068 Degradation
Kibum/Kibum
pg, 662 words
angsty, ties in with 038
Ever since "he" left, I find myself in quite the degradation process. I haven't eaten, haven't slept, hell, I haven't even left this room.
His voice stays in my head, always laughing, smiling, there, in my head.
I lay here, in hopes that this is a dream, and that "he" didn't die, and that "he" is going to come through that door after hearing Heechul complain about me being anti-social.
But no one has come for me, not even Heebum the cat.
"Kibum"
"Yea, Kibum?" Yes, that's right, I'm talking to myself, since I'm the only person left in this world of mine.
"We need to reach him."
"Yes, but how?" How do you talk to an angel back in heaven?
*bang bang bang*
Someone's at the door?
"Kibum-ah, get out here, you might want to see this!" Jay? What could he possibly have that I might want to see? But then something in my soul tells me I should come out. So I do.
"Kibum-ah, they found this letter within Eeteuk hyung's stuff. They thought you might want to be the first to read it. They would give it to Kangin-ah, but, yea..." Way to go with that joke, Jay. That was about as dry as your career is, but I dare not utter a word, because I have something of Teukie hyung's, and I will read it.
"Dear everybody,
This life is hard. Going in front of the cameras and smiling is getting too hard on me. All this constant, and no unknown.
I guess I'm ready to end it all. I was never as strong as I pretended to be.
Too many countless nights spent with silent tears running down my face. I soaked too many pillows that way. Too many times spent at the local clinic due to illness. And if you check my second drawer, you'll find too many pills to treat depression. I could write a medical book with everything I was taking.
So I guess it's too late in this letter to say by the time you find this, I should be dead? Well, it's true. But I have somethings I want someone to do for me, since I'll be dead and everything...
Tell Heechul that he's a wonderful human being. Tell Hangeng that no matter how hard this life might be, there is always someone who likes you for who you are. Tell Jongwoon that even if he doesn't get much air time, he still shines in my eyes. Tell Youngwoon that it's ok to not be manly sometimes. Tell Donghee to eat till his heart's content. Tell Sungmin to not be afraid to shine, tell him to step out and speak his mind sometimes. Tell Hyukjae that even if we pick on him a lot, that he is still loved by me. Tell Shiwon that he is not a mistake, that there is something more to him than just acting. Tell Donghae that it's ok if no one understands you all the time, as long as you understand you, to hell with the rest. Tell Ryeowook to shine more. Tell Kyuhyun that he will be back on his feet in no time dancing with us, and tell Henry that he has a home with us.
But it is urgent that someone tells Kibum that I am sorry, but forever's too long of a time when I can barely make it to the next second. I know this might hurt him the most, but tell him that I love him, and I will always carry him with me, regardless of where I go. My body might be gone from this world, but someone please tell him to keep me in his heart.
Truly your angel,
Park Jung Su"
This letter, these last words to us all, to me, just saved me from myself. I will continue living because "he" asked for it.
My forever Angel, I will love you for just as long.
pg, 662 words
angsty, ties in with 038
Ever since "he" left, I find myself in quite the degradation process. I haven't eaten, haven't slept, hell, I haven't even left this room.
His voice stays in my head, always laughing, smiling, there, in my head.
I lay here, in hopes that this is a dream, and that "he" didn't die, and that "he" is going to come through that door after hearing Heechul complain about me being anti-social.
But no one has come for me, not even Heebum the cat.
"Kibum"
"Yea, Kibum?" Yes, that's right, I'm talking to myself, since I'm the only person left in this world of mine.
"We need to reach him."
"Yes, but how?" How do you talk to an angel back in heaven?
*bang bang bang*
Someone's at the door?
"Kibum-ah, get out here, you might want to see this!" Jay? What could he possibly have that I might want to see? But then something in my soul tells me I should come out. So I do.
"Kibum-ah, they found this letter within Eeteuk hyung's stuff. They thought you might want to be the first to read it. They would give it to Kangin-ah, but, yea..." Way to go with that joke, Jay. That was about as dry as your career is, but I dare not utter a word, because I have something of Teukie hyung's, and I will read it.
"Dear everybody,
This life is hard. Going in front of the cameras and smiling is getting too hard on me. All this constant, and no unknown.
I guess I'm ready to end it all. I was never as strong as I pretended to be.
Too many countless nights spent with silent tears running down my face. I soaked too many pillows that way. Too many times spent at the local clinic due to illness. And if you check my second drawer, you'll find too many pills to treat depression. I could write a medical book with everything I was taking.
So I guess it's too late in this letter to say by the time you find this, I should be dead? Well, it's true. But I have somethings I want someone to do for me, since I'll be dead and everything...
Tell Heechul that he's a wonderful human being. Tell Hangeng that no matter how hard this life might be, there is always someone who likes you for who you are. Tell Jongwoon that even if he doesn't get much air time, he still shines in my eyes. Tell Youngwoon that it's ok to not be manly sometimes. Tell Donghee to eat till his heart's content. Tell Sungmin to not be afraid to shine, tell him to step out and speak his mind sometimes. Tell Hyukjae that even if we pick on him a lot, that he is still loved by me. Tell Shiwon that he is not a mistake, that there is something more to him than just acting. Tell Donghae that it's ok if no one understands you all the time, as long as you understand you, to hell with the rest. Tell Ryeowook to shine more. Tell Kyuhyun that he will be back on his feet in no time dancing with us, and tell Henry that he has a home with us.
But it is urgent that someone tells Kibum that I am sorry, but forever's too long of a time when I can barely make it to the next second. I know this might hurt him the most, but tell him that I love him, and I will always carry him with me, regardless of where I go. My body might be gone from this world, but someone please tell him to keep me in his heart.
Truly your angel,
Park Jung Su"
This letter, these last words to us all, to me, just saved me from myself. I will continue living because "he" asked for it.
My forever Angel, I will love you for just as long.