JooKwang: Best Friends
Title: Best Friends
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Lee Joon / Kwanghee
Warnings: None
Genre: Drama, slight angst, romance / friendship
Disclaimer: I do not own MBLAQ or ZE:A.
It's when they're both lying on Changsun's bed after messy handjobs, shirts discarded and chests heaving, bodies apart but heads almost touching on the same pillow that Kwanghee says: "let's be famous". Changsun looks at him, eyebrows raised and eyes wide, thinking that this is a joke, because this is Kwanghee he's talking with, and Kwanghee has a habit of blurting out the weirdest stuff he more often than not doesn't mean. And still there's something on Kwanghee's face that Changsun doesn't understand, this kind of serene seriousness as he stares at the ceiling, and Changsun thinks that maybe, for once, he was being serious.
But then Kwanghee turns his head, and grins, and Changsun grins back, and they laugh and punch each other's shoulders before Changsun wraps a lazy arm around Kwanghee's shoulders and pulls him a little closer. And he thinks, famous, yeah, why not.
It's two months later when they're sitting beside a river, on green grass, late spring breeze caressing their faces, when Kwanghee sits on top of Changsun's abdomen and they laugh. They're out of breath after rolling in the grass, wrestling over control, over getting to squish the other and smirk smugly.
It's two months later when Kwanghee is sitting on top of Changsun, smirking at him, that Changsun grabs his friend's wrists, and smiles at him, the kind of sincerity in his eyes that Kwanghee's smirk falters and he tilts his head questioningly.
"You know" Changsun starts, softly, "I thought about that being famous thing you said, and- "
Kwanghee scoffs. "Joonie, I was kidding. I was in a post-orgasmic haze."
"Let me finish, stupid" Changsun pouts, and Kwanghee shuts up after rolling his eyes. "And I thought, why the hell not. I mean, we're both gorgeous as fuck, and people get a shitload of training anyway before debuting, so I don't understand why we couldn't do it."
Kwanghee tilts his head to another direction, his eyes thoughtful, and Changsun grins. "Come on, Kwangie. Let's be famous."
Kwanghee shrugs, and smiles that amazingly dazzling smile of his. "Why not. But only if we're doing it together."
Changsun nods. "Obviously. It wouldn't be the same without you."
And Kwanghee knows, that as he nods, smiles, and says "best friends", that they're stupid, and this whole thing is like a scene from a bad movie, but it doesn't matter when Changsun clasps their hands together and says "best friends". Because that's what they are - best friends, too good-looking for their own good, and young and foolish enough to believe in everlasting friendship.
They don't know when their ways part, but there comes a day when they run into each other on a Saturday evening. They're both exhausted from practice, but they stop nonetheless. They stop and look into each other's eyes, and they smile, tired but somehow happy.
At a small coffee house, beside the window, they sip their teas and steal fleeting glances, brief smiles, and they feel safe. "It's been a while" one of them says, and they don't know which one it is, but they both nod nonetheless. They exchange pleasantries and ask about each other, and they laugh as they hear about the other being a trainee.
"So... J.Tune Entertainment?" Kwanghee asks, a slight grin on his lips. "Bi Rain and all that shit?"
Changsun nods, and chuckles. "Yeah. I guess so." He's distant, he's tired, but Kwanghee knows him and there's a happy gleam in his eyes that only he himself can bring out and it fills his stomach with something warm and fuzzy.
Kwanghee nods, and looks at his cup, smiling a little sadly. "I bet your band mates are all really talented and stuff. How many are there?"
"Four, plus me. And they're... Yeah. They're really talented."
"You don't fit in then" Kwanghee shoots, and grins, and Changsun laughs before noticing the sad, dull gleam in his friend's eyes. "I guess we're the same even now" the slightly younger of the two laughs, and continues with a brighter tone: "but it's okay because every group needs the stupid and pretty member, right? We can be those. Let's be variety stars together then, if we can't do anything else."
Changsun laughs, and reaches a hand to flick a stray stand off Kwanghee's face. "Best variety star friends then" he says, his voice low, and eyes soft, as he looks at Kwanghee's hand, and Kwanghee nods, a smile spreading on his lips as he answers with a soft, but sure "best friends".
It's a little over a year later when Kwanghee is sitting on the couch in their dorm, fists clenched tight in anticipation, excitement written all over his face, and the pretty boy next to him smiles. "Your friend should be next" he says, and Kwanghee scowls, and hisses a sharp, "shush, Siwanie", before barking for Taeheon to keep quiet in the kitchen, and then he's holding his breath because he knows the boy on the screen.
He feels airy, he feels light, he feels unreal as he watches the absolutely gorgeous, auburn-haired boy's face flash on the screen with the name "Lee Joon", and he chuckles because that's his name for Changsun, his Joonie, and now his Joonie is all over the TV.
He watches as they perform. MBLAQ, they call themselves, and Kwanghee thinks absent-mindedly that Children of Empire is much cooler, and then Changsun's face fills the screen and his voice is flowing from the speakers, and something heavy settles in Kwanghee's stomach.
It's a horrible feeling when he realizes that not only are all of these guys really talented like Changsun had said, but Changsun himself is on the same level. And it's not the level Kwanghee is on. Kwanghee feels like drowning as he realizes that his Chansung, his gorgeous, stupid Joon, is actually talented under all that beauty and idiocy. Much more talented than he is.
As MBLAQ stops Kwanghee gets up, a distant smile on his face, and he vaguely hears Siwan sigh, "they were so good" in awe, and he agrees, a half-hearted whisper, before retreating to his bed and under his covers.
A few months later Changsun is sitting on the floor, clutching the remote control in his hands, an excited grin on his face. Byunghee stops and opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it quickly after Changsun scowls at him. Cheolyong is not as kind anyway, as he jump over the couch's back and plops down on it, setting his feet on the table. "Your friend's debut is now?" he asks, and Changsun glares at the maknae and lets out a childish "shh", and looks back at the screen.
He feels so good when they start, feels so proud because now they're not just trainees anymore, not just teenagers fumbling with zippers and experimenting with sex and wanting to be famous, but idols, they're real idols, with band mates and tight schedules and lots of make up and all that jazz, and it feels so good-
But then the song ends, and Changsun's open-mouthed smile starts to fade as the realization sinks in. Kwanghee had one line. One line in the whole song. He had smiled, he had looked stunning in the boots and jacket and his hair all nicely done - but he had only sung one line. While Changsun himself had been everyone's favourite with the shirt-lift and his dazzling smile, his best friend was left behind everyone else.
Changsun feels like the time when they were fifteen and they wanted apples, so they tried climbing the apple tree. He reached the branch but Kwanghee was too scared to climb, so he looked down and saw the other smiling at him, a sad glim in his eyes, and he realized he'd rather be with Kwanghee than eat a thousand apples.
That was what he felt like now - like he had jumped too high and got caught in a tree, and all the apples were in his reach but the thing he wanted the most was still standing on the ground, out of his reach, and it made him want to cry.
It's a year after MBLAQ's debut when Kwanghee is sitting on the couch again, a blanket draped over his back, leaning on his elbows as he stares at the TV screen and the programs he has recorded - Music Bank, Music Core, M!Countdown, Inkigayo, variety programs... He stares at the five young men moving in perfect sync, singing their hearts out, cringes when the lead singer draws out a powerful, unfaltering, absolutely perfect long note.
The clip changes, and there's a brightly smiling young man dancing a stupid girl group dance and ripping his pants.
Change, M!Countdown special stage.
Change, a reality program.
Kwanghee lets his head drop into his hands, and lets out a shaky breath. He tried so hard. He tried so, so hard, but it wasn't enough. Changsun seemed to be getting better and better, while he himself was only getting more and more tired, and in the other members' opinion more and more annoying as his desperation came out as being snappy and bipolar.
They were so much better. They had cooler dances, cooler outfits, better looks - okay, well, they sure had some gorgeous members, like Siwan for example -, and simply just more skills. Even their cover of Mirotic was better than ZE:A's.
Kwanghee felt left behind. Changsun was everything he wanted to be but couldn't - he was gorgeous where Kwanghee was merely good-looking, he was talented where Kwanghee was just well-coached, he was toned where Kwanghee was nothing but bones, he was sexy where Kwanghee was slightly clumsy, he was funny and witty where Kwanghee simply appeared as a desperate camera whore.
Kwanghee chuckles, a broken sound, and half an hour after not moving an inch lets Siwan, who had woken up to get a glass of water, to guide him to bed.
"Kwangie" Changsun's hand is smooth and big on Kwanghee's cheek, thumb running over a cheekbone. "What's wrong?" They're in MBLAQ's dorm, the room empty as they sit on Changsun's bed, and Kwanghee smiles but Chansung sees through it, he's always seen through it.
"Nothing's wrong, Joonie- "
"Cut the crap Kwanghee, I've known you long enough to know when your smile is fake." Changsun pouts and prods Kwanghee's cheek with a finger, and Kwanghee laughs and swats his hand away, his fingers somehow getting caught between Changsun's and it hurts how comfortably their hands link together.
"Come on, Kwangie" Changsun whines. "Tell me what's wrong."
And Kwanghee takes a deep breath, and he tells, he tells how he'll never be as good as Changsun is, how he'll never be as gorgeous and sexy and funny and amazing and perfect, and Changsun cringes, looking scared for some reason.
"That's not true" Changsun says quickly, squeezing Kwanghee's hand, leaning forward. "Your voice is the best in your group- well, you know, at least one of the best- and you're one of the best dancers too- and you're definitely THE best-looking and- "
Kwanghee laughs, a sad sound that makes Changsun's grip on his hand tighten impossibly. "Joonie, I will never be the best at anything but making a fool out of myself in variety shows. See, this is reality." He smiles at Changsun, and there's nothing bitter in the expression, only the kind of sadness that only comes from a person that has accepted reality. "We're famous together, but while I'm stuck being the pretty and stupid member, you're the pretty and everything else too -member. You're perfect, Joonie, and I'm very proud of you."
Kwanghee gets up from the bed, and Changsun follows him, not letting go of his hand, now clutching it with two hands, follows him until the front door. Kwanghee turns, and chuckles. "Go get the apples, okay Joonie? They're waiting for you."
"I don't want apples" Changsun chokes out, his voice small and broken.
Kwanghee pulls the other into his arms, and they stand there, hugging, clutching each other so tight it's uncomfortable, but neither of them wants to let go. They're afraid, afraid of not being together anymore, and that's the moment when they realize their life is not going to be rolling in the grass and kissing lazily, professing their friendship anymore.
"Changsunie" Kwanghee murmurs into Changsun's shoulder, and Changsun whimpers at the use of his real name, hiding his face against Kwanghee's neck. "Do you remember how our apple tree adventure ended?"
Changsun chuckles, a little happier for a moment, and answers: "yeah. I said I didn't want to eat without you and jumped from the tree without a single apple. And sprained my ankle."
Kwanghee tries to laugh, but what comes out is a choked sob. "Exactly. Don't jump this time, Changsunie."
Changsun's head snaps up, and he looks at Kwanghee, looks at his moist eyes, and feels a knot forming in his stomach. "Kwanghee- I don't- "
"You understand. Don't jump Joonie, you've come so far. It's time to grow up, you can do this without me. And I'll always be here. Just... Don't jump now."
Changsun tries to say something, anything, everything, but his voice gets stuck in his throat and he whines, whines Kwanghee's name as his best friend kisses the corner of his lips, and it's soft and gentle and cruel as he pushes Changsun away and flashes one last bright smile, sobs a silent "see you around" through the ugly tears running down his perfect face, and walks out of the dorm, leaving behind broken promises, words that should have been said but weren't, and a broken Changsun staring at his empty hand.
It's three days later that Kwanghee is staring at the camera filming him and his bandmates, smiling and trying to hide traces of nervousness. It's three days later when Kwanghee grips Siwan's hand with his own trembling one, glad that Heechul is hiding their entwined fingers, and as he answers a question slips in a casual "Siwan is my best friend".
Kwanghee tries to ignore the horrible crack that sounds just like Changsun's distant heart breaking.
A/N: Bias + bias. How can I NOT ship this?
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Lee Joon / Kwanghee
Warnings: None
Genre: Drama, slight angst, romance / friendship
Disclaimer: I do not own MBLAQ or ZE:A.
It's when they're both lying on Changsun's bed after messy handjobs, shirts discarded and chests heaving, bodies apart but heads almost touching on the same pillow that Kwanghee says: "let's be famous". Changsun looks at him, eyebrows raised and eyes wide, thinking that this is a joke, because this is Kwanghee he's talking with, and Kwanghee has a habit of blurting out the weirdest stuff he more often than not doesn't mean. And still there's something on Kwanghee's face that Changsun doesn't understand, this kind of serene seriousness as he stares at the ceiling, and Changsun thinks that maybe, for once, he was being serious.
But then Kwanghee turns his head, and grins, and Changsun grins back, and they laugh and punch each other's shoulders before Changsun wraps a lazy arm around Kwanghee's shoulders and pulls him a little closer. And he thinks, famous, yeah, why not.
It's two months later when they're sitting beside a river, on green grass, late spring breeze caressing their faces, when Kwanghee sits on top of Changsun's abdomen and they laugh. They're out of breath after rolling in the grass, wrestling over control, over getting to squish the other and smirk smugly.
It's two months later when Kwanghee is sitting on top of Changsun, smirking at him, that Changsun grabs his friend's wrists, and smiles at him, the kind of sincerity in his eyes that Kwanghee's smirk falters and he tilts his head questioningly.
"You know" Changsun starts, softly, "I thought about that being famous thing you said, and- "
Kwanghee scoffs. "Joonie, I was kidding. I was in a post-orgasmic haze."
"Let me finish, stupid" Changsun pouts, and Kwanghee shuts up after rolling his eyes. "And I thought, why the hell not. I mean, we're both gorgeous as fuck, and people get a shitload of training anyway before debuting, so I don't understand why we couldn't do it."
Kwanghee tilts his head to another direction, his eyes thoughtful, and Changsun grins. "Come on, Kwangie. Let's be famous."
Kwanghee shrugs, and smiles that amazingly dazzling smile of his. "Why not. But only if we're doing it together."
Changsun nods. "Obviously. It wouldn't be the same without you."
And Kwanghee knows, that as he nods, smiles, and says "best friends", that they're stupid, and this whole thing is like a scene from a bad movie, but it doesn't matter when Changsun clasps their hands together and says "best friends". Because that's what they are - best friends, too good-looking for their own good, and young and foolish enough to believe in everlasting friendship.
They don't know when their ways part, but there comes a day when they run into each other on a Saturday evening. They're both exhausted from practice, but they stop nonetheless. They stop and look into each other's eyes, and they smile, tired but somehow happy.
At a small coffee house, beside the window, they sip their teas and steal fleeting glances, brief smiles, and they feel safe. "It's been a while" one of them says, and they don't know which one it is, but they both nod nonetheless. They exchange pleasantries and ask about each other, and they laugh as they hear about the other being a trainee.
"So... J.Tune Entertainment?" Kwanghee asks, a slight grin on his lips. "Bi Rain and all that shit?"
Changsun nods, and chuckles. "Yeah. I guess so." He's distant, he's tired, but Kwanghee knows him and there's a happy gleam in his eyes that only he himself can bring out and it fills his stomach with something warm and fuzzy.
Kwanghee nods, and looks at his cup, smiling a little sadly. "I bet your band mates are all really talented and stuff. How many are there?"
"Four, plus me. And they're... Yeah. They're really talented."
"You don't fit in then" Kwanghee shoots, and grins, and Changsun laughs before noticing the sad, dull gleam in his friend's eyes. "I guess we're the same even now" the slightly younger of the two laughs, and continues with a brighter tone: "but it's okay because every group needs the stupid and pretty member, right? We can be those. Let's be variety stars together then, if we can't do anything else."
Changsun laughs, and reaches a hand to flick a stray stand off Kwanghee's face. "Best variety star friends then" he says, his voice low, and eyes soft, as he looks at Kwanghee's hand, and Kwanghee nods, a smile spreading on his lips as he answers with a soft, but sure "best friends".
It's a little over a year later when Kwanghee is sitting on the couch in their dorm, fists clenched tight in anticipation, excitement written all over his face, and the pretty boy next to him smiles. "Your friend should be next" he says, and Kwanghee scowls, and hisses a sharp, "shush, Siwanie", before barking for Taeheon to keep quiet in the kitchen, and then he's holding his breath because he knows the boy on the screen.
He feels airy, he feels light, he feels unreal as he watches the absolutely gorgeous, auburn-haired boy's face flash on the screen with the name "Lee Joon", and he chuckles because that's his name for Changsun, his Joonie, and now his Joonie is all over the TV.
He watches as they perform. MBLAQ, they call themselves, and Kwanghee thinks absent-mindedly that Children of Empire is much cooler, and then Changsun's face fills the screen and his voice is flowing from the speakers, and something heavy settles in Kwanghee's stomach.
It's a horrible feeling when he realizes that not only are all of these guys really talented like Changsun had said, but Changsun himself is on the same level. And it's not the level Kwanghee is on. Kwanghee feels like drowning as he realizes that his Chansung, his gorgeous, stupid Joon, is actually talented under all that beauty and idiocy. Much more talented than he is.
As MBLAQ stops Kwanghee gets up, a distant smile on his face, and he vaguely hears Siwan sigh, "they were so good" in awe, and he agrees, a half-hearted whisper, before retreating to his bed and under his covers.
A few months later Changsun is sitting on the floor, clutching the remote control in his hands, an excited grin on his face. Byunghee stops and opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it quickly after Changsun scowls at him. Cheolyong is not as kind anyway, as he jump over the couch's back and plops down on it, setting his feet on the table. "Your friend's debut is now?" he asks, and Changsun glares at the maknae and lets out a childish "shh", and looks back at the screen.
He feels so good when they start, feels so proud because now they're not just trainees anymore, not just teenagers fumbling with zippers and experimenting with sex and wanting to be famous, but idols, they're real idols, with band mates and tight schedules and lots of make up and all that jazz, and it feels so good-
But then the song ends, and Changsun's open-mouthed smile starts to fade as the realization sinks in. Kwanghee had one line. One line in the whole song. He had smiled, he had looked stunning in the boots and jacket and his hair all nicely done - but he had only sung one line. While Changsun himself had been everyone's favourite with the shirt-lift and his dazzling smile, his best friend was left behind everyone else.
Changsun feels like the time when they were fifteen and they wanted apples, so they tried climbing the apple tree. He reached the branch but Kwanghee was too scared to climb, so he looked down and saw the other smiling at him, a sad glim in his eyes, and he realized he'd rather be with Kwanghee than eat a thousand apples.
That was what he felt like now - like he had jumped too high and got caught in a tree, and all the apples were in his reach but the thing he wanted the most was still standing on the ground, out of his reach, and it made him want to cry.
It's a year after MBLAQ's debut when Kwanghee is sitting on the couch again, a blanket draped over his back, leaning on his elbows as he stares at the TV screen and the programs he has recorded - Music Bank, Music Core, M!Countdown, Inkigayo, variety programs... He stares at the five young men moving in perfect sync, singing their hearts out, cringes when the lead singer draws out a powerful, unfaltering, absolutely perfect long note.
The clip changes, and there's a brightly smiling young man dancing a stupid girl group dance and ripping his pants.
Change, M!Countdown special stage.
Change, a reality program.
Kwanghee lets his head drop into his hands, and lets out a shaky breath. He tried so hard. He tried so, so hard, but it wasn't enough. Changsun seemed to be getting better and better, while he himself was only getting more and more tired, and in the other members' opinion more and more annoying as his desperation came out as being snappy and bipolar.
They were so much better. They had cooler dances, cooler outfits, better looks - okay, well, they sure had some gorgeous members, like Siwan for example -, and simply just more skills. Even their cover of Mirotic was better than ZE:A's.
Kwanghee felt left behind. Changsun was everything he wanted to be but couldn't - he was gorgeous where Kwanghee was merely good-looking, he was talented where Kwanghee was just well-coached, he was toned where Kwanghee was nothing but bones, he was sexy where Kwanghee was slightly clumsy, he was funny and witty where Kwanghee simply appeared as a desperate camera whore.
Kwanghee chuckles, a broken sound, and half an hour after not moving an inch lets Siwan, who had woken up to get a glass of water, to guide him to bed.
"Kwangie" Changsun's hand is smooth and big on Kwanghee's cheek, thumb running over a cheekbone. "What's wrong?" They're in MBLAQ's dorm, the room empty as they sit on Changsun's bed, and Kwanghee smiles but Chansung sees through it, he's always seen through it.
"Nothing's wrong, Joonie- "
"Cut the crap Kwanghee, I've known you long enough to know when your smile is fake." Changsun pouts and prods Kwanghee's cheek with a finger, and Kwanghee laughs and swats his hand away, his fingers somehow getting caught between Changsun's and it hurts how comfortably their hands link together.
"Come on, Kwangie" Changsun whines. "Tell me what's wrong."
And Kwanghee takes a deep breath, and he tells, he tells how he'll never be as good as Changsun is, how he'll never be as gorgeous and sexy and funny and amazing and perfect, and Changsun cringes, looking scared for some reason.
"That's not true" Changsun says quickly, squeezing Kwanghee's hand, leaning forward. "Your voice is the best in your group- well, you know, at least one of the best- and you're one of the best dancers too- and you're definitely THE best-looking and- "
Kwanghee laughs, a sad sound that makes Changsun's grip on his hand tighten impossibly. "Joonie, I will never be the best at anything but making a fool out of myself in variety shows. See, this is reality." He smiles at Changsun, and there's nothing bitter in the expression, only the kind of sadness that only comes from a person that has accepted reality. "We're famous together, but while I'm stuck being the pretty and stupid member, you're the pretty and everything else too -member. You're perfect, Joonie, and I'm very proud of you."
Kwanghee gets up from the bed, and Changsun follows him, not letting go of his hand, now clutching it with two hands, follows him until the front door. Kwanghee turns, and chuckles. "Go get the apples, okay Joonie? They're waiting for you."
"I don't want apples" Changsun chokes out, his voice small and broken.
Kwanghee pulls the other into his arms, and they stand there, hugging, clutching each other so tight it's uncomfortable, but neither of them wants to let go. They're afraid, afraid of not being together anymore, and that's the moment when they realize their life is not going to be rolling in the grass and kissing lazily, professing their friendship anymore.
"Changsunie" Kwanghee murmurs into Changsun's shoulder, and Changsun whimpers at the use of his real name, hiding his face against Kwanghee's neck. "Do you remember how our apple tree adventure ended?"
Changsun chuckles, a little happier for a moment, and answers: "yeah. I said I didn't want to eat without you and jumped from the tree without a single apple. And sprained my ankle."
Kwanghee tries to laugh, but what comes out is a choked sob. "Exactly. Don't jump this time, Changsunie."
Changsun's head snaps up, and he looks at Kwanghee, looks at his moist eyes, and feels a knot forming in his stomach. "Kwanghee- I don't- "
"You understand. Don't jump Joonie, you've come so far. It's time to grow up, you can do this without me. And I'll always be here. Just... Don't jump now."
Changsun tries to say something, anything, everything, but his voice gets stuck in his throat and he whines, whines Kwanghee's name as his best friend kisses the corner of his lips, and it's soft and gentle and cruel as he pushes Changsun away and flashes one last bright smile, sobs a silent "see you around" through the ugly tears running down his perfect face, and walks out of the dorm, leaving behind broken promises, words that should have been said but weren't, and a broken Changsun staring at his empty hand.
It's three days later that Kwanghee is staring at the camera filming him and his bandmates, smiling and trying to hide traces of nervousness. It's three days later when Kwanghee grips Siwan's hand with his own trembling one, glad that Heechul is hiding their entwined fingers, and as he answers a question slips in a casual "Siwan is my best friend".
Kwanghee tries to ignore the horrible crack that sounds just like Changsun's distant heart breaking.
A/N: Bias + bias. How can I NOT ship this?