30 Day Blog #15
I can't recall any of my recent dreams, but they are WEIRD dreams. Very detailed and have themes. They're either sexual in some way, me fighting with my parents, me dreaming of past loves, or my anxieties in daily life, such as I'm driving a car and the brakes go out or I can't see where I'm going. They show my greatest fears. Rejection, mostly. But I think they also show what my heart wants the most. I think I let my dreams get to me too much, but in my gut, I know they are right. One dream I have been thinking of a lot is one I had many years ago. When Ryan and I had our brief fling before he left for Colorado, I dreamt I had a daughter, and to this day I can recall exactly what she looked like. And I had to tell him that it was his daughter, which I didn't want to do, because I felt like I didn't want to force something on him he wasn't ready for; I had this dream when I was 16. I wish I could draw, because I remember the most intimate details about her face. I remember the exact placement of her curls, the shading of her cheeks, I could probably count the freckles she had on her face. BUT since I can't draw, I've been scouring the internet for something similar, and maybe when we do have kids, if we have a daughter, it will be her; I've heard of this happening, but I think memories fade and turn into self-fulfilling prophesies, so I want something concrete I can't change. So this is what I came up with:
