifled a snort. The Hitachiins didn’t notice and were still going at it.
“But then Ran had an evil plan up his sleeves. You see, Sen had magic powers that were keeping the earth safe. By us injuring her, the whole world was put into peril. Ran was related to Sen, and when she dies, he inherits the duty of protecting the earth. He was planning on using his position to rule as a tyrant.”
“So Sen uses the last of her vanishing powers to heal us both before collapsing. We put aside our differences and decide to vanquish Ran from the face of the earth.”
“The scene ends with us landing one, solid blow before the screen fades to white. And for the epilogue, it shows the two of us idling about our mansion, talking happily about something trivial.”
Haruhi rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time.
“We walk in to a room, and by the window there’s a girl sitting there. It’s implied that the girl is Sen. Everyone lives happily ever after and the movie ends with an outside shot panning up.”
A poorly planned, badly written stereotypical shoujo manga scenario that involved the Hitachiins.
Haruhi was tempted to check up and cross reference all of the script’s contents to movies and books written in the past.
“So what do you think? Story sounds good?”
Haruhi sighed as she eyed the atrocity in her hands. “It sounds like someone’s been breaching copyright laws.”
Kaoru looked at her, appalled. “Nothing of the sort!”
Hikaru merely grabbed a water bottle from a cooler and waved the statement away. “Besides, it’s not like we don’t have the money to pay off who ever claims the rights to those stories.”
Haruhi sighed and rolled her eyes yet again. “So, who wrote the script?”
Kaoru placed a finger on his chin and looked thoughtful. “I believe Renge was in charge of overseeing the production.”
Haruhi blinked. “Renge was in charge?” That explained some of the lines. Like that one page that had her handwriting all over it with an insert of, ‘I lOv U fRuM dA bOtToM oF mY hEaRt!’ in the margins. “What ever happened to the producers she hired from Hollywood?”
Correction: A poorly planned, badly written stereotypical shoujo manga scenario created by Renge that involved the Hitachiins.
“She dismissed them. Thought she could do a better job.”
“They left for another film. There’s a lot more work to be done, but all the girls Renge called up are handling them.”
Haruhi refrained from finding a solid object to smash her head into.
The world as she knew it was coming to an end.
“Besides,” one of the twins said, “we get to help pick the cast.”
“And since we’re still at the beginning stages…”
They both paused dramatically before giving her four thumbs-up. “We decided that you could be the girl with amnesia!”
Haruhi’s first urge went away only to be replaced by another. One that involved heavy, blunt objects connecting with certain people’s heads. She replied in a deadpanned voice.
“You do that, and I’ll see to it that I transfer out of this school.”
The twins yelled in surprise at her statement, then proceeded to whine and wail in displeasure. Haruhi only pressed her fingers to her temple, trying to fight off an incoming headache.
Fin.
--------------------------------------------------
Happy,
sciathan_file ? I wrote alien!Haruhi as promised. Except, she wasn’t really an alien in the strictest sense. And it was only on script. And it wasn’t really her. And a whole bunch of other things.
O____O ~ This is so much longer than I originally intended. It was supposed to be about one or two pages (less than a thousand words) long, but now it’s over eight pages and 2.5 thousand words!
This was heavily inspired by all the crap circulating about. Every intentional mistake you see in the story has been taken from and/or inspired by fics/authors on FFN, so I’m afraid that I can’t claim some of the more creative errors. I didn’t get everything that I intended to because it was that bad. Everything was so cheesy, it was making my skin crawl and shrivel up. I never want to write anything this awful ever again, even for parody or humor reasons.
Did you know that your computer (i.e. Word Document) does not correct some of your spelling errors for you, especially when the words already exist in the dictionary but have a totally different meaning? (gasp!) “Dieing” is not the antonym of “living” - it is the action of cutting, forming, or stamping with or as if with a “die” (the noun, not the verb). “Dying,” however, is the act of getting the life snuffed out of you when the Sisters of Fate decide to cut your thread.
If people didn’t know already, I am an avid (read: obsessed) fan of crossovers. Unfortunately, that’s where a lot of the crap goes around (Romance stories too, but I’m not really into those). And having been fed up with horrible everything, I decided to see for myself if writing crap was as easy and effortless as it seemed like despite all the ‘effort’ people put in to it. God, I had to stop myself from going back and correcting the mistakes I made on purpose. (smacks self on the head) I can’t even write proper crap. My ‘problem’ is that I think through things too much before I even act. (sigh)
Anyone interested (bored enough) to see what I’ve incorporated? Pointers for common mistakes that I haven’t made? This, of course, only applies to the first part of the story. Mistakes in the second and third sections were probably unintentional seeing that I was still channeling the “OMG fangirl wannabe Japanese” spirits from the first section. Well, except for the manga plot that I “made up” - that was the crap incorporated in the third part.
Except, I shouldn’t be carping all too much. After all, with the exception of the obvious spelling and grammar errors, I’ve made many of these mistakes a countless number of times. Like the whole shoujo manga plot thing. Yeah. I believe my first… (counts) three or four works were steeped with those elements.
On a random note: I keep misspelling Hikaru’s name as my own because it’s so similar. (grimaces) You have no idea how many times I was reading through and saw my penname where it wasn’t supposed to be.
After this, I should go read sciathan file’s works. Her writing makes me feel better in comparison to the crap I write. (scurries away)
x-posted to ouranhostclub and FFN.
Previous shots can be found here.
~ Ika
Title: Reoccurring Themes
Pairing: very slight Hikaru/Kaoru
Rating: PG? Maybe PG13, but not really.
Genre: General, Humor, Parody
Disclaimer: I own nada.
Warning: It’s crap. Really. Read at your own risk.
Summary: Their friends had been killed in a freak accident. Only, the Hitachiin brothers found out that it wasn’t an accident. Someone had planned this, and they were going to find the murderers. Except that Hikaru’s been shot in the process! How will Kaoru survive with assassins on his back? Not to mention, helping a mysterious lost girl find her way home?
I’m trying a hand at this because there are just so many writers out there whose works make me shiver and cringe. This is utter crap!crack, but in a different sense than what you’ll usually find from me. It’s horrendous. You have been warned.
--------------------------------------------------
It really depended on the situation. Really. Because between everyday occurrences of improbable things happening and the chaotic mess known as Life, no one was really sure if the people around them were going crazy or whatnot.
Circumstance
"Reoccurring Themes"
By Hikagi
--------------------------------------------------
(Act One: Scene Three - Crap)
“Naze?”
Hikaru was lieing on the ground crippled with pain. There was blood every wear and it was starting to seep across the ground.
“Naze?” He whispered.
Karou sniffled as he walked closer. He tried not to step on the blood. His borther’s blood. But it somehow managed to get on his sneakers anyways.
“Why did you push me away?”
“Kaoru.” Hikaru said reaching out to his brother. “Gomen.” Hikaru said as he stroked Kaoru’s face. “But i’m dieing”
“!”
Kaoru gasped in shock.
“It’s the truth”
NO!”
The bullet wound had been to close to his heart. Karou knew. But that didn’t mean that Kaoru wasn’t going to try and save HIkaru. His best friend. The person he loved the most.
The person who’s blood was now all over his hands.
“Demo demo” Kaoru cried.
“I have to leave soon” Hikaru said with regrets in his eyes.
“But your to precious to me to die! I don’t want you to go!” Kaoru said as he held Hikarus hand in his own.
Kaoru didn’t know weather his twin was going to live or not. And it was all his fault.
“Kaoru. Aishiteru” Hikaru rasped.
“Don’t talk” Kaoru said.
“I… I just… want you to n-no…”
“I love you to Hikaru” Karou said.
“Im sorry that I couldn’t protect you like I promised.”
“What are you talking about you pushed me out of the way!” he yelled angry. Kaoru looked down ashamed.
“But I swore to you when we were little remember that I said that no matter what happens I will protect you from everything”
“I don’t care. That was really long ago and theres no way that I gonna let something stupid like that take you from me”
There was silence. Kaorus nose twitched as he tried to stop his tears with his sleeve.
He felt more tears fall and couldn’t hide them anymore.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger than I am now I could’ve done a better job” Hikaru said.
“But!”
Kaoru was panicing. Hiakrus heartbeat was getting slower.
“I wish I had been stronger”
“Your strong enough”
“Gomen Kaoru”
“…”
Suddenly Hiakru whinced.
“Itaii…”
“Hikaru?”
“Itaii, Kaoru”
“Hikaru!”
“Gomen Karou see you in heaven” He whispered.
“HIKARU!!!”
Hikaru’s arm went limp as his eyes closed, the darkness taking over his vision…
--------------------------------------------------
(Off Camera - Not As Crappy Crap)
“And CUT! Okay people, that’s a wrap for today.”
Hikaru winced as Renge’s voice filtered over the megaphone, completely shattering the moment of his untimely… well, death.
He sighed as he picked himself off the ground and out of the puddle of dyed syrup that was supposed to be posing as his own blood and turned his head so that he could see his twin’s face. Kaoru was dabbing his eyes on a handkerchief he kept in handy during any of their filming sessions.
“Ah, dammit. I hate these Vaseline sticks. Why can’t I just use the good old teardrops instead?”
“At least that way I won’t have to ruin my clothes,” was added as an afterthought, but only Hikaru was able to hear it.
“You’re not the only one to have ruined clothes,” Hikaru muttered, eyeing with distaste how the syrup was soaking into his jacket. There went fifty-thousand yen.
“Because,” Renge stated from her director’s seat, “the eye drops take too long to apply and have the chance that they would be caught on tape.”
“So what?” Kaoru said, eyes twitching. “These things burn!”
“They’re not supposed to get in your eyes,” was the response.
“I know that! It’s just that… Argh! I keep forgetting which part of my sleeve has the Vaseline on it!”
“If you have any complaints, take it up with the costume manager.”
Kaoru spun around so that his head was facing Hikaru. They shared a long, significant look that spoke of possible mischief and pain for a certain otaku.
--------------------------------------------------
(Off Camera? - Not As Crappy Crap, But With Some Crappy Elements) - Original title, yes I know.
Haruhi walked up to the Hitachiin twins, eyeing the horribly tacky movie scene around her with skeptism. “What’s going on?”
Hikaru greeted her with a wave, motioning that she should have a seat. “Just a little side hobby.”
“We were bored,” Kaoru corrected.
She noticed the camera and director’s chair not too far away. “Even after our last attempt at a Host Club video?”
They beamed in unison, sharing that seemingly innocent smile Haruhi recognized to be the one they used when causing mayhem.
“Especially after our collaborated video. Kyouya said that that tape made us a lot of money.”
“So we’re continuing the series.”
Haruhi raised an eyebrow, finding fault with whatever screwed sense of logic they were using. “Wouldn’t the fans notice if half the cast suddenly disappeared from the act?”
There was that maniacal smile again.
Hikaru draped an arm over Haruhi’s shoulder as he handed her a copy of the script. “Don’t worry - we have it all figured out.”
“Yes,” Kaoru nodded as Haruhi slowly flipped through the pages like she would a legal document. “We opted that they all got killed off in a freak plane accident over the Himalayas that wasn’t really an accident. And to avenge our fallen brethren, Hikaru and I set off on a journey to find the culprits after finding subtle, but not so subtle hints left behind at the scene of the crime.”
Not noticing their comrade’s expression, Hikaru continued on. “Only, I get killed along the way, and Kaoru is left to fend for himself. Later, he saves a lost, mysterious young girl named Sen from the devices of bandits and decides to take her home. The only problem is that she has amnesia.”
Haruhi sighed. It was beginning to sound like a stereotypical manga scenario.
Picking up after his brother, Kaoru waggled a finger in front of Haruhi’s face and flipped through the script. “What I don’t know is that she also has super powers that can be used to save or destroy the world!”
“U-huh. And the bad guys are after her because she used to be our friend but was taken into hiding due to her powers. And we didn’t remember her because it was such a long time ago.”
A stereotypical shoujo manga scenario.
Haruhi noted that they were picking up more steam as they went on. Perhaps there was something about this movie shooting that they weren’t telling her?
“Sen and I hit it off as the journey progresses. Except now I’m conflicted between her and my deceased brother.” Kaoru raised a clenched fist to his chest and stared dejectedly (Haruhi, however, wasn’t convinced) into the distance. “Should I turn my unwavering attention to the striking beauty besides me and dishonor by brother’s memory? Or should I cling to my lost twin and potentially break the heart of the fair maiden who has placed her entire future in my hands?”
Hikaru’s face was serious as he continued summarizing the story’s basic plot. “More problems arise as Sen starts remembering a little of her past. Eventually, she’s pieced enough together to recognize Kaoru’s face and personality.”
“Thing is that she used to like Hikaru more. But she doesn’t know how to break the news to me.”
Haruhi’s eyes were starting to twitch from the cheesy-ness of it all.
A badly written stereotypical shoujo manga scenario.
“Unfortunately, she never gets to.” Hikaru crept around her chair, leaning over her back and speaking into her ears with a dramatic voice. “The enemy lures Kaoru into a trap and steals the young beauty from his arms, threatening to kill her if he does not reach the castle within a given amount of time. Devastated and determined, he finally reaches the enemy’s hideout only to find out that not everyone has died.”
“Yes,” Kaoru nodded. “The enemy turned out to be our long lost friend Ran whom we thought to have died in yet another freak accident in a far off country that no one’s ever heard of before.”
Hikaru’s voice rose in volume, giving Haruhi the impression that he was channeling Tamaki-sempai. “Ran challenges Kaoru to a duel against one of his minions and our hero accepts, only to find out that his brother had not died after all!”
Haruhi didn’t know whether to be sick or amused by their antics at this point. And the twins were showing no signs of stopping any time soon.
“Then there is a big confrontation between us. Hikaru apparently remembers Sen and had liked her when we were little. But he feels betrayed because I was getting close to her. Ran uses these emotions to gain control of Hikaru as his minion.”
A poorly planned, badly written stereotypical shoujo manga scenario.
“Then we fight it off. I’m on the verge of killing Kaoru when Sen steps in the middle and intercepts our blades. We unintentionally injure her and realize that the fight was stupid from the start.”
Haruhi stifled a snort. The Hitachiins didn’t notice and were still going at it.
“But then Ran had an evil plan up his sleeves. You see, Sen had magic powers that were keeping the earth safe. By us injuring her, the whole world was put into peril. Ran was related to Sen, and when she dies, he inherits the duty of protecting the earth. He was planning on using his position to rule as a tyrant.”
“So Sen uses the last of her vanishing powers to heal us both before collapsing. We put aside our differences and decide to vanquish Ran from the face of the earth.”
“The scene ends with us landing one, solid blow before the screen fades to white. And for the epilogue, it shows the two of us idling about our mansion, talking happily about something trivial.”
Haruhi rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time.
“We walk in to a room, and by the window there’s a girl sitting there. It’s implied that the girl is Sen. Everyone lives happily ever after and the movie ends with an outside shot panning up.”
A poorly planned, badly written stereotypical shoujo manga scenario that involved the Hitachiins.
Haruhi was tempted to check up and cross reference all of the script’s contents to movies and books written in the past.
“So what do you think? Story sounds good?”
Haruhi sighed as she eyed the atrocity in her hands. “It sounds like someone’s been breaching copyright laws.”
Kaoru looked at her, appalled. “Nothing of the sort!”
Hikaru merely grabbed a water bottle from a cooler and waved the statement away. “Besides, it’s not like we don’t have the money to pay off who ever claims the rights to those stories.”
Haruhi sighed and rolled her eyes yet again. “So, who wrote the script?”
Kaoru placed a finger on his chin and looked thoughtful. “I believe Renge was in charge of overseeing the production.”
Haruhi blinked. “Renge was in charge?” That explained some of the lines. Like that one page that had her handwriting all over it with an insert of, ‘I lOv U fRuM dA bOtToM oF mY hEaRt!’ in the margins. “What ever happened to the producers she hired from Hollywood?”
Correction: A poorly planned, badly written stereotypical shoujo manga scenario created by Renge that involved the Hitachiins.
“She dismissed them. Thought she could do a better job.”
“They left for another film. There’s a lot more work to be done, but all the girls Renge called up are handling them.”
Haruhi refrained from finding a solid object to smash her head into.
The world as she knew it was coming to an end.
“Besides,” one of the twins said, “we get to help pick the cast.”
“And since we’re still at the beginning stages…”
They both paused dramatically before giving her four thumbs-up. “We decided that you could be the girl with amnesia!”
Haruhi’s first urge went away only to be replaced by another. One that involved heavy, blunt objects connecting with certain people’s heads. She replied in a deadpanned voice.
“You do that, and I’ll see to it that I transfer out of this school.”
The twins yelled in surprise at her statement, then proceeded to whine and wail in displeasure. Haruhi only pressed her fingers to her temple, trying to fight off an incoming headache.
Fin.
--------------------------------------------------
Happy,
sciathan_file ? I wrote alien!Haruhi as promised. Except, she wasn’t really an alien in the strictest sense. And it was only on script. And it wasn’t really her. And a whole bunch of other things.
O____O ~ This is so much longer than I originally intended. It was supposed to be about one or two pages (less than a thousand words) long, but now it’s over eight pages and 2.5 thousand words!
This was heavily inspired by all the crap circulating about. Every intentional mistake you see in the story has been taken from and/or inspired by fics/authors on FFN, so I’m afraid that I can’t claim some of the more creative errors. I didn’t get everything that I intended to because it was that bad. Everything was so cheesy, it was making my skin crawl and shrivel up. I never want to write anything this awful ever again, even for parody or humor reasons.
Did you know that your computer (i.e. Word Document) does not correct some of your spelling errors for you, especially when the words already exist in the dictionary but have a totally different meaning? (gasp!) “Dieing” is not the antonym of “living” - it is the action of cutting, forming, or stamping with or as if with a “die” (the noun, not the verb). “Dying,” however, is the act of getting the life snuffed out of you when the Sisters of Fate decide to cut your thread.
If people didn’t know already, I am an avid (read: obsessed) fan of crossovers. Unfortunately, that’s where a lot of the crap goes around (Romance stories too, but I’m not really into those). And having been fed up with horrible everything, I decided to see for myself if writing crap was as easy and effortless as it seemed like despite all the ‘effort’ people put in to it. God, I had to stop myself from going back and correcting the mistakes I made on purpose. (smacks self on the head) I can’t even write proper crap. My ‘problem’ is that I think through things too much before I even act. (sigh)
Anyone interested (bored enough) to see what I’ve incorporated? Pointers for common mistakes that I haven’t made? This, of course, only applies to the first part of the story. Mistakes in the second and third sections were probably unintentional seeing that I was still channeling the “OMG fangirl wannabe Japanese” spirits from the first section. Well, except for the manga plot that I “made up” - that was the crap incorporated in the third part.
Except, I shouldn’t be carping all too much. After all, with the exception of the obvious spelling and grammar errors, I’ve made many of these mistakes a countless number of times. Like the whole shoujo manga plot thing. Yeah. I believe my first… (counts) three or four works were steeped with those elements.
On a random note: I keep misspelling Hikaru’s name as my own because it’s so similar. (grimaces) You have no idea how many times I was reading through and saw my penname where it wasn’t supposed to be.
After this, I should go read sciathan file’s works. Her writing makes me feel better in comparison to the crap I write. (scurries away)
x-posted to ouranhostclub and FFN.
Previous shots can be found here.
~ Ika