Four Second Memoir [2/2]
Title: Four Second Memoir
Rating: PG
Focus/Pairing: Daehyun/Youngjae
Words: 10,000+
Summary: They're quintessentially a homoerotic romance.
0 i
Four Second Memoir [2/2]
5.12.12 (if the price is right)
Youngjae’s the first to call a truce (which Daehyun’s more than willing to accept). He apologizes for discussing the topic of publication and trying to push further when Daehyun’s clearly never expressed interest prior to the talk. Youngjae rambles on and on, sometimes inserting a bit of the attitude that Daehyun knows and loves into the apology. It’s still earnest, nonetheless (he thinks).
(“i was just trying to be a good friend. your writing is really good and it caught me off guard when you flat out rejected me. but i completely understand. it took me awhile, though. i’m really sorry, daehyun. although it pains me to admit it. can you forgive me, please? it feels weird not talking to you. and no i did not just compliment you if that is what you’re thinking. so shuddup and accept my apology. please.”)
And while Youngjae talks, all he can think about is how good it feels to listen to Youngjae’s warm voice after being forced to worry about their wavering friendship. Things seem to be good now. He hangs off of every word and graciously accepts the brunette’s surrender. Even when he’s called a bunch of nasty names later.
He’s never been so relieved.
Things are definitely back to normal.
(“you fucking prick, you happy now? we cool?”
“we cool. more than cool. we’re polar bears.”
“just stop.”)
6.15.12 (same as always)
This chapter is blank.
There is however a doodle (a damn good one) of Daehyun and Youngjae holding hands under a rainbow. It’s a magical rainbow. Anyone who argues otherwise is free to be pushed off of the wonderful structure of colors and protector of dreams.
Nevermind the fact Youngjae tried to tear it out of the notebook the first time he saw it. After having laughed his ass off, accordingly.
6.21.12 (picnic panic)
“You’re lucky that your disgusting eating habits don’t reflect themselves onto your body.”
“Don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful.”
6.28.12 (equivalent exchange)
While Youngjae’s soul may be worth the price of two and Daehyun’s only about thirty dollars, they both come to own one another’s.
Daehyun does not just become another year older, but the caretaker of a soul once again. It may not be his original, however it certainly is better. An upgrade. Really.
Oh, he also got a bunch of new notebooks, a fancy fountain pen, and green tea cheesecake.
Youngjae’s too good to him. He’d be worried about the other leaving, although he no longer has to seeing as he owns his soul.
Cue evil laughter.
Muahahahahahahahaha...
ψ(｀∇´)ψ
6.29.12 (honey ants)
In some stupid leap of fate, Youngjae lets Daehyun try cooking dinner for them both. The fire alarm’s only gone off a total of four times already. So it’s going better than expected from what he can tell.
Youngjae’s busy fanning away smoke from the insufferable device while he cooks steak. It’s a small price to pay to get Daehyun to understand the pain of cooking for guy with an appetite like himself.
“Daehyun, how much longer until you’re done?”
The room is covered in a haze of smoke. Everything looks lighter than usual and there’s a heavy scent of grilled meat and garlic. It does smells good, but not exercise worthy, in Youngjae’s opinion, to keep up the motion for another ten minutes or so.
“Uhhhhh--people eat raw meat, can’t they? I could finish now if you want.” Daehyun asks as he flips over the meat. “I’ve seen people do it.”
Youngjae frowns, “Have you ever heard about parasites? I’m pretty sure I’ll die if you try to feed me raw meat, Daehyun.”
Daehyun keeps cooking, “Parasites aren’t that bad.”
“They’re called parasites for a reason. We get no benefit from them. They take and they take and they take and they take. It’s like you, except then you’d be inside my body and destroying me from within.”
“Is that an open invitation?” Daehyun wriggles his brows suggestively. Leaning over towards him.
Youngjae, without hesitation, smacks him with the magazine that’s being used to clear away the smoke.
The alarm goes off once again.
(youngjae’s face is red, he claims it’s due to the heat.)
6.31.12 (who you gonna call? ghostbusters!)
One of Youngjae’s coworkers, Himchan, seems to always know the up and up on the city’s gossip; and this time it’s about ghost sightings in one of the local parks. There seems to be no limit to his snooping abilities (perhaps daehyun should recommend him to yongguk to hire).
Youngjae can’t wait to go exploring once the news hits him when Himchan nonchalantly mentions it in conversation one day. Youngjae couldn’t stop rambling to Daehyun about it. To be perfectly honest, ghosts aren’t really a part of the writer’s area of expertise (nor does he want them to be), but Youngjae--well, he’s Youngjae.
And he’s Daehyun standing in the middle of the park at three in the morning.
While it may be summer, the wind seems to be howling and screaming (for blood?). The trees reciprocate to the wind’s action, creating a horror movie esque soundtrack composed solely of creepy foliage. It’s not like Daehyun wanted to live forever or anything. No big deal. He figured he’d die with Youngjae, one way or another. He just never imagined them going in paranormal proportions. He’s not that surprised, though. Still scared shitless, nonetheless.
He makes note to write something about this situation one day, if he lives.
The busy streets are lifeless (perhaps an omen), barely one or two cars passing by now and then. At least Daehyun thinks so. Their wheels don’t really make a sound against the pavement. Their presence is only made known by the headlights which cast a few seconds of glorious light on the park (much brighter than the combined power of their two tiny flashlights).
Daehyun is clinging onto Youngjae’s arm in a desperate attempt of survival (youngjae can fight off all ghouls of the night) and a plea to not end up a new urban legend. His face is buried deeply into the back of Youngjae’s neck, peering past his walking shield only when necessary. He’s shaking in his sneakers. Fuck ghost hunting.
“Dear Lord, in heaven, please spare me.” and take youngjae instead.
“Would you stop that?” Youngjae whispers, “It tickles.”
“All I wanted was to eat pizza and watch movies.” Daehyun weeps as he says his last prayers. “Why must the good die young?”
Youngjae rolls his eyes and drags Daehyun behind him as they continue their trek through the dark park. All shapes are but vague outlines and every squirrel a potential serial killer. Daehyun’s heart is beating like a jackhammer, but between each beat, he can hear Youngjae’s, as well, accelerating in a similar motion. He nuzzles his face against Youngjae even more, hoping to mutually calm each other’s nerves (it works for him, at least, youngjae’s just seems to run faster).
“You’re warm.”
“Shut up.”
“Youngjae,” Daehyun coos, rubbing frightened circles into the younger boy’s back, “when can we go home?”
He can almost hear the roll of Youngjae’s eyes when he responds, “When something happens. Now be quiet. You’re scaring the spirit.”
“Me? Scare it?” Daehyun screams.
“Shhhhh!” Youngjae looks to his left and to his right, surveying their surroundings. He cups his ear, “Did you hear that?”
Daehyun’s teeth are chattering and his grip on Youngjae tightens. He doesn’t manage to get any words out but gives a shake of his head.
“It sounds like you being a little bitch. Now get off of me. Will ya?” Youngjae shakes the extra load of weight off of him. “I’ll let you hold my hand, but that’s it.”
“But--” Youngjae holds his hand out to him, offering it like an ultimatum.
Daehyun grumbles but takes it anyway. Youngjae’s hand is warm, unlike the constant stream of breezes that whoosh pass their person. Daehyun holds onto him for dear life as they continue. Within ten steps, Daehyun finds his arms wrapped around Youngjae’s, squeezing in as close as he can. Youngjae doesn’t put up much of a fight and instead gives the man a few comforting pets on the head now and then. It gives him some peace of mind. He snuggles in closer.
What exactly they expect to find, Daehyun isn’t sure. From what he remembers of his and Youngjae’s conversations, myth has it that there was once this young girl who was enamored with a man. Blah blah blah. Daehyun’s memory is sort of hazy towards the middle of the story. Something goes wrong or something. Blah blah blah. She hangs herself from one of the trees and now her ghost wanders around. Some people have claimed to have seen the trees moving in inhuman ways or the shadow of a noose hanging from a branch. He could really care less, yet here he is playing ghost hunter with his best friend.
“Youngjae, if anything happens, I want you to know that I love you.”
Youngjae looks at the koala hanging off his arm, “What? Do you want a kiss or something?”
“It’s not like it would be our first.”
Youngjae laughs, “God, you say the most embarrassing things. I swear.” He kisses Daehyun on the cheek, regardless though.
His stomach tingles with excitement. He smiles brightly. “Now you tell me everything you want to say before we die.”
Their pace slows down a bit as Youngjae collects his words, “You remember that one time you got food poisoning? Yeah. My bad.”
Their walk comes to a startling halt.
“You bastard.” The betrayal runs deep.
“I thought you loved me.” Youngjae giggles.
“You bastard, I love you.” It just doesn’t have the same ring to it. “Now--” Daehyun stops short of offering Youngjae another insult, one that’ll really get under his skin, because things happen.
“No more sentimental feelings?” Youngjae laughs at Daehyun’s suddenly stricken silence, but shrugs it off. He turns in time to see what looks like the dark figure of a girl hanging limp from a tree. He’s stiff with fear (hah, puns).
Daehyun just about up and grabs Youngjae as he bolts it out of the park and back to his apartment. Like hell he’s going to sleep alone tonight.
6.31.12 (bump in the night)
Okay. Daehyun doesn’t get any sleep at all really. Youngjae, however, (possibly worn out by the near heart attack from the park) drifts off quite easily. So, until the sun rises in a couple of hours, he lets Youngjae’s head rest on his lap as he plays with his hair.
Despite the overwhelming fear earlier, he feels completely at ease with him.
6.31.12 (blinded)
The sun rise is in five minutes and Daehyun wants to share the scenic view with Youngjae. Something about watching sunrise by yourself is a bit depressing. He yawns as he goes to wake Youngjae up. He smiles when the boy’s bleary eyes look up at him.
Somehow they both end up missing sunrise.
6.31.12 (reporting for duty)
Daehyun forgets about his and Youngjae’s night stroll through the park the next morning, up until the complete lack of news about it jolts awake his memory again. There’s no information about anything coming into work that day. No missing persons. No kidnapping. No nothing.
Fuck that shit.
(it’s another night to never be spoken about again)
7.3.12 (based on a true story)
Daehyun doesn’t mean to, but all the stories he seems to write nowadays features a character named Yoo Youngjae. Sometimes he’s the main character and other times a supporting role. He’s a prince in some, a detective in others, and a love interest once in awhile.
(youngjae’s also in a horror story, too. it tells the story of two friends going ghost exploring at some haunted park.
and youngjae’s not the hero in that one. daehyun is.)
7.8.12 (2dumb)
Daehyun's sick.
"Only idiots get sick during the summer. What's wrong with you?"
7.11.12 (3dumb)
"Only," Daehyun wheezes, "idiots get sick during the summer."
Youngjae manages a raspy "Shut the fuck up."
7.15.12 (roommates)
Youngjae’s over at Daehyun’s so much that he might as well live there.
And he might very well and Daehyun wouldn’t even notice: he has his own clothes stored in his closet, toiletries, personal mugs and plates.
Daehyun needs to start charging rent, man.
“Youngjae, there’s gonna be some new changes around here.”
7.16.12 (pay it upfront)
Daehyun does not end up charging rent.
7.20.12 (shopaholic. chocoholic.)
Youngjae is rapping impatiently at Daehyun’s bathroom door, “Would you cut it with your hair already? We’re going shopping, not some fancy restaurant.”
“Don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful!” Daehyun responds back, flicking his bangs here and there. “Youngjae, do you think I need a haircut?” He pouts at his reflection.
Youngjae barges in with a pure look of irritation on his face. Between Youngjae and his reflection, Daehyun is trapped between his judgmental look. There is no escape. “You’ve been in here for twenty minutes. Now c’mon, let’s get going before all the shops close.”
Daehyun rolls his eyes, “Calm down, Youngjae. The stores will still be there when we get there. Do you think I should gel up my--ow. Okay, Okay. Let me get my coat and we’ll go.”
Before Daehyun can debate between the leather jacket or the cardigan, Youngjae’s able to drag him out despite his slimmer frame.
(“but, youngjae...”
“shut up. you can buy yourself a fucking jacket when we get there.”
“god. why are you so prissy?”)
They’re finally walking to their destination, which is a plaza type of shopping area. The place is known to have pretty good bargains and shops. Youngjae’s been in need of some new shoes recently and Daehyun just wants to spend time with him (that and there’s huge bookstore and a famous bakery).
All Daehyun can think about is cinnamon buns while Youngjae and him continue down the road. Youngjae’s holding his hand because without his help, Daehyun would easily walk into oncoming traffic. It’s like watching over a child. A very capable and dumb child. It’s gonna be a long trip.
7.20.12 (two roads diverge into one)
“Can we get bubble tea?”
“No, Daehyun.”
“Wanna go get some lunch?”
“It’s still morning, Daehyun.”
“Brunch?”
“Later.”
“Can we stop by the park?”
“No, Daehyun.”
“Can we get a balloon animal?”
“...maybe.”
7.20.12 (rise, rose, raised)
Relationships (be they romantic or not) are made up of compromises. So, in the end, Daehyun gets his bubble tea, his trip to the park, a balloon animal, and brunch, as long as he promises to be a good boy the rest of the trip. Daehyun eagerly agrees to this.
Now they’re both finally approaching the original site of their date. Youngjae’s hand is still holding onto Daehyun’s while his free one is gingerly gripping his balloon dog (daehyun doesn’t have enough hands to hold everything).
It’s close to evening and, generally speaking, most shops close around then. The plaza is empty cept for the workers clocking off of duty. The sky is pink and nice. Apparently, they somehow spent hours in the park without noticing.
If possible, even Youngjae’s shadow is beyond livid.
Youngjae unlatches his hand from Daehyun’s grasp and pulls the other close, by the collar. He looks the country boy in the eye, “You listen to me. And you listen to me good, Jung Daehyun.”
Daehyun nods repeatedly without opening his mouth. Between Youngjae’s close proximity and intense stare, Daehyun thinks he is quite possibly pissing in his pants (okay, maybe it’s actually the sound of the huge water fountain messing with his head). Although the threat isn’t nearly as terrifying as it could be, coming from a man holding a balloon animal, but it still gets the job done.
“If this ever happens again, it won’t be your soul that you give me, but your kidney.” Daehyun’s body trembles. Oh God, not his kidney. He only has two of those!
Daehyun swallows, “Do I get to choose which kidney I get to keep?”
“No. Don’t be stupid.”
Licking his lips tentatively, he asks, “Aren’t you being a bit irrational here, Jaejae?” He hopes the use of a pet name will calm down the raging temper tantrum.
“Irrational? This is me being irrational.” With as much force as Youngjae could possibly summon into his one hand, he forces Daehyun into the large fountain, successfully soaking him from head to toe. “Glad you didn’t wear the leather jacket now?” Youngjae laughs.
7.20.12 (impromptu pool parties)
Youngjae gets pulled into the fountain.
7.20.12 (911)
This chapter is blank, but there is a police report taped onto the page like a proud souvenir.
Disruptive conduct, improper use of public property, noise complaints, resisting arrest.
(good thing daehyun can sweet talk their way out of a fine.)
7.21.12 (love me not)
Daehyun buys him and Youngjae couple sweaters to apologize for their trip to the police department.
7.29.12 (heard it through the grapevine)
Rumor has it among Youngjae’s bookstore coworkers (would they be called librarians?) is that the boy has a sweet boyfriend.
Youngjae relays the information to Daehyun, laughing the whole way through. Apparently, the dude is a loudmouth, seems kind of slow witted, is immature, and oblivious (youngjae says these traits came from himchan’s mouth). However, his redeeming qualities are his good looks and humor. Tears are coming out of his eyes once the last of the words leave his lips.
Daehyun doesn’t get why Youngjae is laughing. None of this is remotely funny at all.
Who the fuck is Youngjae dating? It’s not like he hangs out with anyone else aside from himself, seeing as they spend so much time together. It would be impossible. Who the fuck is this dude trying to impede on his and Youngjae's quality time?
Daehyun’s arms are crossed and his eyebrows knitted.
Youngjae catches his breath after the severe laughing fit. He raises a brow at Daehyun’s expression before flicking the spot between his eyes, harshly, “You’re gonna get wrinkles if you keep that face up, you know?”
“I don’t care. Apparently I’m not good enough already to be introduced to your dumb boyfriend. What the fuck, man.”
Youngjae blinks, “You’re my boyfriend.”
“Oh.” Daehyun deadpans, his childish expression slipping from his face. “Ohhhhhh...”
The corner of Youngjae’s lip quriks up. He lets out a breath of exasperation. Daehyun, as always, is offended by the gesture.
Then he begins to recount the other wonderful adjectives Youngjae’s coworkers had called him. Youngjae can literally see the wheels turning in his head (it’s run by a fat hamster. youngjae calls him zelo. he’s lazy, too, so he doesn’t run that often). “Wait. I’m not immature!”
(and when he does, it’s minimal at best.)
“That’s the one thing you’re gonna call out as being wrong?”
“No! I don’t have a big mouth, either!” Daehyun retaliates. Like yeah, he’s good looking and funny, but he doesn’t talk that much. Besides, people should be happy when he does. Someone has to keep the conversation up. It’s boring otherwise. The only time silence is okay is if it’s with Youngjae.
“Loudmouth. They said you had a loud mouth.” Youngjae corrects.
“That too! I don’t have that!”
7.29.12 (god damn it, zelo)
It takes Daehyun a day to realize him and Youngjae aren’t actually boyfriends.
7.29.12 (404 missing link)
Well, why the fuck not?
And, similarly, Youngjae asks, ‘Well, why the fuck not?’
9.24.12 (youngjae)
The transition between best friends and boyfriends is surprisingly smooth, if not incredibly easy. Things are just like as they always were, except Daehyun has more freedom to kiss Youngjae whenever he feels like it. And that is fantastic. He now finally understands why Himchan had always eyed Youngjae and him suspiciously and all those jokes about their relationship.
Whatever.
Youngjae’s hands are nice and soft.
His lips are lovely (but he already knew that).
He’s everything Daehyun supposed he ever wanted (even more so than the unicorn five year old him wanted).
It doesn’t frighten him when the idea of love crosses his mind. When he looks at Youngjae, it’s a shock of exhilaration up his spine. It’s the thought of separation that causes distress, but those only occur when they’re not together, and even then they’re sparse (still reeling off the high of the moments they do share together).
Daehyun still walks Youngjae to and back from his shifts at the bookstore and Youngjae still reads all of Daehyun’s articles.
Their life is far from quiet. Celebrations are still loud and obnoxious and nights wild (they watch movies together in their boxers, cuddled up on the couch). But the domestic part of their life, that’s the most fun (boxer movie nights are not romantic from what youngjae says. what a liar. they’re his favorite nights, too). Although Daehyun still dislikes cooking for himself, he’s more than willing to wash the dishes or save Youngjae a couple minutes of work. He gets kisses from jobs well done.
Morning kisses, breakfast kisses, goodbye kisses, have a nice day kisses, dinner kisses, just made brinner kisses, and good night kisses (just to name a few perks).
And before they go to bed, Youngjae helps Daehyun write new stories, throwing out new plot devices or scenes to incorporate. Occasionally, Youngjae still brings up the idea of being published, but Daehyun is fine as is. Especially at this moment.
Daehyun’s never known happiness like this.
There doesn’t seem to be a reason to write in his journal anymore.
.
.
.
.
.
.
3.1.13 (the day i fucked up)
This chapter is blank.
3.15.13 (the day i really fucked up)
The pages for this chapter have been ripped out.
6.21.13 (dumbass)
Daehyun’s always been terrible with words. They come off too fast or high strung, never quite sincere or right. Words just bypass his thoughts. Nothing’s ever been taboo for him to say, but perhaps no one’s ever cared enough to take offense to them. He supposes that’s why he’s so taken with writing. Things written are better. There are just so many chances to redo all the descriptions and words, to add on and take away, rewrite in whole.
But as he keeps trying to write in his journal, none of it is good enough.
The waitress refills his cup of coffee as he struggles to find the correct words to put down. Sometimes the words come, but the pen doesn’t accept them. He’s using one of the old ones Youngjae gave him on his last birthday, maybe that’s why. It probably doesn’t approve of Daehyun’s retelling and is rebelling against him. Daehyun keeps trying, though. Because the burden he carries in his chest is too heavy and a burden shared is always lighter. Even if he just keeps it to himself.
The empty street towards Daehyun’s side is trickling in with people. Not quite the booming shopping district, but it's getting there, though. Daehyun and Youngjae would often take strolls up and down the area. It's the most lovely in Autumn with leaves of golds and reds falling everywhere, highlighting their steps with crunches. He enjoyed those times together. Youngjae’s hand fit nicely within his and it completely captured the feeling of fall: scents of cinnamon and pumpkin spice, warm scarves, overall fall(ing in love even more).
Daehyun runs his fingers through his hair, moving away his stray bangs. He doesn’t have writer’s block, nothing of the sort. He just can’t find it in him to write.
He puts his pen down and takes a sip of his coffee. It’s black and bitter. He doesn’t particularly want to reach of the sugar by his side or pour the milk because he likes the way Youngjae does it.
Daehyun sighs.
He’s pathetic. He can’t function quite right without his boyfriend. He can’t even dress himself without wondering what Youngjae would think of the outfit. He misses his cooking, misses their conversations, misses him. No one else ever humors him like Youngjae does. Who else would be able to deal with his complete lack of regard for his surroundings. Let alone would consider him loving him the way he does.
He recalls their last conversation. It was civil, for the most part. There was no joking or Youngjae’s usual snark. They sat down together on his couch, the pillows and blankets taking up two thirds of the space. They sat near each other. Youngjae was holding his hand.
Youngjae said something.
Daehyun said something.
Next thing he knows, all of Youngjae’s belongings are gone from the apartment the next morning.
It’s been months since they’ve seen each other. It’s like missing the better half of himself. No one has bothered to care or hold him accountable for things anymore. He’s almost returned to his life pre-Youngjae. He doesn’t sleep very often anymore, he has difficulty finishing stories, his diet’s been shot to hell, he’s shot to hell. He doesn’t understand how he ever lived this way without him and it tears him apart knowing that it’s his fault. But at this point, he can’t fix anything.
He supposes he is really playing the role of the brooding author now.
He swipes his tongue over his lower lip, tasting remnants of his coffee. It’s warm and still as bitter as before, causing his face to scrunch up in distaste. If Youngjae were here, he’d tease him about it.
People come and go from the cafe. They enter and wait for their coffee or get some sweets to satisfy their cravings. Their cake pops are a local favorite.
“Youngjae,” Daehyun sighs as he stares out the window.
“Are you done yet, Daehyun?”
Daehyun holds up his hand, “Give me a minute, Youngjae. I’m almost about to capture the feeling for this scene.”
There’s a rhythmic banging of Youngjae’s head against the coffee table, “When I told you to use your loneliness to your benefit, I meant you do it when I’m not here.”
“Procrastination is a dangerous hobby.”
“Well, if you had come with me to visit my parents like I suggested, then you wouldn’t be forced to do this right now.” Youngjae rubs his temples, “You’ve ignored me for a solid five minutes already. Is this what you do to your boyfriend after not seeing him in forever?”
Daehyun pouts, “I’ve missed you so much, Youngjae. And I regretted not going with you for the longest time. But you know I couldn’t just take such a long vacation from work. So shush. I’m exploring my inner tortured soul.”
“You’re lucky you own my soul or I would have been gone so long ago.”
“Soulmates gotta stick together.”
Youngjae pours some cream and sugar into Daehyun’s coffee. “So we’re soulmates now?”
“I should hope so cause I told my publisher to make my dedication page out to you.”
Youngjae coughs up the coffee he was stealing from the cup, “Excuse me?”
Daehyun smiles, “I love you, Youngjae.”
“Yes, yes. I love you, too, dumbass. What’s this about being published?”