Part 10: June 4 - June 5, 2014

[illuminations]

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay! Jaejoong and Yoochun hope this massive thing makes up for the long wait. :)


Jun 04, 2014, 4:03 am, Seattle; Jun 04, 2014, 8:03 pm, Seoul

"Ready?" Junsu punches in Yoochun’s cell number and hangs up, switching their phone to speakers. He hums Hi Ya Ya and taps his fingers while he waits for Yoochun to pick up. The moment he hears Yoochun's bleary answer, he shouts into the phone with all his might: "HEY HEY YOOCHUN HEY HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAAAY!"

It will be around 4am in Seattle.

He hopes Yoochun is-was-sleeping.

There's a second or two of silence and Junsu's starting to think that maybe he didn't do the speakerphone thing right, but then they all hear a very disgruntled, "... Oh, fuck you."

"Happy birthday Yoochun-ah I'm sorry," Yunho says in a rush, practically in Junsu's ear.

"Yeah, happy birthday, Mr. Grumpypants," Changmin says, sticking his tongue out at the receiver. Junsu approves of Changmin's handling of the situation more than Yunho's.

Yoochun responds with more curses, and Junsu thinks he can make out "assholes", "I hate you", and "die in a fire I'm going back to sleep."

"We're gonna call you again later!" Junsu responds, still with his one-million-decibel voice plus a healthy pinch of smugness. "We love you toooo!"

The last words are echoed by Yunho and Changmin, who adds, "fires are for losers like you!", cheerfully.

Yoochun grumbles, "Freaks," and after that is a sharp click! followed by a lonely dial tone.

"Well, that went well!" Junsu says brightly, after a short silence, as if he hasn't ruined Yoochun's morning. Changmin nods along.

"'Course it did. We woke him up at... what's that phrase Yoochun likes to use? Oh, ass o'clock in the morning. We woke him up... then. Job well done."

Yunho says, "He's going to hate us all forever," all sad resignation. Junsu swats his arm for it-just lightly.

Changmin shrugs back at Yunho easily. "We have cake. Cake that I made. Cake that needs frosting."

Junsu nods. "We're clearly the best. Also we should take a picture before we eat it and make him jealous."

Changmin puts his hand up for a high five, and Junsu gives it, laughing. "Cake time!"

**



**



Accompanying text message:
happy birthday! sorry about the icing job. @.@ cake icing's surprisingly hard when three people try to do it at once. but it's the thought that counts, right? and it was really tasty.
home team
P.S. junsu wrote happy yoochun first. english skills as good as ever.

**

Jun 04, 2014, 5:58 am, Crowne Plaza Seattle

"Yoochunyoochunyoochunyoochunyoochunyoochun!"

Peeking an eye open only to realize that it's still dark, Yoochun immediately tugs the comforter up and over his head. Birthday or not, he has never been so assaulted in his sleep before and is about ready to lock himself in the bathroom and sleep in the bathtub if that's what it takes.

The covers get ripped away and Yoochun all but growls, stubbornly keeping his eyes closed as he lays stone-still on the mattress.

"YOOCHUN. Get up!"

Yoochun kicks his foot out blindly and hopes to get Jaejoong's crotch. His foot connects with something and Jaejoong yelps, but it's not high-pitched enough to suggest any new inability to produce children. Instead, Yoochun feels hands close around both of his ankles and start pulling him off the bed.

"Come on, it's coffee birthday sunshine time!"

Since he's being manhandled, Yoochun has no choice but to open his eyes so he can roll onto his stomach and grapple for the opposite end of the bed. Hooking his fingers over the edge, he cries, "Oh my god, you teletubby, leave me alone!"

Yoochun can pretty much hear Jaejoong's frown. "Are you calling me fat?"

"No, I'm calling you insane," Yoochun replies, kicking his legs in an attempt to shake off Jaejoong. It doesn't work. "Let me sleep, you bastard!"

Jaejoong continues trying to dislocate Yoochun's feet from the rest of his body. "I'm offering to buy you coffee! Why can't you appreciate that!"

"It's ass o'clock in the morning!" Yoochun says indignantly, trying to pull himself in the other direction. "I don't want ass o'clock coffee!"

The tug-of-war continues. "You're a year older now, so don't be such a baby!"

"The older you are the more sleep you need!" Yoochun tries to argue, though he has no idea what the hell he's talking about. "Getoffgetoffgetoff!"

Yoochun's legs are suddenly parallel with the mattress again. Jaejoong says, "Get up or I'll sit on you."

Yoochun looks over his shoulder. "... You wouldn't," he says slowly, eyes narrowing.

Jaejoong has the audacity to pout, when Yoochun's the one whose best friends don't understand how interrupted sleep takes the happy out of happy birthday. "Why can't you just let me do something nice for you?"

Yoochun starts shimmying his way over to the far end of the bed, in case Jaejoong really does decide to sit on him. He's always been heavier than he looks, though Yoochun will never say that out loud. "Do something nice when the sun is up. I'll appreciate it the most then," he says, curling up into a Yoochun-ball.

At first, Yoochun's too sleepy to be suspicious of Jaejoong's lack of response. Then the mattress dips with a new weight, and Jaejoong starts poking him.

It takes every ounce of Yoochun's willpower not to kick Jaejoong in the face. He's hoping Jaejoong will get bored soon, give up, and leave him alone, but ten seconds later Jaejoong is actually poking him faster and harder and Yoochun's gnawing on his bottom lip to keep from exploding.

"Yoochun. Yoochuuun. C'mon. We're in Seattle! It's like, the land of coffee orgasms. Don't you want a coffee orgasm?"

Yoochun sputters, "I like my various orgasms to be consensual!"

Jaejoong's arm creeps around to start poking the front of Yoochun's ribs. "So just consent!"

Back-poking is one thing, but ribs-poking is another in that it not only is irritating, but also tickles. Arms flailing, Yoochun pushes at Jaejoong's face, trying to get him away. "Ugh, you ass!" he cries, and it really doesn't sound all that formidable when he's half-giggling too.

Jaejoong makes sputtering sounds into Yoochun's palm. His next poke is aimed wildly at Yoochun's belly button. Yoochun has a brief flashback to Pillsbury Doughboy commercials and resolutely does not make a squeaking noise. "At least I'm not a lazyass, you lazyass."

"I'm not a lazyass!" Yoochun argues. "It's," he points at the clock with his other hand, but doesn't have his contacts in so that fails. Whatever. "It's early, okay?!"

"It's never too early for coffee orgasms!" Jaejoong argues back, and pokes him again.

"Go have one by yourself!" Yoochun says, trying to grab Jaejoong's offending hand while keeping him a distance away at the same time. It's hard. He captures Jaejoong's hand at the same moment that Jaejoong seems to discover he has two of them. Yoochun's stomach area stays under attack.

"Orgasms need to be shared!"

He hears Jaejoong's words, but a beat passes where Yoochun actually processes them and then he's pretending to gag and crying out, "Rule number 256! KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS."

Yoochun expects wild and really loud protests, or equally wild and really loud laughter, so when nothing happens, he's kind of confused. Then Jaejoong sits on him, right on his stomach, and he thinks, oh, okay, that just figures. His second thought is, ... Shit. "Hyung."

"What? Do you give up? Is coffee orgasm a go?"

"No. I need to pee and if you don't get up right now, guess where it's all going to end up."

Jaejoong stares at him blankly for a second, and then he's scrambling away, practically kicking Yoochun off the bed in the process as he flails. "My ass is not your fucking toilet oh my fucking god!"

Yoochun rolls off the bed gracelessly, his face nearly colliding with the floor. "You don't have to say it like that," he grumbles as he makes his way to the bathroom. He does his business and the second he opens the door again, there's Jaejoong with a set of Yoochun's clothes bundled in his arms.

"Let's go, best friend!"



Jun 04, 2014, 6:31am, Caffe Umbria

After ten minutes of half-consciously fearing for his life while Jaejoong navigated the waking streets of Seattle, the first thing Yoochun does when they get to their destination is try to resist kissing the ground, the second, take the keys from Jaejoong at the first opportunity while swearing that Jaejoong behind the wheel is never going to happen again, and lastly, collapse at a table and grasp at the years of his life still attempting to escape from him.

Jaejoong is still being obnoxiously upbeat for 6:30am and post-flirtation with death. He reaches down to ruffle Yoochun's hair, announcing, "Wait here and I'll get you something nice," like he truly believes he's being the greatest friend ever for doing this. Yoochun feels more like a dog than the best friend to the greatest friend ever.

The café is nice, Yoochun notes as a plus. It's small and cozy and the smell of freshly brewed coffee that drifts through the air reminds Yoochun of the kind he had every morning in Paris. The atmosphere is calming, too, and he starts to admit that maybe Jaejoong didn't have a bad idea after all.

When Jaejoong finally returns, after longer than Yoochun feels like it should've taken, he's wearing a big smile on his face. "Tada," he says, dropping into the seat across from Yoochun and sliding Yoochun his birthday coffee.

Yoochun stares at it for a good minute or two or however long it takes for Jaejoong to grow an anxious look and ask if he should take it back. Shaking his head quickly, Yoochun takes the cup and spins it a quarter turn one way, then the other. The thing is, he's 90% sure the coffee art in the middle is a heart, but it's a little wonky-looking, so there's still a 10% chance he's completely wrong and if he says "oh, thank you for the heart, Jaejoong," and it's not, he will be the worst best friend to the greatest friend ever because he could not decode their secret, bff coffee symbols properly, but that would be completely misconstruing his well-mannered intentions and he's just not prepared for road trip tension on his birthday!

Or maybe 6:30am makes him think too much.

Steeling his resolve and going for it, Yoochun glances up and says, "It's a nice heart?"

Jaejoong brightens, leaning forward over the table on his elbows. "You really like it? I begged the barista to let me draw it."

Well, that's a relief. Yoochun nods more emphatically. "Oh. Yeah, totally," he says and he means it because it's the thought that counts. Besides, he thinks Jaejoong knows that he was never the artist of the group. Maybe. "No, it's um. Thanks, hyung."

"Welcome. So c'mon, try it," Jaejoong urges.

Yoochun gives a smile, then lifts the cup to his lips. It does smell really good, and he blows on it softly before taking a sip. Less than half a second later, he makes a garbled noise and covers his mouth with a hand.

Jaejoong instantly looks alarmed. "Are you okay?"

Yoochun nods vehemently. "Just really hot," he lies, voice a little higher-pitched than normal. Well, that's not a total lie. It is hot, but really, Yoochun is trying not to gag because that was the most bitter thing he's ever let come in contact with his mouth. "It's great." That's a lie.

He's never letting Jaejoong order coffee again.

Jaejoong doesn't seem convinced. "Are you sure?" he frets. "If they made it wrong I can go kick their -- was it the heart? Did the heart make it taste weird?"

Oh god, Yoochun thinks. If kicked puppies could talk, they'd sound like Jaejoong right now. "No! No, the heart was amazing. I promise." Suddenly, he feels like he's having the dreaded relationship talk and doesn't know why. "I loved the heart, hyung. Love. Still loving. Like. I wish I could tattoo it onto my tongue I love it so much."

Jaejoong pauses. "You don't have to love it that much."

Another beat passes between them. "I don't really want to tattoo it onto my tongue," Yoochun amends. He wonders if enough time has passed where he is expected to take another drink.

"Oh. Okay." Satisfied, Jaejoong smiles again, resting his chin in his palm. "Drink up."

Sighing internally, Yoochun stares back down at the coffee cup while he thinks about how he never expected to be committing oral suicide on his 29th birthday. Nevertheless, he's pretty sure that if he doesn't drink all of it, Jaejoong's kicked puppy alter ego will follow him around for days. Weeks, maybe. It's an extremely depressing moment for him when he realizes his options are that and the suicide, even more so when he actually chooses the masochistic route and goes to take the tiniest sip ever to be sipped.

Jaejoong, thankfully, appears oblivious to Yoochun's inability to drink more than an ounce at a time. "So, happy birthday."

"Hm?" Yoochun murmurs, brow furrowed as he tries to figure out why, after two entire sips, the cup is still as full as ever. "Oh. Um. Thanks." He realizes that while his feelings are genuine, his words don't sound as much when he's busy angsting about the world of caffeine. He ignores his gag reflex and offers Jaejoong a big smile to make up for it. Then, he gets an idea. "Hey, you want to try some?" he gestures between Jaejoong and the mug.

Jaejoong actually starts to reach for it, before his train of thought gets completely derailed again, and he ends up waving his arm back at the café counter instead. Yoochun isn't lucky enough for the mug to get knocked off the table in the process. "Pastry! I was going to get you a pastry too. You still like eclairs, right? They have these swan-shaped eclairs here and I thought they were the greatest things ever and I'm pretty sure you'll think they're the greatest things ever too."

Yoochun's more than used to Jaejoong's stream of consciousness style of speaking, but that doesn't mean he doesn't still stare at Jaejoong in some sort of stupified awe every time it happens either. "I... would love a swan-shaped eclair," he says slowly, once he's sure Jaejoong's done. Not that him saying yes or no has actually ever deterred Jaejoong from doing what he wanted.

"Well, if you insist," Jaejoong says cheerfully, and then he's off.

While Jaejoong's miming to the barista again, at one point even flapping his hands at the poor man, Yoochun ponders the merits of dumping his drink into a nearby plant instead of forcing it into his stomach. It's definitely tempting, but he can't deny that the time and effort Jaejoong is spending, if he went through with it, would leave him feeling guilty for pretty much the rest of his life.

Jaejoong comes back this time with a fat pastry-swan with two broad stripes of chocolate coating for wings, and the conversation starter: "Trying to make a swan with your hands is really awkward."

Yoochun looks at Jaejoong, looks at the swan, then returns his gaze to Jaejoong. "You made this?" he asks with a raised eyebrow, thinking that last time he checked, pastries took more than two minutes to make.

"No, I just had to do charades, like." Jaejoong does this thing with his hands like he's trying to imitate the shape of a swan. At least, that's what Yoochun logically assumes he's trying to do. It looks more like he's messing up a handjob really badly.

Yoochun's expression grows more and more horrified with each passing second. "That. Is not a swan."

"Just eat it, okay?"

A pastry's a pastry and this one has chocolate on it, so who's Yoochun to argue with that. He goes for the chocolate-frosted wing. Jaejoong watches with fascination, before interrupting matter-of-factly, "You should eat the head first. Otherwise all you're doing is torturing it."

Yoochun pauses with his jaw wide open, the bird-pastry centimeters from his mouth. "I think it'll be fine no matter which part I eat first."

Jaejoong shakes his head vigorously. "Head first. Just bite it off, make it fast."

Sighing, Yoochun looks at Jaejoong pointedly, sitting up straighter too since this is a very important discussion. "Some people don't go for the head first, okay? I like to wait and save it for later."

"Are you totally heartless?" Jaejoong frowns back at him. "Don't be a barbarian. Bite off the head."

Yoochun presses his lips into a tight line. "I'm not biting off the head."

"Do you want to let it watch as you tear it apart limb by limb?"

Sputtering a little, Yoochun holds the pastry out and gestures to it appropriately. "It's facing the other way!"

Jaejoong takes the spoon from Yoochun's coffee so he has something to point back at Yoochun. "Just bite off the head! How can you live with yourself?"

"I'm not biting it off!" Yoochun argues. "Why are you pressuring me!"

"Because it's too pretty for your savage eating methods!"

"It's flour and sugar! And other things!"

Jaejoong leans back in his chair and just looks at Yoochun disbelievingly.

Yoochun points at the barista and says stubbornly, "Go ask him for the recipe."

"Yoochun," Jaejoong says slowly. "I think you should apologize to the swan."

"I - what?!"

"For calling it flour and sugar and other things!"

Yoochun is having a difficult time finding the proper words to reply to that, it's so ridiculous. "It is flour and sugar and other things!"

Jaejoong just reaches his hands out to the swan pastry and pretends to cover its ears.

"Okay, fine." Yoochun holds the eclair out in front of Jaejoong's mouth. "You can be the saint."

Jaejoong bites the swan's head off cleanly and without hesitation. Yoochun just rolls his eyes, finally able to eat the chocolate wing like he wanted to five million hours ago. As he chews, he realizes the coffee is still waiting to be finished, filling him with dread. The swan is not so tasty anymore.

"If you're not in the mood for coffee, that's okay," Jaejoong says suddenly, swallowing.

"Yeah?" Yoochun says in what he hopes is a nonchalant tone. He doesn't want to seem too eager or ungrateful. "I mean. I guess the heart is nice to look at."

"Heart's the most important part anyway," Jaejoong rationalizes.

Yoochun nods. "Would be a waste if it just sat in my stomach all day."

"Should tattoo it onto your tongue instead."

Breaking off the other wing, Yoochun stuffs it into his mouth and says as he chews, "You know you were never the artist of the group, right?"
"Okay, you can not drink the coffee, but insulting my heart is just not allowed."

"I'll consider it when it's 7am on your birthday."

"It's seven-oh-five."

Yoochun throws the swan's butt at Jaejoong's face.



**

A card, posted to the Crowne Plaza Seattle:


**

Jun 04, 2014, 3:12 pm, Seattle; Jun 05, 2014, 7:12 am, Seoul

Yoochun: (picks up) Hello, hyung. Long time no speak.
Yunho: (laughing)Happy birthday, Yoochun-ah. Yeah, it's been all of... two weeks? Or. A few hours. If you count that speaking.
Yoochun: I don't count that as speaking. I count that as harassment and infringement of my sleeping rights.
Yunho: Sorry about that. I blame the unruly dongsaengs.
Yoochun: And yet you participated just as enthusiastically. Don't worry, I remember.
Yunho: You didn't like our birthday surprise?
Yoochun: I love sleeping more than getting older.
Yunho: At least Jaejoong will always be older than you?
Yoochun: (happily) Point! This is why you were the leader, hyung. So smart.
Yunho: (chuckling) Glad to help.
Yoochun: So. Since we're a couple thousand kilometers away from each other right now, will I be getting my allotment of birthday boy spoilage when I return?
Yunho: Definitely. Big birthday hug waiting for you the minute you get off the plane.
Yoochun: Just a hug?
Yunho: You wanted something else?
Yoochun: I was thinking something along the lines of being waited upon for an entire day.
Yunho: You've never got that for your birthday before!
Yoochun: (sputters) So?
Yunho: I don't think we should set a precedent now. Though you could try talking Changmin into it?
Yoochun: Changmin would laugh in my face for even suggesting it.
Yunho: Probably. But I'd like to see his face if you did.
Yoochun: You are receiving so much bad influence from Junsu and Changmin.
Yunho: (sadly) They're corrupting me horribly, Yoochun. I think I'm doomed.
Yoochun: Doomed like a doomed thing.
Yunho: You need to come back and rescue me!
Yoochun: (snorts) Sorry, hyung. Think you mean Jaejoong.
Yunho: Yeah, probably. Tell him to come back, then.
Yoochun: (fake sob) No appreciation for me at all.
Yunho: You said you wouldn't rescue me!
Yoochun: I could be a sidekick.
Yunho: Jaejoong's sidekick?
Yoochun: ... Sure.
Yunho: ... really?
Yoochun: Well, no.
Yunho: Shouldn't lie to your elders.
Yoochun: What Jaejoong doesn't know won't hurt him.
Yunho: ... have you forgotten that time. Stage. Mikes. Elbow to the face?
Yoochun: .... Yeahhhh. Right. Hm.
Yunho: Yeah.
Yoochun: Well this time is different. Because I say so.
Yunho: Really shouldn't lie to your elders.
Yoochun: Not lying! Stop guilttripping me.
Yunho: (laughing) Sorry, sorry.
Yoochun: ... I don't remember what we were talking about.
Yunho: ... neither do I. But I remember it's your birthday!
Yoochun: (laughs) Thanks, hyung.
Yunho: (happily) You're welcome.
Yoochun: So. Holding down the fort okay so far?
Yunho: Yeah. Junsu's not passed out from exhaustion yet and Changmin's not exploded the kitchen. Oh, and my kids haven't started a rebellion. Think it's a good start.
Yoochun: Glad to hear your standards are still high.
Yunho: Bad influences, remember?
Yoochun: Right, right. Gotcha.
Yunho: My life is hard, Yoochun-ah. But how's the birthday going?
Yoochun: Think hyung's trying to be four people celebrating my birthday at once.
Yunho: That sounds... exciting.
Yoochun: It's tiring. And dangerous. He drove this morning.
Yunho: I'm glad you're still alive. And in one piece?
Yoochun: As far as I know.
Yunho: I think you'd notice if you lost a piece.
Yoochun: Nothing can be ruled out when Jaejoong-hyung's around.
Yunho: That's true.
Yoochun: Hoping he'll let me nap before dinner though. Unless he wants me to fall asleep in my dinner. I guess that's also an option.
Yunho: Good luck. Hey, did you get our card yet?
Yoochun: Hm? Oh! Yeah, right on time.
Yunho: Oh, good. Wasn't sure if that mailing to hotels thing was going to work out or not. So did you enjoy it?
Yoochun: It was very, uh... interesting, hyung. (laughs)
Yunho: (sighs) That's all we get for our efforts? I hope you're treasuring it!
Yoochun: It's tucked in the sunvisor.
Yunho: Good. Can be a good luck charm.
Yoochun: Unless the other two put bad wishes on it.
Yunho: Sure they wouldn't do that.
Yoochun: ...
Yunho: What?
Yoochun: You are totally brainwashed. I'm telling Jaejoong.
Yunho: Huh? Brainwashed?
Yoochun: By the young ones.
Yunho: Just believe in their better natures. And yours.
Yoochun: (definitely not believing) Uh huh. They picked a monkey birthday card.
Yunho: Isn't it cute? I thought it was cute.
Yoochun: ... (laughs) You're hopeless, hyung. Okay, it's cute.
Yunho: I am not hopeless! But I do have to get ready for work. Soon.
Yoochun: So troublesome, that 9 to 5 job.
Yunho: (laughing) Yeah, some of us have to keep this family fed.
Yoochun: Your efforts are appreciated, I'm sure. It's okay, I'm gonna take a nap anyway. Hyung dragged me out for coffee at an ungodly hour as a birthday present.
Yunho: ... I'm sure he means well. Have a good nap, Yoochun-ah. And a good rest of birthday day.
Yoochun: Thanks, hyung. Have fun at work. Whip those kids into shape.
Yunho: I'll try. Say hi to Jaejoong for me?
Yoochun: Will do.
Yunho: Bye, Yoochun. Happy birthday again. Love you.
Yoochun: Love you, too, hyung. Bye.

**

Jun 04, 2014, 7:10 pm, Seattle; Jun 05, 2014, 11:10 am, Seoul

Yoochun: (answers) Hello, loser.
Changmin: Since it's your birthday, I'll let that slide. Just this once.
Yoochun: Since you woke me up at butt o'clock earlier, I should be allowed to say whatever I want forever.
Changmin: I'll remember that when I'm lacing your cheesecake with rat poison.
Yoochun: And that's why you're taking a bite of everything before I eat it.
Changmin: I'm not a taste-tester and you're not royalty, anyway.
Yoochun: I'm appointing you as one. And myself as royalty.
Changmin: I'm stealing your staff and beating you with it.
Yoochun: Taste-testers aren't allowed to steal the staff!
Changmin: This one is. Unless you want the wrath of my fists, instead. (hums thoughtfully) Though. I suppose since it's your birthday and all, I can take it easy on you just this once. Not that... I'd be hitting you now, but it's the thought that counts.
Yoochun: Hey! I know you're going through Jaejoong withdrawal but that doesn't mean you can threaten just anyone with your fists! I'm the one you like.
Changmin: Actually, that's Junsu.
Yoochun: Frowning so hard.
Changmin: (cheerfully) Have fun with those wrinkles, hyung!
Yoochun: I'll... wrinkle you.
Changmin: (cracks up)
Yoochun: (flatly) Yah. Stop that.
Changmin: (between giggles) Wrinkle me. Oh, that was good. Except for the part where it was bad.
Yoochun: You know what. I haven't heard a single 'happy birthday' from you and it's been an entire... four minutes and three seconds.
Changmin: Learn to read between the lines, hyung. It helps.
Yoochun: Can't read, you're talking.
Changmin: Ha. Ha. Ha. You're so smart. Maybe I'll just save my birthday wishes until the end of the conversation.
Yoochun: You mean mine. Which include non-poisoned crab and cheesecake.
Changmin: Or my birthday wishes to you, maybe. Also, Yunho said you had something to ask me.
Yoochun: I. Did? Uhh. Shit, that was a long time ago. Like. A few hours at least.
Changmin: He looked amused when he said it. Something about your ideal birthday present when you get home.
Yoochun: (hums thoughtfully) ...Ohhhh. Right. The part where I get special treatment for an entire day when I get home since I'm... not there right now to receive special treatment today.
Changmin: And what would this special treatment be...?
Yoochun: (matter of factly) Wait on me hand and foot.
Changmin: ...
Yoochun: I'm glad that was settled in a quick and efficient manner.
Changmin: Um, that was not a yes. That was shocked silence in which I proceeded to scream 'I don't think so' in my brain. I spared you. Aren't you the luckiest hyung ever!
Yoochun: Whatever. I'm looking forward to being handfed grapes.
Changmin: I'll handfeed you something, alright. Aish.
Yoochun: Seedless, please.
Changmin: (snorts) A pie doesn't have seeds, anyway. Y'know, the pie you're getting in your face.
Yoochun: If you do that, then I'm rubbing my face against yours so hard.
Changmin: You're so dirty.
Yoochun: Hyung's been my only company for two weeks.
Changmin: You say that like it's supposed to make your innocence that you don't actually have.
Yoochun: (poutily) Well, it certainly doesn't help.
Changmin: I can hear your pout all the way over here, and it still doesn't work. I'll give you points for trying, at least. Maaaaybe it'll get you one grape.
Yoochun: Five.
Changmin: Keep going and it's back to none and me eating the whole bowl.
Yoochun: I hope you snort one up your nose.
Changmin: You should be ashamed of yourself, talking about your dongsaeng like that.
Yoochun: Hey. You're not an angel to your hyung-deul or anything.
Changmin: Again, I'm the dongsaeng. It has its advantages. (sniffs) Besides, you love it, don't deny.
Yoochun: Respect your elders!
Changmin: ... By becoming your slave?
Yoochun: Well, if you want to put it that way.
Changmin: Hmph. I'm no one's slave. Ask Junsu.
Yoochun: Junsu's everyone's slave so that's not a reliable source.
Changmin: Yah, he was mine first! Ever since he stole my cute.
Yoochun: Should be thankful. Don't know how you would've continued to pull off cute.
Changmin: That's it, you're going down, Park Yoochun. Just you wait.
Yoochun: Blah, blah, blah.
Changmin: Yah. I think I'll stop learning how to make cheesecake now.
Yoochun: I will get a store-bought one to insult you.
Changmin: (smugly) Wouldn't be an insult if I thank you for it. Now I have more free time.
Yoochun: (overenthusiastic) Oh, Changmin, this cheesecake is so good, so much better than anything you could've made. I'm soo glad I bought this instead of having you make one.
Changmin: Choke on it, bitch. -Hyung.
Yoochun: Fuck you, little boy. I'll have my cheesecake.
Changmin: Little? (devious chuckle)
Yoochun: ... Ugh, you're gross.
Changmin: You're the gross one. I meant height, obviously.
Yoochun: Whatever. I still haven't heard my birthday well wishes.
Changmin: Fine, fine, happy birthday, short stuff.
Yoochun: (sigh) I suppose that's the best I'll get.
Changmin: (harrumphs) I could just take it back.
Yoochun: Too late. Already took it.
Changmin: (sulkily) Fine.
Yoochun: (hesitant) Hey, uh. Jaejoong's taking me out to dinner, so.
Changmin: Yeah, okay. I know when I'm not wanted. (exaggerated sigh)
Yoochun: Shut up. I just need to go get fed.
Changmin: (boredly) Bye hyung. Going to go pester the one hyung that actually loves me.
Yoochun: Yeah, yeah. Heard it all before. Later, Changmin-ah. Take care.
Changmin: (quietly) Yah, hyung. Happy birthday, really.
Yoochun: (pause) Thanks, Changmin. Hey, you're my favorite dongsaeng, okay?
Changmin: (laughter) I better be. Go stuff your face. And give Jaejoong my love, yeah?
Yoochun: Will do! Bye, Changmin. Remember my cheesecake.
Changmin: Wouldn't forget it for the world, hyung. Bye!

**

Jun 14, 2014, 8:00 pm, Space Needle Restaurant

A few hours ago, Yoochun had felt like he was finally ready to join the living. Jaejoong's natural supply of bloodstream-secreted caffeine had finally run out, and Yoochun's birthday present to himself had been a really long nap. But right now he's 500 feet above the ground and reconsidering the whole staying-in-bed-forever idea.

"Two questions," he says, not looking at Jaejoong or anywhere really except at his silverware while he leans away from the window as much as possible without tipping over, "how did you get me up here again and what prompted you to think this was a good idea knowing my history regarding high altitudes?"

"One," Jaejoong starts, "I lied about how tall it was. And two, the view's really, really pretty and I was hoping that'd exorcise your inner sissy."

Yoochun glares at Jaejoong and sticks his tongue out to really show how he feels about the situation.

Jaejoong sticks his own out in mature retaliation. "I was hoping," he amends afterwards, "that everything'd turn out okay. Come on, just take a look."

It's a ridiculous suggestion and Yoochun shows his disapproval by shaking his head furiously, despite the looks it earns him from the other people dining. "I do not wish to stare at my potential death. It's rude."

"I'm not going to let you die on your birthday."

"You can't say no to gravity!"

"I can say no to gravity," Jaejoong says stubbornly, and a tiny part of Yoochun is afraid Jaejoong really believes it. "And hey, this place is kind of a big deal. And it really is pretty outside, even though I think the menus here are printed weird and all the decimals are in the wrong place."

Yoochun wants to tell him that he really can't, but doesn't want a repeat of the 'Salem witches of Oregon' fiasco on his birthday. Instead, he just picks up the menu, a welcome excuse not to look out the window, and scans the prices. They're not easy on the eyes, but he's not paying so he says cheerfully, "Thanks for taking me out, hyung!"

"You're welcome, Yoochun-ah," Jaejoong says, just as cheerful. "If you order the most expensive thing, my wallet will grow arms and strangle you in your sleep."

"Reminding you that it's my birthday and I've been driving your fat ass up and down the west coast these past two weeks," Yoochun sing-songs, running his finger down the menu.

"Reminding you that I'd gladly drive your concave ass around if you weren't allergic to excitement. Additional point: I'm the one always pumping the gas."

Yoochun stares unimpressed at Jaejoong over the top of his menu. "What," he says flatly, "like this morning when you nearly killed us multiple times and there were five cars max out on the roads? And rebuttal to your additional point: you always steal my credit card to pay for the gas!"

Jaejoong coughs into his fist. "Seven cars and the poles were out to get us. Irrelevant insult to your rebuttal: your mom."

"Don't you talk about my mama!" Yoochun exclaims, then curses the fact that the restaurant is too upscale to have sugar packets, thus resulting in him having nothing to pelt at Jaejoong for the 500th time. Today.

Jaejoong rolls his eyes exaggeratedly. "Yoochun, we're in public."

"That's not what you said last night." Somehow, on some level, in some universe, that argument makes sense.

"That argument makes no sense," Jaejoong says.

"I feel like chicken."

Jaejoong nudges Yoochun's foot under the table. "Translate the menu for me?"

Yoochun nudges back an 'okay'. "Uhh. The first one is something about a fish king." He twists his mouth, not knowing what a fish king is. "I thought sharks were endangered?"

Jaejoong looks genuinely thoughtful. "Maybe it's not a shark. Maybe it's that, you know, that fish that people put on their walls and it sings at you? That could be a fish king. Cause it sings and is therefore superior."

"It says wrapped in a um. A tree?" Yoochun frowns. "Can you do that? Maybe it is that fish."

"Tree... leaf? Hey hey hey, palm tree leafs are big. Is it a palm tree leaf?"

"I don't think there are palm trees up here," Yoochun answers. "Maybe we should look at the next one." He does so and realizes he's never seen that word in his life. "Okay, maybe the next next one."

"Halibut," Jaejoong reads with great concentration, and repeats it until it starts sounding less like English with a Korean accent and more like the language of the Neanderthals.

Yoochun interrupts him with, "What's wrong with your butt?"

"No, there's a hali - Hayley? - in front of the butt."

"That doesn't sound very safe. Find something safe."

Jaejoong uses his finger to browse down the menu some more. "Umm. Seafood pasta. Seafood pasta! I know what both those words mean and thus I am getting it."

Yoochun sticks out a thumbs-up. "Okay. Chicken and seafood pasta." He then switches to pointing at Jaejoong. "You order. Are we getting wine?"

"Uh huh," Jaejoong says brightly. "Can I be the designated driver?"

"No," Yoochun answers casually. "Hey, let's get the Dom Pérignon." He's not serious, of course. Just wants to see Jaejoong panic a little. He's not disappointed.

Jaejoong's mental war between he's my best friend and it's his birthday and I haven't been spoiling him very well so far and if he's serious, I'm going to make him cry is clearly painted on his face. He ends up saying, "You don't want Dom Pérignon," with the most persuasive voice in his arsenal.

Yoochun smiles serenely. "You don't want to be designated driver."

Jaejoong grumbles. "Touché."

Yoochun does a mini fist-pump in the air. "Just pick something."

Jaejoong navigates the list before pointing at one of the Chardonnay wines, with an expression that probably means he can't read what he's pointing at. Yoochun knows it, but considering the day he's had so far, torturing Jaejoong a little wouldn't be the most horrible thing to do.

"M'sorry," he says, and rubs at his eye like there's a lash, "can you read it to me? Something in my eye."

Jaejoong takes on English like he takes on dancing: dedicated but destined to fall on his ass. Snoqualmie, Columbia Valley becomes, "Sn... snow something. Snowman. Snowball. Snow qu... quaa. Snow-quaaail-me? Me-ay? Snow-quail-fuck-me-stop-laughing!"

Yoochun tries to cover up his laughter by pretending to cough, but it doesn't work out too well and he almost chokes himself. Almost, but it's fine, it's under control. "Sound a little sexually frustrated there, hyung."

Jaejoong's next birthday present to Yoochun is his middle finger. Which would be funny, except that it earns them a high-pitched, offended gasp from the old lady sitting at the table next to them, so Yoochun kicks Jaejoong under the table instead of laughing some more. "Hey. Keep it PG."

Jaejoong says, "ouch," and kicks back. "You started it."

"You woke me up at six in the morning!" Yoochun hisses back.

"Cause I was trying to do something special! There was a heart! A heart was involved."

"The heart can either make up for the unnecessarily early wake-up call or endangering my life right after, but it can't be for both!"

"Why not? A lot of love went into that heart."

"So my life is worth an edible foamy heart. Not even. Half of one!"

"Well, what about the coffee!"

"My life and my mental well-being are worth a coffee and a heart."

Jaejoong frowns. "That's not what I mean!" he says.

Yoochun frowns back.

The waitress walks up then and frowns at both of them.

Jun 04, 2014, 8:25 pm

Yoochun pokes at his half-eaten chicken and sighs. Then he pokes at his potatoes and sighs. Then at his green beans.

Jaejoong gets back from his trip to the bathroom and flops back down into his seat. "Not hungry?" he asks, peering at Yoochun's plate.

Glancing up, Yoochun twists his mouth. "M'okay with being worth coffee and a heart," he says, the most logical answer he has.

Jaejoong shrugs. "You're worth a swan-shaped eclair too," he answers, eyes down as he forks the rest of his pasta. "And other better birthday-worthy things."

Yoochun nudges Jaejoong's foot beneath the table. "You know this is nice, right?" he asks, because Jaejoong makes his life difficult, but if Yoochun hated it, he wouldn't have stayed best friends with him for however long it's been. "I appreciate it. And stuff."

Jaejoong blinks at him for a second before he smiles a little. "Okay." He looks around the restaurant and adds, "Um, something's going to happen in a couple minutes, but try not to take back what you just said, okay?"

The way Jaejoong says that makes it hard for Yoochun not to think of the worst possible scenario, if only because the worst possible scenario often turns out to be reality and he just doesn't want to deal with that kind of stress right now. He takes a deep breath, replies cordially, "I will keep my rage on the inside."

"Oh, good." Jaejoong tilts his head. "So how's your food?"

"Good," Yoochun answers as he reaches over with his fork and twirls some of Jaejoong's pasta onto it, and asks, "How's yours?"

"Good. Safe." Jaejoong taps his fork against his mouth. "I feel like maybe I should've gotten the singing fish palm tree thing just to see what it really was."

Yoochun shoves the pasta in his mouth, and yeah, definitely tastes safe. "What if it really was a singing fish palm tree thing?" he asks. "Or more importantly, what if it sang, but sang really bad showtunes."

"As long as it's not singing Christmas carols," Jaejoong points out, finishing off the rest of his pasta. "Would it still be singing after you ate it? Like, could Rocking Around The Christmas Tree be playing in your stomach?"

Yoochun actually thinks about it for a second, shameful as it is. "That'd be creepy."

"And kind of awkward," Jaejoong says agreeably.

Yoochun opens his mouth to say something else, but he's sidetracked when he sees a group of employees walk out of the kitchen, a slice of cake with a candle in it with them. However, it's when he sees that they also have something green and balloon-y, too, that fear strikes deep within him and he whips his head back towards Jaejoong. "Tell me you didn't say anything to the restaurant people," he says lowly through a very fake smile. "Just tell me."

Jaejoong hides his face in his hands. "I didn't say anything to the restaurant people," he says, muffled.

But that's clearly a lie, because the restaurant people head straight for him and Yoochun feels all his pride and dignity get sucked out of him when a giant, alien balloon hat gets shoved onto his head. "I would just like to tell you," he starts to say to Jaejoong, voice tight, "that my rage is barely being contained right now." An employee flicks one of the antennae, making it bob back and forth. Yoochun forces a smile. "Make that, I'm going to shave you bald. Everywhere."

Jaejoong just makes a garbled, apologetic noise through his fingers.

After the employees sing a rousing alienified rendition of Happy Birthday, Yoochun thanks them with a smile because he is able to recognize that they are an innocent party in this and should not be punished. He then goes through the make-a-wish process and blows out the lone candle on his cake, and when they finally leave, Yoochun looks up and tries make Jaejoong's hair disappear with his mind by glaring at it.

Jaejoong's next garbled, apologetic noise sounds more like real words. Specifically: "I'm a piece of shit. I'm two pieces of shit."

Yoochun says very emphatically, "There's antennae on my head," just in case Jaejoong doesn't understand the severity of the situation.

Jaejoong peers out from between his fingers. "And big buggy eyes."

The face Yoochun makes is kind of like his usual not-amused face, but multiplied by a bajillion.

Jaejoong covers his eyes again and says, "Wow. I'm a thousand pieces of shit."

"I should've made you order the Dom Pérignon."

"Do you want it? I'll get it. I'll order it right now."

The way Jaejoong sounds makes Yoochun feel kind of guilty, because really, a stupid balloon hat isn't comparable to a $200 bottle of champagne. He sighs. "Okay. No Dom Pérignon if you agree to be the alien for the rest of the night," he says, extending his hand out. "Deal?"

Jaejoong takes Yoochun's hand, shaking it. "Deal," he says sheepishly, before he snatches the hat off Yoochun's head, adding in a mumbled rush, "I just didn't want you to only have one person singing you happy birthday this year. And the hat sounded so much cooler in theory."

Sometimes (or a reluctant all the time), Yoochun is really glad his best friend is Jaejoong. "You know if it was a choice between just you and five thousand people singing, I'd most likely pick you, right?" He puts a hand over his mouth to keep from snickering at Jaejoong's new look. "And the hat is definitely still worth something."

Jaejoong colors a little, but he wears his new accessory without too much shame. "Don't blame me if Howey abducts you tonight."

"Howey...?"

Jaejoong points to the alien on his head. "Howey."

Yoochun thinks that he should be taking this in stride because this is just what Jaejoong does, but still, he blinks and goes, "You named it?"

Jaejoong's wearing his 'well, duh' expression, his mouth scrunched to the side. "We can't just call it The Ugly Alien Balloon Hat."

Sitting back, Yoochun shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest. "Think it'd rather abduct you. I mean, you're the pretty one. No alien would pass up a chance to probe you. And maybe squeeze in a slow dance."

Jaejoong looks at Yoochun blankly. "You're sick."

Yoochun picks up his spoon and leans forward again to poke an antenna. "Whatever, Mrs. Howey."

"You're so lucky it's your birthday." Jaejoong makes stabby motions with his fork. Like everything else he's been doing today, it looks a little more like first time masturbation.

"Seriously," Yoochun says, and it's like Jaejoong's an accident scene, horrifying, but he can't look away, "you need to stop doing that."

"Pretending to stab you?"

"Pretending to pull someone's dick off and calling it pleasurable."

Jaejoong blinks at Yoochun, then at the tight fist he's making, and says slowly, rationally, "If this is someone's dick, it's really, really small and bordering on nonexistent so pulling it off can't hurt that much anyway."

Yoochun is still horrified. "I cannot believe you're trying to rationalize and make up excuses for your poor technique."

"My technique has nothing to do with this because I'm actually stabbing you."

Talk of male reproductive organs and stabbing is starting to make Yoochun seriously uncomfortable. He shuts his eyes briefly and holds up his hands, saying, "Okay, you know what. We're ending this conversation."

Jaejoong just shrugs agreeably and puts away his handjob hand. "Can I choose the next topic?"

"You can nominate one."

Jaejoong is all hopeful-like. "The topic of how much you should look outside just once?"

"I decline."

"I veto your decline."

Yoochun sputters. "You can't veto my decline!"

Jaejoong ignores him. "Just once, Yoochun. Be a man."

Yoochun points a finger at Jaejoong, an attempt at intimidation that fails from the start. "My manliness does not depend on me looking out of a window."

"Uh huh," Jaejoong says, bleeding skepticism.

"It doesn't," Yoochun insists.

Jaejoong makes a neutral noise.

"Eat your dessert." Apparently, Yoochun hopes that momentarily stealing Jaejoong's mother title will make Jaejoong forget about the topic, and Jaejoong actually starts to obey, before he realizes with his fork halfway to his mouth what just happened.

"You're not my mother!"

"Yeah, well, you're not the boss of me!"

"You're a partypooper, Yoochun. Why do you poop on parties so much."

"Whatever." Yoochun takes a bite out of his free birthday cake (well, he thinks it's free). "You probably have bad feng shui or something."

Jaejoong steals some cake and protests around a mouthful, "We share the same room!"

"You just always take the bad corner," Yoochun explains, pointing his fork at Jaejoong emphatically.

Jaejoong hits Yoochun's fork with his own, which starts a mini fork duel as he answers, "Whatever. Look outside or this entire dinner will be a failure."

By this point, Yoochun's just waiting to be kicked out, hooking the twines of his fork with Jaejoong's and twisting. It draws an 'eep' sound from Jaejoong, who hurries not to lose his fork through the window. "I think your standards for what makes a good birthday dinner are too high."

Jaejoong's fork calls a time out for more cake. "Is this a good birthday dinner?"

Yoochun scrapes off some of the frosting since Jaejoong hates sugary things, then smears it on his tongue. "We're still alive," he says, shrugging. "And I've been looking out the window over your shoulder ever since you put on that ugly alien balloon hat."

"Howey," Jaejoong corrects automatically, antennae bobbing as he chews absently on his fork. "I feel like I should say something sappy. Are we having a sappy moment? Or can I say, it's not as ugly as your face?"

"Considering everything else you've said today, I think calling my face uglier than an ugly alien balloon hat would still be sappy." Yoochun swipes more frosting. "But whatever you want."

Jaejoong tilts his head like he's considering his options. He ditches his fork, messily gathering what's left of the frosting onto the tip of his finger to paint a stripe down Yoochun's cheek. "Happy birthday, alienface."

The gesture makes Yoochun suddenly feel nostalgic, so instead of getting outraged, he simply gives Jaejoong the same treatment, reaching across the table to smear a frosting dot onto the tip of Jaejoong's nose. He smiles. "Thanks, Mrs. Howey."

**

Jun 04, 2014, 9:42 pm, Seattle; Jun 05, 2014, 1:42 pm, Seoul

Junsu: (before Yoochun can say anything) Yoochuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!
Yoochun: (flatly) Sorry, I think you have the wrong number.
Junsu: Is your name Yoochun or not? (pouty)
Yoochun: Yes, but I don't know anyone named Whiney McWhinerson.
Junsu: I'm not whiny!
Yoochun: Whinnnne.
Junsu: So this is how you talk to your friend, the rising star Xiah Junsu who uses his precious five-minute break in a very busy recording day to wish you happy birthday instead of getting much-needed rest or even a glass of water? I'm hurt, Yoochun. So very hurt.
Yoochun: ... Are you really busy recording or are you at home being lazy and pretending that you're busy in order to guilt trip me?
Junsu: (flaily!) I am recording! Why, are you calling me a liar, Park Yoochun!
Yoochun: Okay, okay. I'm very glad that you're spending your five-minute break on me because you just had to hear my voice.
Junsu: ... You're an ungrateful little bitch.
Yoochun: (deadpan) Oh, please talk dirty to me some more.
Junsu: I'm hanging up.
Yoochun: Aww, don't play hard to get.
Junsu: That would require me wanting to be gotten in the first place.
Yoochun: Now I'm calling you a liar because you totally do.
Junsu: I never lie! I am pure!
Yoochun: (long pause) ... (uncontrollable laughter)
Junsu: ... (voice climbs an octave higher) Hey!
Yoochun: (still kind of laughing) ... P-Pure! That's great. Oh man.
Junsu: (grumbling) You know it's true.
Yoochun: (unconvincingly) Uh huh. Right, no. Of course. Pure as the driven snow, et cetera, et cetera.
Junsu: I hate you. (failed deadpan)
Yoochun: (laughs) You mean you love me so much you can barely stand it. It's okay. I get it.
Junsu: ... (sputtering)
Yoochun: Speechless even! I'm really touched.
Junsu: ... No presents for you. (grumbling)
Yoochun: That's okay. You worshipping me is enough.
Junsu: I am not- (more sputtering) that's it. I'm sending a piece of Harang's hair with your gift.
Yoochun: Don't touch my dog!
Junsu: Oh, I am so touching him. He seems to love it, too.
Yoochun: My dog does not love you!
Junsu: Really? We'll see if he still recognizes you in three months~
Yoochun: ... Die, Kim Junsu.
Junsu: You're a meanie.
Yoochun: You're a dog manipulator!
Junsu: It's not my fault if your dog likes me more!
Yoochun: And you're delusional! Go play with your own dog. Or has he learned to shun you already.
Junsu: Never! I have the milkshake that brings all the dogs to the yard. Or something.
Yoochun: ... I am incredibly grossed out and offended right now.
Junsu: Mission accomplished.
Yoochun: Worst birthday call ever.
Junsu: Oh! You're right! Happy Birthdaaaaaay!
Yoochun: ... (laughs) You're ridiculous, Junsu.
Junsu: I am precious. But seriously, Happy Birthday. In case you missed it this morning!
Yoochun: No one could miss the combined obnoxiousness of you and Changmin in the middle of the night. And uh, thanks.
Junsu: You love us. And you're welcome. And I gotta go soon. It's been ten minutes... they must be looking for me- (clattering) Oh! F- Crap!
Yoochun: ..... Uh. Junsu?
Junsu: I'm okay, I'm okay! (huffy)
Yoochun: If you're sure...
Junsu: I am. As long as the janitors don't find out I've wrecked their closet.
Yoochun: You're in a closet?!
Junsu: ... I, uh, was?
Yoochun: Why, exactly?
Junsu: Why? Because it's a genius plan! They obviously won't look for me in the broom closet.
Yoochun: .. Wa-wait, what? You were hiding?
Junsu: ... (perplexed) Yes? They're going to cut our conversation short otherwise. You knew that!
Yoochun: Um. Didn't think you'd hide in a broom closet. Or. Whatever.
Junsu: Can't hide in the toilet anymore. We pulled that trick too many times.
Yoochun: Always classy, Kim Junsu.
Junsu: (obviously talking to himself) Maybe the ladies' room...
Yoochun: Aaaaand I take it back.
Junsu: Pffft. You wouldn't be able to recognized classy if it was talking to you on the phone. But I really need to go now.
Yoochun: I just need to look in the mirror. (sighs) But alright.
Junsu: I think you're confusing 'classy' with 'greasy'.
Yoochun: Shut up and go sing.
Junsu: ... Hm. Happy Birthday again. (yawns)
Yoochun: Isn't it daytime there?
Junsu: Mm. Been up since dawn.
Yoochun: Dumbass. Go home and nap.
Junsu: You go home too.
Yoochun: Later.
Junsu: Then I'll go later too. (sulky) Will you say hi to hyung for me?
Yoochun: You can't stay in the studio for 100 days. And maybe. If you go home.
Junsu: I can, too. They have TVs and showers.
Yoochun: But no Yunho and Changminnie.
Junsu: You don't have- Oh shit- (some rustling) okay- you don't have hyung and Changminnie, too.
Yoochun: I have Jaejoong and seriously, what the hell are you doing?
Junsu: Hiding from manager-hyung. And okay, I guess you win.
Yoochun: You're ridiculous. Tell him to tell you to go home.
Junsu: We have to wrap up this one before tomorrow. We're already behind... (sighing) I guess I'll go and get to work now.
Yoochun: Okay, well. Don't push yourself and break a vocal cord or something.
Junsu: Won't. Bye, Chunnie-ah.
Yoochun: Later, Susu.

**

Jun 04, 2014, 11:45 pm, Crowne Plaza Seattle

A few minutes before Junsu had called, Jaejoong said he needed to go out for a bit and then left before Yoochun could ask where or tell him to look both ways before crossing the street. Yoochun was actually starting to worry when Jaejoong finally returned, and with something he didn't leave with. A lot he didn't leave with. Two brown paper bags a lot, to be precise.

Yoochun had said, "holy shit, hyung," but that was then.

Now, there are a handful of beers and five empty sake bottles scattered around Yoochun's bed. A half-empty sixth is curled in Jaejoong's hand.

"We're wasted," Jaejoong says happily.

"Completely sloshed," Yoochun agrees, reaching for the sake. He doesn't bother taking it away from Jaejoong, instead just grabbing Jaejoong's hand around the bottle, bringing it and the connected arm towards his mouth. Jaejoong giggles and his hand wobbles.

"Chug," he chants.

Yoochun actually tries, but only manages two more gulps because his motor skills are kind of suffering a bit at the moment. Letting go of Jaejoong, he wipes at his mouth, catching the bit that didn't quite make it in. Jaejoong picks up where Yoochun left off, performing the slightly more civilized version of pouring alcohol down his throat.

"Hey," Yoochun slurs, and bats at the air in front of Jaejoong's face. "Heyheyhey. Do you remember -- remember what the bitchy old lady said? Back there." He gestures towards the window.

Jaejoong says, "That bitch!" very loudly, and giggles again.

Yoochun cringes, plugging fingers in his ears even though that's all Jaejoong says, so the action serves no purpose. He realizes this about three seconds later and lets his arms slump at his sides again. "She's such a bitch," he pouts, body jerking for emphasis, he supposes. "I mean," he lets his hand flop back and forth in the space between them, "what does she mean we look gay?!"

Jaejoong's elbow bumps into Yoochun's jaw sympathetically. "S'okay," he says, and hiccups. "I think we are very straight and very sexy."

"Ow!" Yoochun rubs his face, not finding the resulting pain sympathetic at all. "We are!" he agrees, pumping his other fist in the air. "Like. I'm really manly, you know? I am a man. And. Like." He pauses for a second, then turns his head towards Jaejoong, frowning. "Is this the window thing? Is it because I wouldn't look? I looked, okay!"

Jaejoong shakes his head vigorously. "Don't need to look at windows. Just look at boobs."

Yoochun's jaw unhinges for a moment. "God. Boobs."

Jaejoong sighs dreamily. "I love boobs."

"So amazing," Yoochun nods. "And like. Squishy. Soooooft."

"I miss boobs." Jaejoong stares at the sixth bottle in his lap, like he's waiting for it to refill, before he gets too impatient and has it join the other empty bottles on the floor. "I miss sake," he adds mournfully.

Yoochun looks at the few bottles still left, all the way across the room on the table. He sticks his hand out towards them and tries to will one into his grasp with his mind. After five seconds, he decides it doesn't work and returns to the original subject. "I miss them, too," he says, then cups his hands in the air, hoping that maybe his mind powers are only good for willing boobs into his possession. "Like. This big. Is the best."

Jaejoong flails his arms to knock Yoochun's away. "Noooo." His air-boobs are a little smaller. "This big. So, like. Less sagging."

"Ohhhhh." Yoochun nods like Jaejoong just imparted the meaning of life upon him. He reaches a hand over and gropes at one of Jaejoong's air-boobs. "So soft," he says, as his fingers swipe at nothing.

Jaejoong catches and squeezes Yoochun's hand. "Squish squish."

Yoochun giggles. "That's not a boob, hyung. God."

"Oh." Jaejoong looks childishly disappointed. "Where have all the boobs gone?"

Yoochun sucks his lower lip between his teeth and sighs, shrugging. "Hey," he says, brightening suddenly, "the, um. The concierge downstairs was really pretty. And her boobs weren't like, that big, but they were still pretty, you know, awesome." He shakes Jaejoong's shoulder. "You should totally call her. She definitely looks your type."

Jaejoong has gone past disappointed and into the realm of heartbroken. "Dunno her number, Yoochun-ah. Love of my life slipping through my numberless fingers."

His hyung's pain is his pain and Yoochun frowns along with Jaejoong, reaching over to gather Jaejoong towards him, patting his back. "I'm sorry, hyung. If I knew her number, I would tell you like. Right now."

Jaejoong curls up next to Yoochun and exhales noisily. "I know. You're my best friend. Like boob buddies. Bosom buddies."

Yoochun takes one of Jaejoong's hands and pats his own chest with it. "Bosom boob buddies forever, hyung. Right here."

Jaejoong giggles. "Boob."

Yoochun giggles, too. "Boobies."

Jaejoong goes boneless against Yoochun. "You're funny."

"Pfft." Yoochun waves a hand at Jaejoong. "Laughing fixes broken hearts, hyung. Just how it goes."

Jaejoong shimmies down from the headboard and into Yoochun's lap. He puts his fingers together clumsily like a camera frame (this camera is apparently triangular) and says, looking through his fingers at Yoochun's chest, "You'd look weird with boobs."

Yoochun makes his own triangle-camera and presses it to Jaejoong's. "You wouldn't be attractive with them either."

After a thoughtful beat, Jaejoong decides brightly, "I like you boob-less."

Yoochun nods, agreeing. "More manly without them," he says, like that's the key.

"Very straight and very sexy," Jaejoong says.

Yoochun's hand becomes very attracted to Jaejoong's hair. It's not squishy like a boob, but it is soft and fluffy, so he starts petting it absently. "Straightest and sexiest."

"Wastedest," Jaejoong says.

Yoochun points to the spot right between Jaejoong's eyes, finger millimeters away from actually touching. "I. Love. Wastedededness."

Jaejoong tries to grabs Yoochun's finger, but his aim's off and he ends up smacking his own nose. He swears and giggles at the same time. Yoochun thinks that's the funniest thing he's ever seen and starts laughing hysterically, toppling over somewhere near Jaejoong's knees. Jaejoong swats at Yoochun's back weakly and calls him a big fat boob.

"Shut up," Yoochun says, trying to reach behind him and fight back, but he's having trouble making his arm go that way. "You're like. Two fat boobs. A uni-boob."

Jaejoong thinks about that for a second, and then declares, "Me-boob's bigger than you-boob."

Yoochun makes an offended face even though he has no idea what Jaejoong just said. He tries to insult back anyway, says, "That's 'cause you got a boob job."

Jaejoong pokes Yoochun in the cheek, dangerously close to Yoochun's eye. "Liar liar pants on fire."

"Not lying!" Yoochun says, attempting to sit up. He upgrades to half-slumped. "I know everything about you."

Jaejoong buries his face against one of Yoochun's legs. "No you don't," he says, muffled. "When's my birthday?"

"It's," Yoochun starts confidently, then realizes he's not 100% sure. "Oh. Oh! It's January 27th." He pauses. "Shit. Wait."

Jaejoong peers at Yoochun fuzzily. "You suck. I hate you."

Yoochun takes on the persona of a wounded puppy. "You're lying."

"Yeah," Jaejoong mumbles, and spreads his arms out, inches away from whacking Yoochun in the face. "I love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much." He passes out neatly in Yoochun's lap.

It takes a while before Yoochun realizes Jaejoong's out. In fact, it takes about ten pokes to various parts of Jaejoong's body. "Boob," he says before giving up and letting himself fall back onto the bed. The last thing he does before following Jaejoong into the world of unconscious bliss is cuddling one of Jaejoong's legs to his cheek and thinking that this really wasn't a bad birthday at all.

Jun 05, 2014, 9:43 am

When he wakes up the next morning, Yoochun gets a heavy dose of deja vu, except instead of Jaejoong's voice making his head pound, it's the sun instead. Another difference is how, instead of physically harrassing Yoochun, Jaejoong's being squished under him instead, face shoved into the mattress.

"Did we talk about boobs again?" a hoarser, asphyxiating reincarnation of Jaejoong's voice asks.

Yoochun peels his face away from Jaejoong's thigh and hopes Jaejoong never notices the giant drool stain on his jeans. "Shit. I think we did," he says, rubbing his face.

"Oh." Jaejoong's body wiggles, which means he's still alive, or at least he only died just recently. "Okay."

The wiggling makes Yoochun realize he's still half-crushing Jaejoong into the bed, so he rolls off, groaning when he ends up flopping into the direct path of burning sunlight. "Fuck, my head hurts."

Jaejoong takes the smart route and doesn't bother moving except to stretch out some more, still resembling gelatin more than anything human. It's quiet for a while.

"Does this mean I can drive?"

Yoochun pushes Jaejoong off the bed with his feet.

**

Stuck to Yoochun's forehead sometime while he's driving: