LIGHT MY HEART UP for ANONYMOUS [2/2]
They depart after Baekhyun finally succumbs to his alcohol and gets what Kyungsoo likes to call, ‘Baekhyun wasted’. It’s not your average kind of wasted; it’s the kind where you lose all of your clothes and decide to sing through the entire Pussycat Dolls discography. Kyungsoo almost labeled it ‘Chanyeol wasted’ from the time Chanyeol embarrassed him at Sehun’s graduation party.
“I can’t believe you actually got drunk again.” Kyungsoo rubs at his temples as he lays a giggly Chanyeol into his bed. “I feel like a nanny. A nanny for a big man child.”
Chanyeol watches him with a twitching eye and giggles. “Kyungsoo the nanny. Will you change my clothes?” He holds up his arms like he wants Kyungsoo to shed the Marth costume off of him and Kyungsoo shakes his head because this is just a new level of stupidity.
“I am not taking off your clothes.” Kyungsoo deadpans as he reaches over for the other end of the comforter. When he leans back, Chanyeol’s sitting straight up, face barely a few inches away from Kyungsoo’s. His first reaction is to back up quickly like he’s just seen a screamer, but when he notices that Chanyeol’s examining him closely, there’s an odd churning in his stomach.
“Can you,” Chanyeol starts slowly. “Can you give me a goodnight kiss?”
No. No no no no no. No, this is not good. This is like figuring out the plot twist before it happens and carrying that horrible sinking feeling as you sit and wait for it to happen. This is like drinking a glass of sweet tea and finding out it’s just horrible, horrible iced tea. This is like misinterpreting Joonmyun’s ‘I love you’ for more than just brotherly affection.
When Kyungsoo doesn’t answer, Chanyeol leans a bit closer. “It’ll help me go to sleep.”
“Chanyeol, you’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying.” Kyungsoo avoids looking Chanyeol in the eye because he knows that his heart cannot resist the invitation he holds in them.
“Please?”
Chanyeol is not gay. He is straight. He doesn’t like men.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
But Kyungsoo does. He likes men. He likes Chanyeol.
“For me?”
Chanyeol’s already tucking himself into bed, hiding away underneath his blanket, and if Kyungsoo’s heart wasn’t beating three thousand times per second at the moment, he'd be engrossed in how cute Chanyeol looked. Except his heart is beating quickly, and it's because of Chanyeol and how Kyungsoo regrets letting their relationship even grow for this moment to happen.
"Okay just, quickly okay?" Kyungsoo slaps himself.
What was he doing? Chanyeol is his childhood friend. His very straight friend at that. He can't just kiss him like that. And yet, as he leans in closer to Chanyeol's face, taking in the soft curves of his lips and the rise and fall of his chest as his breathing slows, Kyungsoo wonders just what happened to the logic and rational man he once was?
Love does things to people; it affects even the wisest of people and allows bold and wild thoughts to flourish. Kyungsoo will admit it. He is in love. He is in love with his best friend.
The kiss happens too quickly.
One second, Kyungsoo is planning to just peck Chanyeol on the cheek, and the next, he's locking lips with the man who captured his heart. Chanyeol's eyes are closed and he craned his neck upwards to meet Kyungsoo's lips at the last moment. Chanyeol’s hand is reaching across the back of Kyungsoo's neck to pull him in closer and Kyungsoo finally closes his eyes as he falls off the deep end.
It's a feeling like nothing Kyungsoo ever thought was possible to feel. It's warm and alive, threading through his body like liquid fire and igniting the sparks deep inside the recesses of his heart. It's like the key that finally unlocks the cage holding back all of the butterflies that were trapped inside of him. It's like every single romance he's ever read and refused to enjoy because he believed his kind of romance would never happen.
Just for this moment, Kyungsoo lets himself burn in the flames as he succumbs to his feelings.
"What have I done."
Jongdae doesn't expect much in his life. He works a nine to five shift at a respectable job, goes home every evening with the feeling of relief in his bones, and heads to sleep at exactly eleven every night in hopes of growing just a bit taller. It's the perfect routine, so when he hears the familiar call tone on his Skype at two in the morning, he's just a little disoriented.
"Kyungsoo? What--"
"I think I ruined our relationship," Kyungsoo panics as he brushes his bangs back. He doesn't look tired at all for this hour.
"Well normally when you call someone at this--"
"I mean me and Chanyeol."
Jongdae frowns. "What do you mean?"
"Well, some things happened last night, this morning, whatever!"
There's an awkward pause as Jongdae tries really hard to gather everything Kyungsoo summarizes for him, even going as far as to bring the volume up on his speakers because he's a good friend like that. Kyungsoo has a cheap microphone and it constantly gets in the way of his video calls because no one can ever hear what he's saying.
"So, I'm not going to go over the part where you kissed him while he was drunk since you seem to be really beating yourself up over that part." Jongdae tilts his head. "I'm surprised he was the one who went further. Or at least tried to."
Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow, but Jongdae ignores it. "You should definitely be honest with him when he wakes up. I mean, wasn't that the plan we made? Be honest with Chanyeol and not steal a kiss while he's in la la land?"
"I was going to tell him, but then we got caught up in Yixing's party and it just never really felt like a good time." Kyungsoo shakes his head. "Stupid Baekhyun."
"What does--" Jongdae lets out an unattractive yawn. "Excuse me. Still sleepy over here. What was I-- oh yeah. It's never really going to feel like a good time. And it's probably going to get harder the longer you put it off."
"I know. Fuck I know."
"Well good. I hope it sticks this time then." Jongdae smiles to soften the harsh tone he's starting to develop. "I really do hope things work out for the best, Kyungsoo. But it starts with you."
"Right. Thanks."
"Anytime. And please never call me at this hour ever again."
Kyungsoo smiles sheepishly as he ends the call.
It was going to be plain and simple. The minute Chanyeol woke up, Kyungsoo would just come out and say it to his groggy and hangover-ridden face. Just three words, ‘I like men,’ and then the toughest part would be over.
But when Kyungsoo wakes up with his cheek pressed against his laptop, he notices that Chanyeol is nowhere to be seen. Usually after a long night of work, he'd just be snoring away in his bed and then groaning when the morning traffic disrupts his sleep, complaining that he was having the best dream in the world and that now he'd never have it again because it was chased away.
This time, Chanyeol's bed is empty, sheets thrown into a pile like he rushed out of it this morning. His pair of custom sneakers are missing from the door entrance and it's clear Chanyeol's left without a single word to Kyungsoo.
"Well now what," Kyungsoo mumbles to himself at this sudden turn of events.
His phone vibrates once and when he goes to check it, he deflates because it's just Yixing asking about the perfect remedy for hangovers, complete with a photo of Baekhyun with his head in the toilet and Zitao posing cutely in the foreground.
Calming himself down, Kyungsoo texts for him to just google it, adding too many emojis to cover up the fact that his life is swirling down the drain. He kissed his best friend, and now his best friend is missing.
After sending a few angry texts to Chanyeol, Kyungsoo decides there's no point in worrying about him because he is a grown man and he's allowed to go things by himself. It's just that after so many years of waking up together in their apartment and filling up the corners with noise, it feels so alien to wake up alone to silence.
"It sounds like your life is like a really absurd manhwa I once read." Sehun says as he ogles Jongin from their seat near the back.
Out of all of his friends that were available for an impromptu lunch date, Sehun was the only one who didn't really have any plans for today. He said he was going to try to get Jongin's phone number today, but Kyungsoo decided that wasn't really as important as his early mid-life crisis. If he wasn't careful, he'd start growing grey hair and then what would he tell his teachers and everyone that ever had faith in him?
"Not you too." Kyungsoo rests his chin on the stack of notes Sehun brought along. "I only need one Baekhyun in my life, and even that is one too many."
"Why can't your problems be simple, like losing the keys to your apartment or accidentally walking in on your best friend making out with your baby-sitter?"
"Those are simple?"
Sehun shrugs, not once looking away from Jongin, who's now busy charming the old lady at the counter with a dazzling smile and embarrassing laughter. The old lady and Sehun are both smitten. "You could always call him."
"He didn't pick up." Kyungsoo turns so his cheek is now rubbing against the table. "He hasn’t picked up his calls or replied to his texts for two days now. He's never missed a call before. Even when he was stuck in a bathroom with horrible constipation, he picked up, not that I'm happy he did."
"And there goes my lunch." Sehun says as he taps against his coffee slightly. "Maybe he just had some stuff to take care of? Maybe his dog is sick."
"He doesn't have a dog. He lives with me."
Sehun fixes a stare on Kyungsoo. "Shoot down all of my ideas why don't you?" When he looks back, Jongin's waving enthusiastically at him and it coaxes out this youthful little smile from Sehun. Kyungsoo resists the urge to coo at him. "I'm not Jongdae, but if I were, I'd tell you to just wait it out. Give Chanyeol some space or something like that. I don't know. Maybe you're just overthinking all of this?"
"Thanks," Kyungsoo says halfheartedly as Sehun throws him the peace sign to chat with Jongin.
Maybe the kid is right. Maybe Chanyeol just needs a bit of space from Kyungsoo. Maybe he was just thinking about all of this too hard and it's nothing to worry about. Life has taught him that not all of his worries have weight to them. Some are just there to give you a bit of a scare and show you that life will always have your back when you're feeling down.
When he arrives at the apartment later that evening, hands wrapped around two big bags of groceries and a bright yellow post it telling him to think about next weekend for his next job, Kyungsoo is surprised to find the door already unlocked. Chanyeol's shoes are right where he remembered them being a few days ago, and he's heaves a breath of relief because his friend didn’t run away.
Chanyeol's slumped over the couch when Kyungsoo finds him, buried in a hoodie from their senior year and hair slicked back with the kind of sweat Kyungsoo recognizes as his stress sweat. He had it back when they were so close to graduating high school and Chanyeol really believed he wasn’t going to pass.
He can see it from where he’s standing, but Chanyeol’s face is tired, like he’d been thinking about something on his mind for a while now. There’s no doubt in his body that he is what’s on Chanyeol’s mind.
“Hey,” Kyungsoo barely whispers as he drags the bags over to the kitchen island. Chanyeol jumps a bit on the couch, but retains his signature smile.
“Kyungsoo hey.” He smiles a bit harder than necessary and it makes Kyungsoo feel a bit uneasy. “I, didn’t hear you come in.”
“Don’t lie.” Kyungsoo laughs. “This one bag alone is like carrying a mini Baekhyun.”
When Chanyeol doesn’t laugh like he usually does to help bring the mood up, Kyungsoo immediately knows something’s up. He curls his fingers into his fists and bumps them against the table in a soft cadence. “So, where have you been?”
Chanyeol laughs this time, but it’s different. It’s like listening to a scratchy record. “I was just out. I’ve been thinking. About a few things.” He looks like he’s afraid to continue talking.
“You couldn’t just talk to me about them?” Kyungsoo doesn’t want to sound as hurt as his words seem. “I mean, I know you have your own things to worry about, but I am here for you.”
Chanyeol doesn’t look anywhere but at the floor, like if he kept staring at it hard enough it’d swallow him up. “I know that.”
“Then tell me what’s wrong.” The apartment is quiet except for the slow ticking of the hands of time, and it feels heavy, like there’s a presence in the room trying to keep them mute.
“I want to know,” Chanyeol bites his lips and finally looks up at Kyungsoo. “Why is it you’ve never dated anyone before?”
Kyungsoo drops a carrot on the table. “That’s…”
Chanyeol must’ve felt the hesitation in Kyungsoo’s voice, so he presses forward, even standing up to gain some ground in this conversation. “I always figured that you were just shy or something, but it’s not like you’ve ever said anything about crushes or girls you wished they liked you.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Seulgi texted me when I was looking for the Mario costume.” Chanyeol’s lips twitch. “She wanted to know how you were doing, and if you changed your mind.”
Kyungsoo gulps.
“Don’t worry. I told her you weren’t interested, and probably will never be.” Chanyeol’s eyes look sad as he stands in front of Kyungsoo. “I don’t know why I texted that but, it felt strange.” He looks Kyungsoo up and down. “It was like, I felt a bit of jealousy.”
“What?”
“At first, I thought it was because of you, that you had this hot girl asking for you and all that, but I kept thinking about it.” His right eye twitches. “I think I was jealous of her. That she had her eyes on you.”
Kyungsoo forgets how to breathe. “What are you saying?”
“Being around you. It feels different. It feels better. You’re just so--”
“Chanyeol?”
“I know this might sound weird but I, Kyungsoo I think I--”
“I’m gay.”
“...”
That wasn’t the reaction he was expecting to hear.
Kyungsoo wasn’t expecting the silence to hit him like a freight train, crushing every single hope left in his body. Kyungsoo breathes through his nose as the silence starts to suffocate him, choking him so he doesn't have to live through the inevitable downfall. He knew it was too good to be true.
He can see it in Chanyeol’s eyes, the gears in his brain turning rapidly and processing the secret that was just let out of the floodgates. There’s confusion, sadness, and then a myriad of other emotions that just pass by, until there’s an emotion on Chanyeol’s face that leaves Kyungsoo absolutely breathless.
Happiness.
Chanyeol’s arms are warm, strong and everything like Kyungsoo imagined they would feel like wrapped around his body. It takes him a few moments, but he suddenly realizes that he told Chanyeol, his best friend, that he pretty much likes men, and his reaction was to hug him. Him. His gay best friend.
“Kyungsoo I, I always had a feeling but it’s nice to hear it from you.” Chanyeol’s smile is blinding. “I, I think I like you. Kyungsoo, I think I love you. Kyungsoo I--”
He doesn’t let him say another word, choosing to shut him up with the best mouth tape one can have. Kyungsoo is falling again, only this time he’s floating away in a sea of clouds and sunshine. It feels like everything Kyungsoo’s felt before, and at the same time, it feels like an entirely new experience. His lips feel warm, but now they’re eager, hungry like they’ve waited so long for this moment.
It’s like the first warm bite of cake on your birthday, a celebration made especially for you. It’s like the first note you hear in a song, the one that connects to you and tells you that this is a song you’ll keep in your library forever. It’s like telling someone ‘I love you’, and hearing the joy and happiness in their voice as they say ‘I love you too’.
“Is this why you’ve never gone out with anyone?” Chanyeol gasps as he breaks away from the kiss. “You’ve been saving yourself for me?”
“Don’t say it like that,” Kyungsoo grumbles as he wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s neck. “It makes you sound so narcissistic.”
Chanyeol smirks before pulling on Kyungsoo’s waist to steal another kiss.
“So now that you guys are dating, are you guys still going to do the music troupe gig?” Yixing asks as he pulls on the zipper of Chanyeol’s bodysuit. Kyungsoo smacks Chanyeol on the ass quickly and Yixing drops his hands when Chanyeol lets out a very, very, very noticeable moan.
“I’m sure the kids would love to see us together still,” Kyungsoo says as he fixes the cape on his shoulders. “Besides, money is money Yixing.”
“I thought we were doing this for the kids?” Chanyeol pouts.
Kyungsoo stares at his watch because it is too early for Chanyeol to be spouting bullshit. “It’s too early for this, Chanyeol.”
“You really are a man child,” Yixing comments when Chanyeol curls up on the floor. Chanyeol makes no attempt at refuting their accusations, merely rolling around until the bodysuit on his body starts to whine from the constant stretching.
“Chanyeol, not that I don’t mind seeing your ass in the air like this but these costumes are pretty pricey this time.”
Chanyeol huffs as Yixing helps pull the cat ears over his head. “Who’re we dressing up as Catwoman and Batman for anyways?”
“Some guy named Lu Han?” Kyungsoo stretches the mask over his eyes as they prepare the finishing touches on their costumes. “Jongdae said he’d pay big money for this pair so, why not? Lu Han sounds like a nice kid.”
“What about the music?”
Yixing returns to the conversation and practically pushes Chanyeol over as he recognizes the client. “Lu Han? You mean that one guy Baekhyun’s always trying to invite over? He’s definitely not a kid.”
“Wait he knows Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo feels a shiver run up his spine.
His phone vibrates and Britney Spears’ ‘Work Bitch’ blasts throughout the apartment. “Where are you guys?” Baekhyun screeches through the earpiece.
“Hang on, hang on. We’re almost there,” Kyungsoo lies. “Chanyeol needs time to get into character.”
“Whatever,” Baekhyun shouts. “Just hurry and get here.”
Kyungsoo can hear him screaming at Jongdae to be careful with the video camera, and he can definitely feel his kindergarten teachers shaking their heads at him. At least, with how Chanyeol look up at him and shows him that unguarded smile reserved only for him, Kyungsoo can safely say that befriending Chanyeol that one day was the best decision in his life.
◄
Final author's note: If you've made it this far, then congratulations! Thank you for taking the time to read through this fic! A big thank you to D for taking the time to beta this! Sorry for the suck and really bad attempt at romance. I hope this is close to what you were looking for! ;;