Part 7: May 28 - May 31, 2014
From the journal of Jung Yunho; entry dated 28 May 2014
**
From: fourchawon@gmail.com
To: "Can-o'-Fail" , "Can-o'-Grease"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 2:14 PM
Subject: Get ready to read, read, read.
Letter first. Glad you got there safely, even though we technically already knew this. Gotta love email. Yoochun-hyung has no Can-o'-English, and his Can-o'-Flirt is severely lacking, as well, if I'm honest. Cheesy pick-up lines don't count. And yah, why am I an elephant? I'm not seeing the connection between elephant and me, at all. I am not big and lumbering - wait, that better not be a stupid reference to my tallness, hyung. You should have picked giraffe for that. Aish. My sandman self's face was probably spared. The children took one look at it and said to themselves 'that is the face of a very handsome and smart man, we must not kick it in'. Right? Right.
I'll split paragraphs now, for Yoochun's sake. I know he's not much of a reader, the poor thing. Speaking of, did you feel the sandburn, hyung? (I... think I've been spending too much time around Junsu-hyung. D:) Yunho-hyung dumped a handful of sand down Junsu's buttcrack. It was epic. Almost as epic as the butt molds, but not quite. (Mada mada dane! I started a new anime today, don't ask.) More about beach adventures in a bit.
The pictures! Muchos bueno, hyung, muchos. I like the stars, they make me feel like a very special boy. Shame on you for running out of gold ones, though. Tsk. Also, a lorax is 'a mossy, bossy man-like creature resembling an emperor tamarin'. Gotta love Dr. Seuss (very easy-to-read English. Yoochun, you should look into this). Though you're right, it would technically be a hallucination, since it's a fictional character. Mini-golf, wow. I'll bet it was fierce and competitive. Ice cubes and stick-stealing galore. Impressive.
Now, dildo. Hyung, really? REALLY? I'm sure you can imagine my face right now. (Is it wrong that I kind of want to eat it? >.>) Did Yoochun help you with this? I'll bet he did. Next time I might just go for detail instead of stick figures, just you wait. And Yoochun-hyung's revenge will be thought out and dealt, as well. Don't think you're getting away that easily, Yoochun.
Let me now take a moment to laugh at your Hollywood sign plight: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Hope you had fun eating that funnel cake for more than five. You know as well as I do, hyung-deul, that I can put away enough for at least three, myself. :)
Okay! Beach second. Leaving out the details of packing for the beach trip (me washing dishes, Junsu-hyung picking on me, I had to retaliate and somehow Yunho-hyung and the dogs got in on it too - don't worry, we cleaned the water up), it was a very nice day. We haven't had time to ourselves like that in ages and I'm still kind of sad there was room enough in the backseat for Junsu to lay down and sleep on the way there. There may or may not be mean teasing with lots of (hidden) affection for Junsu-hyung in that sentence.
Anyway. Junsu tried to be awesome and use English but he failed horribly, as always. I think a certain Park Yoochun (-hyung) is rubbing off on him. Please ignore how dirty that sounds, Park Yoochun. Turn off the grease for at least one or two minutes. But yeah, he used the rotten egg line, and I'm not sure if Yunho-hyung tripped me or I tripped him, but either way we ended up in the water and it turned into Junsu laughing at us and me getting revenge and then some weird water tag. Even with as much sea water as I've drunk in the past, I have to say, again, that it is not pleasant. Do you know what is in it, by the way? Fish crap. Dead things. And I drank some, once again. Also, did you know Yunho-hyung has really bony legs? I have a bruise on my leg where we tripped each other. I think Junsu-hyung drank more seawater than I did, by the way. He was laughing really hard when I tackled him (for laughing at us, obviously), therefore his mouth was open very, very wide when he went under (da sea?). >D
Then we ate something because I was hungry, starving, dying! I am so abused without you here, Jaejoong-hyung. I had to go shopping yesterday, you know. Me. Shopping. Here I am, going to school and slaving at a desk with homework and essays and all that and I'm now playing umma in your absence too. However did you do it? Wisdom, please! Anyway, we played frisbee too, only Yunho didn't exactly do so well (the look on his face when Junsu-hyung almost hit him in the face with the frisbee was so great. I should have taken a picture) and then he hit Junsu-hyung in the head (again, look-on-face, no picture. I'm very angry with myself for this). Hit him with the frisbee, I mean. It's not like Yunho really has any violent tendencies. At least, I don't think he does. e_e Jaejoong-hyung, I think you left a little bit of your fail here with Appa. :( How does an umma deal with this?
SO. You know most of what happened after and I hope you saved that picture of Yunho the mermaid. That needs to be put on a computer, printed, and framed. With gold stars on the frame! :D Sometime during digging him out is when Junsu-hyung got sand down his shorts, by the way, and again, it was epic. So epic that I needed to repeat it. Why didn't I get the same treatment? Because I am smart. I completely saw the glint of revenge in Yunho's eyes. I just didn't know it was going to be that good. Oh, and then I flew a kite. Whatever Junsu-hyung and Yunho-hyung tell you about the kite-flying, don't believe them. :|
I think I'm done. You better have read every single bit.
Changmin
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Yoochunah" , "Boojae"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 10:58 PM
Subject: Thank you!
♥ Just a quick note (Work was kind of... demanding today and I'm going to bed very soon because I'm an old man apparently. An old man who has to get up really early.) to say thank you for Gus, he's totally adorable and he's already got pride of place on my bed. :) Also the beach yesterday was fabulous, thank you for asking. :D I know Changmin's already told you all about it, so I'll spare you the second round of details, aren't I generous? Hope Jaejoong hasn't broken too many car rules yet, Yoochun-ah!
Yunho
P.S. Jaejoong, fair warning. I will get revenge for the mermaid comment. (Yes, of course Junsu showed me the text.)
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Jafar"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 7:31 AM
Subject: You are a slave, slave, slavedriver.
Wow, Changmin. A novel? Just for me? :)
Elephants are very smart. And tall.
Is it wrong that I kind of want to eat it? >.>
Not gonna make the obvious joke. :)))))
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
You suck. You suck hotdog dildos.
Okay, so you three had mecha fun and it sounds like a great time, but you're not allowed to tell Yunho that I'm jealous. :P You are, however, totally allowed to keep telling me stories about how bad he is at frisbee.
Wisdom, please!
Shop with company (it's more fun). Ask for backrubs. Don't take things too seriously. Wear sunscreen.
Jaejoong-hyung, I think you left a little bit of your fail here with Appa.
Man, is that where my fail went. I was wondering why I've been completely super and brimming with win in the States. At first I thought there was something in the water.
How does an umma deal with this?
Way to make me feel like a housewife. :\
Junsu is awfully bullied. Is it a karma thing? I bet he kept leaving the toilet seat up in his past life.
I read every single bit. Where's my prize?
KJJ
**
From: fourchawon@gmail.com
To: "Can-o'-Fail"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 11:43 PM
Subject: To quote Britney: you're a slaaaave for me.
All for you, yes. And Yoochun-hyung. (But mostly for you, really. Favorite hyung and all. Maybe. Yunho's catching up, better watch out.) Elephants are also very wrinkly and gray. Am I wrinkly and gray? It's okay, you can make it. I'll be planning retaliation, you can count on it. I am nothing if not determined.
I can do that. I can also tell you how he tripped going to the bathroom about an hour ago over nothing but his own two feet. He blushes so cutely. Which is a bit weird, considering he's older and wiser and I should be the one being cute, but I think I'm used to having cute stolen from me (ex: Kim Junsu. :|).
YES. But I'm not taking Junsu-hyung. If I go shopping with him, we'll end up with more useless foods than anything I can practice not blowing up the kitchen with. Not that I blow up the kitchen on a regular basis or anything. But it could be a remote possiblity. Building bombs with food, world domination. I'll feed them while I conquer them! Win-win plan. (I can totally take things not-seriously, as you can see.)
I'm still awaiting Yoochun's confirmation on that.
Well, you do look good in a pink apron....
Only because he's Junsu. He can take it and dish it back just as well. We're only making him stronger, hyung. Toughening his hide. We're doing him a favor and he'll thank us, one day.
Who said anything about a prize?
Changmin, loving late-class days (I don't go in until noon tomorrow! \o/ but i have a test. ;_;)
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Ariel"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 7:45 AM
Subject: You're welcome!
This is me, demanding a picture of Gus on your bed! And good luck with work, don't take any of the little kids' shit, if your joints start creaking or something, you should take (more) vitamins. :O Disneyland was fabulous too. And a little birdie told me you're awful at frisbee. So there. ♥
KJJ
P.S. I am shaking in my very fashionable, very sexy boots. :)
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Jafar"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 7:57 AM
Subject: I won't deny it, I'm not tryin' to hide it.
You are not wrinkly and gray. You are a very smooth and tan elephant. And I really don't know if you can think of anything better than a hotdog dildo, but I'll humor you.
Oh, Yunho. :) It's okay, Changmin, cute still thinks of you occasionally and remembers all the good times you had together.
Not that I blow up the kitchen on a regular basis or anything.
Okay, now I'm looking at my laptop very suspiciously.
We're good for Junsu, he's good for us.
Who said anything about a prize?
Me. I deserve a prize.
KJJ
Good luck on your test, kick number two pencil butt. :)
**
From: fourchawon@gmail.com
To: "Can-o'-Fail"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 12:06 AM
Subject: Baby, don't you wanna dance up on me?
Oh, I assure you, hyung. I can. With Junsu by my side, anything in that respect is possible. Wait for it. ;D (Or do you not remember the horrors of the Japanese sex shops?)
I want another kitten. :( Think the dogs would mind?
Don't worry, I'll keep your kitchen nice and spotless, disaster-free. Well, disaster-free as far as blowing up goes. I don't know about other messes. :DDDDD
Do you? Do you really? I don't know if I'm up to the challenge of giving you one. I'm feeling particularly lazy tonight... or, this morning, as it were.
Changmin
I'm pretty sure I'm going to ace it. I am, after all, a tensai. ;D
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Jafar"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 8:12 AM
Subject: To another time and place.
... you wouldn't. Oh, fuck, you would.
I think the kitten might mind the dogs.
... Changmin, I'm worried. :<
I really do. Me and Yoochun are heading out for breakfast and then more driving driving driving back up Cali. So you have time to think of a really good one. Your reputation as a genius is at stake here.
KJJ
Don't jinx yourself. ;)
**
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Crabby Cakes"
Date: Wed, May 28, 2014 at 10:58PM
Subject: Holy shit, Changmin.
If you want a reply for that, you better call. Otherwise, it isn't happening. D:
YC
**
From: fourchawon@gmail.com
To: "Can-o'-Grease"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 3:01 PM
Subject: You're paying.
Fine. Lazy, hyung.
**
A phone conversation:
Weds, May 28, 11:06 PM, LA; Thurs, May 29, 3:06 PM, Seoul
Yoochun: Sup, Crabby Cakes.
Changmin: Nothing much, Mr. Lazy Can-o'-Grease. I'd say penny for your thoughts, but I don't know, that sounds kind of cheap, considering.
Yoochun: ... Are you calling me cheap or not cheap?
Changmin: You need sleep. Cheap, very much so. As in, you don't think much. (laughter)
Yoochun: Shut up! My thoughts are all in English now anyway, so I doubt you'd be able to keep up.
Changmin: (in a dry tone) I'd probably keep up better than you. Jaejoong already told us all about your English language fail. I somehow sensed it even before then.
Yoochun: Can't believe you're choosing his English listening skills over my native speaking ones.
Changmin: Birginia is not a state, hyung. I already looked it up.
Yoochun: Yah. Stop taking Jaejoong's side over mine! What kind of 'I miss you so much hyung' is this?
Changmin: (laughter) That's not taking anyone's side but my own, hyung. And I do miss you very much - teasing you in person is so much more fun.
Yoochun: (sniffs) I liked you better when we were the KISS couple and you were nicer to me.
Changmin: Aw, hyung. I still love you, don't worry. If I didn't, I wouldn't tease you so much. Or learn how to cook crab.
Yoochun: Yah, Changmin! You're really learning how to make crab?
Changmin: Unless you're wanting something I have to be really experienced for, yes.
Yoochun: Knew you were my favorite for a reason.
Changmin: (indignant snort) Favorite dongsaeng? I better have been that since forever.
Yoochun: Believe what you want to believe.
Changmin: Yah! It better be the truth I'm believing in. Or you're not getting anything special when you come back and I'll make Jaejoong-hyung help me. Convert him to the dark side and all that.
Yoochun: I dare you to work with Jaejoong and not have it end in an apocalypse.
Changmin: (another snort) Apocalypse is what I'm aiming for, hyung. Though, I'm pretty sure you've survived with him long enough and there hasn't been one. If you can do it, I can do it better.
Yoochun: I don't try to pummel his arm off. In case you've forgotten.
Changmin: It's out of love. Ours is a violent one, like the death of stars. It's quite beautiful.
Yoochun: You're going to be a dwarf, aren't you. I can sense it.
Changmin: (laughter) Except for the fact that I'm taller than you.
Yoochun: Whatever. My love dies like a supernova.
Changmin: (gleefully) But I'm still taller. Anyway. Are you having fun? Any American girls going to possibly steal my hyung away forever and ever?
Yoochun: ... Why do you sound happy about the prospect of that happening. Which, by the way, yes there are many American girls but I am being gracious to each and every one of them, turning them down politely because I know how much the return of my presence means to you three over there.
Changmin: I feel so loved. Might have to make you special dessert, too, for that.
Yoochun: (immediately) I like cheesecake. With cherry. No, strawberry. No, banana creme.
Changmin: (hard laughter) Aiiiish, okay, okay. I'll make a note and pin it to the fridge, just for you.
Yoochun: Yahhhhhhh, so good to me, Changmin-ah.
Changmin: Not making all three, though. So, you have to pick just one. Although, maybe we can mix the last two together. Strawberry-banana is really good.
Yoochun: Orrrrrrr strawberry-banana-cherry.
Changmin: Maaaaaaybe. Have to see how good you are between now and then. (laughter)
Yoochun: ... Yah. Don't I deserve strawberry-banana-cherry cheesecake?
Changmin: Well, I guess since I'll get to eat it, too...
Yoochun: Good man.
Changmin: I try, I try. I better get something really nice in return, though.
Yoochun: Uhhhh...
Changmin: (sadly) You mean you're going to make me slave away in the kitchen and I don't get anything in return, hyung?
Yoochun: We're already sending you souvenirs from every city!
Changmin: Hmm. Should toss in a neck rub or a massage, too.
Yoochun: You already have Junsu scrubbing your back.
Changmin: You've got the Midas Touch, hyung.
Yoochun: Somehow, I sense that you're not being a hundred percent genuine there.
Changmin: (indignant gasp) Now I'm offended. I compliment you and I get skepticism. Aish.
Yoochun: Personal experience tells me to be skeptic!
Changmin: Hey, that was one time! And you had it coming, anyway.
Yoochun: One time multiplied by five hundred thousand million.
Changmin: You still had it coming. Anyway, Super Cheesecake for neck rub. Deal or no deal?
Yoochun: (long drawn out sighhhhhhh) Okay, finnnne. Deal.
Changmin: (happily) Great. I'll go look up recipes later. Just don't turn me to gold, is all I ask.
Yoochun: Darn, I was so looking forward to pawning you for some cash. Guess I can ebay your used underwear instead.
Changmin: You do that and see what happens.
Yoochun: What, I'll buy you new underwear.
Changmin: HYUNG. You're selling my underwear. That I've worn.
Yoochun: You say it like that's the first time it's ever been done! Used underwear selling is an old past time, my friend.
Changmin: (growling) Not my used underwear.
Yoochun: Don't be scared of new experiences!
Changmin: Do it and I'll show you a new experience. You can bet on it.
Yoochun: We're talking about your new experiences though. I don't need any more.
Changmin: Neither do I. No new experiences, then, and you're taking this deal whether you like it or not.
Yoochun: (sighsighsigh) Fine. Back massage. But it's a one time thing!
Changmin: (fake evil cackle)
Yoochun: Talking with you is not fun. I'm frowning right now, but you just can't see it.
Changmin: I think you're lying, hyung. But you don't have to talk to me anymore because I need to go work on some homework and I'd like my cell phone bill to not be a million and one won.
Yoochun: Fine. I guess I should sleep and dream of your highness making me strawberry-cherry-banana cheesecake.
Changmin: Would you kill me if I said sweet dreams? (snicker)
Yoochun: Death rays will be sent.
Changmin: (brief pause) Sweet dreams!
Yoochun: YOU SUCK -- oh, shit, think I woke up hyung.
Changmin: Sucks to be you tell him he's the best hyung ever and it wasn't me BYE!
click!
Yoochun: .... Changmin? (sputtering) Worst dongsaeng ever, I swear to -- dammit. Nothing, Jaejoong, everything's fine!
**
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Boojae"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 6:21 AM
Subject: So demanding! :(
Picture is attached. You even get a bonus me. (Changmin snuck up and took it while I was asleep. And said he wouldn't feed me any more if I didn't send it to you. You need to stop corrupting our baby, Jaejoong.) I already take vitamins. Maybe not enough. Not as much as Junsu and Changmin so maybe I should take more on account of my age. They make me feel so old. ;_; Anyway, I'm glad you had fun at Disneyland, but where are my details? :( All I know is that you turned your tongue blue, and yeah, the picture's on my wall already. Changmin also needs to stop spreading tales.
♥ Yunho
P.S. Yeah. You better be. >:|
Attachment: Appa and Gus.jpg
**
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Ariel"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 2:45 PM
Subject: Your subject says no but your email says yes.
Your picture is very cute and makes my teeth rot more than cotton candy. :X Changmin gets so many brownie points, and what are you talking about, I didn't teach him that. He is self-corrupting. I think that picture needs to come off your wall. Your last sentence has a typo in it because 'stop' should be 'continue'.
Your Details:
- Yoochun is kind of a sissy. :)
- Tea Cups Are Nausea-Inducing Awesome. :S
- I threw French fries at cute little girls but for a good cause please don't make sad faces at me. :\
- We saw a third of our Disney characters checklist. Did you know there's no Bambi? There's no Bambi. :(
- Space Mountain is epic. Splash Mountain is wet. If Yoochun says anything about me being a drowned cat, you should ignore him. :<
- Fireworks. :)))
♥ KJJ
P.S. 0:)
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Boojae"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 6:59 AM
Subject: No means no!
Save your teeth, Jaejoong. Don't look at the picture. -.- Changmin doesn't get brownie points. He doesn't deserve brownie points. Especially not if he's going to keep being a dirty tale-teller. Don't forget Junsu's con tomorrow, okay? Where in the world are you, anyway? Still on schedule?
Replies to your details:
- You knew that already. Did you torture him? You tortured him, didn't you.
- ... yeah, you did. Poor Yoochun-ah.
- :((((( Why, Jaejoong? How could you?
- Now I know why I didn't get a picture. :(
- :) I need a picture of drowned cat!Jaejoong to go with blue tongue!Jaejoong.
- Oooooh. :)))
♥ Yunho
P.S. Lies, filthy lies.
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Ariel"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 3:06 PM
Subject: I'm laughing so hard right now.
I like the tales Changmin tells. Like the one where you trip over your feet. That one's fun. :) I haven't forgotten. We're still in Cali, checking out Yosemite, heading for Salem tomorrow. What time and what channel?
Replies to your replies:
- Torture sounds so negative.
- Though at first he was afraid and even petrified, in the end he survived.
- >:!!! One of them gave me the finger. She doesn't deserve your sad faces.
- Did the Micky + Minnie picture make up for it a little?
- No picture of drowned cat!Jaejoong exists.
- Yeah. :)))
♥ Jaejoong
P.S. 0:(
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Boojae"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 7:14 AM
Subject: :(((((!
:( He's awful to me, Jaejoong. Mnet, 4pm for us. Which is, um. Midnight, for you? Junsu got back so late yesterday. All the prep's taking longer than planned, like always.
Replies to replies to replies:
- And so accurate. 'm glad you didn't kill him, though.
- See, it's because people set a bad example that she learnt to do that!
- :))) Yes. That was adorable. Changmin was (not) very amused.
- I think I need to ask Yoochun that.
♥ Yunho
P.S. ♥
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Aladdin"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 3:20 PM
Subject: Turn that frown upside-down.
It's Changmin, he's awful to everyone. :) Mnet, midnight, okay. You and Changmin want to get in touch with us over chat, phone, something? And how's Junsu doing, besides really tired?
I have nothing to reply to your replies to my replies to your replies except :< and :). You can choose which face is for which bullet point.
♥ KJJ
P.S. ... ♥
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Boojae"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 7:29 AM
Subject: It's a date! ;)
He's terrible. :( And yeah, TVXQ chat meet-up? Less fighting over phones that way maybe. Junsu's okay, I think. Tired and missing company, but okay. He's a trooper. Going to do us proud. :) Think the beach was good for him, too.
I pick :) for all of them. Anyway, I've got to go now. Work calls. :( Bye! Have a good day. Afternoon. Thing.
♥ Yunho
P.S. Show off. :)
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Appa"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 3:03 PM
Subject: Save me.
Your dear umma has broken 98 of the 113 rules so far. FIX HIM, HYUNG. ;__;
He tried to play "It's Raining Men" again this morning.
YC
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Yoochunah"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 7:10 AM
Subject: Wrong continent :(
Don't think I can change much across the ocean. 'specially if I've been trying for 10 yrs without any luck. :(
Poor Yoochun. Best I can do is virtual hugs, though. *HUGS*
Yunho
P.S. Thank you for the picture of radioactive blue Jaejoong. :D
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Appa"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 3:15PM
Subject: Spread your wings and fly.
Maybe it needs to be a group effort. Or maybe we just need to get Jaejoong-hyung a straitjacket. I smell early Christmas present.
Aww, hyung! I feel better already. :D
YC
PS: Totally welcome. I feel that my other mission for this trip is to document the continuous regression of Jaejoong-hyung's mental age.
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Yoochunah"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 7:22 AM
Subject: Drowning sounds like a bad idea
Discuss that with Changmin. 'm sure he'll have lots of useful ideas.
:))) I try!
Yunho
P.S. A brave and noble task, Yoochun-ah. Good luck! Don't forget to send us the documentation. ;)
**
From: susuyah@gmail.com
To: "lazy ass park" , "☆"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 11:00 AM
Subject: THIS IS AN EMAIL FOR JAEJOONG-HYUNG DEAREST
jaejoong☆-hyung!
sorry for not being able to write sooner. we're wrapping up everything for the album and yunho-hyung's had to carry me back to my room twice cause i fell asleep in the kitchen (i swear i thought it was my bedroom!). i slept on the couch yesterday but don't tell yunho-hyung or changmin that cause you know they'll start waiting up for me and they have their own stuff to worry about. okay? :x
anyway! flag! whose idea was that? (i love it~ it's hanging on my bedpost as we speak. changmin won't shut up about "showing my pride", though, can i kick him just once where it hurt? but- i mean, he really has no bargaining position with that dildo in his hand. stroke. of. genius - no pun intended. although i don't understand why they'd make so many grooves along the length- i'm not sure real penises look like that?
at least i can laugh back at him for laughing at the molds.
i still want to kick yoochun for it, by the way.)
i'm glad you love the love mix :33 it's made with love, love, love, after all. can't go wrong with love. don't you love it, love? thank you for the socks, too! my toes love to wiggle in them. i will snap my teeth at anyone who tries to rob me of their warmth.
i'm sure yoochun's can-o-flirt is as fail as his can-o-english skills. are you sure the girl wasn't trying to, oh, run away, maybe?
we went to the beach the other day. did you see the kite picture? we tried to fly it as high as we could so you guys would see it. i'm thinking we can use it for our secret communication tool thing. blue kite for 'we miss you', red for 'we really miss you', and purple for 'have you pushed yoochun off a cliff yet?' otherwise, i'm sure changmin's described the day in detail already. i thought he was writing an essay when i saw him writing his email and he said he was only halfway done :| this makes me want to write as much as he did. maybe when i'm in the mood to lose myself with words. this reminds me of an old song. didn't have a camera by my side this time, hoping i would see the world through both my eyes something something. i forgot.
hyung, hyung, the album's coming along well. we finally finished it. chose a debut song, too. almost used yoochun's song - but i was overruled five to one and we're ending up using one of yoo youngjin-sshi's songs for my debut. ... not that it's a bad song, but - i don't know. hm. yunho-hyung's working with me for the (really short) dance sequence. and really - i can feel myself getting old :( i used to be able to dance longer! what is this growing up thing and why can't i escape its clutches?
the press conference is in two days! will you be able to watch it? it's aired live 4pm, so it'll be ... ... you do the math. i'm too tired. i know you can watch it live from the mnet website :|!!! don't miss it! i. am. .... not that nervous, surprisingly. i feel like i can tackle this well. i mean, it'll be really different and i know i'm just waiting for someone to ask something and not knowing what to say cause super-hyung won't be there to save the day and everything
...
..
............
oh god i'm really gonna mess this up aren't i.
junsusususususususu★
p.s. aw, hyung :( but they're gonna dye my hair back to black. does this mean you won't love your susu anymore? :(((
p.p.s. vick's pawing at me as i type. he agrees that you should come back soon. we miss you. (for real.)
p.p.p.s. the only reason i'm including lazy ass' email address is because harangie's been a bit moody as of late. do you think she's in heat?
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Stitch"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 9:12 PM
Subject: I like this blatant favoritism. :)
Okay. From now on your first goal is to make it onto a bed. Your second goal is to fall asleep right away, instead of staying awake and worrying at the ceiling. Accomplish these, young grasshopper, and I'll keep my mouth zipped.
The flag was a joint effort! Possible picture of bedpost + your socked feet + Changmin with dildo in his hand in the next email?? Please. :)
I think you need a multi-colored flag to mean all three. We can fly a yellow kite in response. Secret code for We Really Miss You Too And Yoochun's Still Alive But There's A Cliff Around The Corner So I'll Keep You Updated. (I'm kidding, I'd never push Yoochun off a cliff.) "Maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to lose my way."
not that it's a bad song, but - i don't know.
Yeah, I know.
Growing up is the enemy!
Yunho did the math already, and me and Yoochun'll be watching your press con at midnight. You really can tackle it well, just imagine everyone in their underwear.
♫KJJ
P.S. My love for you transcends hair color!
P.P.S. I miss Vick. (And all of you.) Give him a bellyrub for me. (Give yourself a hug for me? :<)
P.P.P.S. Good luck present attached. We recorded it at this place - Music and Arts? Would've sung along, but then the cashier would've stopped looking like he wanted to kick us out and would've actually kicked us out.
Attachment: forjunsu.wav
**
From: susuyah@gmail.com
To: "☆"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 3:11PM
Subject: . . . ; ;
i love you. it's so pretty. i am going to ace that presscon like cyberspace♥!
good thing yoochun's not in the room or i might seize from the sight of him in his underwear :|
★junsusuyah.
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Big Butts Cannot Lie"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 9:31PM
Subject: Try to tame your obsessive + psychotic love for hyung.
Your giant ass is your selling point, Su. I was only helping you further your career. Your ungratefulness is noted. :(
The girl loved me, okay. We just both knew that our relationship would only end in tears and despair once I had to depart the state of California as per the orders of my slave-driver (aka Jaejoong-hyung). By not offering her my number, I am saving the entire world from endless amounts of grief. Again, your ungratefulness is noted.
Wish all you want, but Jaejoong-hyung will always love me more than you and would never push me off a cliff even if I begged him to. Which I wouldn't. Because cliffs are high.
Consider your souvenir from the next state NOT BOUGHT. But maybe I'll send you a personalized postcard if you make the second single my song. Stick it to the man, Su. Or men. Or people - do you have girls on your team? Anyway. Do they know what you're doing or do you?
Jaejoong's in charge of keeping track of the time of your press con. I'm in charge of making sure there's popcorn so we can throw them at your digitized face. We're losing precious beauty sleep just so we can watch you, so you better make it worthwhile. Scandalously worthwhile. Here, I'm tossing out the first question: my boxers or Changminnie's briefs?
If you don't answer it (and answer it correctly), I'm telling everyone not to download your album.
Your Superior in All Things,
YC
PS: .... JUNSU. HARANG IS A BOY. You are useless. My dog better be in one piece when I get back. :(
**
From: susuyah@gmail.com
To: "lazy ass park"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 3:15PM
Subject: you tame yours first.
my giant ass is already glorious without your help. too many cooks spoil the broth, etc.
i think the girl might have been checking out jaejoong-hyung :( you might have thwarted the attempt of a perfect love story. shame on you. also, jaejoong-hyung doesn't have to push you off a cliff- off a ferry in the middle of the sea is perfectly okay.
... :((( jaejoong-hyung will buy me one. but i'll see what i can do about the second single (or i won't. maybe. hmm.) there is a pretty nuna in the promotion team. single, also. aren't you jealous?
seeing as i might die after seeing your boxers, i'll go with changmin's tightie whities (pinkies?).
you don't have a say on whether people will download it or not :| besides, they will just buy it.
You Mean "Nothing",
JS.
P.S. ..... WELL I GUESS I JUST NEVER BOTHERED TO CHECK. just a smidgen of baldness? (maybe HE's in heat!) :(
P.P.S. don't forget to eat :|
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Big Butts Cannot Lie"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 11:28PM
Subject: Didn't beg hyung to come. Did it all on his own.
Well. You need one cook per cheek, at least.
She wasn't, okay. Hyung just doesn't have the same kind of charm that attracts the ladies like I do. And he's a good man who understands that such trivial things don't break a friendship, thus why he would never place my life in danger unlike some others that shall go unnamed giant ass junsu.
Uhhh yeah, Su. So, so jealous. Gonna spend every night from now on wondering why life is so unfair for giving you all the pretty nunas instead of to me. My life is so hard, please let me live yours for just one day. /dry sarcasm But seriously. I wrote that song for a reason and people better hear it so that reason doesn't go to waste. Serious!
Think you'll die anyway if you give tightie pinkies as an answer.
I mean DOWNLOAD on ITUNES. God, you're so old. Ancient. Go dance your daily polka already.
By Nothing You Mean Your ENTIRE LIFE,
YC
PS: DO NOT MAKE MY HARANGIE THINK HE IS A GIRL. I will cut you.
PPS: Worry less. Hyung and I caved and ordered midnight pizza. The works. We might be really disgusting looking by the time we return. Remember, it's what's on the inside that counts.
**
From: susuyah@gmail.com
To: "lazy ass park"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 9:10PM
Subject: liar liar harangie's on fiyaaaah.
and i suppose the other cook is you? :|
if by 'charm' you mean 'buckets of grease', then i agree. and my ass is not giant. it is bubbly. get it right.
shut up. and i'm working on it don't rush me DX i'll even throw prissy celebrity tantrums if i have to.
... yeah i will OH GOD YOOCHUN if i really say that i'm so totally blaming you.
... shut up!
No, Just "Nothing", Really.
JS
P.S. I AM NOT MAKING HIM DO ANYTHING. you know, they say dogs become more and more like their masters over time. MAYBE IT'S YOU NOT HIM.
P.P.S. hyung will never look disgusting. you, on the other hand, really don't have to do much :)
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Big Butts Cannot Lie"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 7:48AM
Subject: dgiheksldf dammit Junsu!
I cook but I don't taste-test. :P
No, I don't mean buckets of grease. My grease is under heavy surveillance and is highly controlled, okay. And it is. It's ginormous. Humongous. TITANIC.
Good. Throw a lot of them. Ten a day until you bend them to your will.
Can't blame me when you can't control your own mouth!
:P
Reading Between the Lines and Seeing 'Everything',
YC
PS: If anyone's going to be the girl first, it would be you.
PPS: ... Haha. Definitely no souvenir for you.
**
From: susuyah@gmail.com
To: "lazy ass park"
Date: Sat, May 31, 2014 at 5:44AM
Subject: yoochun = 0, junsu = 3,384,233
you are not qualified to be a cook :|
bubbly. supple. firm. get it right.
no, no ruining my good-boy, easy-to-work-with, amazing-popstar image.
you planted the idea in my brain!
>(
You Are Delusional,
JS
P.S. ... snippity snip-snip? come here, harangie, good boy. :(
P.P.S. fine. jaejoong-hyung loves me anyway :(
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Big Butts Cannot Lie"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 2:01PM
Subject: Don't bring Harangie into this!
Then neither are you.
... I never want to think of your backside as supple ever again. lskdjf eugh.
Haha! Since when have you ever had that image. Also, my prized work is worth hundreds more than your image. I think we both know where your priorities should lie.
Don't exaggerate. I was simply predicting a possible outcome.
:)))
Takes One to Know One,
YC
PS: lskdjjfijdk I hope he bites your hand off. >\
PPS: Think I have more persuasive power over him since I'm here. In person. Neener.
**
An exchange of post-its; May 30 2014
**
**
From: fourchawon@gmail.com
To: "Can-o'-Fail" , "Can-o'-Grease"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 2:14 PM
Subject: Get ready to read, read, read.
Letter first. Glad you got there safely, even though we technically already knew this. Gotta love email. Yoochun-hyung has no Can-o'-English, and his Can-o'-Flirt is severely lacking, as well, if I'm honest. Cheesy pick-up lines don't count. And yah, why am I an elephant? I'm not seeing the connection between elephant and me, at all. I am not big and lumbering - wait, that better not be a stupid reference to my tallness, hyung. You should have picked giraffe for that. Aish. My sandman self's face was probably spared. The children took one look at it and said to themselves 'that is the face of a very handsome and smart man, we must not kick it in'. Right? Right.
I'll split paragraphs now, for Yoochun's sake. I know he's not much of a reader, the poor thing. Speaking of, did you feel the sandburn, hyung? (I... think I've been spending too much time around Junsu-hyung. D:) Yunho-hyung dumped a handful of sand down Junsu's buttcrack. It was epic. Almost as epic as the butt molds, but not quite. (Mada mada dane! I started a new anime today, don't ask.) More about beach adventures in a bit.
The pictures! Muchos bueno, hyung, muchos. I like the stars, they make me feel like a very special boy. Shame on you for running out of gold ones, though. Tsk. Also, a lorax is 'a mossy, bossy man-like creature resembling an emperor tamarin'. Gotta love Dr. Seuss (very easy-to-read English. Yoochun, you should look into this). Though you're right, it would technically be a hallucination, since it's a fictional character. Mini-golf, wow. I'll bet it was fierce and competitive. Ice cubes and stick-stealing galore. Impressive.
Now, dildo. Hyung, really? REALLY? I'm sure you can imagine my face right now. (Is it wrong that I kind of want to eat it? >.>) Did Yoochun help you with this? I'll bet he did. Next time I might just go for detail instead of stick figures, just you wait. And Yoochun-hyung's revenge will be thought out and dealt, as well. Don't think you're getting away that easily, Yoochun.
Let me now take a moment to laugh at your Hollywood sign plight: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Hope you had fun eating that funnel cake for more than five. You know as well as I do, hyung-deul, that I can put away enough for at least three, myself. :)
Okay! Beach second. Leaving out the details of packing for the beach trip (me washing dishes, Junsu-hyung picking on me, I had to retaliate and somehow Yunho-hyung and the dogs got in on it too - don't worry, we cleaned the water up), it was a very nice day. We haven't had time to ourselves like that in ages and I'm still kind of sad there was room enough in the backseat for Junsu to lay down and sleep on the way there. There may or may not be mean teasing with lots of (hidden) affection for Junsu-hyung in that sentence.
Anyway. Junsu tried to be awesome and use English but he failed horribly, as always. I think a certain Park Yoochun (-hyung) is rubbing off on him. Please ignore how dirty that sounds, Park Yoochun. Turn off the grease for at least one or two minutes. But yeah, he used the rotten egg line, and I'm not sure if Yunho-hyung tripped me or I tripped him, but either way we ended up in the water and it turned into Junsu laughing at us and me getting revenge and then some weird water tag. Even with as much sea water as I've drunk in the past, I have to say, again, that it is not pleasant. Do you know what is in it, by the way? Fish crap. Dead things. And I drank some, once again. Also, did you know Yunho-hyung has really bony legs? I have a bruise on my leg where we tripped each other. I think Junsu-hyung drank more seawater than I did, by the way. He was laughing really hard when I tackled him (for laughing at us, obviously), therefore his mouth was open very, very wide when he went under (da sea?). >D
Then we ate something because I was hungry, starving, dying! I am so abused without you here, Jaejoong-hyung. I had to go shopping yesterday, you know. Me. Shopping. Here I am, going to school and slaving at a desk with homework and essays and all that and I'm now playing umma in your absence too. However did you do it? Wisdom, please! Anyway, we played frisbee too, only Yunho didn't exactly do so well (the look on his face when Junsu-hyung almost hit him in the face with the frisbee was so great. I should have taken a picture) and then he hit Junsu-hyung in the head (again, look-on-face, no picture. I'm very angry with myself for this). Hit him with the frisbee, I mean. It's not like Yunho really has any violent tendencies. At least, I don't think he does. e_e Jaejoong-hyung, I think you left a little bit of your fail here with Appa. :( How does an umma deal with this?
SO. You know most of what happened after and I hope you saved that picture of Yunho the mermaid. That needs to be put on a computer, printed, and framed. With gold stars on the frame! :D Sometime during digging him out is when Junsu-hyung got sand down his shorts, by the way, and again, it was epic. So epic that I needed to repeat it. Why didn't I get the same treatment? Because I am smart. I completely saw the glint of revenge in Yunho's eyes. I just didn't know it was going to be that good. Oh, and then I flew a kite. Whatever Junsu-hyung and Yunho-hyung tell you about the kite-flying, don't believe them. :|
I think I'm done. You better have read every single bit.
Changmin
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Yoochunah" , "Boojae"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 10:58 PM
Subject: Thank you!
♥ Just a quick note (Work was kind of... demanding today and I'm going to bed very soon because I'm an old man apparently. An old man who has to get up really early.) to say thank you for Gus, he's totally adorable and he's already got pride of place on my bed. :) Also the beach yesterday was fabulous, thank you for asking. :D I know Changmin's already told you all about it, so I'll spare you the second round of details, aren't I generous? Hope Jaejoong hasn't broken too many car rules yet, Yoochun-ah!
Yunho
P.S. Jaejoong, fair warning. I will get revenge for the mermaid comment. (Yes, of course Junsu showed me the text.)
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Jafar"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 7:31 AM
Subject: You are a slave, slave, slavedriver.
Wow, Changmin. A novel? Just for me? :)
Elephants are very smart. And tall.
Is it wrong that I kind of want to eat it? >.>
Not gonna make the obvious joke. :)))))
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
You suck. You suck hotdog dildos.
Okay, so you three had mecha fun and it sounds like a great time, but you're not allowed to tell Yunho that I'm jealous. :P You are, however, totally allowed to keep telling me stories about how bad he is at frisbee.
Wisdom, please!
Shop with company (it's more fun). Ask for backrubs. Don't take things too seriously. Wear sunscreen.
Jaejoong-hyung, I think you left a little bit of your fail here with Appa.
Man, is that where my fail went. I was wondering why I've been completely super and brimming with win in the States. At first I thought there was something in the water.
How does an umma deal with this?
Way to make me feel like a housewife. :\
Junsu is awfully bullied. Is it a karma thing? I bet he kept leaving the toilet seat up in his past life.
I read every single bit. Where's my prize?
KJJ
**
From: fourchawon@gmail.com
To: "Can-o'-Fail"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 11:43 PM
Subject: To quote Britney: you're a slaaaave for me.
All for you, yes. And Yoochun-hyung. (But mostly for you, really. Favorite hyung and all. Maybe. Yunho's catching up, better watch out.) Elephants are also very wrinkly and gray. Am I wrinkly and gray? It's okay, you can make it. I'll be planning retaliation, you can count on it. I am nothing if not determined.
I can do that. I can also tell you how he tripped going to the bathroom about an hour ago over nothing but his own two feet. He blushes so cutely. Which is a bit weird, considering he's older and wiser and I should be the one being cute, but I think I'm used to having cute stolen from me (ex: Kim Junsu. :|).
YES. But I'm not taking Junsu-hyung. If I go shopping with him, we'll end up with more useless foods than anything I can practice not blowing up the kitchen with. Not that I blow up the kitchen on a regular basis or anything. But it could be a remote possiblity. Building bombs with food, world domination. I'll feed them while I conquer them! Win-win plan. (I can totally take things not-seriously, as you can see.)
I'm still awaiting Yoochun's confirmation on that.
Well, you do look good in a pink apron....
Only because he's Junsu. He can take it and dish it back just as well. We're only making him stronger, hyung. Toughening his hide. We're doing him a favor and he'll thank us, one day.
Who said anything about a prize?
Changmin, loving late-class days (I don't go in until noon tomorrow! \o/ but i have a test. ;_;)
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Ariel"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 7:45 AM
Subject: You're welcome!
This is me, demanding a picture of Gus on your bed! And good luck with work, don't take any of the little kids' shit, if your joints start creaking or something, you should take (more) vitamins. :O Disneyland was fabulous too. And a little birdie told me you're awful at frisbee. So there. ♥
KJJ
P.S. I am shaking in my very fashionable, very sexy boots. :)
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Jafar"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 7:57 AM
Subject: I won't deny it, I'm not tryin' to hide it.
You are not wrinkly and gray. You are a very smooth and tan elephant. And I really don't know if you can think of anything better than a hotdog dildo, but I'll humor you.
Oh, Yunho. :) It's okay, Changmin, cute still thinks of you occasionally and remembers all the good times you had together.
Not that I blow up the kitchen on a regular basis or anything.
Okay, now I'm looking at my laptop very suspiciously.
We're good for Junsu, he's good for us.
Who said anything about a prize?
Me. I deserve a prize.
KJJ
Good luck on your test, kick number two pencil butt. :)
**
From: fourchawon@gmail.com
To: "Can-o'-Fail"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 12:06 AM
Subject: Baby, don't you wanna dance up on me?
Oh, I assure you, hyung. I can. With Junsu by my side, anything in that respect is possible. Wait for it. ;D (Or do you not remember the horrors of the Japanese sex shops?)
I want another kitten. :( Think the dogs would mind?
Don't worry, I'll keep your kitchen nice and spotless, disaster-free. Well, disaster-free as far as blowing up goes. I don't know about other messes. :DDDDD
Do you? Do you really? I don't know if I'm up to the challenge of giving you one. I'm feeling particularly lazy tonight... or, this morning, as it were.
Changmin
I'm pretty sure I'm going to ace it. I am, after all, a tensai. ;D
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Jafar"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 8:12 AM
Subject: To another time and place.
... you wouldn't. Oh, fuck, you would.
I think the kitten might mind the dogs.
... Changmin, I'm worried. :<
I really do. Me and Yoochun are heading out for breakfast and then more driving driving driving back up Cali. So you have time to think of a really good one. Your reputation as a genius is at stake here.
KJJ
Don't jinx yourself. ;)
**
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Crabby Cakes"
Date: Wed, May 28, 2014 at 10:58PM
Subject: Holy shit, Changmin.
If you want a reply for that, you better call. Otherwise, it isn't happening. D:
YC
**
From: fourchawon@gmail.com
To: "Can-o'-Grease"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 3:01 PM
Subject: You're paying.
Fine. Lazy, hyung.
**
A phone conversation:
Weds, May 28, 11:06 PM, LA; Thurs, May 29, 3:06 PM, Seoul
Yoochun: Sup, Crabby Cakes.
Changmin: Nothing much, Mr. Lazy Can-o'-Grease. I'd say penny for your thoughts, but I don't know, that sounds kind of cheap, considering.
Yoochun: ... Are you calling me cheap or not cheap?
Changmin: You need sleep. Cheap, very much so. As in, you don't think much. (laughter)
Yoochun: Shut up! My thoughts are all in English now anyway, so I doubt you'd be able to keep up.
Changmin: (in a dry tone) I'd probably keep up better than you. Jaejoong already told us all about your English language fail. I somehow sensed it even before then.
Yoochun: Can't believe you're choosing his English listening skills over my native speaking ones.
Changmin: Birginia is not a state, hyung. I already looked it up.
Yoochun: Yah. Stop taking Jaejoong's side over mine! What kind of 'I miss you so much hyung' is this?
Changmin: (laughter) That's not taking anyone's side but my own, hyung. And I do miss you very much - teasing you in person is so much more fun.
Yoochun: (sniffs) I liked you better when we were the KISS couple and you were nicer to me.
Changmin: Aw, hyung. I still love you, don't worry. If I didn't, I wouldn't tease you so much. Or learn how to cook crab.
Yoochun: Yah, Changmin! You're really learning how to make crab?
Changmin: Unless you're wanting something I have to be really experienced for, yes.
Yoochun: Knew you were my favorite for a reason.
Changmin: (indignant snort) Favorite dongsaeng? I better have been that since forever.
Yoochun: Believe what you want to believe.
Changmin: Yah! It better be the truth I'm believing in. Or you're not getting anything special when you come back and I'll make Jaejoong-hyung help me. Convert him to the dark side and all that.
Yoochun: I dare you to work with Jaejoong and not have it end in an apocalypse.
Changmin: (another snort) Apocalypse is what I'm aiming for, hyung. Though, I'm pretty sure you've survived with him long enough and there hasn't been one. If you can do it, I can do it better.
Yoochun: I don't try to pummel his arm off. In case you've forgotten.
Changmin: It's out of love. Ours is a violent one, like the death of stars. It's quite beautiful.
Yoochun: You're going to be a dwarf, aren't you. I can sense it.
Changmin: (laughter) Except for the fact that I'm taller than you.
Yoochun: Whatever. My love dies like a supernova.
Changmin: (gleefully) But I'm still taller. Anyway. Are you having fun? Any American girls going to possibly steal my hyung away forever and ever?
Yoochun: ... Why do you sound happy about the prospect of that happening. Which, by the way, yes there are many American girls but I am being gracious to each and every one of them, turning them down politely because I know how much the return of my presence means to you three over there.
Changmin: I feel so loved. Might have to make you special dessert, too, for that.
Yoochun: (immediately) I like cheesecake. With cherry. No, strawberry. No, banana creme.
Changmin: (hard laughter) Aiiiish, okay, okay. I'll make a note and pin it to the fridge, just for you.
Yoochun: Yahhhhhhh, so good to me, Changmin-ah.
Changmin: Not making all three, though. So, you have to pick just one. Although, maybe we can mix the last two together. Strawberry-banana is really good.
Yoochun: Orrrrrrr strawberry-banana-cherry.
Changmin: Maaaaaaybe. Have to see how good you are between now and then. (laughter)
Yoochun: ... Yah. Don't I deserve strawberry-banana-cherry cheesecake?
Changmin: Well, I guess since I'll get to eat it, too...
Yoochun: Good man.
Changmin: I try, I try. I better get something really nice in return, though.
Yoochun: Uhhhh...
Changmin: (sadly) You mean you're going to make me slave away in the kitchen and I don't get anything in return, hyung?
Yoochun: We're already sending you souvenirs from every city!
Changmin: Hmm. Should toss in a neck rub or a massage, too.
Yoochun: You already have Junsu scrubbing your back.
Changmin: You've got the Midas Touch, hyung.
Yoochun: Somehow, I sense that you're not being a hundred percent genuine there.
Changmin: (indignant gasp) Now I'm offended. I compliment you and I get skepticism. Aish.
Yoochun: Personal experience tells me to be skeptic!
Changmin: Hey, that was one time! And you had it coming, anyway.
Yoochun: One time multiplied by five hundred thousand million.
Changmin: You still had it coming. Anyway, Super Cheesecake for neck rub. Deal or no deal?
Yoochun: (long drawn out sighhhhhhh) Okay, finnnne. Deal.
Changmin: (happily) Great. I'll go look up recipes later. Just don't turn me to gold, is all I ask.
Yoochun: Darn, I was so looking forward to pawning you for some cash. Guess I can ebay your used underwear instead.
Changmin: You do that and see what happens.
Yoochun: What, I'll buy you new underwear.
Changmin: HYUNG. You're selling my underwear. That I've worn.
Yoochun: You say it like that's the first time it's ever been done! Used underwear selling is an old past time, my friend.
Changmin: (growling) Not my used underwear.
Yoochun: Don't be scared of new experiences!
Changmin: Do it and I'll show you a new experience. You can bet on it.
Yoochun: We're talking about your new experiences though. I don't need any more.
Changmin: Neither do I. No new experiences, then, and you're taking this deal whether you like it or not.
Yoochun: (sighsighsigh) Fine. Back massage. But it's a one time thing!
Changmin: (fake evil cackle)
Yoochun: Talking with you is not fun. I'm frowning right now, but you just can't see it.
Changmin: I think you're lying, hyung. But you don't have to talk to me anymore because I need to go work on some homework and I'd like my cell phone bill to not be a million and one won.
Yoochun: Fine. I guess I should sleep and dream of your highness making me strawberry-cherry-banana cheesecake.
Changmin: Would you kill me if I said sweet dreams? (snicker)
Yoochun: Death rays will be sent.
Changmin: (brief pause) Sweet dreams!
Yoochun: YOU SUCK -- oh, shit, think I woke up hyung.
Changmin: Sucks to be you tell him he's the best hyung ever and it wasn't me BYE!
click!
Yoochun: .... Changmin? (sputtering) Worst dongsaeng ever, I swear to -- dammit. Nothing, Jaejoong, everything's fine!
**
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Boojae"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 6:21 AM
Subject: So demanding! :(
Picture is attached. You even get a bonus me. (Changmin snuck up and took it while I was asleep. And said he wouldn't feed me any more if I didn't send it to you. You need to stop corrupting our baby, Jaejoong.) I already take vitamins. Maybe not enough. Not as much as Junsu and Changmin so maybe I should take more on account of my age. They make me feel so old. ;_; Anyway, I'm glad you had fun at Disneyland, but where are my details? :( All I know is that you turned your tongue blue, and yeah, the picture's on my wall already. Changmin also needs to stop spreading tales.
♥ Yunho
P.S. Yeah. You better be. >:|
Attachment: Appa and Gus.jpg
**
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Ariel"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 2:45 PM
Subject: Your subject says no but your email says yes.
Your picture is very cute and makes my teeth rot more than cotton candy. :X Changmin gets so many brownie points, and what are you talking about, I didn't teach him that. He is self-corrupting. I think that picture needs to come off your wall. Your last sentence has a typo in it because 'stop' should be 'continue'.
Your Details:
- Yoochun is kind of a sissy. :)
- Tea Cups Are Nausea-Inducing Awesome. :S
- I threw French fries at cute little girls but for a good cause please don't make sad faces at me. :\
- We saw a third of our Disney characters checklist. Did you know there's no Bambi? There's no Bambi. :(
- Space Mountain is epic. Splash Mountain is wet. If Yoochun says anything about me being a drowned cat, you should ignore him. :<
- Fireworks. :)))
♥ KJJ
P.S. 0:)
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Boojae"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 6:59 AM
Subject: No means no!
Save your teeth, Jaejoong. Don't look at the picture. -.- Changmin doesn't get brownie points. He doesn't deserve brownie points. Especially not if he's going to keep being a dirty tale-teller. Don't forget Junsu's con tomorrow, okay? Where in the world are you, anyway? Still on schedule?
Replies to your details:
- You knew that already. Did you torture him? You tortured him, didn't you.
- ... yeah, you did. Poor Yoochun-ah.
- :((((( Why, Jaejoong? How could you?
- Now I know why I didn't get a picture. :(
- :) I need a picture of drowned cat!Jaejoong to go with blue tongue!Jaejoong.
- Oooooh. :)))
♥ Yunho
P.S. Lies, filthy lies.
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Ariel"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 3:06 PM
Subject: I'm laughing so hard right now.
I like the tales Changmin tells. Like the one where you trip over your feet. That one's fun. :) I haven't forgotten. We're still in Cali, checking out Yosemite, heading for Salem tomorrow. What time and what channel?
Replies to your replies:
- Torture sounds so negative.
- Though at first he was afraid and even petrified, in the end he survived.
- >:!!! One of them gave me the finger. She doesn't deserve your sad faces.
- Did the Micky + Minnie picture make up for it a little?
- No picture of drowned cat!Jaejoong exists.
- Yeah. :)))
♥ Jaejoong
P.S. 0:(
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Boojae"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 7:14 AM
Subject: :(((((!
:( He's awful to me, Jaejoong. Mnet, 4pm for us. Which is, um. Midnight, for you? Junsu got back so late yesterday. All the prep's taking longer than planned, like always.
Replies to replies to replies:
- And so accurate. 'm glad you didn't kill him, though.
- See, it's because people set a bad example that she learnt to do that!
- :))) Yes. That was adorable. Changmin was (not) very amused.
- I think I need to ask Yoochun that.
♥ Yunho
P.S. ♥
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Aladdin"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 3:20 PM
Subject: Turn that frown upside-down.
It's Changmin, he's awful to everyone. :) Mnet, midnight, okay. You and Changmin want to get in touch with us over chat, phone, something? And how's Junsu doing, besides really tired?
I have nothing to reply to your replies to my replies to your replies except :< and :). You can choose which face is for which bullet point.
♥ KJJ
P.S. ... ♥
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Boojae"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 7:29 AM
Subject: It's a date! ;)
He's terrible. :( And yeah, TVXQ chat meet-up? Less fighting over phones that way maybe. Junsu's okay, I think. Tired and missing company, but okay. He's a trooper. Going to do us proud. :) Think the beach was good for him, too.
I pick :) for all of them. Anyway, I've got to go now. Work calls. :( Bye! Have a good day. Afternoon. Thing.
♥ Yunho
P.S. Show off. :)
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Appa"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 3:03 PM
Subject: Save me.
Your dear umma has broken 98 of the 113 rules so far. FIX HIM, HYUNG. ;__;
He tried to play "It's Raining Men" again this morning.
YC
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Yoochunah"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 7:10 AM
Subject: Wrong continent :(
Don't think I can change much across the ocean. 'specially if I've been trying for 10 yrs without any luck. :(
Poor Yoochun. Best I can do is virtual hugs, though. *HUGS*
Yunho
P.S. Thank you for the picture of radioactive blue Jaejoong. :D
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Appa"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 3:15PM
Subject: Spread your wings and fly.
Maybe it needs to be a group effort. Or maybe we just need to get Jaejoong-hyung a straitjacket. I smell early Christmas present.
Aww, hyung! I feel better already. :D
YC
PS: Totally welcome. I feel that my other mission for this trip is to document the continuous regression of Jaejoong-hyung's mental age.
**
From: leadersshi@gmail.com
To: "Yoochunah"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 7:22 AM
Subject: Drowning sounds like a bad idea
Discuss that with Changmin. 'm sure he'll have lots of useful ideas.
:))) I try!
Yunho
P.S. A brave and noble task, Yoochun-ah. Good luck! Don't forget to send us the documentation. ;)
**
From: susuyah@gmail.com
To: "lazy ass park" , "☆"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 11:00 AM
Subject: THIS IS AN EMAIL FOR JAEJOONG-HYUNG DEAREST
jaejoong☆-hyung!
sorry for not being able to write sooner. we're wrapping up everything for the album and yunho-hyung's had to carry me back to my room twice cause i fell asleep in the kitchen (i swear i thought it was my bedroom!). i slept on the couch yesterday but don't tell yunho-hyung or changmin that cause you know they'll start waiting up for me and they have their own stuff to worry about. okay? :x
anyway! flag! whose idea was that? (i love it~ it's hanging on my bedpost as we speak. changmin won't shut up about "showing my pride", though, can i kick him just once where it hurt? but- i mean, he really has no bargaining position with that dildo in his hand. stroke. of. genius - no pun intended. although i don't understand why they'd make so many grooves along the length- i'm not sure real penises look like that?
at least i can laugh back at him for laughing at the molds.
i still want to kick yoochun for it, by the way.)
i'm glad you love the love mix :33 it's made with love, love, love, after all. can't go wrong with love. don't you love it, love? thank you for the socks, too! my toes love to wiggle in them. i will snap my teeth at anyone who tries to rob me of their warmth.
i'm sure yoochun's can-o-flirt is as fail as his can-o-english skills. are you sure the girl wasn't trying to, oh, run away, maybe?
we went to the beach the other day. did you see the kite picture? we tried to fly it as high as we could so you guys would see it. i'm thinking we can use it for our secret communication tool thing. blue kite for 'we miss you', red for 'we really miss you', and purple for 'have you pushed yoochun off a cliff yet?' otherwise, i'm sure changmin's described the day in detail already. i thought he was writing an essay when i saw him writing his email and he said he was only halfway done :| this makes me want to write as much as he did. maybe when i'm in the mood to lose myself with words. this reminds me of an old song. didn't have a camera by my side this time, hoping i would see the world through both my eyes something something. i forgot.
hyung, hyung, the album's coming along well. we finally finished it. chose a debut song, too. almost used yoochun's song - but i was overruled five to one and we're ending up using one of yoo youngjin-sshi's songs for my debut. ... not that it's a bad song, but - i don't know. hm. yunho-hyung's working with me for the (really short) dance sequence. and really - i can feel myself getting old :( i used to be able to dance longer! what is this growing up thing and why can't i escape its clutches?
the press conference is in two days! will you be able to watch it? it's aired live 4pm, so it'll be ... ... you do the math. i'm too tired. i know you can watch it live from the mnet website :|!!! don't miss it! i. am. .... not that nervous, surprisingly. i feel like i can tackle this well. i mean, it'll be really different and i know i'm just waiting for someone to ask something and not knowing what to say cause super-hyung won't be there to save the day and everything
...
..
............
oh god i'm really gonna mess this up aren't i.
junsusususususususu★
p.s. aw, hyung :( but they're gonna dye my hair back to black. does this mean you won't love your susu anymore? :(((
p.p.s. vick's pawing at me as i type. he agrees that you should come back soon. we miss you. (for real.)
p.p.p.s. the only reason i'm including lazy ass' email address is because harangie's been a bit moody as of late. do you think she's in heat?
**
From: kjaejoong@gmail.com
To: "Stitch"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 9:12 PM
Subject: I like this blatant favoritism. :)
Okay. From now on your first goal is to make it onto a bed. Your second goal is to fall asleep right away, instead of staying awake and worrying at the ceiling. Accomplish these, young grasshopper, and I'll keep my mouth zipped.
The flag was a joint effort! Possible picture of bedpost + your socked feet + Changmin with dildo in his hand in the next email?? Please. :)
I think you need a multi-colored flag to mean all three. We can fly a yellow kite in response. Secret code for We Really Miss You Too And Yoochun's Still Alive But There's A Cliff Around The Corner So I'll Keep You Updated. (I'm kidding, I'd never push Yoochun off a cliff.) "Maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to lose my way."
not that it's a bad song, but - i don't know.
Yeah, I know.
Growing up is the enemy!
Yunho did the math already, and me and Yoochun'll be watching your press con at midnight. You really can tackle it well, just imagine everyone in their underwear.
♫KJJ
P.S. My love for you transcends hair color!
P.P.S. I miss Vick. (And all of you.) Give him a bellyrub for me. (Give yourself a hug for me? :<)
P.P.P.S. Good luck present attached. We recorded it at this place - Music and Arts? Would've sung along, but then the cashier would've stopped looking like he wanted to kick us out and would've actually kicked us out.
Attachment: forjunsu.wav
**
From: susuyah@gmail.com
To: "☆"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 3:11PM
Subject: . . . ; ;
i love you. it's so pretty. i am going to ace that presscon like cyberspace♥!
good thing yoochun's not in the room or i might seize from the sight of him in his underwear :|
★junsusuyah.
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Big Butts Cannot Lie"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 9:31PM
Subject: Try to tame your obsessive + psychotic love for hyung.
Your giant ass is your selling point, Su. I was only helping you further your career. Your ungratefulness is noted. :(
The girl loved me, okay. We just both knew that our relationship would only end in tears and despair once I had to depart the state of California as per the orders of my slave-driver (aka Jaejoong-hyung). By not offering her my number, I am saving the entire world from endless amounts of grief. Again, your ungratefulness is noted.
Wish all you want, but Jaejoong-hyung will always love me more than you and would never push me off a cliff even if I begged him to. Which I wouldn't. Because cliffs are high.
Consider your souvenir from the next state NOT BOUGHT. But maybe I'll send you a personalized postcard if you make the second single my song. Stick it to the man, Su. Or men. Or people - do you have girls on your team? Anyway. Do they know what you're doing or do you?
Jaejoong's in charge of keeping track of the time of your press con. I'm in charge of making sure there's popcorn so we can throw them at your digitized face. We're losing precious beauty sleep just so we can watch you, so you better make it worthwhile. Scandalously worthwhile. Here, I'm tossing out the first question: my boxers or Changminnie's briefs?
If you don't answer it (and answer it correctly), I'm telling everyone not to download your album.
Your Superior in All Things,
YC
PS: .... JUNSU. HARANG IS A BOY. You are useless. My dog better be in one piece when I get back. :(
**
From: susuyah@gmail.com
To: "lazy ass park"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 3:15PM
Subject: you tame yours first.
my giant ass is already glorious without your help. too many cooks spoil the broth, etc.
i think the girl might have been checking out jaejoong-hyung :( you might have thwarted the attempt of a perfect love story. shame on you. also, jaejoong-hyung doesn't have to push you off a cliff- off a ferry in the middle of the sea is perfectly okay.
... :((( jaejoong-hyung will buy me one. but i'll see what i can do about the second single (or i won't. maybe. hmm.) there is a pretty nuna in the promotion team. single, also. aren't you jealous?
seeing as i might die after seeing your boxers, i'll go with changmin's tightie whities (pinkies?).
you don't have a say on whether people will download it or not :| besides, they will just buy it.
You Mean "Nothing",
JS.
P.S. ..... WELL I GUESS I JUST NEVER BOTHERED TO CHECK. just a smidgen of baldness? (maybe HE's in heat!) :(
P.P.S. don't forget to eat :|
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Big Butts Cannot Lie"
Date: Thurs, May 29, 2014 at 11:28PM
Subject: Didn't beg hyung to come. Did it all on his own.
Well. You need one cook per cheek, at least.
She wasn't, okay. Hyung just doesn't have the same kind of charm that attracts the ladies like I do. And he's a good man who understands that such trivial things don't break a friendship, thus why he would never place my life in danger unlike some others that shall go unnamed giant ass junsu.
Uhhh yeah, Su. So, so jealous. Gonna spend every night from now on wondering why life is so unfair for giving you all the pretty nunas instead of to me. My life is so hard, please let me live yours for just one day. /dry sarcasm But seriously. I wrote that song for a reason and people better hear it so that reason doesn't go to waste. Serious!
Think you'll die anyway if you give tightie pinkies as an answer.
I mean DOWNLOAD on ITUNES. God, you're so old. Ancient. Go dance your daily polka already.
By Nothing You Mean Your ENTIRE LIFE,
YC
PS: DO NOT MAKE MY HARANGIE THINK HE IS A GIRL. I will cut you.
PPS: Worry less. Hyung and I caved and ordered midnight pizza. The works. We might be really disgusting looking by the time we return. Remember, it's what's on the inside that counts.
**
From: susuyah@gmail.com
To: "lazy ass park"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 9:10PM
Subject: liar liar harangie's on fiyaaaah.
and i suppose the other cook is you? :|
if by 'charm' you mean 'buckets of grease', then i agree. and my ass is not giant. it is bubbly. get it right.
shut up. and i'm working on it don't rush me DX i'll even throw prissy celebrity tantrums if i have to.
... yeah i will OH GOD YOOCHUN if i really say that i'm so totally blaming you.
... shut up!
No, Just "Nothing", Really.
JS
P.S. I AM NOT MAKING HIM DO ANYTHING. you know, they say dogs become more and more like their masters over time. MAYBE IT'S YOU NOT HIM.
P.P.S. hyung will never look disgusting. you, on the other hand, really don't have to do much :)
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Big Butts Cannot Lie"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 7:48AM
Subject: dgiheksldf dammit Junsu!
I cook but I don't taste-test. :P
No, I don't mean buckets of grease. My grease is under heavy surveillance and is highly controlled, okay. And it is. It's ginormous. Humongous. TITANIC.
Good. Throw a lot of them. Ten a day until you bend them to your will.
Can't blame me when you can't control your own mouth!
:P
Reading Between the Lines and Seeing 'Everything',
YC
PS: If anyone's going to be the girl first, it would be you.
PPS: ... Haha. Definitely no souvenir for you.
**
From: susuyah@gmail.com
To: "lazy ass park"
Date: Sat, May 31, 2014 at 5:44AM
Subject: yoochun = 0, junsu = 3,384,233
you are not qualified to be a cook :|
bubbly. supple. firm. get it right.
no, no ruining my good-boy, easy-to-work-with, amazing-popstar image.
you planted the idea in my brain!
>(
You Are Delusional,
JS
P.S. ... snippity snip-snip? come here, harangie, good boy. :(
P.P.S. fine. jaejoong-hyung loves me anyway :(
**
From: virginiapark@gmail.com
To: "Big Butts Cannot Lie"
Date: Fri, May 30, 2014 at 2:01PM
Subject: Don't bring Harangie into this!
Then neither are you.
... I never want to think of your backside as supple ever again. lskdjf eugh.
Haha! Since when have you ever had that image. Also, my prized work is worth hundreds more than your image. I think we both know where your priorities should lie.
Don't exaggerate. I was simply predicting a possible outcome.
:)))
Takes One to Know One,
YC
PS: lskdjjfijdk I hope he bites your hand off. >\
PPS: Think I have more persuasive power over him since I'm here. In person. Neener.
**
An exchange of post-its; May 30 2014
**