I Miss You
HaeHyuk
Angst (Mianhe)
He miss him.
Eunhyuk looked at photo for the n-nth time. He had no more tears left. His eyes were hurting. His heart was shattered. He could not stop the pain that had long occupied him. It has been too long. 5 years. 5 years is a long time, right?
"I do not know what I should do today. Should I pay you a visit?" Eunhyuk talked to the picture.
(Eunhyuk pov)
Maybe I do not have to. I will continue living in your shadow if I don’t let you go. I need to let you go.
But I cannot. I've tried. I really can’t.
I miss you. Long for you. .. I .. I want to see you again, want to hear you, want to see you trailing me everywhere. I miss you. Everything about you.
Please, Hae. Come back to me. Even for only for a moment.
Please.
I really need you. I feel empty without you.
I missed that word. Please say it again. please....
If I say it out loud, are you going to appear again?
(end of pov)
Tears escaped from Eunhyuk's eyes. He promised that he would not cry again, not when he has spent half the day mourning the loss of his beloved.
But what can he do? His heart is broken. No matter what he did, Donghae will not appear again. He was gone .. for good. He is dead.
It is difficult for Eunhyuk to continue living without Donghae by his side. When he first received news of the Donghae’s death, his world felt so dim .. no .. his world collapsed. He felt a great loss. As if part of his heart was gone. He was almost unable to accept the news. He passed out the whole day. The shock was too much for him. The next day, when he regained consciousness, the first thing he did was going to Donghae's room. There he found Aeri, Donghae's sister. Her eyes were red and her hands were trembling. She was cleaning the room. She put Donghae's personal items in a box.
Eunhyuk eyes opened wide, and going hysteric, he screamed.
"No. .. stop it .. Noona ... don't ... why are you doing that?" Eunhyuk said with a trembling voice.
Aeri put the box on the bed. She approached the fragile boy. She felt sorry for that boy. The two of them are close to each other, very close. And she could understand the shock. He’s only 18 after all.
Eunhyuk shook his head. He stepped back, until he was trapped between the walls.
"Hyuk ... he is gone ..."
"No ... you’re lying .. he's fine. He will be back in a minute .." Eunhyuk couldn’t stop crying. He was afraid, very afraid. He hoped that all this was only a dream. He hoped that in a minute, Donghae will appear in front of them with the smile that is always plastered on his face. But who is he lying to? He saw her eyes, her clothes, he heard her trembling voice. Donghae is dead. He knew it but he can't accept it. Not now, not ever.
Aeri said nothing else. She hugged Eunhyuk tightly, giving strength to the boy. They stood in that position for a while. When she felt that Eunhyuk is better than earlier, she detached herself. Gathering her courage, he held onto Eunhyuk's hand.
"Go meet him, I am sure that he is waiting for you"
Eunhyuk nodded. On cue, Aeri drove to the cemetery. Arriving there, the girl remained in the car. She wanted to give them time. It may be their last meeting but, one thing she knew is that Donghae's soul would never leave Eunhyuk.
Eunhyuk walked slowly. Every step that he took only hurt him more. He wanted to leave. Frankly, he did not have the strength to continue. But there is something that guided him until he stopped in front of Donghae's tomb. It is true. Donghae's name is written there. He cried again.
"Hae ..." Eunhyuk fell on his knees. "Do not leave me, please!"
Again, tears are flowing down Eunhyuk's cheeks. But the tears are quickly stopped by the whisper of the wind saying, "I miss you". It sounded like Donghae and Eunhyuk wanted to believe it. He wiped away his tears and curved a small smile. "Thank you" Eunhyuk replied, like he always did, whenever Donghae said the words.
English
Now, after five years, he still feels the emptiness, the loss. He gave up. He continued to live in Donghae's shadow. What helped him continue his life until now is nothing but their memories- every second that they had shared together. It is painful. Their memories are killing him. It cuts his heart like a sharp knife, but the same memory had revived his dead soul. Without the memory, it’s likely that he wouldn’t be here today.
Eunhyuk wiped the remnants of his tears. He put the picture back to its original place. He took a deep breath. Then he reached his car keys and accelerates to a place.
It took him only 10 minutes to arrive at that place. It was his, no, THEIR high school. As it was when they were studying there.
He stepped on the school grounds. First, he took the corridor of the first floor. His eyes go wild. He scanned the surroundings hungrily. He tried to put his memory back in the school. Inside the classrooms, noise could be heard. Chit-chatting, the laughter, the teacher's voice. None of the classrooms are quiet though it's a study time.
Then, he moves to the second floor. Eunhyuk is almost crying. He had to bite his lips to hold in the tears. He is not going to cry for the next hour. Like before, he walked along the corridor. Everything he passed by reminds him of their memory. He smiled bitterly.
He walked to the end of the corridor until he’s was in front of 3-1 classroom. It used to be their classroom. From outside, he could hear the noise. It was the same, just like 5 years ago. Their class can be considered the noisiest class in the whole school. The students aren’t bad, just a little bit naughty. You can blame it on the hormonal imbalance of the youths. Sometime they will pull a prank on their teacher. The mastermind behind those pranks was always Donghae but Eunhyuk was the first person to apologize to the teacher after the situation had calmed down. Despite the pranks and all the other weird stuff done by the students of 3-1, there’s no denying, that this is the same group of student that brought fame to the school. The students of 3-1 are nothing but a bunch of talented teens. Either in academic, sports, dance or art. And of course the best of the best are the HaeHyuk. They were both always at the tops. No one was good enough to defeat them.
Eunhyuk knocked before he opened the door. By the time he made eye contact with the students, the class become utterly quiet for one minute before the girls started to squeal and screamed “Eunhyuk sunbae-nim” He couldn’t care less how he can be so popular among the students. He smiled to the class and bowed.
“I’m sorry to interrupt your class, Miss. Mind if I stay here for a minute? “ the teacher quickly nodded without further question. After all who can deny a request from that innocent sexy face, owned by Lee Eunhyuk?
Like he requested, he stayed for a minute. He used the precious one minute to stare at his seat back then in high school time. The seat was empty for a reason he didn’t know, even Donghae’s seat which is next to his. He surprised when he saw Donghae in his seat, smiling warmly at him. He saw that Donghae mouthed “Hyukkie “. But before Eunhyuk could move forward to the seat, the shadow disappeared.
“Hae…” Eunhyuk whispered. He took a deep breath to pull himself together.
“Thanks for allowing me in this class. Have a nice day everyone” he bowed again and left the class.
Eunhyuk took a quick turn to left wing of the second floor. He dragged his legs to the dance studio. Without wasting time, he entered the spacious room. He walked around the room, touching the mirror on his way and stop at the corner of the room. He takes out his phone and connects it to the speaker. He goes through the song list until he finds the song; their song, “I wanna love you “
He could still remember the time they spent to make the song. It was one week of hell. But it was worth it. He treasures the song very much to the point that he doesn’t allow anybody else to sing it. The song belongs to them and only them.
~I wanna love you~
It was Donghae’s request after they both succeed to enter the final stage for the dance competition. Donghae said that he wanted to use a special song for the final stage and the best way is was to make their own song. Eunhyuk agreed to Donghae because he too wanted the last performance to be special. With the song and perfect dance moves, they won the competition. But it’s not about winning the competition that mattered to them. It’s the time that they spent together. The time when they made the song and practiced the dance moves together. The time when their bodies, minds and souls synchronized and melt in the song. The world seemed to stop and there was nothing more important than having each other.
Eunhyuk then walked to the centre of the room, facing the mirror. When the song started playing, he danced to the music. He was so into the dance that he closed his eyes, not only to enjoy the dance but also to recall the time when he once danced the song with Donghae.
Him and Donghae.
2 persons with one heart.
Their relationship lies between friendship and love.
They know each other, understand each other and feel each other.
Donghae was always there for Eunhyuk, protecting him, cheering him and supporting him. And vice versa.
Even though they shared such a relationship, Donghae never said “I love you“ to Eunhyuk and Eunhyuk himself never expressed the magical words to Donghae either. Rather they went with “I miss you” phrase. Donghae said that a lot. Almost all the time. And every time he said the phrase, Eunhyuk always replied with “Thank you”.
He never once said the phrase back to Donghae. Maybe because Donghae is always there with him that he doesn’t have the chance to miss the brunette. The brunette always tagged along wherever he was going. Whether it was study time, sports time, dancing time, meal time or even sleeping time. They were inseparable.
But one accident changed everything. Up until now, Eunhyuk never asked about how Donghae got into an accident. He never wanted to know.
I wanna love you, I can’t live without you.
Eunhyuk opened his eyes and was shocked. In the mirror he’s not alone. Donghae is there, next to him, dancing together with him.
Close your eyes and only hold onto my hands
They continued dancing. Eunhyuk didn’t take his eyes off the mirror.
I wanna have you, I really need you.
They still dancing but Eunhyuk was crying a river. He couldn’t stop the tears anymore.
Now take my hand.
Eunhyuk stopped dancing. His body is trembling. Donghae approached him and hugged him from behind. Even though it’s only a shadow of Donghae, it seemed real to Eunhyuk. The same body buillt, the scent and warmth that only belongs to Donghae. Eunhyuk places his hands on top of Donghae’s.
I wanna love you, I can’t live without you
I wanna have you, I really need you
You only need to be close to me
The song speaks for Eunhyuk.
You only need to be close to me
I’ll be protecting you
The arm around Eunhyuk tightens. He looks into the mirror again and sees Donghae smiling.
“I miss you and will always miss you, baby” Eunhyuk could hear Donghae whisper into his ears. The whisper resonating inside him.
“I miss you too Hae..forever “
Donghae smiles and Eunhyuk saw it through the mirror as Donghae started to disappear, leaving him alone in the dance studio.
{the end}
p/s : how was it ? crappy ?