Skins: Lily/Kat RPF PG-13
I NEED TO STOP WRITING, YOU GUYS.
Anyway.
Title: Under the Bright Lights of Sobriety
Author: yesssirrr
Rating: PG-13
Fandom/Pairing: Skins RPF; Lily/Kat
Warning: Overtly sappy and circular; possibly out of character and slightly ridiculous.
Word Count: ~2,760
Summary: Lily does a lot of thinking about Kat.
Disclaimer: I own empty bottles of Coca-Cola and Hershey kiss wrappers, but that's all the extent of my assets. I don't own this people because that's slavery (WTF). So, everything is a giant lie, don't let that unravel the very fabric of your existence.
Author's Notes: Fucking hell. I need to stop writing. I'm not getting shit done. Anyway, this is unbetaed and it doesn't do anything to the other LilKat fic I was thinking of working on. This just came to me (call it an epiphany, if you will) and would not leave me alone. I am already apologizing for errors and for the possibly suckage. Feedback is always legit, so let me know, yeah? Thanks.
;;
Kat’s kisses aren’t all too special, Lily thinks, as she sits in a booth at a club.
Not to say Kat’s kisses aren’t grand, not in the least bit. But she sees the redhead puckering up whenever there’s either a camera or a drink around or both, which is to say quite often these days. The cheeks, Lily reckons, are usually a prime target for Kat.
She puts her hand up to her cheeks and realizes that Kat has never kissed her there. This disappoints her a lot more than it should.
Maybe it’s how she grew up, she thinks. She can’t quite put a nail-polished finger on it. She’s naturally a quieter, shyer person compared to Kat. She’s a bit more guarded with her actions, surprisingly much like Naomi. And maybe Kat just turns into this affectionate person when slightly (or massively, come to think of it) inebriated. So perhaps that’s why she thinks that affectionate gestures, however lovely they are, should be some form of reward to those who receive it.
Like, here’s a form of recognition of just how pleasant you are and how much I quite enjoy your company.
That makes sense, Lily concludes. Kisses and hugs and handholding should be reserved for those who have truly earned it. Like, how does that girl over there that happens to be dancing quite closely to Kat deserve to intertwine their fingers together? What has she done for Kat, exactly, save for invading her personal space?
It baffles the blonde how Kat can easily let all these people near her when she doesn’t really know them. But it baffles her more just how much, you know, she cares. Then, she realizes, she finds herself quite jealous when she hasn’t the right to be.
But she’s jealous, anyway, and she can’t help but feel pathetic about it all. Because really, why should she be jealous of Kat? Then, it’s a voice in her own head that corrects her.
Oh, right. She’s not jealous of Kat. She’s jealous of the ones that get to be with Kat. Especially the girl that has her hands all over the redhead.
Fuck it, she thinks. She’s starting to feel a headache coming on and would rather deal with her illness where it won’t cause her more of it. Thinking and alcohol should never go together. She’s going to take point of this next time. This isn’t one of her proud moments, Lily admits, because really, why would you try and use brain cells to think when alcohol just kills them all? It’s highly counterproductive.
She stands from the booth, a bit shakily, and turns to those around her, motioning that she’s going to head home. They’re all just beyond that point to remember that she’s said her farewells but just beyond that point where they won’t be doing much about it.
Slinking her purse on her shoulder, Lily attempts to wriggle her way through the thumping club when she’s met by the very redhead that’s consumed her thoughts.
“Leavin’ already,” she says, and Lily’s wondering if that was a question or a statement.
“Yeah, feelin’ a bit shit. I’m just gonna go. But I’ll see you later, yeah?” She straightens herself up and maneuvers herself to start heading out. It takes her a moment to realize that Kat is behind her. It takes her even longer to realize that Kat has a firm grip on her wrist. She doesn’t know what to think of it so she keeps moving along until they’re out on the streets.
They reach outside and it makes Lily feel a little bit better. She exhales in relief before turning around to face the redhead. She sees genuine concern in those brown eyes and she can’t help but feel touched by the gesture. Kats lips are moving but Lily can’t focus on what the other girl is saying, just the lush pink lips.
“Lily. Lily. Lily!”
She blinks once, twice, before her attention shifts back to Kat who is gesturing for her to stay where she is while she gets her stuff from inside. The only reason Kat would do that is if the other girl thinks that she’s really out of it. So she stays put on the spot wondering why she’s gone completely out of it. She knows she’s not drunk off her tits. She’s only had about a pint or so and a couple of shots. Before she thinks about it some more, though, Kat comes out holding her purse in one hand and a mobile to her ear.
She stays quiet the entire time when Kat is talking on the phone, presumably to get a taxi. The redhead holds her purse between her thumb and forefinger while the other three hold onto the blonde’s hand. Lily alternates watching Kat talk on the phone and their hands.
This, Lily figures, this caring thing deserves the hand holding.
Kat eventually gets off the phone. She moves her purse and holds Lily’s hand firmly before smiling up at her. She leads the two of them to a ledge on the side of the building to wait for the taxi.
Soon, it comes and they both hop in, Kat instructing Lily to give the driver her address.
Oh, Lily thinks, she’s coming with me.
They’re inside the taxi and their hands are still firmly held in each other. Kat takes the back of her other hand and puts it against Lily’s forehead, then neck, before surmising that she’s not coming down with anything, but a good rest should do her some good.
They sit in silence, Kat probably making sure that the blonde rests; Lily not knowing where her voice has gone. Wherever it is, though, she wishes it well.
;;
Finally pulling up to the front of her house, Kat pulls out a bill from her purse before ushering the two of them out of the car. She asks for Lily’s keys, and the blonde ends up fumbling for it far longer than she should have. She eventually hands it to Kat who proceeds to open the door for her.
Her mother greets them from the kitchen and asks what’s going on. Kat talks for her, telling her mother that she’s not feeling too well. Lily doesn’t say anything. Her mother nods and lets the two of them go.
The redhead then holds her hand before pulling her upstairs, already knowing where to go. She’s only been in her house once or twice because they usually end up meeting elsewhere or in Kat’s house. But it’s a nice shock for Lily to know that Kat has taken time to remember.
Kat pushes the door open and gets Lily to sit on her bed before turning the bedside lamp on. She takes the liberty to go through Lily’s dresser to get some change of clothes. Lily doesn’t know how she ended up being so helpless in the span of the hour or so they have spent with each other since leaving the club. She also can’t fathom just how well Kat is holding herself up when she knows that the girl had a lot more drinks than she did. She eventually chalks it up to a high tolerance. Very high.
Lily transforms into a young child when Kat tells her to hold her arms up to take off her top only in exchange for the “I <3 Crap” shirt she snagged from the Costumes department. Then the redhead commands her to stand as she unzips the skirt Lily’s wearing to put her in some sweat suit trousers. Finally, Kat tells her to get in bed and to rest up.
It’s all very touching, Lily gathers.
She gets in her bed and Kat sits beside her, brushing the blond locks away from her face. She says things, Lily thinks, that goes along the lines of feeling better and checking up on her tomorrow. It’s all blurry at this point because Lily doesn’t understand what’s happening right now.
It surprises her, Lily admits, when Kat puts those wonderfully inviting lips on her forehead, the touch of it both warm and cool, one from the lips, the other from the labret piercing. She closes her eyes, though, even after those lips disappeared from her face. She opens them again and Kat’s standing up, ready to turn the lamp off.
“Stay.”
Kat looks down at her and smiles a little. Lily expects some form of protest from the girl. Instead, she puts her mobile and purse down before heading over to the dresser to get a shirt, turning around to change into one of Lily’s clothes.
It looks good on her, Lily thinks. Her clothes look good on Kat. She takes a mental note, maybe for future reference.
“You sure?” she asks. It seems a bit silly now, Lily ponders, because she’s already changed into her clothes. But Lily only answers by scooting over towards the wall to give Kat some space. This is invitation enough because the girl climbs in under the covers to join her.
Kat shifts a little reaching for her mobile. She texts somebody, Lily assumes it’s Meg, but really, it can be anyone. She puts it back on the table before turning the lamp off. It’s dark, but it’s peaceful. Lily turns on her side and Kat takes this as an open invitation to wrap herself around the blonde. She doesn’t do anything to change their predicament except to move back into Kat, snuggling closer.
It’s all so lovely and all so…ordinary. Like Kat does this all the time. And maybe she does, just with someone else. This flares Lily’s irrational jealousy. No, she firmly tells herself. It’s a dangerous territory, Lily knows. She’s stepped over the line many times before and she’s not about to do it again, not when the very subject of her thoughts is pressed so closely next to her.
She eventually drifts off, the headache from earlier having dissipated a little. She doesn’t quite know if it’s the beginning of a dream or not, but she feels soft lips on her neck. But it’s only for a moment so Lily can’t be sure.
;;
The night turns into day and Lily wakes up first. She shuffles a little and discovers that they’re still tangled in each other. She looks at the girl sleeping beside her and just watches. Kat’s bangs have grown out just a little and it covers part of her face. Her mouth’s parted just a little, letting out audible breaths. It’s adorable, Lily finds.
She watches for a couple more moments before Kat’s eyes move under her eyelids. Soon, her eyes open, a bit bashfully, before smiling.
Kat looks good waking up in her bed, Lily notes.
“Morning.” Her voice is a lot raspier than normal. It’s cute.
“Morning.”
“You feeling any better?”
“Loads. Thanks for staying.”
She nods. They stare at each other and for the briefest of moments, Lily wonders if her voice has left her again.
Eventually, though, Kat stretches away and pulls herself out of bed. Lily frowns.
“I’ll make us some tea and bring it back up here,” Kat says, looking at her before the girl looks at her phone for any messages.
Oh good, Lily thinks. She’s coming back.
“Okay.”
Kat walks to the dresser and looks for some pants to wear. She puts them on and sits back on the bed. Lily can’t help but look at her legs. She feels like a bit of a perv, but she’s going to justify it in that those legs were tangled with hers, so she almost has the right to do so. The side of the bed dips a little and Lily watches. Soon, Kat’s lips are on Lily’s forehead again.
It’s all wonderful, Lily thinks. Kat’s kisses are grand, indeed. She smiles because of it. But the small nag in the pit of her stomach from last night still lingers.
Before Lily can think of what she’s saying, she blurts out something monumentally stupid.
“You’ve never kissed me on the cheek.”
It’s random and out of place and the confusion in Kat’s eyes is apparent as she wonders where this is coming from. Lily presses on. She’ll just have to regret this conversation later.
“I mean, you’re always making kissy faces and kissing everyone on their cheeks. Except for mine.”
She does sound incredibly stupid and jealous, Lily feels. Kat can only look at her with a ‘what drugs are you on?’ face.
Lily rolls her eyes because she wants Kat to get it, but not at all, and she wants to stop talking because this whole “finding your voice and speaking your mind” shit gets old pretty fast.
“You want me to kiss you on the cheek?” she questions, but there’s laughter in her eyes, like she’s already figured it out. She sits back on the bed waiting for Lily.
“No. Ye-no. I just think that you shouldn’t be putting your mouth just anywhere,” she says even though that’s not what she means but that’s what comes out of her mouth anyway.
“And where should I be putting them, then?”
Kat seems to have a better grasp of where this is going because Lily sure as fuck doesn’t. It sounded better in her head and that’s where it should have stayed but Lily’s mind works wonder sometimes, like in opposition to what’s supposed to be said out loud or kept quiet.
Lily’s voice is gone again and this time, she’s hoping for good because she knows any words that come out of her mouth will be even dumber than the last.
The redhead leans in close until her face is millimeters away from Lily’s. Her pale blue eyes grow wide and she’s wondering should she keep them open or close them because she’s gonna go on a limb here and assume Kat’s about to kiss her. So she does, close them, and waits for soft lips to touch hers.
But there’s nothing. She opens her eyes to find a smirking Kat who now happens to cage her in with both of her arms on either side.
“You aren’t going to kiss me?”
“Only if you let me.”
She doesn’t know what to do with herself because Kat just asked for permission to kiss her, like she wouldn’t allow her the privilege. Because she would, yeah. She would even if Kat never asks.
So Lily takes it upon herself and pulls her head up to meet the pierced lips with her own. It’s chaste at first, because she’s just going to prove a point, but she finds herself getting into it. They break apart and she drops her head on her pillow before opening her eyes. They’re quiet for a moment.
But it’s Kat who speaks first.
“I don’t just kiss anyone, Loveless.” Lily laughs but Kat doesn’t do anything but hold her place on top of her.
“You just did.” Kat shakes her head, though, with her eyes closed before speaking again.
“Like I said, I don’t just kiss anyone.”
It takes a beat for Lily to realize that Kat is saying something else entirely.
Oh, she thinks. Kat pulls away and stands up forcing Lily to prop herself up. She wonders if she’s going to leave now. She frowns at the thought. The redhead walks to the door before turning around.
“I’ll be back with the tea,” she says with a smile before closing the door.
Lily falls back on her pillow. She can’t decide what to do with what just happened. It doesn’t quite matter, though, because her opinion on Kat’s kisses has changed completely.
Kat’s kisses are special. Very special, actually. It means a lot more behind closed doors, under the bright lights of sobriety.
From now on, Lily won’t care about kissy faces in front of cameras and drinks (not as much, anyway) if it means she gets the kind that Kat gives in quiet rooms; the ones that she can work for. The ones where Lily recognizes as kisses the redhead wants to give Lily out of her own volition, of her own desire to, you know, kiss her.
Because, like Kat said, she doesn’t just kiss anyone.
And she wants to deserve being one of the people that does get to kiss her, Lily thinks.
So she waits for Kat to come back up with two mugs of tea so she can start working for the kisses that she doesn’t just give to anybody. The extra special ones.