30 Day Blog #26
My fears. I'm scared of a lot of things, but I guess they are phobias.
1. E.T. This hasn't come up in a while, but if I see someone opting to watch a movie on a channel and E.T. comes on after, I will adamantly protest watching the movie before in case I have to watch a commercial. I mean, it's been how many years? It's so old, how come people still watch it. I despise TNT for bringing it back up every 5 years. I'm going to be a granny in the home and they will still be playing it on its 75th anniversary. Then I think about all the stupid things I might do because of my phobia. Will my kids ever go to Universal and I'll sit out on riding it because I'm scared? What if they want to take a picture with that damn animatronic recreation, am I going to be missing? And that makes me think, what the hell? It's been a long time since I've got the feeling of death when hearing the name or seeing something related to it. But I haven't actively tried to overcome the phobia. Definitely not.
2. Frogs. I just hate them. What can I say?
3. Lizards. Not baby ones, which are kinda cute, not alligators, or iguanas or bearded dragons or anything else except just the regular lizards you see everywhere. Don't ask me why.
4. Falling off ledges. Some kind of ancient human voodoo always produces the idea in the back of my mind that it would be fun to jump off, and I'm just too afraid I will follow that advice someday, so I stay away from the ledges.
5. Never having kids, in any shape or form. Yes, not experiencing pregnancy would suck, but I would happily take adoption whether it's one kid or all my kids or just some. And there isn't anyone I'd honestly trust to take all the same precautions as I would when pregnant, cuz I'm insane.
6. Being pregnant with a child who would have any disease associated with mental retardation or no chance of survival. I've talked to Ryan about this and he is pretty adamant we do not birth a child with anything of that sort of disease. Spina bifida, is not a problem. Dwarfism, not a problem. A hole in the heart by itself, not a problem. Blind, lots of smart people are blind. Ancephaly, never ever ever. I do not want to birth a thing that does not have a head. Or brain more specifically. Because if you don't have a brain, you aren't human. A living thing yes, but sponges are living things, and I don't really want to have a sponge as a son or daughter. The lines start getting blurry with Trisomy 18 and Down's syndromes.
Trisomy 18
50% it will die in utero
Less than 10% survive the first year
Very few live to 20, usually girls, still have severe developmental delays.
And lots of other physical problems like intestinal tract outside the stomach, the esophagous doesn't connect to the stomach, fluid on the brain, etc.
Down's Syndrome
50% congenital heart disease
10x higher chance of leukemia
Increased risk of thyroid disorder and infertility
50% lower IQ than the average population
And the biggie, chance of an imperforate anus aka no butt hole.
Am I willing to risk all that? Some people would argue it would be selfish just to deny someone a chance at life because they are disabled, and I would argue it would be selfish to force someone to live life failing from the start. So I guess my biggest fear isn't having a child with those problems, it's having to make the decision what to do about it.
1. E.T. This hasn't come up in a while, but if I see someone opting to watch a movie on a channel and E.T. comes on after, I will adamantly protest watching the movie before in case I have to watch a commercial. I mean, it's been how many years? It's so old, how come people still watch it. I despise TNT for bringing it back up every 5 years. I'm going to be a granny in the home and they will still be playing it on its 75th anniversary. Then I think about all the stupid things I might do because of my phobia. Will my kids ever go to Universal and I'll sit out on riding it because I'm scared? What if they want to take a picture with that damn animatronic recreation, am I going to be missing? And that makes me think, what the hell? It's been a long time since I've got the feeling of death when hearing the name or seeing something related to it. But I haven't actively tried to overcome the phobia. Definitely not.
2. Frogs. I just hate them. What can I say?
3. Lizards. Not baby ones, which are kinda cute, not alligators, or iguanas or bearded dragons or anything else except just the regular lizards you see everywhere. Don't ask me why.
4. Falling off ledges. Some kind of ancient human voodoo always produces the idea in the back of my mind that it would be fun to jump off, and I'm just too afraid I will follow that advice someday, so I stay away from the ledges.
5. Never having kids, in any shape or form. Yes, not experiencing pregnancy would suck, but I would happily take adoption whether it's one kid or all my kids or just some. And there isn't anyone I'd honestly trust to take all the same precautions as I would when pregnant, cuz I'm insane.
6. Being pregnant with a child who would have any disease associated with mental retardation or no chance of survival. I've talked to Ryan about this and he is pretty adamant we do not birth a child with anything of that sort of disease. Spina bifida, is not a problem. Dwarfism, not a problem. A hole in the heart by itself, not a problem. Blind, lots of smart people are blind. Ancephaly, never ever ever. I do not want to birth a thing that does not have a head. Or brain more specifically. Because if you don't have a brain, you aren't human. A living thing yes, but sponges are living things, and I don't really want to have a sponge as a son or daughter. The lines start getting blurry with Trisomy 18 and Down's syndromes.
Trisomy 18
50% it will die in utero
Less than 10% survive the first year
Very few live to 20, usually girls, still have severe developmental delays.
And lots of other physical problems like intestinal tract outside the stomach, the esophagous doesn't connect to the stomach, fluid on the brain, etc.
Down's Syndrome
50% congenital heart disease
10x higher chance of leukemia
Increased risk of thyroid disorder and infertility
50% lower IQ than the average population
And the biggie, chance of an imperforate anus aka no butt hole.
Am I willing to risk all that? Some people would argue it would be selfish just to deny someone a chance at life because they are disabled, and I would argue it would be selfish to force someone to live life failing from the start. So I guess my biggest fear isn't having a child with those problems, it's having to make the decision what to do about it.