To A Million More (Nikaido/Senga, PG)
Title: To A Million More
Character/Pairing: Nikaido/Senga
Rating/Warnings: PG
Summary: Nikaido nearly makes the biggest mistake of his life. Luckily, someone cares enough to stop him.
AN: flailinginlove wrote the most depressing NiSen fic ever over here, and then insisted I fix it. So I did. The first half of this or so is directly repeated from her fic, with permission.
To A Million More
Senga likes to say Nikaido was the first person he met in Tokyo. He probably wasn't, but he's the first Senga truly remembers, the first that actually matters. Senga is 13 and Nikaido is tiny with attitude to spare but he is all Senga sees. They're best friends before Senga even remembers anyone else's name. They'd known each other all of 15 minutes before Nikaido had called his accent stupid. Senga learns to drop his Nagoya-ben very quickly.
~*~*~
Senga arrives at the station early, Nikaido's girlfriend is already there.
"You're coming," she says, but it's not really a statement or a question. They wait in uncomfortable silence until Nikaido shows up, smile bright and completely oblivious to the tension.
Nikaido always invites Senga along on his dates like its the most natural thing in the world. Sometimes Senga knows it's a date, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes Nikaido remembers to tell his girlfriend that Senga is coming, most of the time he doesn't.
They play pool and chat like they always do, joking about work and friends. Nikaido steals Senga's beer when he finishes his own and is too lazy to go get another. It's no different from any other time they've gone out together, just the two of them, except Senga can feel her eyes digging into him the entire time from where she is sitting on a bench near their pool table, mostly forgotten and ignored by Nikaido.
~*~*~
Nikaido is half in his lap already but the photographer wants them closer still.
There are a hundred different urges running through Senga's mind and he has to put everything thing he has into resisting their pull.
"You still have this." Nikaido says, tracing a finger along Senga's ear until he is toying with the earring, causing Senga to fight back a shiver. Nikaido's face is so close to Senga's and yet impossibly far.
A flash goes off and they both blink, startled. They turn back towards the camera but they already know that's the shot that will be used for the magazine. Nikaido's fingers barely brushing against Senga's earring and both of them staring at each like there is no one else in the room.
Normally a shot like that is fair game for all out teasing. The other members don't even mention it.
Senga still wears his earring years after Nikaido has probably lost his.
~*~*~
Senga wants to ask Nikaido why he keeps dating her. Nikaido hardly ever talks to her, talks about her even less, doesn't even seem to particularly like her. But Senga already knows the answer. Nikaido wants a family, wants children, wants to make his family happy. Senga thinks Nikaido probably has never even considered any other options.
~*~*~
The night they debut is the closest Senga ever comes to telling Nikaido. Nikaido comes home with him that night. They should be going in opposite directions but when he gets on his train, Nikaido is still with him and he doesn't even question it. They walk from the station, arms slung around each other, sides pressed together. Senga's got a stupid smile on his face that he just can't get rid of and he has to keep fighting the tears of happiness that are forming in his eyes. Nikaido calls him an idiot for it but Senga has noticed a few times Nikaido's eyes are suspiciously wet too.
They spend the night curled up together in Senga's bed, talking and not, hushed whispers and awed silence. Too excited, too happy to sleep and more than a little afraid that if they do they'll wake up and this will have all been a dream.
Nikaido smiles at him and echos what he said on stage to Miyata, what they all have been saying to each other since they stumbled backstage, more than a little shocked and numbed by happiness and relief and the thousand other emotions all rushing over them. We'll be together forever from now on, and Senga's heart skips a beat. Nikaido is right next to him and it should be so easy but he can't do it. Even in this moment of light and wonder when he feels like anything is possible, he can't bring himself to tell Nikaido that he wants that in more ways than one. He feels the words on his lips and they're the closest they'll ever be to slipping out but in the end, he just nods happily, eyes tearing up again as he agrees.
~*~*~
It's fifteen minutes before Nikaido comes to find him, fifteen of the worst minutes of Senga’s life.
“She said yes!” Nikaido had told him, and although Senga didn’t think he’d had any hope left, some stoic little part of his heart crumbled. Married. Nikaido is getting married.
A sob escapes before Senga can hold it back, and he muffles it as best he can, curled in on himself on the floor of a small, empty conference room. He doesn’t look up when the door opens a minute later, even when he feels someone crouch down next to him, a hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t want their comfort, their kind words.
“Kenpi?”
Senga lifts his head immediately - he hadn’t been expecting Nikaido at all.
Nikaido doesn’t look like he’s about to comfort him. If anything, he looks confused, and worried.
“I didn’t know,” he says, and looks just about as shell-shocked as Senga feels. “I didn’t know.”
Senga just blinks at him.
“You...” Nikaido blinks back at him, seemingly struggling for words. “Why didn’t you say anything? You never said anything.”
Senga’s blood runs cold when he understands. Nikaido knows. He freezes, can’t think, can’t speak. But he doesn’t have to, because although Nikaido is staring at him, he’s not seeing him, not now, too lost in thought, and Senga just listens in horror to Nikaido’s monologue. He can see the pieces suddenly clicking into place as Nikaido reviews a hundred moments together, seeing them all for the first time as Senga always had. Senga wishes he would stop, the memories beautiful and painful and a raw reminder of just how in love he’s always been, but he’s too afraid of what Nikaido will say when he does.
“You never said anything,” Nikaido repeats, finally, and then he’s seeing Senga again for real, his voice dropping to nothing more than a whisper. “But I’m so stupid.”
Yeah, Senga wants to agree, but his voice doesn’t want to work and he shouldn’t say it anyway, and so he just sighs and drops his head back to his knees. It hurts just to look at Nikaido.
He can feel it when Nikaido sits next to him, warm against Senga’s side as he’s always been, and as he always should be, and the knowledge that she said yes makes Senga burn with regret.
“I’m sorry,” Nikaido says eventually, and the usual apologetic hug doesn’t accompany his words. Nikaido stands. “I’m so sorry.”
~*~*~
Senga doesn’t think he’s heard correctly when Nikaido tells him the wedding is off.
“Why?” he whispers, and doesn’t dare to think he’s the reason. But he is.
“You know why,” Nikaido tells him, and reaches out.
It’s not the kiss that Senga has always wanted, but the hug feels pretty good just the same. He presses his face into Nikaido’s neck and holds on tight.
“You didn’t really love her,” Senga says, answering his own question.
“No,” Nikaido says. Senga can feel the warmth of his breath against his head, of his palms through his shirt as he holds him. And this time, Senga dares to say it.
“You love me,” he says, and his heart feels like it’s stopped along with his breath as he waits for Nikaido’s answer.
“Yeah,” Nikaido says, and Senga squeezes him tight as his heart jumps back to work, beating triple-time.
Senga has always known this; he just didn’t think it would change anything - he didn’t think it mattered. But it does. It does.
~*~*~
Sometimes, Nikaido writes in his vows, it takes a little help to realize that what you thought you’ve always wanted was just what other people wanted for you. And then you really think about it, and come to understand that you already know what you want, and that you already have it.
It’s a private celebration with just a few close friends, but it’s as close to official as they can get. Nikaido’s long-lost earring is replaced with their matching rings, Nikaido’s on his necklace and Senga’s on his right hand. It’s obvious to anyone who pays any attention, but not obvious enough for anyone to call them on it.
~*~*~
There are many different days to celebrate and remember every year, and Senga loves them all.
“I nearly made the biggest mistake of my life,” Nikaido repeats on their eighth anniversary, and holds Senga close where they’re curled up in their bed. “You know, back then.”
“And I nearly let you. But I’m glad he told you, since clearly someone had to,” Senga teases, but he’s also serious. He reaches out to finger the ring that rests against Nikaido’s breastbone. It’s warm from Nikaido’s skin, and Senga smiles.
“Happy anniversary, Nika,” he says.
Nikaido gives him a lingering kiss, and soft smile in return, his voice even softer. “To a million more.”
Character/Pairing: Nikaido/Senga
Rating/Warnings: PG
Summary: Nikaido nearly makes the biggest mistake of his life. Luckily, someone cares enough to stop him.
AN: flailinginlove wrote the most depressing NiSen fic ever over here, and then insisted I fix it. So I did. The first half of this or so is directly repeated from her fic, with permission.
To A Million More
Senga likes to say Nikaido was the first person he met in Tokyo. He probably wasn't, but he's the first Senga truly remembers, the first that actually matters. Senga is 13 and Nikaido is tiny with attitude to spare but he is all Senga sees. They're best friends before Senga even remembers anyone else's name. They'd known each other all of 15 minutes before Nikaido had called his accent stupid. Senga learns to drop his Nagoya-ben very quickly.
~*~*~
Senga arrives at the station early, Nikaido's girlfriend is already there.
"You're coming," she says, but it's not really a statement or a question. They wait in uncomfortable silence until Nikaido shows up, smile bright and completely oblivious to the tension.
Nikaido always invites Senga along on his dates like its the most natural thing in the world. Sometimes Senga knows it's a date, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes Nikaido remembers to tell his girlfriend that Senga is coming, most of the time he doesn't.
They play pool and chat like they always do, joking about work and friends. Nikaido steals Senga's beer when he finishes his own and is too lazy to go get another. It's no different from any other time they've gone out together, just the two of them, except Senga can feel her eyes digging into him the entire time from where she is sitting on a bench near their pool table, mostly forgotten and ignored by Nikaido.
~*~*~
Nikaido is half in his lap already but the photographer wants them closer still.
There are a hundred different urges running through Senga's mind and he has to put everything thing he has into resisting their pull.
"You still have this." Nikaido says, tracing a finger along Senga's ear until he is toying with the earring, causing Senga to fight back a shiver. Nikaido's face is so close to Senga's and yet impossibly far.
A flash goes off and they both blink, startled. They turn back towards the camera but they already know that's the shot that will be used for the magazine. Nikaido's fingers barely brushing against Senga's earring and both of them staring at each like there is no one else in the room.
Normally a shot like that is fair game for all out teasing. The other members don't even mention it.
Senga still wears his earring years after Nikaido has probably lost his.
~*~*~
Senga wants to ask Nikaido why he keeps dating her. Nikaido hardly ever talks to her, talks about her even less, doesn't even seem to particularly like her. But Senga already knows the answer. Nikaido wants a family, wants children, wants to make his family happy. Senga thinks Nikaido probably has never even considered any other options.
~*~*~
The night they debut is the closest Senga ever comes to telling Nikaido. Nikaido comes home with him that night. They should be going in opposite directions but when he gets on his train, Nikaido is still with him and he doesn't even question it. They walk from the station, arms slung around each other, sides pressed together. Senga's got a stupid smile on his face that he just can't get rid of and he has to keep fighting the tears of happiness that are forming in his eyes. Nikaido calls him an idiot for it but Senga has noticed a few times Nikaido's eyes are suspiciously wet too.
They spend the night curled up together in Senga's bed, talking and not, hushed whispers and awed silence. Too excited, too happy to sleep and more than a little afraid that if they do they'll wake up and this will have all been a dream.
Nikaido smiles at him and echos what he said on stage to Miyata, what they all have been saying to each other since they stumbled backstage, more than a little shocked and numbed by happiness and relief and the thousand other emotions all rushing over them. We'll be together forever from now on, and Senga's heart skips a beat. Nikaido is right next to him and it should be so easy but he can't do it. Even in this moment of light and wonder when he feels like anything is possible, he can't bring himself to tell Nikaido that he wants that in more ways than one. He feels the words on his lips and they're the closest they'll ever be to slipping out but in the end, he just nods happily, eyes tearing up again as he agrees.
~*~*~
It's fifteen minutes before Nikaido comes to find him, fifteen of the worst minutes of Senga’s life.
“She said yes!” Nikaido had told him, and although Senga didn’t think he’d had any hope left, some stoic little part of his heart crumbled. Married. Nikaido is getting married.
A sob escapes before Senga can hold it back, and he muffles it as best he can, curled in on himself on the floor of a small, empty conference room. He doesn’t look up when the door opens a minute later, even when he feels someone crouch down next to him, a hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t want their comfort, their kind words.
“Kenpi?”
Senga lifts his head immediately - he hadn’t been expecting Nikaido at all.
Nikaido doesn’t look like he’s about to comfort him. If anything, he looks confused, and worried.
“I didn’t know,” he says, and looks just about as shell-shocked as Senga feels. “I didn’t know.”
Senga just blinks at him.
“You...” Nikaido blinks back at him, seemingly struggling for words. “Why didn’t you say anything? You never said anything.”
Senga’s blood runs cold when he understands. Nikaido knows. He freezes, can’t think, can’t speak. But he doesn’t have to, because although Nikaido is staring at him, he’s not seeing him, not now, too lost in thought, and Senga just listens in horror to Nikaido’s monologue. He can see the pieces suddenly clicking into place as Nikaido reviews a hundred moments together, seeing them all for the first time as Senga always had. Senga wishes he would stop, the memories beautiful and painful and a raw reminder of just how in love he’s always been, but he’s too afraid of what Nikaido will say when he does.
“You never said anything,” Nikaido repeats, finally, and then he’s seeing Senga again for real, his voice dropping to nothing more than a whisper. “But I’m so stupid.”
Yeah, Senga wants to agree, but his voice doesn’t want to work and he shouldn’t say it anyway, and so he just sighs and drops his head back to his knees. It hurts just to look at Nikaido.
He can feel it when Nikaido sits next to him, warm against Senga’s side as he’s always been, and as he always should be, and the knowledge that she said yes makes Senga burn with regret.
“I’m sorry,” Nikaido says eventually, and the usual apologetic hug doesn’t accompany his words. Nikaido stands. “I’m so sorry.”
~*~*~
Senga doesn’t think he’s heard correctly when Nikaido tells him the wedding is off.
“Why?” he whispers, and doesn’t dare to think he’s the reason. But he is.
“You know why,” Nikaido tells him, and reaches out.
It’s not the kiss that Senga has always wanted, but the hug feels pretty good just the same. He presses his face into Nikaido’s neck and holds on tight.
“You didn’t really love her,” Senga says, answering his own question.
“No,” Nikaido says. Senga can feel the warmth of his breath against his head, of his palms through his shirt as he holds him. And this time, Senga dares to say it.
“You love me,” he says, and his heart feels like it’s stopped along with his breath as he waits for Nikaido’s answer.
“Yeah,” Nikaido says, and Senga squeezes him tight as his heart jumps back to work, beating triple-time.
Senga has always known this; he just didn’t think it would change anything - he didn’t think it mattered. But it does. It does.
~*~*~
Sometimes, Nikaido writes in his vows, it takes a little help to realize that what you thought you’ve always wanted was just what other people wanted for you. And then you really think about it, and come to understand that you already know what you want, and that you already have it.
It’s a private celebration with just a few close friends, but it’s as close to official as they can get. Nikaido’s long-lost earring is replaced with their matching rings, Nikaido’s on his necklace and Senga’s on his right hand. It’s obvious to anyone who pays any attention, but not obvious enough for anyone to call them on it.
~*~*~
There are many different days to celebrate and remember every year, and Senga loves them all.
“I nearly made the biggest mistake of my life,” Nikaido repeats on their eighth anniversary, and holds Senga close where they’re curled up in their bed. “You know, back then.”
“And I nearly let you. But I’m glad he told you, since clearly someone had to,” Senga teases, but he’s also serious. He reaches out to finger the ring that rests against Nikaido’s breastbone. It’s warm from Nikaido’s skin, and Senga smiles.
“Happy anniversary, Nika,” he says.
Nikaido gives him a lingering kiss, and soft smile in return, his voice even softer. “To a million more.”