(no subject)
things you can't change (l/sulli) PG-13. 2,716words
a/n: Too much writing about Myungsoo, i regret nothing. Here comes my nonexistent OTP, i regret nothing.
If you're looking for her, she will always stand and stare at the window. Waiting for him.
Choi Jinri always looks for the figure of the handsome boy in the field school through the window of her classroom on the second floor. Sometimes Jinri will be accompanied by Sunyoung or Soojung, sometimes she’s just alone. Sometimes she finds that boy's face among many students down there, sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes when he realizes there’s someone monitoring him from a distance, he immediately looks toward the second floor, and sometimes he doesn’t.
This is a habit, Jinri’s answer if Soojung asks her why she always watches him from distance. She answers honestly, because she has been doing this since she enters this school. Sometimes if Jinri feels excited, she'll tell Soojung how she saw him the first time.
The meeting was very simple, words that starts Jinri’s story.
The homeroom charges her to clean the classroom every morning along with two other students. Her two friends always complain that their work is pointless, so they never work and often come late.
Jinri always obeys the rules, for her it makes everything neat. So she doesn’t find a problem to clean the classroom every morning just by herself, the person who comes first in the classroom everyday.
She usually will wipe the window at seven o’clock, the same time when he comes to school. Jinri usually doesn’t pay much attention with the boy, who always comes at the same time every morning with his white bike. But slowly, it becomes a habitual action for Jinri to view him. One time, he doesn’t appear, and Jinri totally can’t concentrate about anything but him.
Some people are too often think of others than themselves, perhaps it's called love. Jinri remembers the quote from Sunyoung’s novel that she borrowed.
From there she realizes she likes him, probably. So when that boy comes to school and looks up - though he doesn’t look at her - Jinri hastily hides and finds her heart pounding.
Why don’t you confess your feelings? Soojung asks.
Jinri eyes flash briefly, but then she shakes her head. I don’t even know his name, she laughs bitterly.
One week later, she gets his name. Kim Myungsoo.
At lunchtime, Jinri goes to the cafeteria together with Sunyoung because she’s forced to accompany Sunyoung to buy lunch. Usually Soojung is the one who’ll accompany her, but she’s sick that day and Jinri is the only hope for Sunyoung.
She waits near the cashier while Sunyoung is selecting some food that she’ll buy. Some foods make her attracts to pick them, but she doesn’t have much money because she must save her money to buy guitar. Maybe she'll buy a pink guitar, maybe electric guitar, sort of.
At that time, she catches a familiar face in the midst of a senior gang at the checkout. She sees him, that boy. He talks with his friends, sometimes smiling, sometimes laughing, sometimes he looks around and chooses foods that he’ll buy. He doesn’t realize that he's noticed by a girl with shining eyes and happy smile and fluttering heart.
Jinri nearly shrieks, but she doesn’t, because Sunyoung already finishes paying and immediately pulls her out of the cafeteria.
They pass each other when Jinri goes out and he wants to pay, and she reads the boy's name tag at a glance. Kim Myungsoo. She holds her smile and looks back, even though he - Myungsoo - doesn’t look at her.
Jinri doesn’t like to keep her happiness alone, so she immediately embraces Sunyoung after they get out of the cafeteria.
What's wrong with you?
Sunyoung’s question just answers with a smile, but after that she whispers gently. I know his name now. Kim Myungsoo.
That night, before she goes to bed, Jinri stands in front of her bathroom mirror and chants his name over and over (Kim Myungsoo, Kim Myungsoo, Myungsoo...), she touches her lips as she mentions his name again, then laughs sheepishly.
So his name is Kim Myungsoo?
The next day, Soojung has recovered and comes back to school as usual. Jinri tells her what happened yesterday as she wiping the windows and waiting Myungsoo to come.
Mm-hmm.
What grade is he?
Two, maybe.
Maybe?
I saw him yesterday with some seniors in the cafeteria.
Do you want me to find out about him?
Jinri thinks, Soojung is pretty and popular in school and she knows a lot of the seniors. Soojung might help her to know Myungsoo closer again, this is a good idea.
What do you think?
Jinri nods quickly and smiles brilliantly.
After that they stand together behind the window, waiting Myungsoo to come. He finally arrives a few minutes later, parking his bike before walking into the school building. They see some seniors approach him, Soojung says she knows some of them - Nam Woohyun, Lee Sungyeol, and the gang. Jinri just smiles, at least with Soojung’s help maybe she doesn’t need to do this thing any longer.
Thing, which means, falls in love alone.
He hates raw food.
He hates raw food?
Three months later, she gets a lot of informations about Myungsoo. Everything is given by Soojung, she says she finds out from some of Myungsoo’s classmates and his good friends. Soojung normally will call her after dinner, telling a few facts of Myungsoo and Jinri immediately writes them in her personal journal.
Oh, Jinri. Do you want Myungsoo’s phone number?
She is mute for a moment. She thinks, though she has it she won’t ever call him in the end, she doesn’t have the courage. But she still asks it from Soojung. I want it not because I'm going to call him.
So, for what? Soojung asks, a bit of confused.
Jinri also doesn’t know. She just wants to know his number, she wants to know more about him though she doesn’t dare approach him.
What is it? What is it? Jinri asks, she endures the pain in her right wrist that Soojung grips tightly. Soojung drags her down the stairs to the ground floor of their school building and walks her into the cafeteria.
There’s a special gift for you, Soojung whispers delightly.
She takes Jinri to one of the tables that fills with senior. Jinri knows some seniors there, and the rest she doesn’t. But that's not important, because she finds Myungsoo looks at her - like the other seniors.
One of the seniors greets Soojung, invites her to sit next to him. Soojung smiles and pulls Jinri to sit next her too.
This is my friend, Soojung introduces her, Choi Jinri. She’s a trainee from SM Entertainment!
Some of them respond well, about Jinri and their interests in music.
Really? Wow, that’s great!
Hey, I’m a trainee too, you know!
So you’ll debut as singer?
Why don’t you sign up at the music club too? Myungsoo and I'll accept you gladly. Right, Myungsoo?
Jinri eyes shines brightly. The boy who offers her to get into club music - Nam Woohyun - turns his face to Myungsoo, and simultaneously all of them see him too.
Jinri realizes, Myungsoo doesn’t talk much. He prefers to sit quietly, eating lunch while reading a few of his comics. She remembers that one of his hobbies is reading comics.
Myungsoo puts his comic on the table, mumbles, Yeah, I think it's a good idea.
Good. Then you can come into the music room on the third floor, after school.
Jinri nods, I understand.
Jinri can feel the warm of Soojung’s hand squeezes her hands under the table. Jinri smiles secretly.
Jinri finds Myungsoo and Woohyun in the music room, ten minutes after the last lesson has completed. She goes there by herself, doesn’t want to bother Soojung or Sunyoung who already have their own activities.
Knock, knock.
She knocks on the door and goes inside. Woohyun greets her with a cheerful voice, asking a few important things to fill her bio in the journal club. Myungsoo doesn’t have too much to say at that time, he just sits behind the window, strumming his guitar randomly. Sometimes he looks at Woohyun and Jinri, sometimes he just looks through the window. Jinri can see his movements of the corner of her eyes. For her, he’s a very charming figure.
I can sing a little bit, and play guitar a little bit.
Well, you’ll be the sub-vocalist one - well, because I’m the lead vocalist - and second guitarist, after him. Woohyun points at Myungsoo, who then looks at them briefly.
Jinri smiles at him as she bows her head once, a sign of respect for seniors. He smiles back, an awkward but polite. Just once, this has made Jinri flies with all the expectations that exist in her mind.
He looks cold for a new person, Woohyun whispers Jinri after Myungsoo turns his head away from them. But actually he’s a good guy, I'm serious. If he sees you as a good friend, he’ll be one of your best friends.
Jinri nods, she thinks she understands exactly what Woohyun means.
I wish I could be his friend.
Woohyun hears Jinri’s faint words, but he makes no comment and just smiles.
Moment when they first talk is the moment that she's always waiting for. She always dreams of it, when they talk and there’ll be smiles and laughters and light atmosphere there. She does get it - smile, laugh, and stuffs - but she’s conscious enough to know it makes her collapses.
They meet a week later. At the school entrance, after their club activity, only two of them.
At that time the sky is overcast and rainy, and Jinri forgets to bring an umbrella that day, so she has no choice but to wait for the rain stops. It's okay, she doesn’t matter, after all, she likes rain. She likes the light rain, with little drizzle and sky isn’t too dark, which has distinctive odor.
She taps the window glass, watching every grain of raindrop sticks there. She can taste the cold out there, just looking at it. She rubs her palms into her arms and tries to warm herself.
When she sees him.
The boy stops beside her, taking a distance about three or four feets away from her. Myungsoo ruffles his wet hair randomly, makes his hair starts to dry out. His school shirt and bag are also a bit wet, Jinri thinks he might be came from the library or cafeteria in another building.
Myungsoo catches a glimpse of the girl who has been watching her, and immediately turns to Jinri.
Jinri gives a start, trying to smile and whispering quietly, H-Hello, Myungsoo sunbae...
Oh, hello..., Myungsoo pauses, Cho Jinri.
It’s Choi Jinri.
Jinri feels a little of her die inside.
Oh, yes. I'm sorry.
No, that's okay.
So, you're Soojung’s friend?
Yes... She's a good friends, we’re friends since childhood.
Really?
She can see the attraction in his eyes, when a thin smile comes to his face. She usually likes his smile, but she feels something wrong here.
Well, uhm, Jinri?
Yes, Myungsoo sunbae?
You... I mean, I... Can I ask Soojung’s phone number from you?
(I think I like her.)
She can hear a sentence that he doesn’t even say. Instantly, the world around her fades, and then becomes normal again, then she feels her eyes burning. She does nothing but smiles and nods, then takes her phone while muttering, Sure, Myungsoo sunbae.
T-Thank you. He says and smiles wider, his widest smile Jinri ever seen.
She just enough to know if the smile isn’t directed at her.
A few weeks later, Jinri decides to stop hoping.
This isn’t something she’ll expect, this is an important thing that makes her heart broken, but she doesn’t matter about it. She always like that, feels that although many people make mistakes and cost her, she always forgives them too easy. She can’t ever angry at people, especially in the long term. She better feels hurt because people than hurts people, though it makes her sick, she prefers that. She thinks it’s weird, but she's still doing it.
Jinri and her classmates come to Soojung’s house to play. She’s glad she’s able to gather with her friends in the middle of the winter break, but apparently happiness doesn’t want to play with her any longer.
She sits in front of Soojung’s phone which lies on the table, when the phone owner is trying to give the cake for her classmates fairly.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
She hears the sound, along with a vibrating phone. She looks to the screen.
One message from: Kim Myungsoo♡
She feels herself broken.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
She doesn’t touch the phone, she does nothing except stares at the screen with a blank gaze.
Two messages from: Kim Myungsoo♡
She can taste her salty tears falling. She already knows this will happen sooner or later - since he has asked her Soojung’s number, it’s only she doesn’t want to believe in reality. And in the end, she realizes that she must stop hiding behind her dreams.
This time, instrumental Christmas song rings in the air, comes from Soojung’s phone. Jinri sees the flickering screen again. Kim Myungsoo♡, once written over there.
Soojung, Soojung! Suji, the girl sitting next to Jinri, shouts. Your phone is ringing! From Kim Myungsoo!
Jinri can see the events after that from the corner of her eyes. How Soojung gasps softly, her eyes go round, how Sunyoung - who sits on the edge - is holding her breath. Jinri hopes the tears don’t fall, but it’s too late for her.
With haste, she takes her bag and runs to the door. Nothing she leaves there, except for her green tea to cold slowly and noise of door slamming.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, really.
Jinri sighs. Soojung whispers softly - and sadly, Jinri doesn’t know, she’s not even sure - when Soojung forces a meeting at a cafe near her flat three days later. This is the twenty-second time Soojung apologizes to her, she counts. Ten times with texts, six times from phone calls, five times through Sunyoung, and this.
So this is your purpose to ask me come here?
I-I’m... Please, Jinri. I'm sorry.
Jinri forces a smile on her lips, even a fool knows that smile is too forced. She shakes her head, Why you should apologize, Soojung?
H-Huh?
It’s not even your fault. Every person has a right to love others, no one should prohibit it.
Ironic, Soojung thinks how Jinri tries to smile and gives up, but she finds herself still crying at the same time.
It won’t make me die, right?
Jinri... I'm very, very sorry. I shouldn’t take him away from you, I shouldn’t answer his call that night, I shouldn’t -
You shouldn’t fall for him?
Jinri... Please...
Ah, Soojung. I'm sorry, I must go now.
Jinri is stumbling on her way home. Winter is at its peak time, and that means the snow will be piled outside the house. She even considers this is a good idea. She looks up and stares at the gray sky, nearly equal to the current contents of her heart. She can let herself in the middle of this empty road at that time, lets the snow comes down and buries her alive in there. At least it’ll make her numb, but unfortunately it'll never happen.
She just stands there, bows her head, and cries.
Sunyoung calls her on the same day, almost midnight.
Jinri never thinks this day will come, the day when she and Sunyoung will hold a serious conversations, while they’ll hide their cheerful voices deafening each other and topics about stupid things just for tonight.
Jinri never thinks she’ll answer her with trembling lips, swollen eyes, wet cheeks, and broken hearts.
Hello?
Hello, Sunyoung.
Jinri, are you okay?
She laughs. No, of course. Do you think this is normal?
I think it's normal.
Sunyoung, I guess I still love him.
That's okay, Jinri.
And you know where's the worst part?
Huh?
When I hear sentence that he doesn’t even tell me before.
...what is it?
That he never likes me, that he only likes her.
…
Oh, well. I still can’t change anything, by the way.
a/n: Too much writing about Myungsoo, i regret nothing. Here comes my nonexistent OTP, i regret nothing.
If you're looking for her, she will always stand and stare at the window. Waiting for him.
Choi Jinri always looks for the figure of the handsome boy in the field school through the window of her classroom on the second floor. Sometimes Jinri will be accompanied by Sunyoung or Soojung, sometimes she’s just alone. Sometimes she finds that boy's face among many students down there, sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes when he realizes there’s someone monitoring him from a distance, he immediately looks toward the second floor, and sometimes he doesn’t.
This is a habit, Jinri’s answer if Soojung asks her why she always watches him from distance. She answers honestly, because she has been doing this since she enters this school. Sometimes if Jinri feels excited, she'll tell Soojung how she saw him the first time.
The meeting was very simple, words that starts Jinri’s story.
The homeroom charges her to clean the classroom every morning along with two other students. Her two friends always complain that their work is pointless, so they never work and often come late.
Jinri always obeys the rules, for her it makes everything neat. So she doesn’t find a problem to clean the classroom every morning just by herself, the person who comes first in the classroom everyday.
She usually will wipe the window at seven o’clock, the same time when he comes to school. Jinri usually doesn’t pay much attention with the boy, who always comes at the same time every morning with his white bike. But slowly, it becomes a habitual action for Jinri to view him. One time, he doesn’t appear, and Jinri totally can’t concentrate about anything but him.
Some people are too often think of others than themselves, perhaps it's called love. Jinri remembers the quote from Sunyoung’s novel that she borrowed.
From there she realizes she likes him, probably. So when that boy comes to school and looks up - though he doesn’t look at her - Jinri hastily hides and finds her heart pounding.
Why don’t you confess your feelings? Soojung asks.
Jinri eyes flash briefly, but then she shakes her head. I don’t even know his name, she laughs bitterly.
One week later, she gets his name. Kim Myungsoo.
At lunchtime, Jinri goes to the cafeteria together with Sunyoung because she’s forced to accompany Sunyoung to buy lunch. Usually Soojung is the one who’ll accompany her, but she’s sick that day and Jinri is the only hope for Sunyoung.
She waits near the cashier while Sunyoung is selecting some food that she’ll buy. Some foods make her attracts to pick them, but she doesn’t have much money because she must save her money to buy guitar. Maybe she'll buy a pink guitar, maybe electric guitar, sort of.
At that time, she catches a familiar face in the midst of a senior gang at the checkout. She sees him, that boy. He talks with his friends, sometimes smiling, sometimes laughing, sometimes he looks around and chooses foods that he’ll buy. He doesn’t realize that he's noticed by a girl with shining eyes and happy smile and fluttering heart.
Jinri nearly shrieks, but she doesn’t, because Sunyoung already finishes paying and immediately pulls her out of the cafeteria.
They pass each other when Jinri goes out and he wants to pay, and she reads the boy's name tag at a glance. Kim Myungsoo. She holds her smile and looks back, even though he - Myungsoo - doesn’t look at her.
Jinri doesn’t like to keep her happiness alone, so she immediately embraces Sunyoung after they get out of the cafeteria.
What's wrong with you?
Sunyoung’s question just answers with a smile, but after that she whispers gently. I know his name now. Kim Myungsoo.
That night, before she goes to bed, Jinri stands in front of her bathroom mirror and chants his name over and over (Kim Myungsoo, Kim Myungsoo, Myungsoo...), she touches her lips as she mentions his name again, then laughs sheepishly.
So his name is Kim Myungsoo?
The next day, Soojung has recovered and comes back to school as usual. Jinri tells her what happened yesterday as she wiping the windows and waiting Myungsoo to come.
Mm-hmm.
What grade is he?
Two, maybe.
Maybe?
I saw him yesterday with some seniors in the cafeteria.
Do you want me to find out about him?
Jinri thinks, Soojung is pretty and popular in school and she knows a lot of the seniors. Soojung might help her to know Myungsoo closer again, this is a good idea.
What do you think?
Jinri nods quickly and smiles brilliantly.
After that they stand together behind the window, waiting Myungsoo to come. He finally arrives a few minutes later, parking his bike before walking into the school building. They see some seniors approach him, Soojung says she knows some of them - Nam Woohyun, Lee Sungyeol, and the gang. Jinri just smiles, at least with Soojung’s help maybe she doesn’t need to do this thing any longer.
Thing, which means, falls in love alone.
He hates raw food.
He hates raw food?
Three months later, she gets a lot of informations about Myungsoo. Everything is given by Soojung, she says she finds out from some of Myungsoo’s classmates and his good friends. Soojung normally will call her after dinner, telling a few facts of Myungsoo and Jinri immediately writes them in her personal journal.
Oh, Jinri. Do you want Myungsoo’s phone number?
She is mute for a moment. She thinks, though she has it she won’t ever call him in the end, she doesn’t have the courage. But she still asks it from Soojung. I want it not because I'm going to call him.
So, for what? Soojung asks, a bit of confused.
Jinri also doesn’t know. She just wants to know his number, she wants to know more about him though she doesn’t dare approach him.
What is it? What is it? Jinri asks, she endures the pain in her right wrist that Soojung grips tightly. Soojung drags her down the stairs to the ground floor of their school building and walks her into the cafeteria.
There’s a special gift for you, Soojung whispers delightly.
She takes Jinri to one of the tables that fills with senior. Jinri knows some seniors there, and the rest she doesn’t. But that's not important, because she finds Myungsoo looks at her - like the other seniors.
One of the seniors greets Soojung, invites her to sit next to him. Soojung smiles and pulls Jinri to sit next her too.
This is my friend, Soojung introduces her, Choi Jinri. She’s a trainee from SM Entertainment!
Some of them respond well, about Jinri and their interests in music.
Really? Wow, that’s great!
Hey, I’m a trainee too, you know!
So you’ll debut as singer?
Why don’t you sign up at the music club too? Myungsoo and I'll accept you gladly. Right, Myungsoo?
Jinri eyes shines brightly. The boy who offers her to get into club music - Nam Woohyun - turns his face to Myungsoo, and simultaneously all of them see him too.
Jinri realizes, Myungsoo doesn’t talk much. He prefers to sit quietly, eating lunch while reading a few of his comics. She remembers that one of his hobbies is reading comics.
Myungsoo puts his comic on the table, mumbles, Yeah, I think it's a good idea.
Good. Then you can come into the music room on the third floor, after school.
Jinri nods, I understand.
Jinri can feel the warm of Soojung’s hand squeezes her hands under the table. Jinri smiles secretly.
Jinri finds Myungsoo and Woohyun in the music room, ten minutes after the last lesson has completed. She goes there by herself, doesn’t want to bother Soojung or Sunyoung who already have their own activities.
Knock, knock.
She knocks on the door and goes inside. Woohyun greets her with a cheerful voice, asking a few important things to fill her bio in the journal club. Myungsoo doesn’t have too much to say at that time, he just sits behind the window, strumming his guitar randomly. Sometimes he looks at Woohyun and Jinri, sometimes he just looks through the window. Jinri can see his movements of the corner of her eyes. For her, he’s a very charming figure.
I can sing a little bit, and play guitar a little bit.
Well, you’ll be the sub-vocalist one - well, because I’m the lead vocalist - and second guitarist, after him. Woohyun points at Myungsoo, who then looks at them briefly.
Jinri smiles at him as she bows her head once, a sign of respect for seniors. He smiles back, an awkward but polite. Just once, this has made Jinri flies with all the expectations that exist in her mind.
He looks cold for a new person, Woohyun whispers Jinri after Myungsoo turns his head away from them. But actually he’s a good guy, I'm serious. If he sees you as a good friend, he’ll be one of your best friends.
Jinri nods, she thinks she understands exactly what Woohyun means.
I wish I could be his friend.
Woohyun hears Jinri’s faint words, but he makes no comment and just smiles.
Moment when they first talk is the moment that she's always waiting for. She always dreams of it, when they talk and there’ll be smiles and laughters and light atmosphere there. She does get it - smile, laugh, and stuffs - but she’s conscious enough to know it makes her collapses.
They meet a week later. At the school entrance, after their club activity, only two of them.
At that time the sky is overcast and rainy, and Jinri forgets to bring an umbrella that day, so she has no choice but to wait for the rain stops. It's okay, she doesn’t matter, after all, she likes rain. She likes the light rain, with little drizzle and sky isn’t too dark, which has distinctive odor.
She taps the window glass, watching every grain of raindrop sticks there. She can taste the cold out there, just looking at it. She rubs her palms into her arms and tries to warm herself.
When she sees him.
The boy stops beside her, taking a distance about three or four feets away from her. Myungsoo ruffles his wet hair randomly, makes his hair starts to dry out. His school shirt and bag are also a bit wet, Jinri thinks he might be came from the library or cafeteria in another building.
Myungsoo catches a glimpse of the girl who has been watching her, and immediately turns to Jinri.
Jinri gives a start, trying to smile and whispering quietly, H-Hello, Myungsoo sunbae...
Oh, hello..., Myungsoo pauses, Cho Jinri.
It’s Choi Jinri.
Jinri feels a little of her die inside.
Oh, yes. I'm sorry.
No, that's okay.
So, you're Soojung’s friend?
Yes... She's a good friends, we’re friends since childhood.
Really?
She can see the attraction in his eyes, when a thin smile comes to his face. She usually likes his smile, but she feels something wrong here.
Well, uhm, Jinri?
Yes, Myungsoo sunbae?
You... I mean, I... Can I ask Soojung’s phone number from you?
(I think I like her.)
She can hear a sentence that he doesn’t even say. Instantly, the world around her fades, and then becomes normal again, then she feels her eyes burning. She does nothing but smiles and nods, then takes her phone while muttering, Sure, Myungsoo sunbae.
T-Thank you. He says and smiles wider, his widest smile Jinri ever seen.
She just enough to know if the smile isn’t directed at her.
A few weeks later, Jinri decides to stop hoping.
This isn’t something she’ll expect, this is an important thing that makes her heart broken, but she doesn’t matter about it. She always like that, feels that although many people make mistakes and cost her, she always forgives them too easy. She can’t ever angry at people, especially in the long term. She better feels hurt because people than hurts people, though it makes her sick, she prefers that. She thinks it’s weird, but she's still doing it.
Jinri and her classmates come to Soojung’s house to play. She’s glad she’s able to gather with her friends in the middle of the winter break, but apparently happiness doesn’t want to play with her any longer.
She sits in front of Soojung’s phone which lies on the table, when the phone owner is trying to give the cake for her classmates fairly.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
She hears the sound, along with a vibrating phone. She looks to the screen.
One message from: Kim Myungsoo♡
She feels herself broken.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
She doesn’t touch the phone, she does nothing except stares at the screen with a blank gaze.
Two messages from: Kim Myungsoo♡
She can taste her salty tears falling. She already knows this will happen sooner or later - since he has asked her Soojung’s number, it’s only she doesn’t want to believe in reality. And in the end, she realizes that she must stop hiding behind her dreams.
This time, instrumental Christmas song rings in the air, comes from Soojung’s phone. Jinri sees the flickering screen again. Kim Myungsoo♡, once written over there.
Soojung, Soojung! Suji, the girl sitting next to Jinri, shouts. Your phone is ringing! From Kim Myungsoo!
Jinri can see the events after that from the corner of her eyes. How Soojung gasps softly, her eyes go round, how Sunyoung - who sits on the edge - is holding her breath. Jinri hopes the tears don’t fall, but it’s too late for her.
With haste, she takes her bag and runs to the door. Nothing she leaves there, except for her green tea to cold slowly and noise of door slamming.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, really.
Jinri sighs. Soojung whispers softly - and sadly, Jinri doesn’t know, she’s not even sure - when Soojung forces a meeting at a cafe near her flat three days later. This is the twenty-second time Soojung apologizes to her, she counts. Ten times with texts, six times from phone calls, five times through Sunyoung, and this.
So this is your purpose to ask me come here?
I-I’m... Please, Jinri. I'm sorry.
Jinri forces a smile on her lips, even a fool knows that smile is too forced. She shakes her head, Why you should apologize, Soojung?
H-Huh?
It’s not even your fault. Every person has a right to love others, no one should prohibit it.
Ironic, Soojung thinks how Jinri tries to smile and gives up, but she finds herself still crying at the same time.
It won’t make me die, right?
Jinri... I'm very, very sorry. I shouldn’t take him away from you, I shouldn’t answer his call that night, I shouldn’t -
You shouldn’t fall for him?
Jinri... Please...
Ah, Soojung. I'm sorry, I must go now.
Jinri is stumbling on her way home. Winter is at its peak time, and that means the snow will be piled outside the house. She even considers this is a good idea. She looks up and stares at the gray sky, nearly equal to the current contents of her heart. She can let herself in the middle of this empty road at that time, lets the snow comes down and buries her alive in there. At least it’ll make her numb, but unfortunately it'll never happen.
She just stands there, bows her head, and cries.
Sunyoung calls her on the same day, almost midnight.
Jinri never thinks this day will come, the day when she and Sunyoung will hold a serious conversations, while they’ll hide their cheerful voices deafening each other and topics about stupid things just for tonight.
Jinri never thinks she’ll answer her with trembling lips, swollen eyes, wet cheeks, and broken hearts.
Hello?
Hello, Sunyoung.
Jinri, are you okay?
She laughs. No, of course. Do you think this is normal?
I think it's normal.
Sunyoung, I guess I still love him.
That's okay, Jinri.
And you know where's the worst part?
Huh?
When I hear sentence that he doesn’t even tell me before.
...what is it?
That he never likes me, that he only likes her.
…
Oh, well. I still can’t change anything, by the way.